Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Had a great night at TOPS last night... lost 4 pounds which has
wiped out some small gains since the holidays and set me back
on track to become a lean mean buffalo, somewhere around
2015 and we aren't talking military time. heh heh. About 0530
I got up and dove into the chips and Sandy came out to talk to me
like the voice of the devil. " We haven't had donuts in a long
time.",
she said, " It sure would be nice to have some." I could have
just forgot about it, sidestepped the temptation and told her the
stores weren't even open yet, but I left the subject open. It seemed
everywhere I turned after that I was getting references to donuts
and when 0730 rolled around I fired up the Suburban and drove the
4 blocks to the market where the fresh donuts had just been put
out. Everything looked so good and they are cheaper by the dozen
but more important they had Paczki which is a rich, slightly larger
jelly donut normally served on Shrove Tuesday, the day before the
beginning of Lent. Tradition said that this cleaned a lot of the
items
out of the pantry that weren't supposed to be consumed while you
were fasting. Since they run 400 calories a piece I also got some
cinnamon buns, and some glazed donuts. Anyhow I ate a old-fashioned,
a lemon filled, and half of a raspberry Paczki and let me say that
is a
lot of sugar. I followed that up with a large glass of milk which
makes
it all healthy considering the milk is organic. So now all have to
do
is force feed them to Buffy and Eva and anyone who stops by.
I appreciate that some enjoyed my comments on nuclear power
yesterday. There is time to avert the big blackout if we start now
and build an energy profile that uses all sources of electricity.
Some
states are poor candidates for nuclear power plants but great
candidates for wind or solar panels or a combination. There is no
shame in cleaner energy only when you don't have enough and it
is dark and cold in your house.
Have a great weekend .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Olympic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian
competitor
he
skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume
performs
some excellent leaps but with out any great artistic feel for the
music.
The Judges' scores read:
Britain 5.8 Russia 5.9 United States 5.5 Ireland 6.0
Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes
costume,
skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping ,
but
technically not so good as the Russian slightly mislanding a triple
Salchow
and losing the centre during a spin. But artistically a more
satisfying
performance.
The Judges' scores read:
Britain 5.8 Russia 5.5 United States 5.9 Ireland 6.0
Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey
jacket,
with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice trips
straight
away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. Tries to get up
staggers
a
few paces then slips again. Spends his entire 'routine' getting up
then
slipping over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tatty and
bleeding
mess.
The Judges' scores read:
Britain 0.0 Russia 0.0 United States 0.0 Ireland 6.0
The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison "How
the
hell can you give that mess 6.0"
To which the Irish judge replies
"You've gotta remember, it's damn slippy out there"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
telemarketers
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a little useless
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deoderant
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High Speed Camera
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Highway Explosion
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Hijack
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde City girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says
to Amy,
'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate
one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just
above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him
where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the
artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the
front door.
Amy takes him down to the barn. They
walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she
tells him, 'This is the one right here.'
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks,
'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know
that this is the right cow to be bred?'
'That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's
over its stall,' she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the
nail for?'
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,
'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'
(It's nice to see a blonde winning once in awhile.)
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pirate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pirate Pick-up Lines
"I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest."
"Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber."
"See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments,
Baby."
"Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?"
"Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded."
"I've hidden booty all over the Caribbean -- but never have I seen
one like yours!"
"That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!"
"That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there."
"My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure."
"Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A basketball player likes to make love with the woman on top because
he wants to make a lay-up
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers
that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs
him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge
bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says,
confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your
wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my
wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came
back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, 'cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-
own. so can she."
"Did you hear that Linda got a great new job?" "Really? I wish I
could do that. I'd like a change for the better." "Well, you can
always do what she did." "What's that?" "Don't wear panties to the
interview."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oral Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN ODE TO ORAL SEX
FOR THE GIRLZ
Penis breath, a lover's dread,
Is what you get when you give head.
Unpleasant as it tends to be,
Be grateful that he doesn't pee.
It's times like this, you wonder why,
You bothered reaching for his fly.
But it's too late, can't be a tease,
Accept the facts, get on your knees.
You know you've got a job to do,
So open wide and shove it through,
Lick the tip then take it all.
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl.
Slide up and down, use your tongue.
And feel the precum start to run,
Your jaw it aches, your neck is numb,
So when the hell's he gonna cum?
Just, when you can't take anymore,
You hear your lover's mighty roar.
And when he hits that real high note,
You feel it oozing down your throat.
FOR THE BOYZ
Salty, fishy, sticky stuff,
Okay already, that's enough.
Let's switch you say, before you gag,
And what revenge, you're on the rag!
Eating out and chowing down,
but tonight I'm not out on the town.
Tonight I'm served a seafood dish,
well at the least it tastes like fish.
Time to overcome my fears,
as she drags me down there by my ears,
to feast upon her hairy pie,
where pubes and stubble jab my eye.
She lies back and moans and then softly sighs,
I cant help thinking about scampi & fries.
Don't lick too low, move up a bit,
got to be careful or I'm in the shit.
Nibble, lick, caress and stroke,
the things I do just for a poke.
Up, down and right a bit,
where the hell does she keep her clit?
I'll never find it here like this,
fanny design just takes the piss.
To find my way around her twat,
I'll need a torch and miners hat.
I think my tongue is failing me,
Christ I hope she doesn't pee.
I've been licking her minge for years.
I wish I could breathe through my ears.
God I hope that she comes quick,
since my neck's developing a crick.
I'm sweating like I've got a fever,
under the covers, eating split beaver,
I must have hit the right spot at last,
cos' her screams are gaining volume fast,
her thighs clamp tight around my head,
and her screams scare the neighbours out of their bed.
She's coming at last and making a racket,
her thighs crushing my head like a discarded fag packet.
I'm choking and spluttering but she doesn't care,
that my mouth is full of fish flavoured hair.
And that my face is smothered in thick fanny batter
and juices that taste like a seafood platter.
But she thinks it's funny, and starts taking the piss,
but she soon stops her laughing, when I move in for a kiss.
(Kirk Miller)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moose Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
RECIPE: FROM THE KITCHEN OF SARAH PALIN
Hi! Everyone knows I'm the only Governor around who knows how to
properly field-dress a moose, and that my favorite home-made dish is
moose stew, but I'll bet you didn't know I can whip up a mean
appetizer too! Grab hold of this one:
~~~~~TASTY TUNDRA TESTES~~~~~
2 pounds moose testicles*
2 cups beer
2 eggs, beaten
1 & 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup yellow cornmeal
Salt and ground black pepper to taste
Vegetable oil**
1 tablespoon hot pepper sauce
* Be sure to ask your favorite butcher -- or governor! -- to bring
you the moose calf testicles, not bull moose testicles. Moose calf
testicles are the size of a walnut and are much more tenderer than
the larger bull moose testicles.
** Use enough vegetable oil to fill your frying container half- way
to the top (to allow for bubbling up and splattering) and to
completely cover testicles while frying.
With a very sharp knife, split the tough skin-like muscle that
surrounds each testicle. Remove the skin (you can remove the skin
easily if the testicles are frozen, then peel while thawing). Slice
each testicle into approximately 1/4- to 1/2-inch-thick ovals. Place
slices in a large pan or bowl with enough beer to cover them; cover
and let sit 2 hours.
In a shallow bowl, combine eggs, flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper.
Remove testicles from beer; drain and dredge thoroughly in the flour
mixture. In a large, deep pot, heat the oil to 375 degrees F. Deep
fry 3 minutes or until golden brown (will rise to the surface when
done). Drain on paper towels.
Serve warm, with your favorite hot pepper sauce.
That's it, and Good Night! from the Governor who's great in the
sack.... the nut sack!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Crossings 3
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/ Harbor Lights ~The Platter's
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Egg Stacking Art
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Winter Sun
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Christ's Life
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TV Episodes
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Crop Circles 2009
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Amazing Cop Cars
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Thunderbird Signatures
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Top 100 Dafonts
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Mule Vs Lion!
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Movie Links
I love my car
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I feel good
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If I was a terrorist
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I have everything I need
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IKEA commercial not seen in US
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Bad Luck
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Boogie Woogie
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Ford Police Chase
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Man Cheats DEA
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Missile
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chinese Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The global financial crunch is hitting everybody, even horny,
Chinese business tycoons who are forced to cut all the way
down from five to one mistress. But this particular horny,
Chinese business tycoon had a sporting streak. Instead of
just picking his favorite he held a competition between all
of his girls. A competition that ultimately lead to one's
death.
The details behind the death came to light after the parents
of the 29-year-old dead woman, only identified as Yu, handed
over to police a letter that she had written.
In her letter she said had been one of five mistresses kept
by a married Chinese businessman, identified only by his
surname, Fan, since 2000. All the five knew about each other,
but chose not to break up the relationship as they received
a monthly allowance of 5,000 yuan ($733) and a rent-free
apartment.
The businessman was going to lay off four of his five
mistresses due to financial troubles. The women were allowed
to vie for the remaining position by competing on their
looks, their singing and their ability to drink alcohol (which
is exactly how I picked my wife, by the way).
When Fan told Yu she had lost her position and he was selling
her apartment, she decided to take revenge. She invited the
businessman and the four other mistresses on a mountain trip
and drove the car off a cliff, killing herself and seriously
injuring the other passengers.
As a result of the scandal, the tycoon's wife demanded a
divorce after learning about his affairs, while the four
mistresses left him after he shut down his business. He also
had to pay $85,000 compensation to the parents of the dead
woman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talkin Dirty
http://www.buffalos
Golf
http://www.buffalos
Filling A Hole
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Somewhere in America
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In bed
http://www.buffalos
Better Half
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a man name of Florin
Who was fond of a gal who was whorin'
When he looked in her box
And found 20 cocks
Said, "I'm sure you won't mind just one more in."
There once was a vampire called Mabel
Who's menstrual cycle was stable
One weekend in four
She'd sit on the floor
And drink herself under the table.
There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
Till a prince from Peru
Who came up for a screw
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane:
"I think everyone's asleep, lets go"
"This one's empty ... no-ones looking... you go in first"
"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down"
"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on"
Sniff sniff
"Ah perfume - you think of everything"
"This is great....." (long sigh)
Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.
"This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear
toilet.
We
know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline
regulations.
the
smoke
detector!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I
have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on
me.
The usual signs.......
hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently
although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends
from work, you don't know them."
I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I
usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject
with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the
truth,
but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on
her.
Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf
clubs
so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home
from a night out with "the girls". It was at that moment, crouching
behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver
appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the
pro shop where I bought it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1529
The Mirage
The day was hot and the dogs were laying outside on the ground.
Rudy: I'm thirsty.
Katie: Me too.
Sandi: What is that over there?
Rudy: Looks like an Ice cream parlor.
Katie: Odd I don't remember one being in our neighborhood before.
Sandi: Yummy, sure sounds good though.
Rudy: A-Rooo! Let's go.
Katie: I am with you.
Off they go..running at full speed. After about five minutes...
Rudy: Huff puff,,,hey, it isn't getting any closer. What is the
deal. We
must have ran close to a mile.
Sandi: Oh, I think I know what the problem is.
Katie: What is it Sandi?
Sandi: We are seeing a Mirage...it is a vision of something that
exists
another place. The image is being reflected from where it really
exists
to here and what we see is a false image. The real image could be
many
miles away, perhaps hundreds of miles.
Rudy: Oh, just look at that ice cream parlor will you...
Katie: We could go back home and look at father with our sad
eyes...
Rudy: A-Rooo!!!
Zoom!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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