Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am on restriction everyone. I have been ordered to curtail any and
all shopping till further notice by Sandy. I don't feel this is
right because she is partially to blame for what occurred.
It all began about ten days ago when we were having that
little cold spell at the end of February. Sandy was balking about
going outside to shop because the temperature was only in the single
digits for about ten days. I agreed to take over the shopping just
to get out of the house. Every weekend we get a paper called
the Tri-County Buyers Guide. In other places it is called the Penny
saver
and it is packed with a variety of flyers for all of the grocery
stores
along with regular ads so I dragged them into the War Room, you know
that place with a toilet and developed a battle plan to get every
sale item from the stores on my little trips.
The first trip was to the discount food store, Sav-a-lot for soda
and
toilet paper. That trip cost 80.00 and I kinda forgot the toilet
paper so I headed back to the store and spent another 30.00 and
forgot
the toilet paper but I did get the other items on a list Sandy had
prepared. I got back home and Sandy said I had forgotten dish
soap so having some coupons for the newly expanded Super-Valu
I ran over there and grabbed dish soap, 500 paper plates, and a
variety of bargain items totaling another 40.00 or so and like the
previous
batches many required refrigeration or freezing. Sandy was
commenting
that both freezers were getting pretty full and we were down to 2
four
packs of toilet paper which by the way I had forgotten again.
Finally Sandy was ready to venture out last Sunday and I had perused
another stack of ads and had selected another batch of foods like a
large corned beef and yogurt that would need refrigeration. With
Sandy's help we spent another 90.00 and though we actually squeezed
some double rolls of toilet paper, they seemed to be less than the
4.5 inch width spec. I wasn't going to fall for being short sheeted
and we
returned home.
Monday I ran out and bought some ground beef, flour tortillas, and
soda and when I got back Sandy needed tomatoes to make burritos.
Buffy and I ran over to the IGA mainly in search of a deal they had
on Jumbo Biscuits but as they were out we settled for spending
120.00 on Lumpia ingredients and frozen foods along with a bunch of
produce.
We got back with about 10 bags of groceries and Sandy had to stop
cooking and empty the chest freezer and repack it and then
rearranged
the refrigerator and its freezer. We got both doors closed but we
were
debating duct tape as a safety measure on the refrigerator freezer.
Sandy was not a happy camper and relieved me of my duties as supply
officer. I truly believe with the exception of bread and soda we
could
live for several months without a trip to the store. Oh yes we need
toilet paper still, as we are down to one package.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
BTW Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs was in town this week shooting a
segment
at the Locks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Veranda Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two older, successful businessmen met at a
resort. One who had recently retired was
describing his life, "I get up late in the
morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie
down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a
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When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner
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Then I go lie on my veranda again."
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a
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conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his
wife's name?"
Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Fruit platter
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List for today
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Why bother?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mom was cleaning the house when she found her son's
hidden stash of S&M and sexual bondage magazines.
Naturally, she was very upset and she didn't know
what to do. So, she waited until her husband got
home to discuss it with him.
After she showed him the magazines, she asked him,
"Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know what to do." he told her. "I really
don't think I should give him a spanking for this!"
One doctor tells another. "I just have to talk to some one I am so
guilt
ridden." Second doctor says, "Well you can tell me I have a lot of
doctors
confiding in me, maybe I can help." "Well for years and years now I
have
been having sex with my patients every chance I got and I just have
to
get
it off my chest." "That is not too strange a lot of doctors I know
have
sex
with their patients, However, I will admit not many of them are
vets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beaver Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The
doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things
are
great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who
is
pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I
have
an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never
misses a season.
One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry
and
accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.
As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting
at
the water's edge. He realised he'd left his gun at home and so
couldn't
shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane,
aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and
went 'bang,bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what do you think of that?" asked the doctor. The 80-year-old
said, "If
you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cheese Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pregnant woman rushed to the hospital to give birth shocked
doctors and staff when it was revealed that what she had passed off
as a fetus for months was in fact a large block of cheese. The
woman, whom hospital administrators have refused to identify due to
confidentiality rules, has a history of mental illness, according to
medical records obtained from people close to the situation. Not
only has she been detained in the past for public disturbances, but
she has been on significant doses of anti-depressant and
anti-psychotic medications for many years. One attending doctor,
speaking on the condition that they remain anonymous, remarked that
it is not uncommon for some individuals to fake medical conditions
in order to gain attention and financial support. Using cheese to
fake a pregnancy, however, seems to be unprecedented, even among the
mentally ill. "Beyond weird," remarked the doctor. "I don't know how
one would do it, but it must take an unwordly level of self
deception to even conceive of something like this." What's more, the
woman had apparently registered herself at several stores for an
upcoming baby shower and had been regularly consulting an
obstretician by phone.
With so much contact with others, it is unclear how she was able
to keep from revealing herself for so long. According to sources
familiar with the matter, all of her neighbors believed her to be
pregnant, and had helped her pay her rent and shop for baby clothes
and furniture. Around 4 am on Thursday, after the woman was heard
complaining loudly of severe pains outside an apartment building..
Neighbors, assuming that she was in labor, took her to an emergency
room where doctors uncovered a sodden and moldy mass of what they
later determined to be several bricks of cheddar cheese bound
together with twine. Residents of the apartment building refused to
comment, and the woman has been detained pending further psychiatric
evaluation.
Michelle
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Name Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher
was
establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies
this
year.
While taking the roll, she was told by one boy, "My name is Bob
Fuckhauer."
Upset, the teacher said very loudly, "THERE'LL BE NONE OF THAT KIND
OF
BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASS THIS YEAR, now Bob; tell me your real name!"
The kid said, "No, really teacher, it is Bob Fuckhauer. You can go
across
the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe
me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went
across
the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front
office for
a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class,
"Do you
have Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even
get a
damn cookie break!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rooster Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Iowa Farmer went to town to see a movie:
THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"
THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO,
CHUCK GOES."
"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT. "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN
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THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS
OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND
ENTERED THE THEATER. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED
MILDRED AND MARGE.
THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER
UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE
MOVIE.
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE.
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN
'EM ALL"
"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY
POPCORN!"
Craig and Stephanie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Last Goodbye
http://www.silveran
Fraulien (Hank Locklin died March 8 at age 91)
http://heavens-
Judy w/ From Ireland They Came
http://frommyheart2
Poems Of The Week
http://ministry-
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Surfin Surfari
Heimlich Maneuver Via Michelle
http://www.ehow.
.Free To Cheap Music Via Wesley
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Cooking By Numbers Via Wesley
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Free 80's Arcade Games Via Shangy
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Here's a good one.... what users mean when they call the Help
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Text To Speech Via Wesley
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Hard Drive Diagnostics - Top 5 Free Hard Drive Diagnostic Tools
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Movie Clips
Fruit Cake Lady 2
http://www.buffalos
Geisha
http://www.buffalos
Gotcha
http://www.buffalos
Honey I'm Home
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Horse Race
http://www.buffalos
Indian Teacher Explaining the Word *uck
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Instant Justice Mega Mix
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German speed bump
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Get out of my bed cat
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GGG music video
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Finalized MTG Minutes
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First Day At The Rifle Range
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First IT Consultant
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Fishing Boat
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the first year blow jobs and flowers are usually given only on
special occasions'
Men drive too fast, we were told, because the car is an extension of
the penis. But if it were, men would surely not drive too fast. They
would just back in and out of the garage. Or maybe just polish it
all
the time. (FromAnne Welander)
Willy-nilly: Impotent.
Johnny came over to Mary Sue's house. They got bored and decided to
play doctor. Mary's mom walked in, and to her horror, Johnny was
giving Mary Sue oral sex. Her mom said, "Mary, when your daddy get's
home, your gonna get a good lickin!" Mary's response was, "But
Johnny
has been doing that all day!"
When you kiss a canary, you get chirpes; it can't be tweeted because
its a canarial disease.
A distraught young man made an appointment with a psychiatrist, "I
was
out of town on business," he told the doctor, "and I wired my wife
that I would be coming home on Tuesday, instead of Wendesday. When I
got home I went straight home as fast as I could, and when I got
there
I found her in bed with my best friend". The man then broke down
into
uncontrolable tears. The doctor considered the problem for a couple
of
moments, then shrugged and said, "Maybe she never got the telegram."
Guy to pregnant girlfriend, "Hey, don't blame me. All I wanted was a
blow job. You were the one who wanted to screw."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
help!!
http://www.thepostm
Caveman Bob
http://www.thepostm
frequent fucker
http://www.thepostm
Dont Bother Him
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
Cyber
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Coldhearted
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<a href=" http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A dapper young bachelor, Paul,
Quite gay, he could be found in all
The best public loos
And never refuse
Your call on the wall of the stall
(Gary Hallock)
There once was a weirdo named Cox
Who loved to sniff everyone's socks.
Said he: "Sure, it's stinky,
But don't call me kinky
I'll send you back home in a box!"
____________
Last Monday, a skipper named Keef
Ran his cruiser aground on a reef.
Tomorrow, he'll be
A lieutenant (jg),
And his Naval career will be brief!
____________
If the stuff in your stomach's askew,
And you think that you're going to spew,
Buck up and fight it,
Or you just might find,
That everyone barfs just like you.
Yer Hillbily friend in TN..
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
EZ Cracker - Crack, Separate and Strip Eggs
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Get the Bacon Wave at no charge when you order EZ Cracker today!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she
looks
down and sees a really ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she comments
on
the creature's rather hideous appearance.
Princess: "My, but you are really an ugly frog!"
Frog: "I know, I know, I got a really bad spell on me."
Princess: "Well I've seen frogs with spells but, none as ugly as
you."
Frog: "Look, leave me alone my dear. I told you, it's a really bad
spell."
Princess: "Well even so, if I kiss you will you turn into a prince?"
Frog: "I don't know dear, a spell this bad will probably take a blow
job."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Touch-n-Brush - Hands Free Toothpaste Dispenser
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Eliminate messy, sticky bathroom sinks forever.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with
certain basics. 'How much do you weigh?' she asks. '145,' I say.
The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 190. The
nurse asks, 'Your height?'; '6 feet,' I say. The nurse checks and
sees that I only measure 5'4". She then takes my blood pressure and
tells me it is very high. 'Of course it's high!' I scream. 'When I
came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!' She
put me on Prozac. What a bitch.
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Slap Chop is a manual chopper machine that works when you slap
the plunger part. Every slap triggers the 3 blades below to chop and
cut the food. The more you slap the
Slap Chop, the finer the food gets.
Chop up potatoes for home fries, or add mushrooms and green peppers
for a tasty side to
your eggs. Even use the Slap Chop for vegetables like carrots,
celery and radishes for an
instant salad. Nuts and chocolate are chopped easy for toppings on
ice-cream. The Slap Chop
is great for onions and even garlic so your fingers don't smell and
it saves time. The Slap Chop's
base opens up to expose the blades for easy cleaning.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1541
Right Idea, Wrong Time
Diana: What are the kids doing outside?
BJ: I don't know. Looks like they are selling stuff. I will go
check it
out.
Outside...
BJ: What are you guys doing?
Katie: We got a great deal on some merchandise and are selling fur
coats at a discount.
BJ: Ah, it is eighty degrees today.
Rudy: Told you it was not a good idea.
Katie: We got these from Siberia for a great deal.
BJ: What good are they at any price, if you cannot sell them?
Sandi: Perhaps if we re-package them? I have an idea.
A little while later the "Fur Coats for Sale" sign is down and is
replaced by "Get your Fur Lined Seat Covers Here"
Soon people are driving up and stopping to buy the fur lined seat
covers.
Sandi: See daddy, it is just a matter of packaging.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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