THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
I've Learned...
That when you plan to get even with someone,
you are only letting that person
continue to hurt you.
______________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
You know, even at my age, I am always learning
something new about life. Before I get into that,
tho, I should talk about one thing I learned
about my pappy. For the most part, you could
set your watch by him. He was the kinda guy
who could get outta bed every day, 5:30 am, no
alarm clock. For as long as I can remember,
he was always up before dawn. Listen to the
farm report, and get out there to start the
day. Interesting thing tho. I have also discovered
that he did not always neccesarily give sound
advice. Yep, I hate to admit it, but there were
just some things pappy said, that probably were
best forgotten. One thing he always said,
"God helps those who help themselves."
He never was much of a Bible quoter, but he
swore that little passage was in there, somewhere.
Never did see it myself, but I'm still pretty
sure that he was at least mostly right on that
one. Well, pretty close anyways.
One thing he said that I never could quit abide by.
He said, "Son, never borrow money." When I was a
young man, and me and the war department first got
married, it didn't take long for me to discover
that I had more babies than I had dollars, and
not borrowing money, well that didn't go so well.
So, as a older, wiser man, (well, certainly I am
older now. But wiser, well, I shall let you make
the decision:) Anyways, that's another story.
When it comes to money these days, lots of people
are giving out advice. Specially bout credit cards. Be
careful, some cards are going to add yearly fees
and yadda yadda. I'm sure you have heard it.
But know what I say? Forget all that. If you gotta
borrow it, borrow it. Don't worry bout how much
interest you gotta pay, don't worry about penalties.
Thing you gotta worry bout? Just borrow it from a
pessimist. After all, they don't expect to be paid
back.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_______________
The end of the rainbow...
THE COMICS
school year book
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overeaters
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such a baby
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discrimination
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burns
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4 cocks
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____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
nuns and presidents
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sex bomb
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a head shot
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big and agile
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underarm thermometer
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homemade tank
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Did you know that Eagles mate for life?
Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for
Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a
while when she didn't return he went looking and found
her. She had been shot dead! Harry was devastated,
but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that
he must get himself another mate, but since there weren't
any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather
barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a
lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex
was good but all the dove would say is ...... 'I am a
DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'
Well this so got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove
out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate..
He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to
the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say
is........
'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'
So out with the loon. Once more he flew off to find a mate.
This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck
back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all
the duck would say was.....
NO, The duck didn't say THAT !
... ~ Don't be SO disgusting!
______________
A mother mouse and her three children crept out of
their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on
some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner
of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them.
The cat was between the mice and their hole.
The mother mouse puffed up her lungs and went,
"Woof! Woof!" The cat turned tail and ran.
With that, the mother quickly led her children back
to safety in their hole. When they were settle and
breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children.
"Now, what's the lesson from that experience?" "We don't
know," the baby mice squeaked. "It is this," said
Mother Mouse. "It's always good to know a second language."
_____________
A wife was sitting on the living-room couch watching her
favorite show on the Food Network when her husband walked in.
"Why do you watch those food shows?" he asked. "You don't
even cook." Glaring back at him, she asked,
"Then why do you watch football?"
______________
Phil wanted a new birth control method and his doctor
suggested a vasectomy. Phil agreed and the doctor said he
could perform the operation in his office.
At a crucial moment during the procedure, one of Phil's
testicles fell to the floor, and the nurse, who was wearing
high heels, accidentally stepped on it and crushed it.
The doctor noticed a jar of pickled onions on his nurse's
desk and realized it was the right size and weight, so he
placed it in Phil's scrotum and completed the operation.
A few months later, Phil returned for a check up. When the
doctor asked how things were going. Phil replied, "Pretty
good, Doc. At least my wife's not pregnant, but there are
some strange side effects. Every time we make love, my wife
gets heartburn; when I pee, my eyes water; and whenever I pass
a hamburger stand, I have an erection."
______________
.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After
the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight
pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand
why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for
the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the
quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo?
It's only 25 cents!!!!
______________
Three guys, more than a little inebriated, are chatting at the bar
and one says, "If you were to give your wife an Indian name, what
will it be? I'll start: I'd call my wife 'White Feather' because she
is as light as a feather."
The second guy says, "I'd call my wife 'White Cloud' because she is
as beautiful as a cloud in the sky."
The third guy says, "I'd call my wife 'Four Horses.'"
"Four Horses?" Wonder the other two guys. "Why?"
Third guy: "Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag."
________________
A young boy arrived to Sunday School class late. His teacher knew
that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was
wrong.The boy replied, "No, I was going to go fishing, but my
dad told me that I needed to go to church instead."The teacher
was very impressed and asked, "Did your father explain to
you WHY it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?"
"Yes he did." replied the boy. "My dad said that he didn't
haveenough bait for both of us."
___________
FUN PAGES
You Stoopid Here's Why
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Time Pilot Game
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Eeny Meany Bikini Whoa
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________________
BUFFALO BILL
Not pretty
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Queer
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Dating Agency
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______________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Horn Ass
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Hot Babe
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Hot Tub Mishap
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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