Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
We were always looking for other jobs to do at the flywheel factory
to keep us busy when the economy hit a blip or the automakers shut
down. Some of the jobs were really interesting and others were jobs
that no one could figure how to do profitably. One job in that
category was a repair ring for locomotive diesels that was a ring 2
feet in diameter about three inches wide and about a half inch
thick. The reason others had trouble with it was the tolerances and
the material from which it was made. Keeping the dimensions in
limits
was hard enough as clamping it hard enough to cut meant that the
chuck actually made the diameter of this big ring change slightly
and it also had to be almost perfectly round and the inside
concentric between the inside and outside. The part was what was
considered
a press fit which meant it was heated and then pressed onto the part
it was repairing and when it cooled it was almost as strong as if
the part had been welded. The ring was also made of a high-tech
stainless like waspalloy or inconel which in itself is hard to cut.
The engineers came up with a plan using round aluminum fixtures to
locate and hold the part and then they had a low temperature melting
alloy poured around the part which basically soldered it into place
while it was being cut. My contribution was to take an old tank and
the burner system from a pizza oven and it heated water to 180
degrees which was enough to melt the alloy quickly and save it for
the next part.
Now the weird part is that probably most of the people have seen
this stuff used before. In the second Terminator movie where Arnold
shoots the bad Terminator who has been frozen with liquid nitrogen
and he
explodes into little shiny chunks on the floor. That was the same
alloy and when they wanted him to reform they simply heated the
floor which
was concave and as the alloy melted it all ran together in the
center of the floor and then with CGI the bad Terminator was
reformed a little less functional than before.
We made and sold our parts but they were not very profitable so I
never saw that job again. I have no idea how much the materials cost
but they even wanted the scrap parts back so it wasn't cheap.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chat Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
E-Mail / IM Chat Room Survival Kit
AOL~~ Assholes On Line
ASAP~~ As Soon As Possible
ASAFP~~ As Soon As Friggin Possible
AWGTHTGTTA~~ Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Again
AWGTHTGTTSA~ ~ Are We Going To Have To Go Through This Shit Again
BFD~~ Big Fucking Deal BMD~~ Buy Me Dildo BTSOOM~~ Beats The Shit
Out Of Me BT~~ Byte This! BTWBO~~ Be There With Bells On CMF~~ Count
My Fingers! CTC~~ Choking The Chicken DBEYR~~ Don't Believe
Everything You Read DHYB~~ Don't Hold Your Breath DILDO~~ Darlin'
I'll Lick De Ole DILLIGAD~~ Do I Look Like I Give A Damn DQYDJ~~
Don't Quit You're Day Job DYSTSOTT~~ Did You See The Size Of That
Thing FTASB~~ Faster Than A Speeding Bullet FUBAR~~ Fucked Up Beyond
All Repair FUBB~~ Fucked Up Beyond Belief FYI~~ For Your Information
FYM~~ For Your Misinformation GR&D~~ Grinning Running & Ducking
HAK~~ Hugs And Kisses HUYA~~ Head Up Your A$$ HHOK~~ Ha Ha, Only
Kidding HHO1/2K~~ Ha Ha, Only Half Kidding HIOOC~~ Help! I'm Out Of
Coffee! IANAC~~ I Am Not A Crook IFABCTE~~ I Found A Bug, Call The
Exterminator IITYWTMWYKM~ ~ If I Tell You What This Means Will You
Kiss Me IITYWTMWYBMAD~ ~ If I Tell You What This Means Will You Buy
Me A Drink IITYWTMWYLMA~ ~ If I Tell You What This Means Will You
Leave Me Alone IIWM~~ If It Were Me ILSHIBAMF~~ I Laughed So Hard I
Broke All My Furniture ILSHIBMS~~ I Laughed So Hard I Broke My
Stitches IMHO~~ In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO~~ In My Not So Humble
Opinion KISS~~ Keep It Simple Stupid LDTTWA~~ Let's Do The Time Warp
Again LOL~~ Laughing Out Loud LSHHTCMS~~ Laughed So Hard, Had To
Change My Shorts LTIP~~ Laughing Till I Puke MTFBWY~~ May The Force
Be With You NBFD~~ No Big Fucking Deal NFW~~ No Fucking Way NYCFS~~
New York City Finger Salute OMIK~~ Open Mouth, Insert Keyboard
ONNA~~ Oh No, Not Again ONNTA~~ Oh No Not This Again OTOH~~ On The
Other Hand OTOOH~~ On The Other Other Hand OTSH~~ On The Same Hand
PITA~~ Pain In The A$$ PMF~~ Pull My Finger RTFM~~ Read The Fucking
Manual (or Message) SH~~ Shit Happens SH2M~~ Shit Happens To Me
SOI~~ Sit On It SOL~~ Shit Outta Luck TAFL~~ Take A Flying Leap
TDTM~~ Talk Dirty To Me TFASB~~ Time For A Sex Break TIC~~ Tongue In
Cheek TISEC~~ Tongue In Someone Else's Cheek TLA~~ Three Letter
Acronym (such as this) TM~~ Trust Me TSR~~ Totally Stuck in RAM
TTT~~ That's The Ticket TWHAB~~ This Won't Hurt A Bit VI~~ Village
Idiot WDIPME~~ Where Did I Put My Excedrin WGAFS ~~Who Gives A
Flying Squat WTHDTIM~~ What The Hell Do These Initials Mean WTSDS~~
Where The Sun Don't Shine WWW~~ World Wide Wait WYSIWYG~~ What You
See Is What You Get WYSIUWYW~~ What You See Isn't Usually What You
Want YGBFK~~ You Gotta Be Fucking Kiddin'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Judas has a question
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went to the doctor
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got meth?
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Honda Car Commercial
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Honest Wedding Vows
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Hooters Boot Camp
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cyber Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
10 Cyber Sex Tips
1. Before becoming involved in any kind of cybersex please make
sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. Are out of the room at the
time, (preferably out of the house and not during a major holiday
when your in-laws are also present or at a time when all your
relatives are in attendance.) It really gets difficult explaining
what you are doing undressing in front of the computer, drooling out
of one corner of your mouth, moaning and groaning while the buzz of
various "toys" can be heard.
2. For men, before you begin, please check that your modem
protector is on, along with the splash guard for your keyboard. It
will stop the future embarrassment of telling the computer
technician that your keys are "stuck" and you have no idea why.
3. For women, no matter what you are truly wearing, such as, sweat
pants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe, slippers, T-shirt with stains on
the front, bloomer underwear that could cover a car or be used for a
parachute, always tell your potential cyber partner you are wearing
a thong, garter belt with black stockings, and your best wonder bra,
(the one that has everything pulled up so high your bellybutton is
under your chin), and a pair of high heels. We don't want to destroy
that myth that all women dress that way when we sit down at the
computer. Although I truly wear these things each and every time I
sit in front of my computer. It does seem to cause a bit of a
commotion at the office but I have certainly worked my way up the
ranks in the company.) As for what the man should be wearing, we all
know that they are all naked and wearing just a smile.
4. If the cyber begins to get very hot please refrain from
straddling your monitor, there are many potential emergency room
stories to be told if you get overly excited, not to mention the
many years of therapy to get you to let go and not continue this
sordid affair with your 15" screen.
5. If the cyber is not going well, please let the other person know
in the best way you can. It is not very polite to tell them that
you are doing your nails, have just made up your grocery list for
the next month, shingled the house, pulled out one of your wisdom
teeth because you were bored, would rather read the instructions on
how to set the time on your VCR, checked your fridge to make sure
the light still works when you open the door, and last but not
least, stuck your tongue to an ice cube tray to stop the monotony.
6. When it really starts getting hot and heavy, please check your
spelling before you send that embarrassing typo, i.e., "oh baby, let
me suck on those beautiful beasts of yours. I just love your hot,
wet posse" (kinda puts a western slant on things), hmmmm, things
could get interesting with boots and spurs though. "Oh baby, you
have such a big coke" (hope you got the super sized fries and burger
with that). "That's it baby, show me that beautiful clint" (go
ahead, Make my day), and the proverbial "oh fork me hard!"
7. Pay attention to what is going on. Please refrain from putting
your "coke" in one place, when your cyber partner had just typed
that it was someplace else. If you have no clue as to where the
cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. If you are really lost and
can't keep up, or you had a case of premature cybering and really do
not feel like typing for 3 days to satisfy your female counterpart,
just pretend you got bumped offline. That always works and at least
she won't take it so personal. Please refrain from the excuse, "I
have to let my dog out."
8. Once both cyber partners have been satisfied, or faked
satisfaction, (oh great, we now have the added pressure of faking
cyber-orgasms too), at least say thank you. (Thank you can mean,
thank God its over, or THANK YOU because you truly had a wonderful
time.)
9. If it was a truly bad experience, do not feel pressured Into
ever having cybersex with this person again. When they ask for your
email address, just give them the wrong one. If they begin to
pester you, its proper etiquette to just bump yourself offline, or
just say "HUH? I never got your Message." Nobody needs to suffer a
really bad cyber twice.
10. Last but not least, remember that cybersex will not make you go
blind, unless you keep all the lights out in the house while having
it, watching the screen in the dark does make your eyes burn.
Realize that you may be addicted if your real life partner walks by
naked and you'd rather be typing with one hand and still trying to
keep a steady rhythm going. Sex can be just as nice with a partner
you know. And just for variety, when your right hand gets tired,
try dating your left hand for something different. Until your next
hot session....cyber on my friends!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weather Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man is being pursued by a young admiring woman. Eventually,
he has no choice but to grant her a private audience.
Relentlessly she asks him for a quickie in the sack though he tried
hard to refuise her. Finally giving in to her demands for carnal
knowledge, he says "Ok, but there is one condition: I have a
particular fetish that you must perform in order to sleep with me."
"I'll do anything for you" replies the succubus. "Just name it."
So the man says to the woman, "You know ... I really enjoy it when
there's a sort of lightning effect. So you must reach over to that
switch on the wall and flick it on and off every few seconds."
The woman agrees and starts flicking the light switch off with her
left arm. She then asks "Now can I fuck you?"
"Not quite yet" replies the man. "Lightning is nice, but it doesn't
really mean much without thunder. So with your right leg, I want you
to open and close the cabinet door whenever you flick the light on."
"Ok" says the horny young maid, and she begins to coordinate her
flicks and clacks. "Now can I fuck you?" she asks as she is
switching between arm and leg movements.
"Not quite yet" replies the man. "This is all very nice, but there
can't really be thunder and lightning without wind. I'd like you to
reach behind your head with your right hand and open and shut the
windows."
She says "Ok" and begins opening the shutter and closing it with her
right hand. And of course, it's raining and some drops are coming in
the window.
So there she is, making lightning with her left hand, creating
thunder with her right leg, and using her right hand to make wind
and rain. Desperate and beyond understanding of his fetish, the
young woman finally begs him "NOW can we fuck? PLEASE?!"
And the young man looks at her shocked and says, "What do you mean
'have sex'? In this weather?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather
curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the
older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day
he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind
the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.
This he did.
The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.
'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned
off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I
figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking
funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside
her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except
he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble
finding her heart.
'I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them
started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must
of been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time Sis
got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide
down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I
knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot.
'Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-- a big eel had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and
stood there, about 10 inches long, honest anyway, he grabbed it in
one hand to keep it from getting away. 'When Sis saw it, she got
really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she
started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the
biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down
at the lake.
'Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head
off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it
tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over
the eel's head to keep it from biting again. '
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor -- lock
on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel.
'The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and
squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they
wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.
'After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew
because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were
hanging out.
'Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they
went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her
again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and
started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine
lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by
sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the
eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin
off and flush it down the toilet.'
His mother fainted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with
a small package and a large bird cage. She was
gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend,
Liz, never saw Sally looking so sad.
Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of
days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad.
Why??"
Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."
Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the
woods."
Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the
woods cause I needed something there that would
get me a man. But I couldn't find it."
Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."
Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls.
I took some dead mice and a bird cage."
Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man?"
Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to
have a good pair of hoo-ters."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jungle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three explorers were in the deepest darkest jungles of Africa, and
were captured by a pigmy tribe.
The tribe brings them before the chief, who declares that the
explorers were tracking across secret hunting grounds, and the
penalty was death.
One explorer asks the chief if they are to die, could they chose the
way they wanted to go.
After much consideration, the chief agreed.
The first explorer loved to eat, and wanted to eat himself to death.
The tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 lbs of food, and two guards
outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.
The second explorer loved to drink, and wanted to drink himself to
death. Again, the tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 gals of booze,
and two guards outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.
The third explored loved to screw women. This took a little time,
as the tribe had to construct a large hut and collect 10,000 naked
women.
They finally got it all together, placed the explorer in the hut
with 10,000 naked women, and two guards outside the hut to make sure
he didn't escape.
Time rolled by, and about 3 months later the chief remembered that
he had to see how the punishment of the three explorers turned out.
He went to the first hut, and found the man had ate so much, he
exploded. He had the two guards clean up the mess and dismissed
them.
In the second hut, the explorer drank so much, he puked his guts
out. The chief had the two guards clean up the mess, and dismissed
them.
You'd never guess what the chief found in the third hut...
10,000 pregnant women, two guards outside the door with red asses,
and the explorer jacking off in the corner!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Essence of A Rose
http://silverandgol
Carol w/TBF
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Truth About Work
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Southbreeze w/Don't Give Up On Your Dreams
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Webmasters Guide to SSI
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Free Website Builder
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St. Patricks Day Signatures
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Animal World
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Sir Edmund
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Smoke Inhalation
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Sneeze Aivastus
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Sorry Sir no bathing suits in the lobby
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Exam
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Future Engineers
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Glock Home Protection
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Gunfighter
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fire Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started
inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was
engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments
for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the
sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of
our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the
plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire
company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire
departments had to be called in because the situation became
desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that
the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the
fire department that could save them.
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire
truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi
, NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian
firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated
by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside
the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old
timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were
fighting to save their own lives... Within a short time, the Lodi
old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for
such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to
$200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave
elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on
camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, 'What are you going
to do with all that money?'
'Wella,' said Chief Ron Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old
fire chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat
fockinna truck!!'
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
"The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs."
A salvation Lassie named Claire
Was having her first love affair.
As she climbed into bed
She reverently said,
"I wish to be opened with prayer."
A man from the Washington Post
Once had it off with a ghost;
At the height of orgasm
The pale ectoplasm
Shrieked: "Coming! I'm coming...almost!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
His father agreed that he could go, but as the young man was leaving
on his donkey he called after him, "Just remember, Pedro, that you
must take the long way home if it is after midnight! Whatever you
do, don't try to take the shortcut through the Magic Forest!" Pedro
had a wonderful time at the fair. Unfortunately, it was very late
when the dancing and singing ended and, despite his father's
warning, he did start back through the Magic Forest. Midway along
the path, a gnome suddenly appeared and shook his fist at him. "How
dare you trespass on our property after midnight!" the gnome cried.
"Just for that, I am going to change your donkey into a dragon!" And
with a snap of his little fingers, he did. Pedro was startled to
find himself riding a dragon. However, the beast behaved well and
they finally made it home. The youth's father was waiting up when
the exhausted son crept into the house. "Are you all right?" the
woodcutter asked anxiously. "Oh yes, Father," Pedro replied. "I had
a wonderful time! But I have to confess one thing: my ass is
dragon!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man his girl friend were driving on a hi-way. They smell Petrol
Fumes Man pulls over, parks & is about to take a pee. The girl
friend lites-up a cigarett. There a huge explosion the car is blow
away. Girl friend screams " FIND MY HAND BAG IT HAS MY CELL PHONE IN
IT!!!" Man shouts " FIND MY HAND IT HAS MY DICK IN IT!!!!!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1238
Homemade Pie
BJ arrives home and after supper is relaxing in front of the TV.
Katie comes in and brings him a piece of pie...
Katie: I made this pie myself. I hope you like it.
BJ: It smells wonderful. What kind is it?
Katie: Oh it is just something I threw together.
BJ's eyebrows go up: I need to know before I eat it. You guys eat
differently than I.
Katie: It has apples primarily, lots of brown sugar.
BJ: Okay that sounds good.
BJ tries a small taste.....: It has an unusual flavor..
Katie: Oh that would be the muskrat.
Phttoey!!!
Katie: I think apples and Muskrat go well together, especially with
some red wine. Hrumpt! I swear bi-peds!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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