THE POSTMAN'S CORNER One's life is a diary. We mean to write a certain story and end up writing another. FREE KEEBLER COOKIES http://www.tinyurl.com/bgqdau FREE SNEAKERS FROM FOOTLOCKER http://www.tinyurl.com/afld3c FREE SAMPLE-Biore Pore PErfect face wash and cleansing strips http://www.tinyurl.com/afyb4y FREE Hawaiian Tropic Firming Island Glow http://www.tinyurl.com/bckg78 GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! It was not a great day yesterday for either myself, or Turk the dog, aka the rat. I'd gotten this fancy dog mix the other day. It was sortof a trail mix for dogs. I spoil the little booger big time, and in keeping with my habits, I fed him a little of it. He wolfed it down in about 30 seconds. And then he spent the rest of the day with tail and ears drooping. But it obviously did not agree with him. A little while after he ate, he didn't want to move, he just looked real pathetic and lethargic. Finally, "the war department" came home from work and he perked up. A few hugs from "The war department" always seems to get him a little perkier. Then later, she and daughter went out and about, and I hadn't eaten much for lunch and then I just didn't feel like eating for supper. That was dumb. My sugar dropped like a stone and the ole diabetes gave me a kick in the pants. What was worse was when "the war department" came home, she gave me a good stern lecture about being stupid. I guess somethings don't change.:) Makes me remember the days when I was young and I could eat what I wanted, whenever I wanted, and never give it a second thought. Sigh. Well, at least me and Turk have the war department to look after us. That is a good thing. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! 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Handcuff yourself to the bar to ensure stability - If your alcohol is suddenly tasteless and the front Of your shirt is wet, your mouth isn't open or you've Brought the glass to the wrong part of your face. Retire to the toilets and practice in front of the mirror. ____________ Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street. "Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "where you been for the past two weeks? Nobody seen you around!" "Dona talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been inna jail." "Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been inna jail?" "Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna dis beach, and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail." "But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!" Luigi countered. "Yeah, but dis beach, she was a-screamin and a- kickin and a-yellin". ____________________ A young lass went into Victoria's Secret and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this, you're too close!" embroidered on her panties and bra. "Yes madam," said the clerk, "I'm quite certain that could be done. What kind of lettering would you like it done in?" "Braille," she replied. _________________ Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a notion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons' reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. ________________ After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "Father, what's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home." ______________ A young lad was out with his dad in the park when he spotted a woman about to breastfeed her baby. She unbuttoned her blouse, rolled out a very large breast and popped the rosy nipple into the child's mouth. "Dad! What's that woman doing to that baby?" the lad asked. "Relax, lad. She's just feeding him," the father replied. "Get the fuck outta here!" the boy, exclaimed. "There's no way he'll eat all of that!" ________________ Buffalo Bill Hoppalas Turnen http://www.buffaloschips.com/gcfdrde.htm Happy Penguin http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdreree.htm High Power Worker http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfrde.htm SYDESJOKES list You Know You Are Addicted http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001492.html PAPA Thorn Great drummer http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=GreatDrummer.jpg Redneck homeboy http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=homeboy.jpg THAT'S ALL FOLKS Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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