Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I cut the heat back too far and I really didn't feel like getting
out of bed this morning. Although it is bright and sunny outside
this morning that leads to 14 below temperatures at night. If
you have had a chance to look into the skies in early evening
the past few days, the crescent moon is beautiful with Venus
so close.
Paul Harvey passed away at 90 yesterday after a career that
spanned 70 years on the radio. Although he was a man of
opinion he relied on his storytelling to get his thoughts across
in his editorials and Rest of The Story segments while keeping
us informed of the news.
Paul Harvey..... Good-bye and Godspeed
On the subject of death I was sent a good poem today
BEST POEM IN THE WORLD
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in
shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'
Judge Not
Author Unknown
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lawyer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TODAY'S LAWYER JOKE(s):
* How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She
has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
* How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he
lies on the other.
* How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true
stories.
* How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can
you
afford?
* How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One
to
climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder
company.
* If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could
save
only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
* What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
* What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet!
* What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
* What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.
* What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
* What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
* What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There
are
some things a pig just won't do.
* What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer
gets
frequent flyer miles.
* What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable
wing tips.
* Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New
Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.
* What do you have when you've got 50 lawyers buried in sand up to
their
chins? Not enough sand.
-mojo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Horsey Rides
http://buffalosjoke
<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Customary
http://buffalosjoke
<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Stop Complaining
http://buffalosjoke
<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Shrimp surprise
http://able2laugh.
Possible long relationship
http://able2laugh.
Real Milkmaid
http://able2laugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boob Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boobs!
The public is in titillated awe after hearing news of the advances
in
cloning technology. But the variety and multitude of applications of
this exciting new technology continue to grow unabated. Only a short
while ago, it was announced that the cloning process had been used
to
duplicate a sheep's liver, only one small part of a larger organism.
Scientists prognosticate that these types of applications will
likely
lead to the ability to clone human organs and body parts, as well.
Though at first blush the primary value of this type of cloning
appears to be the potential to offer replacements to people with
defective organs, I think you will agree with me that this
technology
can serve a much more noble purpose.
Specifically, the cloning of boobs!
Not only will there be no more need to negotiate with the biological
boob owner for use of the boob, there will also be no limit of two
boobs per negotiation. Cost permitting, one can own as many as one
wishes and fellow owners may wish to collect and trade their boobs.
In light of this valuable procedure, I have some suggestions for the
uses of these new test tube boobs.
Paperweight
Forget "koosh balls" and other malleable executive stress relieving
devices; nothing imparts healing power like a squeezed boob.
Christmas tree ornaments.
Throw pillows -- nothing spruces up your tired old apartment like a
few carefully placed boobs.
Centerpiece -- a nice boob arrangement in a bowl or basket
is suitable for those special dinner parties.
(Tip: Tanning a boob or two can produce a nice contrast of colors.)
Forget pacifiers.
In sufficient numbers, boobs can replace your waterbed mattress.
Chill your boobs and then apply topically to reduce swelling.
Heated boobs are a vast improvement on the water bottle concept.
Crack your friends up. For big laughs, use boobs as replacements for
croquet balls, badminton shuttlecocks or pool balls.
Place a boob, nipple side up, in your window. Makes a great
thermometer!
Bless scientists everywhere. Thanks for the mammaries!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eco Canteen - Be Healthy and Go Green
Protect Your Family's Health with this stainless steel water bottle.
Studies are coming out at a rapid rate showing the dangers of
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drink. Get one of the Top Ten Green Products of the century and get
an insulated tote on us.
View Web Version
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for a bottle of Viagra.
The pharmacist says, "Do you have a prescription?
The guy says, "No, but here's a picture of my wife."
~~~~
An Italian cab driver was telling a passenger that only real men
drive
taxis in Rome.
"We use our left hand for signals and our right hand to wave at
women,"
he proclaimed.
The tourist asked, "But how do you steer?"
"I just told you," the cabbie replied, "that only *real* men drive
taxis
in Rome."
~~~~~~
It was a slow afternoon at the pharmacy when
Anthony, the pharmacist, saw a young, buxom
blonde walk into the drugstore. The beautiful
blonde sashayed up to the counter and asked
Anthony, "Do you sell extra large condoms?"
The pharmacist replied, "Yes we do. Would you
like to buy some?"
The blonde responds, "No sir, but do you mind
if I wait around here until someone does?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cutting boards, counters, plates and dishes - all of these things
dull your knives.
But the Samurai Shark uses tungsten-carbide steel sharpening blades
and a unique angle
to give your knives, scissors, tools and anything with a cutting
blade a razor sharp,
precision edge every time you use it! And, the Samurai Shark's
retractable sharpening
blade allows you to easily sharpen all types of serrated edges! No
other sharpener does
that!
Store one in your garage or workshop to sharpen tools or garden
shears; keep one in your
tackle box for filet knives or hunting.
The Samurai Shark is handy just about anywhere!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nudist Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 12 Nudist Pickup Lines
"Hey, is that a roll of quarters in... er, never mind. That's not a
pocket, is it? "
"Oh, look! Somebody must have dropped a $20 bill there on the ground
in front of you! "
"Hey, Tan Lines, new around here? "
"Ever seen a guy do no-handed pushups? "
"Excuse me, were those Bugle Boy jeans? "
"Nice melanoma! "
"My other penis is a Porsche. "
"Damn, you'd look great in a wet T-shirt. "
"Boy, I'd sure like to get into *YOUR* pants! Figuratively speaking,
of course... "
"Did you just wake up or are you glad to see me? "
"Did I mention that I'm President of the United States? "
and the Number 1 Nudist Pickup Line...
"I see where Joe Camel gets his good looks! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"This should be taken care of right away."
"I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and
profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
" I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any
more time with you."
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
"I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time" - or -
"I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit."
"We have some good news and some bad news."
"The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is,
you're going to pay for it."
"Let's see how it develops."
"Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured."
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
"I have a forty percent interest in the lab."
"I'd like to have my associate look at you."
"He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle."
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
"I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig."
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
"I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
"I think I'm going to throw up."
"This may smart a little."
"Last week two patients bit off their tongues."
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
"I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?"
"This should fix you up."
"The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this
stuff."
"Everything seems to be normal."
"Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."
"I'd like to run some more tests."
"I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve
this one."
"Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
"You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink
who'll split fees with me ..."
"There is a lot of that going around."
"My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something
about this."
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.
"I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next
week"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
EZ Cracker - Crack, Separate and Strip Eggs
Making eggs has never been cleaner or easier. EZ Cracker separates
egg whites for perfect egg white omelets. Strip shells from hard
boiled eggs in seconds...no mess, no fuss.
Get the Bacon Wave at no charge when you order EZ Cracker today!
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Should Sex and Parking Spaces have in common:
You should never have to wait to find one.
You should be able to slide right into one.
Spaces in the front are always the best.
When there are no spaces in front, spaces in the rear are just fine.
It makes you jealous when you see someone else is double-parked.
Your space should still be open and waiting when you get back.
People are willing to wait in line for the good spaces.
Spaces with short time limits are annoying and never satisfying.
We're all looking for the free space with the "unlimited" time
limit.
A house isn't a home without a parking space.
Some people are uncomfortable with a space in the rear, just do it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Touch-n-Brush - Hands Free Toothpaste Dispenser
Touch-n-Brush uses revolutionary, vacuum force technology to cleanly
squeeze every available drop of toothpaste in the tube. Get the
perfect amount of toothpaste every time without the mess.
Eliminate messy, sticky bathroom sinks forever.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Once Upon A Time
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/ Art Linkletter Tribute from The Kids
http://carolynsprec
Marlene/If God Is Dead
http://summerhoosie
Paul Harvey (1918 - 2009)
http://heavens-
Carol w/ I Hugged A Stranger Today
http://www.carolspo
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
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potentially harmful file errors in your registry.
Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Donate Your Old Eyeglasses
http://www.neweyesf
Glue Anything To Anything Via Wesley
http://www.thistoth
R.I.P. Paul Harvey
http://en.wikipedia
Tiny Creatures From The Deep
http://www.time.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
DriverFiles.
http://www.driverfi
Typing Game and Tests
http://www.freetypi
Acronym Dictionary
http://www.netlingo
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We wanted to let you know right away that you never have to pay
another cable or satellite bill ever again if you don't want to! The
Internet has made this possible!
You can now download a program online that will allow you to watch
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
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1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
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5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.ourdogs.
Kitty Korner
http://www.joe-
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Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
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Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
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Movie Clips
Porky Pig
http://www.buffalos
Redneck 911 Call
http://www.buffalos
Redneck Crab Removal
http://www.buffalos
Saddam The Unseen Video
http://www.buffalos
Santa Shopping
http://www.buffalos
New Car Alarm
http://www.buffalos
New Drug
http://www.buffalos
New Recruiting Ad
http://www.buffalos
Niggar Family
http://www.buffalos
Nissan Pathfinder
http://www.buffalos
More Fishing With Bill Dance
http://www.buffalos
Mortar Fire
http://www.buffalos
Mountain Dew Glow Stick
http://www.buffalos
Mouse Wont Work
http://www.buffalos
Movie TV Bed
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Milk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was beautiful, blonde and buxom - a perfect specimen of
womanhood - with a small baby in her arms. He was in his first day
in private practice, eager to show he knew all about everything.
"What's seems to be the problem?", he asked in his best medical
manner.
"It's the baby", she said, "He seems under-nourished.
Earnestly the doctor carried out an extensive examination of the
baby and then asked, "Is he breast-fed?"
"Yes doctor, he is", she replied.
"Will you strip off to the waist now, please?" the doctor said.
The young woman looked at the doctor somewhat anxiously, and began
to protest. "But doctor ... "
The doctor simply brushed her protestations aside by saying, "it is
better to look at everything ... so if you wouldn't mind?"
Blushing with embarrassment, she took off her blouse and bra,
revealing a perfect pair of large, firm breasts. The young doctor
professionally weighed each one in his hands, stroked them forward
and back, and then gently flicked each nipple in turn for a few
moments, finally lightly squeezing them between his fingers and
thumb.
Ah!", he said, as his face broke into a knowing smile. "That's the
problem, you do not have one little bit of milk!"
"Oh doctor, that's not the problem", she replied, "I'm just the
baby- sitter - but it sure has been a REAL pleasure meeting you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomato Giant - Gardener's Choice Tomato Tree
Grow tomatoes as big as grapefruits - up to 2 lbs each. These giant
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receive 3 of our big early hybrid tomatoes - just pay S&H.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
what's it gonna be
http://www.thepostm
male training
http://www.thepostm
its clean already
http://www.thepostm
Problems
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Will You Swallow
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Dont Be Careless
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big City Slider - Mini Burger Cooker
Just scoop, press and cook your way to the burger sensation that's
sweeping the nation! Enjoy delicious burgers without the time and
mess from other methods. Meal time, snack time, every time is the
right time for sliders! And as a limited time offer, you'll receive
a Quick Prep Slicer at no charge.
Cook the perfect burgers with Big City Slider today!
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm sick of Tchaikovsky"
"And this Handel and Bach that we play."
So she put down her fiddle,
And diddled her middle;
"It's time for Depussy I say."
____________
The ski resort owner's big chill
Is finding his profit is nil.
The end is quite near.
It surely is clear
That business is going downhill.
(Kirk Miller)
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father, who worked away from home all week,
always made a special effort to be with his
family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he
would take his 7-year old daughter out for a
drive in the car for some bonding time.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold
and he really didn't feel like being up at all.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said
that she would take their daughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see
her
father.
"Well," the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?"
"Oh yes, Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you
know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard
or lousy shit head!"
Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Slap Chop is a manual chopper machine that works when you slap
the plunger part. Every slap triggers the 3 blades below to chop and
cut the food. The more you slap the
Slap Chop, the finer the food gets.
Chop up potatoes for home fries, or add mushrooms and green peppers
for a tasty side to
your eggs. Even use the Slap Chop for vegetables like carrots,
celery and radishes for an
instant salad. Nuts and chocolate are chopped easy for toppings on
ice-cream. The Slap Chop
is great for onions and even garlic so your fingers don't smell and
it saves time. The Slap Chop's
base opens up to expose the blades for easy cleaning.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One summer, the company Dave worked for transferred him to another
city, and Dave was told that he had to take a new physical with the
company doctor.
All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Dave had
the smallest dick he'd ever seen. "Do you have any difficulties
with it being so small?"
the doc asked.
"Shit, no," Dave said. "I've got a wife, three kids, and a great
sex life. But I do sometimes have a problem finding it in the
daytime."
"What about at night?" the doc asked.
"Nights are no problem," Dave said. " 'cause there's two of us
looking for it then."
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Titan Peeler is the world's best peeler. Made of long lasting,
dishwasher safe Stainless steel it has no equal. Long lasting blades
help cut vegetables quickly and easily and slice both hard and soft
cheese perfectly, every time. Each Peeler has dual action motion to
cut the peeling time in-half. Don't waste anymore time! Order
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What you get
*Handle and cutting/peeling blade.
*Julienne Blade for perfect julienne slices of your favorite
vegetables every time.
*Slicing Board that turns the Titan Peeler into the perfect slicer.
*Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and
vegetables.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1240
Jack and the Airport
Rudy: My cousins coming in on the airplane today at the local
airport.
Katie: Let's go meet him.
Sandi: Let me grab a sandwich.
Later at the small Guthrie airport....
Rudy: It has been a long time...since I have seen him. He is a black
lab. He works for the bomb squad.
Katie: Bomb!
Policeman: Did you say bomb?
Katie: Oh his cousin is coming in on a plane and he works for a bomb
squad.
Policeman: Well there are some words you cannot use in the airport.
Just be careful/
Sandi: We will.
Rudy: There is a plane landing...and some dogs are getting off.
Sandi: Is that black lab him?
Rudy: Yes, it is! Hi Jack!
Policeman: Stop where you are!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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