Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The other night the handle broke on the toilet. No big problem but
so
no one would have to dive for the chain, I tied a piece of lamp cord
to it and hung it above the toilet with the lid off. Good fix until
I get
another handle, right? Wrong! Someone lifted the cover too hard
and cracked a chunk from the top of the tank. I hate toilets. The
combination of china and buffalo is always a disaster and now I have
a tank to replace.
My worst toilet experience was to have one of the hinges break on
a toilet seat while I was sitting on it and it caught a chunk of my
beer
gut skin in between the seat and the toilet bowl. Although it was
not
the most painful thing I could have caught it was still hurt, a lot.
It's kind of a Catch 22 thing when you are stuck like that because
you can't pull your gut out till you get your butt off of the seat
and
you can't get your butt off of the seat with your gut stuck in it. I
discovered this as I was popping up and down anchored to the toilet
and finally broke free. Avoid that experience heh heh.
BEST POEM IN THE WORLD
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in
shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'
Judge Not
Author Unknown
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Tax Customer,
When you e-File and use direct deposit, you can get your refund in
as little as 8 days*. E-file is always free when you prepare your
tax return online with Taxbrain. Get Started Now!
Start Your Tax Return Online - Get your Refund Fast! It's as easy as
1-2-3:
1. Register and answer a brief questionnaire
2. Complete each form
3. E-File and Direct Deposit
Taxbrain.com, America's Online Tax Service looks forward to
providing you with a fast, accurate & secure filing experience.
Sincerely,
The Taxbrain Team
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boob Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boobs!
The public is in titillated awe after hearing news of the advances
in
cloning technology. But the variety and multitude of applications of
this exciting new technology continue to grow unabated. Only a short
while ago, it was announced that the cloning process had been used
to
duplicate a sheep's liver, only one small part of a larger organism.
Scientists prognosticate that these types of applications will
likely
lead to the ability to clone human organs and body parts, as well.
Though at first blush the primary value of this type of cloning
appears to be the potential to offer replacements to people with
defective organs, I think you will agree with me that this
technology
can serve a much more noble purpose.
Specifically, the cloning of boobs!
Not only will there be no more need to negotiate with the biological
boob owner for use of the boob, there will also be no limit of two
boobs per negotiation. Cost permitting, one can own as many as one
wishes and fellow owners may wish to collect and trade their boobs.
In light of this valuable procedure, I have some suggestions for the
uses of these new test tube boobs.
Paperweight
Forget "koosh balls" and other malleable executive stress relieving
devices; nothing imparts healing power like a squeezed boob.
Christmas tree ornaments.
Throw pillows -- nothing spruces up your tired old apartment like a
few carefully placed boobs.
Centerpiece -- a nice boob arrangement in a bowl or basket
is suitable for those special dinner parties.
(Tip: Tanning a boob or two can produce a nice contrast of colors.)
Forget pacifiers.
In sufficient numbers, boobs can replace your waterbed mattress.
Chill your boobs and then apply topically to reduce swelling.
Heated boobs are a vast improvement on the water bottle concept.
Crack your friends up. For big laughs, use boobs as replacements for
croquet balls, badminton shuttlecocks or pool balls.
Place a boob, nipple side up, in your window. Makes a great
thermometer!
Bless scientists everywhere. Thanks for the mammaries!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
unlucky
http://www.thepostm
unusual
http://www.thepostm
busy
http://www.thepostm
How It All Started #1
http://sydesjokes.
How It All Started #2
http://sydesjokes.
How It All Started #3
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for a bottle of Viagra.
The pharmacist says, "Do you have a prescription?
The guy says, "No, but here's a picture of my wife."
~~~~
An Italian cab driver was telling a passenger that only real men
drive
taxis in Rome.
"We use our left hand for signals and our right hand to wave at
women,"
he proclaimed.
The tourist asked, "But how do you steer?"
"I just told you," the cabbie replied, "that only *real* men drive
taxis
in Rome."
~~~~~~
It was a slow afternoon at the pharmacy when
Anthony, the pharmacist, saw a young, buxom
blonde walk into the drugstore. The beautiful
blonde sashayed up to the counter and asked
Anthony, "Do you sell extra large condoms?"
The pharmacist replied, "Yes we do. Would you
like to buy some?"
The blonde responds, "No sir, but do you mind
if I wait around here until someone does?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Melt it Off with Mitch - As Seen On TV Weightloss
Mitch Gaylord won 4 Olympic medals and has been inducted into the
Olympic Hall of Fame. He became the first ever American gymnast to
score a perfect 10! From his knowledge of core training, he designed
the Melt It Off system.
With Mitch's 3 Day Melt It Off Kick Start, you can start on
Wednesday and be a size smaller for the weekend. Guaranteed! In
independent university testing, the average result was over 5 pounds
and 1 size in just 3 days!*
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nudist Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 12 Nudist Pickup Lines
"Hey, is that a roll of quarters in... er, never mind. That's not a
pocket, is it? "
"Oh, look! Somebody must have dropped a $20 bill there on the ground
in front of you! "
"Hey, Tan Lines, new around here? "
"Ever seen a guy do no-handed pushups? "
"Excuse me, were those Bugle Boy jeans? "
"Nice melanoma! "
"My other penis is a Porsche. "
"Damn, you'd look great in a wet T-shirt. "
"Boy, I'd sure like to get into *YOUR* pants! Figuratively speaking,
of course... "
"Did you just wake up or are you glad to see me? "
"Did I mention that I'm President of the United States? "
and the Number 1 Nudist Pickup Line...
"I see where Joe Camel gets his good looks! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why spend large around of time and money on height exercises, human
growth hormones,
limb lengthening, gimmicky pills, elevator shoes and other special
footwear to
obtain extra height?
LiftKits height-increasing shoe insoles offer the perfect
alternative to clunky,
unattractive elevator shoes or uncomfortable heel lifts.
LiftKit Features:
- Adds over 1" to your overall height
- Made of High-Quality Neoprene Gel
- Cushioned for maximum comfort
- Easily trimmed to fit different shoe shapes
- Can be used in all standard footwear
LiftKit Benefits
- Helps decrease pressure on joints
- Helps relieve pressure on your spine
- Have better posture
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"This should be taken care of right away."
"I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and
profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
" I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any
more time with you."
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
"I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time" - or -
"I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit."
"We have some good news and some bad news."
"The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is,
you're going to pay for it."
"Let's see how it develops."
"Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured."
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
"I have a forty percent interest in the lab."
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
"He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle."
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
"I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig."
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
"I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
"I think I'm going to throw up."
"This may smart a little."
"Last week two patients bit off their tongues."
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
"I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?"
"This should fix you up."
"The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this
stuff."
"Everything seems to be normal."
"Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."
"I'd like to run some more tests."
"I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve
this one."
"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
"You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink
who'll split fees with me ..."
"There is a lot of that going around."
"My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something
about this."
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.
"I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next
week"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomato Giant - Gardener's Choice Tomato Tree
Grow tomatoes as big as grapefruits - up to 2 lbs each. These giant
tree tomato plant can grow up to 8 feet or taller in just 90 days
producing up to 180 lbs of supersized tomatoes.
For only $10 you not only get 3 tomato trees, but you'll also
receive 3 of our big early hybrid tomatoes - just pay S&H.
Supersize your tomatoes today.
Order Now
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Should Sex and Parking Spaces have in common:
You should never have to wait to find one.
You should be able to slide right into one.
Spaces in the front are always the best.
When there are no spaces in front, spaces in the rear are just fine.
It makes you jealous when you see someone else is double-parked.
Your space should still be open and waiting when you get back.
People are willing to wait in line for the good spaces.
Spaces with short time limits are annoying and never satisfying.
We're all looking for the free space with the "unlimited" time
limit.
A house isn't a home without a parking space.
Some people are uncomfortable with a space in the rear, just do it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Touch-n-Brush - Hands Free Toothpaste Dispenser
Touch-n-Brush uses revolutionary, vacuum force technology to cleanly
squeeze every available drop of toothpaste in the tube. Get the
perfect amount of toothpaste every time without the mess.
Eliminate messy, sticky bathroom sinks forever.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Naked Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY
Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is
a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked.
He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern
Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house
completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this
anti-terrorist effort.. All patriotic men are to position themselves
in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims
and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than
their wife and to show support for all American women. Since Islam
also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is
further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American government
appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your
participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God bless America !
It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don't send this to
at least 5 people, you're a terrorist-sympathiz
coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat.
Rob in Fla
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop your Back Pain!
Backjoy will change the way you sit and change your life
FREE * 30-day trial
Bonus Free travel satchel PLUS stretch & strengthen DVD with order
Backjoy is lightweight and portable
-Perfect for people who sit on the job
-Good for sporting events
-Patent-pending ergonomic design
-Works on any chair
-Lifetime Warranty!
Relieves Symptoms associated with
Neck, Shoulder & Back Pain,
Spinal Injury, Chronic Sciatica, and Pinched Nerves
Bulging & Slipped Discs and Muscle Soreness
Pregnancy too!
http://buffaloschip
*just pay $9.95 S/H
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friend
Melva/Tears of Innocence
http://silverandgol
Carol w/ I Hugged A Stranger Today
http://www.carolspo
Marlene/If God Is Dead
http://summerhoosie
I Believe...
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Plate Tectonics, the Cause of Earthquakes Via Dianne
http://www.seismo.
ml
Boot Camp Memories
http://oldbluejacke
Donate Your Old Eyeglasses
http://www.neweyesf
Glue Anything To Anything Via Wesley
http://www.thistoth
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
DriverFiles.
http://www.driverfi
Typing Game and Tests
http://www.freetypi
Acronym Dictionary
http://www.netlingo
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.ourdogs.
Kitty Korner
http://www.joe-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
R2D2 Does It For The Boobs http://www.buffalos
Reparations Dave Chappelle Show
http://www.buffalos
Rocket Launcher
http://www.buffalos
Romantic
http://www.buffalos
Scratch Lottery Tickets
http://www.buffalos
Batteries
http://www.buffalos
Bowl
http://www.buffalos
Darwin Awards Rejects
http://www.buffalos
Fastest Gun Ever
http://www.buffalos
Golf
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
English Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men's English
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attention cable customers:
View over 1,000 television channels directly on your PC or laptop
while eliminating your monthly cable bill.
For a one-time fee that's less than a month of cable or satellite
service, you can enjoy over 1,000 television
channels from around the world 24/7 on your PC or laptop!
Watch live sports, movies, news, music videos and thousands of other
programs from the US and around the world!
Full Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exit Only
http://www.buffalos
Horny Pack
http://www.buffalos
Feel Up
http://www.buffalos
Fire Plan
http://www.buffalos
You Can Do It The Hard Way or The Easy Way
http://www.buffalos
What's Been Going On Here?
http://www.buffalos
Kiss
http://www.buffalos
Nice Tits
http://www.buffalos
Circumcised
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grow your own delicious blueberries with Blueberry Giant.
Produce up to 4 pints of juicy blueberries daily- 16,000 blueberries
from a single plant.
Buy 2 plants for $10.00 and get 1 on us.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A notorious hooker named Shore
Would allow horny sailors to score,
But employed every means
Of avoiding Marines-
She was rotten, they claimed, to the Corps.
____________
There was this young fellow from Yale,
Whose face was exceedingly pale.
He spent his vacation,
In self-masturbation,
Because of the high price of tail.
____________
A publisher went off to France
In search of a tale of romance.
A Parisian lady
Told a story so shady,
The publisher made an advance.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgreenic Kitchenware
Get healthy with natural ceramic non-stick cookware. It's super
non-stick surface is a patented natural ceramic material that
requires little or no oil, butter or grease to cook your food just
right. No more stuck food or chipping and peeling.
Get a nine inch frying pan for just $19.99.
Learn More
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was beautiful, blonde and buxom - a perfect specimen of
womanhood - with a small baby in her arms. He was in his first day
in private practice, eager to show he knew all about everything.
"What's seems to be the problem?", he asked in his best medical
manner.
"It's the baby", she said, "He seems under-nourished.
Earnestly the doctor carried out an extensive examination of the
baby and then asked, "Is he breast-fed?"
"Yes doctor, he is", she replied.
"Will you strip off to the waist now, please?" the doctor said.
The young woman looked at the doctor somewhat anxiously, and began
to protest. "But doctor ... "
The doctor simply brushed her protestations aside by saying, "it is
better to look at everything ... so if you wouldn't mind?"
Blushing with embarrassment, she took off her blouse and bra,
revealing a perfect pair of large, firm breasts. The young doctor
professionally weighed each one in his hands, stroked them forward
and back, and then gently flicked each nipple in turn for a few
moments, finally lightly squeezing them between his fingers and
thumb.
Ah!", he said, as his face broke into a knowing smile. "That's the
problem, you do not have one little bit of milk!"
"Oh doctor, that's not the problem", she replied, "I'm just the
baby- sitter - but it sure has been a REAL pleasure meeting you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slap Chop - Dice, Chop & Mince in Seconds
Slap Chop makes chopping up vegetables, nuts and fruits quick and
easy. The food gets finer with every slap - you'll never need to
switch the blade. Slap Chop is dishwasher safe making clean up a
breeze.
Order one today and get a second one at no charge.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked
him if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy" said Mr. Wallace.
"My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little
crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
condolences.
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
Private Part hanging out of his pajamas. He met Nurse Tracy. "Mr.
Wallace," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like
that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."
"But, Nurse Tracy I can't," replied Mr. Wallace.
"I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
"Yes," said Nurse Tracy, "you did tell me that, but why is it
hanging out of your pajamas?"
"Well," he replied, "Today is the viewing."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stay clean with a wave of your hand
Soap Magic is the easy-to-use, hands free soap dispenser that works
like magic. Using the latest sensor technology, Soap Magic works
with all liquid soaps, lotions, shampoos and hand sanitizers.
Find out about ordering today a receiving a second Soap Magic
dispenser free.
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1240
Jack and the Airport
Rudy: My cousins coming in on the airplane today at the local
airport.
Katie: Let's go meet him.
Sandi: Let me grab a sandwich.
Later at the small Guthrie airport....
Rudy: It has been a long time...since I have seen him. He is a black
lab. He works for the bomb squad.
Katie: Bomb!
Policeman: Did you say bomb?
Katie: Oh his cousin is coming in on a plane and he works for a bomb
squad.
Policeman: Well there are some words you cannot use in the airport.
Just be careful/
Sandi: We will.
Rudy: There is a plane landing...and some dogs are getting off.
Sandi: Is that black lab him?
Rudy: Yes, it is! Hi Jack!
Policeman: Stop where you are!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment