Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been dodging a cold since last Thursday tiring to convince
myself that the reason my nose was dripping constantly was
sinuses. It wasn't and I had almost all of the lists except for
an intro done by 0900. I decided to take another power nap
and get the lists out before noon. I didn't wake up till nearly
1800 and my head was stuffed. I felt so bad, I went back to
bed for another three hours. As soon as I am finished I intend to
go back to bed and to sleep until I feel more human.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Thoughts for the Day:
1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can
tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly
involves me.
3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I
was younger.
5. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it
wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would
magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how
did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or
message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are
soft.
6. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
7. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger
and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when
I first saw it.
8. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
9. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
10. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.
11. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying
to finish a text.
12. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to
the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
13. Was learning cursive really necessary?
14. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing
else to say".
15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
16. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street
smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay
strong, brothers!
19. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
20. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
21. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.
22. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in
the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
23. Bad decisions make good stories
24. Is it just me or do high school girls get trampier every year?
25. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.
26. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing
anything productive for the rest of the day.
27. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I
don't want to have to restart my collection.
28. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for
China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly
certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
29. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
30. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal
cruising speed for pedophiles..
31. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate
drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always
hate cyclists.
32. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
33. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know
not to answer when they call.
34. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their
car keys in a pocket, finding their cellphone, and Pinning the Tail
on the Donkey - but I bet anyone can find and push the Snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...
35. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day - "Dad what
would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to
that?
36. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
a super model
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lawyers
http://www.thepostm
felllatio
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quick Thinking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man in the Safeway Store in Texas tries to buy half a head of
lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell
only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the
manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into
the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some ass hole wants to
buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned
to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this
gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager
approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way
you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who
think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Upper Michigan, sir", the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave The U.P.?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up
there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Marquette."
"No shit?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"
Rose
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tombstone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOMBSTONE SAYINGS
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
My husband John Barnes
Who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
Many qualifications of a good wife, and
Yearns to be comforted.
____________
TOMBSTONE SAYINGS
Here I lie, snug as a bug in a rug
Two rows down in same cemetery
Here I lie, snugger than that other bugger
____________
TOMBSTONE SAYINGS
John Starkwether
Silver Lake Cemetery,
Portage, Wisconsin
Here is where friend Starkwether lies
Nobody laughs, nobody cries
Where he goes, how he fares
Nobody knows, nobody cares
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exspense Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXPENSE STATEMENT
10/4 Ad for female stenographer 1.00
10/4 Violets for new stenographer 1.50
10/6 Week's salary for stenographer 45.00
10,9 Roses for stenographer 5.00
10/IC Candy for wife .90
10/13 Lunch for stenographer 7.00
10/15 Week's salary for stenographer 60.00
'10/16 Movie tickets for wife and self 1.20
10/18 Theatre tickets for steno and self 16.00
10/19 Ice cream sundae for wife .30
10/22 Natalie's salary 75.00
10/23 Champagne and dinner for Natalie and self 32.50
10/25 Doctor for stupid stenographer 375.00
10/26 Mink Stole for wife 14700.00
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she
walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, "Just
how much is that watch?" "It's $2000, ma'am." "Hmmm. Well, would you
consider time payments for it?" "Just what sort of 'time schedule'
did you have in mind?" "I was thinking two times a week for the next
two months."
The difference between a girlfriend and wife is 10 years and 45 lbs.
The difference between a boyfriend and husband is 45 minutes.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad!
What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm filling your mother's
tank." Little Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, you should get a model that
gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."
Air is a lot like sex because it's no big deal unless you're not
getting any.
A woman has a problem with her closet door, it was falling every
time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman
comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus
passes by. "OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door
behind me" and he steps into the closet. At that time the husband
comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman. Husband:
"What the hell are you doing here!" Repairman: "Well, you are not
going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conceiving Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try
and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire
time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem
conceiving.
The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if they problem
was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The
doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions.
He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have
insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a
miracle."
The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home
and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I
ever have a baby it will be a mackerel."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Our Kitchen 1
http://www.silveran
John w/ "Amazing Grace" Carl Smith & The Carter Family
http://heavens-
carolyn w/ Jesus Hold My Hand
http://carolynsprec
Just Have Faith
http://www.shangral
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Surfin Surfari
Mid East Geography Quiz
http://www.rethinki
SuperBowl ads Via Dianne
http://www.hulu.
All My Faves
http://www.allmyfav
The Ocean's Bottom
http://www.bio.
Abandoned Buildings
http://oboylephoto.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Bash Your Computer Via Judy
http://www.1funny.
Cat Gifs
http://members.
On Line Tools
http://www.echoecho
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.homestea
http://www.oakgrove
Elephant Hotel
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Movie Links
Call To Navy Recruiter
http://www.buffalos
Country Music
http://www.buffalos
Crappy hp Printer
http://www.buffalos
Delete
http://www.buffalos
Devon Michaels Naked Joke http://www.buffalos
New Robot
http://www.buffalos
New Saw
http://www.buffalos
Nice One
http://www.buffalos
Night Before Christmas
http://www.buffalos
Not His Day
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: Then we had a great big fight, and he started to get violent.
I had to tell him to leave.
Jill: Mary, promise me that you won't pick your next boyfriend from
a line-up!
The Sunday School teacher had been helping the children learn about
the Ten Commandments. One morning she asked, "Can anyone could
recite
the next commandment?
Immediately Little Johnny said, "I can! I can!" And proceeded to
say,
"Thou shalt not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife!"
Jill was sitting in the doctor's office when the doctor came in and
said, "Jill, this isn't a urine sample you brought in. It's apple
juice."
"Oh my god" Jill said, "I've got to get to a phone."
"Why?" asked the doctor.
"I may have packed the other bottle in my John's lunch box."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golden Age of Country
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View Web Version
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boone Crockett3
http://www.buffalos
Boone Crockett4
http://www.buffalos
Boone Crockett5
http://www.buffalos
booty bus
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booty check
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves
____________
With his pecker limp on the floor,
And his wife still implorying for more --
"Ten hours of screwing
Has been my undoing;
I simply can't Fuck any more!"
____________
While Greeley was fucking Miss Klutz,
She said as he plunged in his putz,
"Do you love me dear Greeley?"
He answered, "Not really,
I just wanted to blow off my nuts"
<Smagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Packet of catnip
Bonus De-shedder
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector
from a pest-control company.
One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together
when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said
the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him
in the closet stark naked.
The husband however became suspicious, and after a search
of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
"Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone.
"What are you doing in there?"
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of
moths."
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those pesky
little bastards!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow was talking to his Irish buddy and said, "I gotta stop
drinking that Irish whiskey."
"How come?" asked his friend.
"Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the
stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up
Sunday morning, and go to church."
"What's wrong with that?" the Irishman asked. "A lot of good
Irishmen go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish
whiskey, come home, make love to the wife, and go to mass on
Sunday."
"I know," said his friend, "but I'm Jewish!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whether you're...
* in a dating rut and want to meet a special man
* getting over a breakup and want to get back in the dating game
* seeing someone casually and want to know how to solidify
a connection
* in a drama-filled relationship and want to know how (or IF)
you can transform it into one that's drama-free..
TODAY'S THE DAY YOU CAN BEGIN TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!
The answers are all in my eBook, "Dating Without Drama!"
To learn how to understand men, get your instant download here:
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Have a drama-free day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1520
Cat's Eye
Katie comes out the front door to see Rudy and Sandi in the front
yard doing something and she can't see what it is.
Katie: What are you two doing?
Rudy: Dad showed us how to play marbles. We have to use our
opposable
thumb invention but it is a fun game.
Katie gets down and pulls out and puts on her opposable thumb: How
does
it work?
Sandi: Watch us. We have what is called a Cat's eye for our master
marble.
Katie: Ehh! A cat's eye...that is gross. Who did you kill Sandi?
Sandi: It is not really a cat's eye Katie. It is just a term used
because
the marble looks like a cat's eye.
Katie: Let me see... Yeah it does look kind of like a cat's eye.
Okay so
I see the deal is to try to hit the other guys marbles right?
Rudy: Right and knock it out of the circle.
Later... much later...
Katie: More, I want to play more.
Rudy: Katie, I have always wanted to say this, but you have lost
your
marbles. You can not play any more.
Sandi: Sorry ole girl. You play until you run out of marbles.
Rudy: Sandi is the winner and we both lost.
Katie: Is it fair she uses her hindfeet to shoot?
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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