THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her a bit of crap,
be ready to receive a ton of shit."
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
While the mid Atlantic shuddered under a major snow event
just a few days ago, folks around here smiled. I am quite
sure they were thinking, "Haha, glad it is happening to
someone besides us." So while you were all getting dumped
on with fluffy white stuff, essentially, here in West Mich-
igan, we stayed clear. Cold, but dry. nary a flake. And
then, it happened. Night before last, we got our "comeupance."
as my momma used to say. (Wonder what that word means? Oh well
that's another story.) Anyways. The record was
broken and 8 inches of snow fell down on us. I do believe
nobody was happy except the tow trucks. Altho most of it
hit the hardest to the south of us, it did set a record
for snow fall,The largest in recorded history for that date.
For me and my buddy, Turk the dog, aka
carlos the rat? we snoozed comfortably inside on the couch
and made no effort to venture out. Well, there were the
necessary trips of course. But we survived rather well.
I did have a dental appointment scheduled for yesterday, and I
am glad I had the foresight to reschedule it.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
______________
THE COMICS
unconditional love
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m038.html
fatal
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m037.html
a big bird
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m036.html
my new scarf
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m035.html
a little pig
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m034.html
crackers in bed
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m032.html
beneficial
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m031.html
all I did
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m030.html
valentine's
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/m033.html
________________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
dinosaurs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9076.html
cool animations
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9077.html
rock you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9078.html
one mile kill shot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9075.html
Bridgestone commercial-2010
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9079.html
instant photo
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9080.html
Just In Case You Were Feeling Old Today................
The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1992.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
The CD was introduced two years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable..
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been micro waved .
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?',
'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ' or
'de plane Boss, de plane'.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter..
_______________
From halfway across the store, I could hear a mother
calling her son: "Jimmy, Jimmy!"
I turned a corner into another aisle and found a
six-year-old by himself, playing with some umbrellas.
"Are you Jimmy?" I asked.
"Yes, I am."
"Didn't you hear your mother call?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you going to go to her?"
He shook his head. "Naw, she isn't hysterical yet."
______________
Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he
worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small
business. It did well, and soon he had enough money
to send for the wife and children. The work kept him
very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but
the bank was happy to do business with him, even though
his signature consisted of two X's.
He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were
transferred to private schools, the family moved into a
fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for
show)...you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith,
asked him to drop by.
"So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.
Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing,"
he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent
checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your
signature of record has just 2."
Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble,"
he said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class
rich guy, I should have a middle name!"
____________
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf......
Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right
through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the
course. The husband cringed,
'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your l
ousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was
lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that
broke my window?' 'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,'
the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie,
and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind,
I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least
I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And
now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in
every country in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always
be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't
been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish
is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you
know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.
What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and
said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune,
I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd
do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying
each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop
sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes
and asked, How old are you and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. ' NO SHIT ,' He said.
'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?'
____________
One Sunday morning, a young woman, who needed forgiveness for
her sins, came to a Baptist church.
She got up in front of the congregation and stated, "Last week,
I slept with a young soldier who picked me up at a bar and now
I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation.
She continued, "Two days ago, I slept with a young sailor,
but now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation again.
"But tonight, because I have come here and done my penance,
I will sleep with the Lord," she finished.
But before the congregation could respond, an old drunk in
the back yelled out in a clear voice, "That's right momma, fuck 'em all."
___________
Two Minnesotans are sittin' in a boat.....
So Ole asks Sven, "Why do scuba divers always fall
backwards off 'der boats?"
To which Sven replies, "Well, you know, if they fell
forwards they'd still be in 'DA fockin' boat...!"
There ya have it then ...
___________
FUN PAGES
World's Oldest Cat
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=34657&s=n
Madagascar Penguins
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38553&s=n
Time Racing
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41611&s=n
______________
SydesJokes Video Clips
Happy Holiday
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000690.html
Harley Advert - Banned In Britain
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000691.html
Harley Davidson
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000692.html
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Duck Job
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012818.htm
Excedrin
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012819.htm
Excuse Me Miss
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012820.htm
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
No comments:
Post a Comment