THE POSTMAN'S CORNER Those who hammer their guns in to plows will plow for those who do not.  Experience one of Cancun's premier resorts - Free! Click now to reserve your 3 Nights! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/8603.html  Love video games? Now you can win cool prizes while you play! Play video games & Win Cool Prizes! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/5265.html  Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive a $1000 IKEA Gift Card! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/8539.html  Get your hands on the coolest digital camera on the market - the Nikon(R) Coolpix(R) S60 Digital Camera! Designed with a customizable touch panel display, 10 megapixels for stunning print quality, 5x optical zoom and 19 scene modes, this digital camera does more than just take cool pics! Act now to get your new Nikon(R) Coolpix(R) S60 Digital Camera for FREE http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/8301.html GOOD AFTERNOON POSTMAN FANS! I finally got out of the house yesterday, seems like I've been stuck in here for days so it was a welcome relief. Wasn't much to talk about, just a little grocery excersion. But when your life is as dull as mine, even that is exciting. Actually, it was ok because it started out this afternoon with me daughter and war department headed over to Isaac's, the local greasy spoon for lunch. Pigged out big time. and that was good cuz It was nearly 2 in the afternoon by the time we had lunch. I was starving. in the space of the next four hours, daughter and wife dragged me to the dollar store, Meijer, Aldi, the bread store, and maybe a couple other stops of which I forget the name or purpose. So by the time I got to the last stop, I was pretty tired. Probably because the mountain dew and the half pound burger and huge fries I had for lunch pushed my sugar level to astronomical levels. I can always tell when my sugar gets too high as I start getting really groggy and sleepy. But anyways, back to the story. Normally, my presence on such trips are necessary because I perform the function of the C and C guy. All you married fellers know what that is. The cash and carry guy. She buys it, I pay for it, and then carry it out to the car. The cash and carry guy. yep, that,s me. It was also worthwhile tho because I convinced the war department to get me a couple of two liters of pop and a bar of dark chocolate. (I can convince her of that one "Cuz chocolate is good for my heart") Anyways, by the last stop I elected to stay in the car for a nap and handed the war department my billfold. My famous last words were, "Could you leave me at least a few dollars so I'll have some spending money?" Many minutes later they got back to the car, she hands me back my billfold, and guess what? I got three dollars. I said "That's all I get?" "Oh yeah, just a minute," She reaches in her purse and hands me 67 cents worth of change. I had more spending money in junior high school when Dad gave me an allowance for shoveling out the hog house:) go figger. FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF THE POSTMAN'S CORNER The stock market rallied in today's trading The dow closed up by 527 points after President Obama announced plans to appoint Joe Biden the new "stimulus cszar." Apparently it was a good choice, as Joe believes firmly in the plan, altho when reporters asked him what would happen if it didn't work. He said they had a sure fire back up program,They were planning to put viagra in American rivers.He said that would be sure to get a rise for everyone by stimulating river boat traffic and that would create a ripple effect, in effect jumpstarting a weak economy. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS I miss you too http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s001.html how do you know http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s002.html what my dad doesn't know http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s004.html low carb diet http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s005.html on the night stand http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s006.html standard brief http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s007.html 2 years ago http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s008.html golf technique http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s010.html _________  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES real men of genius http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5028.html automated phone sex http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5020.html the grafitti artist http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5021.html the beer song-wav file http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5023.html redneck woman http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5025.html  COOL PICS http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fan/fan99.html _______________ INTERESTING STUFF nautical phrases http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2099.html prank in the ladies room http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2100.html The biggest scam in US history-the federal reserve bank http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2104.html stimulus package-who gets what http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2105.html OSHA'S work safety awards http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2107.html Two friends were discussing the public trend towards more traditional family values, sex, marriage, etc. Ralph said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married, did you?" "I'm not sure" said the friend, "What was her maiden name?" ____________ Idiots sex guide 1. Intercourse doesn't happen on a highway. 2. There is no need for dice in role playing. 3. Eating Mexican food is not the cause of gonorrhea. 4. If the woman engages in oral sex first, it's not called a head start. 5. If she says she's into "bondage," don't try and show her your financial portfolio. 6. You can lie down during a one-night stand. 7. Making out doesn't mean getting your money's worth. 8. Only sleep with someone you love or can say you love without smirking. 9. When a woman talks about waiting for the "right time," she's not referring to a commercial break. 10. Sex is like "The Club" - accept no substitutes. ______________ Virtual Villagers http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38761&s=n Hot Sexy Girl Dance Video http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39528&s=n Wife on the Beach in Hawaii http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39531&s=n Make Up Lover Girl http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=37488&s=n There was a little boy who was learning how to count. He had mastered the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some problems afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58... 59, and asked what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the next number." When he got to 69, he asked,"What comes after 69?" His father was just walking in the door from work, heard only the question, and he replied, "Listerine!" ________________ Mike: Do you remember first meeting your wife? John: Sure, I found Jill lying face down i n the gutter.I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again. Mike: Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her. John: Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling. _____________ The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year.The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest.I decided we would have an election for a class president. We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot. The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids. I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support. I had never seen Olivia's mother. The day arrived when they were to make their speeches Jamie went first.He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place. He ended by promising to do his very best. Everyone applauded. He sat down and Olivia came to the podium. Her speech was concise. She said, "If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream." She sat down. The class went wild. "Yes! Yes! We want ice cream." She surely could say more. She did not have to. A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn't sure. Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it? She didn't know.The class really didn't care. All they were thinking about was ice cream. Jamie was forgotten. Olivia won by a landslide. Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and fifty-two percent of the people reacted like nine year olds. They want ice cream. The other forty-eight percent of us know we're going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess. ___________ During the Second World War an American secret service agent was sent to Wales to pick up some very sensitive information from an agent called Jones. His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. He found himself on a desolate country road and where he ran into a farmer."Hello," said the agent, "I'm looking for a man called Jones." "Well you're in luck boy-o," said the farmer, "there's lots of folk named Jones 'round here. There's Jones the butcher, Jones the baker, Jones the blacksmith, why even my name is Jones." "Aha," thought the agent, "this could be my man." So he whispered the secret code."The sun is shining... the grass is growing... the cows are ready for milking." "Oh," said the farmer, "you're looking for Jones the spy." ___________ "Yesterday in Egypt, archeologists discovered the burial site of the 50 children of Ramses II... Fifty children! What I want to know is, who decided to name a condom after this guy?" - Conan O'Brien BUFFALO Bill Men Can't Multitask http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsashsjs.htm Men Invented Everything http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnjjhjk.htm PAPA Thorn Well balanced meal http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=008Lunchx008.jpg Beware of box http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sign.jpg Don't join this group http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sign007.jpg THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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