THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
It's better to be poor than to be rich.
The rich always have to fear becoming poor,
but the poor never have to fear becoming rich.
-------------------------------
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack,
he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the
oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his
toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a
message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the
bed.All through the night the young Marine sat there in the
poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering
him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse
suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine
was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital -
the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night
staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of
the other patients. Now and then she heard him say a few
gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly
to his son all through the night. Along towards dawn, the
old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless
hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse.
While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of
sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
"Who was that man?" he asked. The nurse was startled,
"He was your father," she answered. "No, he wasn't,"
the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake,
but I also knew he needed his son, and his
son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too
sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how
much he needed me, I stayed."
I came here tonight to find a Mr. William Grey.
His son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform
him. What was this Gentleman's Name?
The Nurse with Tears in Her Eyes Answered, Mr. William Grey.
-----------------
I know that we are getting tired of hearing
how bad things are in Haiti, after that very
sad earthquake. You know, maybe its all the ads
by G.W. and Bill C. , I dunno. I'm starting to feel
a little guilty because I haven't done very
much to get involved. So, rather than just doing
something cold and uncalculating, like send them
money, I came up with a better plan.
I want to adopt this poor poor Haitian girl.
Unfortunately, the war department does not want me
to. what do you think?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
______________
THE COMICS
charity
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o000.html
the late show
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o001.html
in writing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o002.html
pay cuts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o003.html
words of wisdom
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o004.html
gold digger
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o005.html
I wonder
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o006.html
a big surprise
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o007.html
souvenirs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o008.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
mudfest
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9145.html
retardid poleleeseman
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9146.html
bloopers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9147.html
the conch shell
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9148.html
an FA18 Hornet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9149.html
which one is the marine?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9150.html
Ghost towns abandoned homes/buildings
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9151.html
______________
This trucker had been driving his eighteen wheeler for
hours and he was hot and tired so he stopped at his
favorite brothel he'd patronized for years.
Mabel answers the door and says, "Hey there Ed.
What can I do for you."Ed replies, "You know I've
been trading here for twenty years and this time
I'd like something different.""Well" says Mabel,
"we got Annie, Betty and Lucy - she takes it up the 'attic'".
"Hell no, I want something different" says Ed.
Mabel says, "Oh, I'll send Hurricane Jessie. She's
new. Now you go on to your room."
Ed goes to his room and gets all prepared. Soon this
big Amazon of a gal comes in and she's puffing and a blowing.
She straddles old Ed and starts swinging back and forth,
her big boobs just knocking the hell outta his head.
He cried, "What in the hell's going on?"
"I'm Hurricane Jessie and that's the coconuts falling
off the coconut trees".Pretty soon she starts pissing
all over him and says this is the monsoon rains that
come with the hurricane.Ed jumps off the bed and Hurricane
Jessie says, "What's wrong honey, don't you like it?"
He said,"I'm leaving. Who in hell could fuck in this kind of weather?!"
____________
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought
him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.
"Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"
"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.
"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered.
"What is it now?"
_______________
Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?
Father: Have I not told you never to mention such
things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Junior?
Why did you ask the question?
Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's
lettuce, but now it's gone.
_______________
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet
and all of his identification.Cutting his trip short, he
attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S.
Customs Agent at the border."May I see your identification,
please?" asked the agent."I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet,"
replied the guy.."Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No
ID, no entry," said the agent."But I can prove I'm an
American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald
Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other.."
"This I gotta see," replied the agent.
With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent
his behind."By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent.
"Have a safe trip back to Chicago ."
"Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
__________
The Baptist white lie cake
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church
Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa but forgot to do it until the
last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale
and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food
cake mix & quickly got it made. Then she washed and dried
her hair, and dressed and helped her son pack up for Scout camp.
When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped
flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She exclaimed,
"Oh dear, I don't have time to bake another cake!"
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want
to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of
friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house
for something to build up the center of the cake. She
found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper.
She plunked the toilet paper roll in the center of the cake
and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished
product look good, it looked perfect.
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and
then head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her
some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale
the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake herself
and bring it back home. When the daughter arrived at the
sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already
been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom.
Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would
know! What would they think? She would be ostracized,
talked about, ridiculed!All that night, Alice lay awake in
bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and
talking about her behind her back.The next day, Alice
promised herself she would try not to think about the cake
and would attend the fancy luncheon at the home of a fellow
church member and try to have a good time. She did not really
want to attend because the hostess was such a snob who
more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that
Alice was a single parent and not from one of the founding
families of Tuscaloosa. But having already RSVP'd that she
would attend, she couldn't think of a believable excuse
to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely
upper crust old south and well-attended by all the snooty
upper crust ladies. And to Alice 's horror, the cake in
question was presented for dessert!
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the
cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all
about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's
wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard
the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,
"Thank you, I baked it myself."
Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."
________________
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it
creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"
____________
Doctor funnies
A man comes into the ER and yells ...
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs
and I was in the wrong one.
At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths.' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be.'
replied the patient.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
to the rest of the family that he had died of a
'massive internal fart.'
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having trouble with one of his medications.
Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch..'.
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.
______________
FUN PAGES
Punch Out Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41551&s=n
Octopus Eats Self
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39817&s=n
Voted The Top 10 Funny Posters
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40656&s=n
_____________
BUFFALO BILL
Hot Sex
http://www.buffaloschips.com/8298.htm
How I crashed my Harley
http://www.buffaloschips.com/8299.htm
How I Will Feel If Hillary Is Elected
http://www.buffaloschips.com/82910.htm
_________
SYDESJOKES LIST
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000723.html
Hockey Makes You Tough
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000724.html
Hockey Slam
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000725.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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