THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
If you can't see the bright side
then polish the dull side.
Slap Chop makes chopping up vegetables,
nuts and fruits
quick and easy. The food gets finer
with every slap -
you'll never need to switch the blade.
Slap Chop is dishwasher
safe making clean up a breeze.
Order one today and get a second
one at no charge.
http://www.tinyurl.com/yfaxkn8
_____________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
You ever find yourself asking questions about
life? Like, man, what did I do to get whalloped
like this? Or, how bout, wow, I really fucked up.
Wonder if pops is rolling over in his grave over it?
Lets face it, ever so often, life is just gonna
really get you down, ain't it? I'm right, just
admit it. that's how it is. Well after all,
think about it. You get past Monday and Tuesday,
what the hell is the rest of the week anyways?
W.T.F. ,says it all, right?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
you look gorgeous
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o040.html
in case of emergency
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o041.html
I wish
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o042.html
books
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o043.html
Frosty
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o044.html
Christmas gift
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o045.html
I'll give you credit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o046.html
Judas has a question
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o047.html
went to the doctor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o048.html
got meth?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o049.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
just for laughs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9173.html
are you drinking tonight
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9174.html
Mr. Bean
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9175.html
Ronald Reagan a voice from the past
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9176.html
under the rain
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9177.html
the security guard
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9178.html
another prank from sexy cam
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9179.html
_____________
The manager of ladies' dress shop realized it was
time to give one her sale clerks a ' pep talk '.
"Jane, your figures are well below any of our other
salespeople's. In fact, unless you can improve your
sales record soon, I'm afraid you'll have to let
you go." "I'm sorry, Ma'am," said a humbled Jane.
"Can you give me any advice on how to do better?"
"Well, there is an old trick I can tell you about.
It sounds silly, but it's worked for me in the past.
Get hold of a dictionary and go through it until
you come to a word that had particular power for you.
Memorize it, work it into your sales pitch whenever
it seems appropriate, and you'll be amazed at the
results." Sure enough, Jane's sales figures went
way up, and at the end of the month, the manager
called her in again and congratulated her. "Did
you try my little trick?" she asked. Jane nodded.
"It took me a whole weekend to find the right word,
but I did:.... ' Fantastic.' " "'Fantastic.' What
a good word," said the manager encouragingly.
"How have you been using it?" "Well, my first customer
on Monday was a woman who told me her little girl
had just been accepted at the most exclusive prep
school in the city. I said, 'Fantastic.' She went
on to tell me how her daughter always got straight
A's and was the most popular girl in her class, I
said 'Fantastic' and she bought $300 worth of clothing.
My next customer said she needed a formal dress for
the spring ball at the country club, which she was
in charge of. I said 'Fantastic.' She went on to
tell she had the best figure of anyone on the
committee and her husband makes the most money. I said
'Fantastic' and she not only bought the designer gown,
but hundreds of dollars of other merchandise. It's been
like that all week: the customers keep boasting, I keep
saying 'Fantastic', and they keep buying." "Excellent
work, Jane," complimented her boss . "Just as a point
of interest, what did you used to say to customers
before you discovered your power word?" Jane shrugged.
"I used to say, 'Who gives a shit ?'"
____________
Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and
secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience
in this field but he figured he could use the old
sales pitch that the car was "like brand-new" and had
only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays.
He tried that approach on every perspective buyer
but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made
that day. The following day he decided to change his
sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars. The
manager of the used car dealership called him over
and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales.
Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old
lady story, so I told them that the car had previously
been owned by a nymphomaniac who only used the backseat."
___________
Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the
boy was always after the girl to quit smoking.
One afternoon, she lit up after some love making,
and he said, "You really ought to quit."
She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really
enjoy a good cigarette after sex."
He replied, "But they stunt your growth."
She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he
had never. Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin,
she said, "So, what's your excuse then?"
________________
Two men are approaching each other on a pavement in
America. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly,
points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other hooks his thumb behind him and says,
"Dog shit, 20 feet back."
_____________
A teacher asks the class to name things that
end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says,
"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats
batteries like there's no tomorrow!
__________________
FAMOUS LAST WORDS.......
Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...
Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
We won't need reservations.
It's always sunny there this time of the year.
Don't worry, it's not loaded.
They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
You can make it easy... that train isn't coming fast.
_____________
God went to the Arabs and said,
"I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living.."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shall not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
"Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested."
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
"I have Commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the
Lord said "Thou shall not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
Then He went to the French and said,
"I have Commandments."
The French too wanted an example and the Lord
said, "Thou shall not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
"I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."
There, that should offend just about everybody.
________________
The Top 12 Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn
During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your nipples.
His new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive,
a 56k modem and a tissue dispenser.
When she wants you to take off your pants,
she says, "Scroll down."
C:\Downloads\Porn\2002\July\03\10PM-11PM\
Tells everyone he's a pioneer in "palm computing."
He's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.
Her favorite actor? Tommy Lee.
When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says,
"Boy, I'd like to click on her!"
You look deep into his eyes and see a faint image
of Asia Carrera burned into his corneas.
As you undress, he takes out his credit card
and tells you his birthday.
___________
FUN PAGES
Funny Dilemma
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40873&s=n
Galaga Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41529&s=n
Ambulance Tosses Patient Out
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41051&s=n
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Strip Poker
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81824.htm
Sumsing Turbo 3000
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81825.htm
Sure Lock
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81826.htm
_______________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Honda Car Commercial
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000732.html
Honest Wedding Vows
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000733.html
Hooters Boot Camp
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000734.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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