Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Night Ops From The Archives
In times of war I am a CNN junkie. I look forward to the shots of
the carriers and this time they have my favorite, night time carrier
ops.
To understand this you would have to have been through these in
person. An 80,000 ton ship steaming with no lights, cutting through
the water at 30 knots. From my vantage point on the signal bridge
right above flight control it is almost quiet , the only sounds that
of machinery that powered the ship, a dull throbbing beneath you .
I was there a half hour before flight ops and you could start to see
things come alive as crewman inspected their planes with red
flashlights connecting power cables and starting units to planes.
Then suddenly the ship makes a wide turn into the wind , the
floodlights come on and the silence is pierced by the whine of air
starters spinning up the jet engines and a bark of flame as they
ignite. First the alert aircraft already on the cats are started
and then the aircraft parked on the sides in the order of launch .
Only a few minutes has passed now as you see the jet blast deflector
come up and the plane goes to full power the brakes an barely able
to keep the plane from leaping forward . Finally the afterburners
are kicked in and rings and cones of flame hit the blast deflector
and the cat fires the plane off the flight deck at speeds that press
the pilot back into his seat. The plane handlers are already
guiding planes onto the cats and at intervals measured in seconds
they are fired into the night. You can follow them as they climb
until the afterburners go out and then they are invisible. Fifteen
minutes or less the launch is done , the lights are out and the ship
is steaming quietly to the point where she will make her next launch
and recover the first wave coming back from their mission , and you
ask yourself " Did all of that just happen?" Enjoy the chips I am
going to go have some carrier dreams.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Farm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little
differently.
Only a Farm Kid
A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch
and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I
know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I
could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to
your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter,
Suzie, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa
about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that
Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't
know how much he gets for Howard."
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
last call
http://www.thepostm
when love is blind
http://www.thepostm
computer date
http://www.thepostm
Heineken Dogs
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Heineken Golf Advert
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Heineken Holiday Party
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Engineering Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(What they say versus what they mean)
A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still
guessing at this point.)
Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.)
An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
(We just hired three punk kids out of school.)
Major technological breakthrough! (It works OK; but looks very
hi-tech!)
Customer satisfaction is believed assured. (We are so far behind
schedule,
that the customer will take anything.)
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing
blew up
when we threw the switch.)
Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually
worked!)
The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who
understood
the thing quit.)
It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation
is
completely hopeless.)
We will look into it. (Forget it! We have enough problems already.)
Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this.)
Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have
to say
as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or
with what
we are going to do.)
Give us your interpretation. (We can't wait to hear your bull.)
See me or let's discuss. (Come to my office, I've messed up again.)
All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
Rugged. (Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)
Robust! (Rugged, but more so)
Light weight. (Slightly lighter than rugged)
Years of development. (One finally worked)
Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)
No maintenance. (Impossible to fix)
Low maintenance. (Nearly impossible to fix)
Fax me the data. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)
We are following the standard! (That's the way we have always done
it!)
I didn't get your e-mail. (I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisdom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Romance Mathematics
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Office Arithmetic
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Shopping Math
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
General Equations and Statistics
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Happiness
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand
her at all.
Longevity
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a
lot
more willing to die.
Propensity To Change
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Discussion Technique
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
How to Stop People From Bugging You About Getting Married
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
doing
the same thing to them at funerals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Governor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Best of Ed Rendell, the governor of Pennsylvania On why he would
never consider being a U.S. senator: "It's an incredibly easy job.
They don't do shit."
On his address to the Democratic National Convention in the
1980s: "Thirty seconds into my speech, it dawned on me that I could
have been reading the best parts of Lady Chatterley's Lover and it
wouldn't have mattered. ... No one was listening."
On his job description as mayor: "A good portion of my job is spent
on my knees, sucking people off to keep them happy."
On his refusal to deny a quote attributed to him in Philadelphia
magazine in which he said that the publication "sucks the big wong":
"Anybody who knows me knows that it has the ring of truth, so I'm
cooked. If I had said, 'Your magazine eats shit,' I could have
denied it."
On caving in to people's demands as governor: "If I was a woman, I'd
be pregnant all the time."
To union leaders threatening a massive strike during a pivotal
contract negotiation: "I don't want to be a shit, and I don't want
to be anti-labor, but I can't grow hair, and I can't grow money."
After eight murders one weekend summer night, as he passed an
impoverished stretch of Philadelphia and concluded there was only
one hope of reduced violence: "What we need in this town is on every
fucking weekend between now and September for it to rain."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I work in OB GYN in a women hospital. One of our doc's tells of
working in a fertility clinic during his training. A very heavy
woman came to them and said she had been trying to get pregnant for
3 years When he got her in the stirrups he found out she was still a
virgin.
He asked her if her husband penetrated her when they had sex. She
laughed and said," He think he do!"
A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were
beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one
such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her
performance. The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one
thousand dollars?" She responded, "The first man was Peter, my
postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"
Having flashed his light into the back of a parked Mini-Van behind a
local burger joint, the Policeman gasped, "Are you two actually
having sex in the parking lot ?" "Why no officer." drawled the sweet
young thing. "This here fellow is just helping me practice in case
I meet a strong handsome Policeman I could really go for."
A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry
a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of
contemporary society. After the wedding service, the bridal couple
had to drive through the more unsavory areas of the city on the way
to the reception. "William, what are those women doing leaning
against lampposts?" "Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies
out for sex at fifty dollars a time." "Wow, fifty dollars!"
exclaimed the bride, "the monks only used to give us an apple..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gay couple who are dear friends of ours were over for dinner when
the conversation drifted round to 'opposites attract.' According to
my wife, one illustration of this phenomenon is that in every happy
couple there is always an organized and tidy one (her) and a more
spontaneous, less organized one (me). It helps if one partner is
more obsessed with tidiness than the other, right? Nods of
recognition all round from me and the gay chaps. "So," she asks
brightly, "which one of you two is the anal one?"
I bumped into a friend of mine that I haven't seen since high
school.
We were close back then. We almost went to the same college, but my
grades weren't really up to snuff. When she went away to college
she wrote me and told me that she was going to fulfill her dream of
becoming a thespian. When I bumped into her the other day I asked
her how that thespian thing was going. She said it was the best.
She even gave me tickets to this play that she was in and I happily
accepted.
She said that we should get dinner afterwards and catch up. I hope
that I get to meet her thespian girlfriend at dinner. Thespians are
hot!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Jimmy's Down Home Cookin' 2
http://www.silveran
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
carolyn w/ Funny Face
http://carolynsprec
John w/ Old Shep
http://heavens-
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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
Used Car Values
http://www.nadaguid
How To Tie Knots
http://www.troop9.
Medical Library Association: Deciphering Medspeak
http://www.mlanet.
Road Rage
http://www.monkeyme
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Passsword Partner
http://www.password
Shopping List
http://www.homeplan
HTML FixIt
http://htmlfixit.
YouSendIt | Email large files quickly, securely, and easily!
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man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.treshanl
Kitty Korner
http://catagility.
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Movie Links
Simmons
http://www.buffalos
Poor Mailman
http://www.buffalos
Cute Doctor
http://www.buffalos
Bumble Butt
http://www.buffalos
Happy Ending
http://www.buffalos
Stethoscope
http://www.buffalos
China
http://www.buffalos
Super Models
http://www.buffalos
Suzuki
http://www.buffalos
Swallowing
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you hear that Linda got a great new job?" "Really? I wish I
could do that. I'd like a change for the better." "Well, you can
always do what she did." "What's that?" "Don't wear panties to the
interview."
"So how often do you have sex with your wife?" "Oh, four or five
times a week." "That's more often than I get it!" "Well, it should
be.
After all, she's my wife."
Did you hear about the diner who didn't believe in flying saucers
until he goosed a waitress!
A sweet young thing of our acquaintance decided that she would
rather be a young man's slave than an old man's darling, because she
couldn't stand the idea of old age creeping up on her.
"I really don't know what you see in him, Susan. He's just an
everyday sort of man." "Well, Jeez," Susan replied, "What more could
a girl ask for?"
A young American was enjoying his first night in Rome, drinking
cappuccino at a pavement cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him.
"Hello," he said. " Do you understand English?" "Only a little,"
she answered. "How much?" he asked. "Fifty dollars," she replied.
A New York fashion designer warns that if hemlines get any shorter,
women won't dare sit down and men won't dare stand up.
Why is cunnilingus called eating, while fellatio is called a blow
job?
The terms were invented by a woman to make the one sound enjoyable
and the other like work.
What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why do Jewish girls have gold diaphragms?
So they can tell their fathers that their boyfriends are cumming
into money!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Camping
http://www.buffalos
I'm No Drive In Bank
http://www.buffalos
Gopher Hole
http://www.buffalos
Canned Tits
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Clara
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I'll Have the Brown Crap
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young fellow named Charteris
Put his hand where his young lady's garter is.
She said, "I don't mind,
And up higher you'll find
The place where my fucker and farter is."
____________
There was a young girl named Sapphire,
Who succumbed to her lover's desire,
She said: "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
____________
There was a young athlete named Grimmon,
Who developed a new way of swimmin'...
By a marvelous trick,
He would scull with his prick,
Which attracted loud cheers from the women.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Canadians are sitting in a bar bored out of their minds.
One of them leans over and says,
"Ay, why don't we play 20 questions, ay?"
The second one says, "OK, ay."
The first one tries to think of a word and finally thinks up "Moose
Cock".
The second thinks a moment, and for his first clue asks,
"Ay, can you eat it, ay?"
The first guy rubs his chin and says, "Ay, I guess so, ay."
The second guy goes, "Is it a moose cock?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her
husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure
that it was such a good idea.
'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.
'Actually, yes, I do.' ''Does it hurt you?' he asked. 'No. I
rather like it.' 'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no
reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you
like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.' The woman was
mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?' 'Of course,
' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think people like Nancy Pelosi
and Harry Reid come from.'
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1526
Movie Night
BJ: Okay guys, it is movie night. I will pop some popcorn and each
of
you get your favorite movie and we will vote on the movie we will
watch.
Everyone heads for the movie library....
Later....
BJ: Okay, I have the popcorn and what is your pick Sandi?
Sandi: I have picked 'Lassie Come Home' the original Lassie
movie...I
always cry at that movie and it is a feel good movie to.
BJ: Good solid pick Sandi. You Rudy?
Rudy: I picked 'K-9'. I like it because it has action, comedy and
is a lot
of fun.
BJ: Good pick Rudy. Katherine?
Katie: Err, I picked 'Scooby-Doo and the Legend of the Vampire.'
BJ: Why?
Katie: I like Scooby-Doo and I like Cartoons. What did you pick
father?
BJ: I picked 'Cat's and Dogs.'
Sandi: I have a solution...We can watch Katie's as a cartoon
feature, then
watch Daddys. Tomorrow we can mine and Rudy's as a double feature.
Katie/Rudy: Yeah!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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