Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today is Valentine's Day, which gives people a chance to spend
money on cards, candy, and flowers to show their undying love or
face the consequences. Even though I was raised Catholic I never
was really brought up to speed on these holiday's that are named
after Saints so I decided to do a little research.
It seems a little strange offhand that a saint should be involved
in a
holiday that celebrating love and affection between intimate
companions. There is not a lot known about Valentine but Urban
Legend of the third century says that Emperor Claudius had
banned marriage because supposedly married men made poor
soldiers. Saint Valentine was performing marriages behind the
emperor's back and when he got caught was called up to face
the emperor who offered to spare his life if he converted to
Paganism
and Valentine instead asked the emperor to convert to Christianity.
Claudius was not amused and ordered him jailed awaiting execution.
There he met and fell in love with the daughter of the jailer and
supposedly performed some miracle on her. The first Valentine
was the love note to her on the day of his execution.
Another story connected to Valentine's Day is that prior to
Valentine
for 800 years the Roman young men would draw the names of girls
from a jug and they would be their companions for the next year. The
Pope
proposed an end to the Pagan custom and instead that they should
draw the name of a saint and emulate that person for the next year.
It didn't go over real well, I mean if you were the average teenage
Roman romping with a Roman maiden would seem like a bit more
fun than emulating a Saint who was fed to the lions. The church
decided that it needed to create some new Saints for the young
to look up to. Some of these Saints were later removed because
there was too much Urban Legend in their histories for example,
Saint Christopher. When I first started driving I received a Saint
Christopher'
get
into an accident. A couple of years later I was told that I couldn't
wear it anymore because they found out the he had never been in
a car let alone had a driver's license back in the 3rd century.
Anyhow enough on religion, even if you forgot to buy a loved one a
gift today, It's not to late to tell them you love them and let them
pick their
Extra Value Meal when you go through the drive-thru.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Mafia Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings...
My love for you...
it came and went
So your feet are now
in wet cement.
I'm here to fulfill
your fondest wishes
Now that your husband
sleeps with the fishes.
Lie down with me
It's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying
wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
I picked up this card
from a slim selection,
But that's all they offer
in witness protection.
Love, J. Doe
Batty B
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is
a mistress, and I have been married For 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our
men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels
and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to
exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black
leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You
are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate
love all night long..
The Mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was
wearing a Raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over
my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, But he
started to tremble and we had wild sex all Night.
Then I had to share my Story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black
stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the
door and saw me he said,
"What's for Dinner, Batman?"
Dennis
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess some things will never change. I recently hired a temp to
fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity
leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked her what she expected
to earn.
The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is
four hundred a week."
I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.
The temp shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a
week."
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his
father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying
out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking,
they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed
at the girl's feet.
"What's this," she asked. "Taste it," he replied, "If you like it,
I'll give you a whole one!"
Q. What do you call a man with a broken condom?
A. Daddy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then there was the little old lady with varicose veins who won first
prize at a costume ball. She went nude, as a road map.
It's easy to admire a good loser at a strip-poker party.
A New York fashion designer warns that if hemlines get any shorter,
women won't dare sit down and men won't dare stand up.
If exercise eliminates fat, how come women get double chins?
Two Miami Beach beauties in teeny bikinis were taking their
afternoon sunning when one asked," Did you hear that they're holding
a beauty contest here tomorrow night?" "Sure," replied the other
beachnik, blushing. "I won it last night."
The crowded elevator had just begun to rise when a well-stacked miss
screamed and said,"I've been geesed!" "You mean you've been goosed,"
corrected the proper fellow standing next to her.\ "I can count."
came her sarcastic reply.
A sweet young thing of our acquaintance decided that she would
rather be a young man's slave than an old man's darling, because she
couldn't stand the idea of old age creeping up on her.
The naive miss was seated in her doctor's office.
"Our tests indicate that you are pregnant," said the M.D., "and
there is every indication that you are going to have twins." "But
how can that be, doctor?" the girl protested. "I've never been out
on a double-date in my life."
The distraught father hurried down the beach to the spot where his
lovely daughter lay. A bronzed lifeguard stood over her. "I've just
resuscitated her, sir," he said. "Then, by God," exclaimed the
father, "you'll marry the girl!"
The perky bride returned home with an ultra-Mod, clear-plastic
minidress and held it up for her stodgy husband's approval. "Why,
you can see right through it," the astonished husband gasped. "No
you can't, silly," she answered. "Not when I'm in it."
The young reporter was interviewing a woman who had just reached her
hundredth birthday. "To what do you attribute your remarkable good
health?" he asked. "Well," she said, thoughtfully, "I've always
eatern moderately, worked hard, I don't smoke or drink and I keep
good hours." "Have you ever been bedridden?" the reporter asked.
"Well, sure," said the elderly lady, "but don't put that in your
paper."
The best dressed woman at a recent society ball was the lovely Miss
Agnes S. Stevens, whose gown was cut so low in back it revealed her
initials.
"Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll ever be
able to get over you--so would you mind answering the phone?"
The coed cutie returned to the sorority house after her first
breakfast date at a neighboring fraternity with her steady
boyfriend. Asked what she had, she replied dreamily, "Him and eggs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A happy couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon. The couple's
conversation headed towards political and international events. The
husband
asked, "Honey. What do you think about the Middle East position."
His
wife replied, "I don't know, dear, Have we already tried it?"
~~~~~
Sign in front of church in Montpelier, VT:
Bingo Friday night at 8:00pm
Quickies Thursday at 7:30pm.
~~~~~~
Three members of a weekly female bridge quartet were duly
impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink
coat. "That's a lovely garment Joan," purred Kay.
"It must have cost a fortune!" Sue said.
"No, it didn't," said Joan, "just a single piece of ass."
"You mean," Barb chimed in, "one that you gave your husband?"
"No," smiled Joan "One that he got from the maid."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a woman were engaged in heated sexual intercourse. The
woman was screaming and wiggling like she had never before.
Afterwards, she flings the lights on and stares him straight in the
eyes. "You know you were fucking me in the ass, don't you?" "I
wasn't quite sure,"
replied the man. "Surely you realized that it wasn't like our
normal sex. Why didn't you stop?" pleaded the wife. "You know how
much we men hate to stop and ask for directions..
When one of the girls of the Establishment died, the funeral was a
beautiful affair. Hundreds of friends and clients showed up for the
solemn procession. Car on car of brightly colored flowers followed
the slow moving hearse, and when they finally arrived at the
cemetery the Madam took her place at the side of the yawning grave
and began to weep copiously. Two of the girls, standing nearby,
heard the Madam muttering through her sobs -a quiet, reflective,
eulogy: That was a wonderful girl. She brought in more business
than any girl I ever had.
She was the best prostitute I ever knew. One of the girls turned to
her companion. "See?" she mused, "You have to die before they say
something nice about you!"
Incidentally, Ladies of the Evening have their share of the
currently fashionable neuroses just like everyone else. But they
have one complaint about psychiatrists that the rest of us do not
share.
Gorgeous Gussie puts it this way: "This is the only guy I know who
tells me to lay down on a couch and then sends me a bill."
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Happy Valentine Day3
http://silverandgol
Melva/Valentine of Yesterday4
http://www.silveran
A Valentine's Day Prayer
http://www.dobhran.
St. Valentine's Day
http://en.wikipedia
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
First Kiss
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Tomorrow
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Heading Home
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Valentine's Prayer
http://llerrah.
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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Press here to get your copy:
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Betty Croker Yummies!
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Kraft: Sweets for Valentines
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Valentine's Day-History and Customs
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Wild Crashes
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Wireless Headset
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Women Fights Robber
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Women President
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Women Hitchhikers
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Workers Bra
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lost Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his water three
days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance
he suddenly hears a voice calling "Mush! Mush!"
Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again,
closer
this time -- "Mush! Mush!"
Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and
sees,
of all things, an Eskimo in a fur coat driving a sled with a team of
huskies across the dunes. Thinking that it's a hallucination, he
blinks and shakes his head, but it's for real! He painfully lifts
one arm and in a cracked voice calls, "He-elp!"
The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the
heat,
and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't know what you're doing here, or
why, but thank God you are! I've been wandering around this desert
for days, my water's all gone
and I'm completely lost!"
The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, "You think YOU'RE
lost!"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are Fucked
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Hung
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Chess
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Can You Hear Me Now?
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Complaints
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
His dick is most surely a dilly,
A grand and marvelous Willie.
His gal loves to give head,
But most often instead,
He ends by just screwing her silly.
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn't much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
I know that you'll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso -
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
April and I were having the age-old discussion about what would
happen in the eventuality of one of us predeceasing the other.
"If there was nuclear war tomorrow, and you were the last woman
alive
on earth, would you help procreate the species?" I asked April.
"Assume there were 10 men left that were a mixture of reasonably
attractive and totally repugnant."
"Hmm. Are you alive or dead?"
"I was at Ground Zero. Gone."
A few moments. "Well, yes. Reluctantly. If I were the last woman
and the species depended on it, I'd do what was necessary."
As I left the room to refill my drink I heard her mumble:
" . . . bet your ass I'd set myself up as Queen, though."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Valentine Cards
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding
man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on
bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The man then takes
out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding
man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess
who?'"
"You actually know that many women?" he asks, amazed.
"No," says the mad mailer. "I don't know any of them."
"Then why spend so much to send so many expensive cards?" asks the
man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Stan Kegel
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1525
English...
Rudy back home from his harrowing experience in driving....
Rudy: So tell me Pops in this English manual they talked about the
car's bonnet, what is that?
BJ: The hood...they were talking about the car's hood.
Rudy: Why didn't they just say so? What are the car's lamps?
BJ: The headlights.
Rudy: Ack! They talk about when you motor somewhere...
the engine out of the car?
BJ: No Rudy, motoring is a word for traveling.
Rudy: Why don't they speak English?
BJ: They do, it is just a bit different than our English...ours is
American
English.
Rudy: This is so confusing.
BJ: Yes, if you are in England and ask for a lift, they may think
you are
asking about an elevator.
Rudy: You are putting me on.
BJ: Nope.
Rudy: At least I can still drink my glass of beer.
BJ: Over there it is a tankard of Ale... room temperature at that.
Rudy: Ack!
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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