Plants gone potty!: [PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

For his 60th birthday, a man received a gift certificate
from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to
an elderly medicine man living on a nearby reservation,
who was rumored to have the absolute cure for
erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove
to the reservation, handed his certificate to the
medicine man and wondered what type of hokey pokey
was in store. The medicine man told him, "When you
take this, say 1-2-3 & you will be ready." As the
man walked away, miracle in hand, he asked, "How do
I stop this from working?" "Your partner must say
"1-2-3-4". When she does, the medicine will not work
again until the next full moon", he replied.
The man was very eager to see if the stuff worked so
he went home, showered, shaved, doused himself in
cologne & took a spoonful of the miracle medicine,
then called his wife into the bedroom. When his wife
came in, he said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the
manliest of men. His wife was excited and began
ripping off her clothes, when she suddenly asked,
"What was the 1-2-3 for ?" Which is why it is improper
to end a sentence with a preposition, because you
could find yourself with a dangling participle.
_____________

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of
someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him . . . 'I've got
problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's
somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the
shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we
should be able to get rid of those fears..'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the Doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street.
'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears
you were having?' he asked..
'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for
a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me
for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money
that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said,
'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody
under there now!' FORGET THOSE SHRINKS..
GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!
____________

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such
simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage
s all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President.
You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt
to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your
urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station
restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't
have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000, Tux rental-$100. People never
stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New
shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

_______________

A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss and discuss where
they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Café Ritz because the
waitresses there have low-cut blouses and nice breasts.
Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets
once again and they discuss and discuss where they should
go for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should
meet at the Café Ritz because the food is very good
and the wine selection is ample and excellent.
Ten years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets
once more and they discuss and discuss where they should
have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should
meet at the Café Ritz because they can eat there in
peace and quiet, and the restaurant is smoke-free.
Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets
again. They discuss and discuss where they should get
together for dinner. Finally it is agreed that they
should meet at the Café Ritz because the restaurant is
wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets
again and once more they discuss and discuss where they
should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that
they should meet at the Café Ritz because it would be
a great idea to try a restaurant where they've
never eaten before.
________________

Men's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot
You are in the middle of some kind of project around
the house -- . . .. . Mowing the lawn, putting in a
new fence, painting the living room or whatever. You
are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings,
dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You
know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch,
old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old
pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great
home improvement project you realize you need to run to
Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow
dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean
clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a
dab of your favorite cologne because you never know,
you just might meet some hot chick while standing in
the checkout lane. And you went to school with the
pretty girl running the register..

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.
Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for
much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check
yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of
your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl
running the register is the kid sister to someone
you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is
long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.
Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your
bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't
want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check
yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's
age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off
your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you
don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car.
Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that
shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and
you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you
have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,
'I Got Worms .'

In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.. Hose
the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered
when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear
on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl
running the register may be cute, but you don't have your
glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until
the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't
even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young
thing at the register smiles at you because you remind
her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to
Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what
it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with the
old lady who greeted you at the front door.

In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden?
Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
________________

There once was a 94 year old nun back in the 1890s whose
worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed
for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.
However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she
huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the
elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen
to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly
pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters
gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked
if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.
"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"
______________

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result
was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper
noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school
on it. "I teach math there," I explained.
The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem.
A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 m.p.h. over
the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs,
plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"
I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary
I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math,
then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere
without teachers, I'd say zero."
He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite
subject," he admitted. "Please slow down."
_______________

FUN PAGES

Sawfish Lagoon
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41578&s=n

Beans in Space
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39813&s=n

Snort Vitamins
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41379&s=n
_____________

BUFFALO BILL

Midgey
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abjhuh.htm

Momma Is Santa
http://www.buffaloschips.com/agfrtt.htm

Morning Peepers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfgff.htm
______________

SYDESJOKES LIST

Grandma Sky Diver
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000663.html

Granny Air Bag
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000664.html

Granny and Vibrator
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000665.html

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

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Plants gone potty!

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner!

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