Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I made my last trip to the Tobacco shop today, for awhile anyhow.
I now have about 25 pounds of tobacco and 100 boxes of tubes
stashed away in a cool place. I refer to them as my " Toxic Assets"
as they will turn into a major savings after the first of April. All
of the
gas stations around here sell tobacco as a sideline around here
and although they have plenty of tubes left, they are getting
extremely
cleaned out of regular cigarette tobacco. I checked a month ago at
some of the online companies who had great deals on cases of tubes
and tobacco in ten pound lots but when I checked them again this
week the pages were full of sold out signs.
While I was there I was reminiscing with the owner how I had first
came into their store in the winter of 1987 looking for a cheaper
way to
support my habit till I could find a job. Our economy was in a
similar
situation to right now and unemployment was high and no one was
hiring. Tobacco back then was 7.00 a pound and they bought theirs
in bulk. Just like pipe tobacco you could get it blended jut the way
you wanted and I found the amounts to match up with the Kool Lights
I was smoking. Two pounds of tobacco and 5 boxes of tubes would
get us through till the next unemployment check showed up.
I always enjoyd the taste of cigarettes and especially liked the
concept
of smoke breaks, back then everything was after I get done with my
cigarette, but my lungs always hated tobacco and even then I would
have violent coughing spells. Still I fought quitting till 1996,
even
dragging the IV pump into the bathroom when I was in the hospital
for
blood clots in my legs but I knew then I had to change and quit a
week
later and haven't smoked in 13 years. Of course I do get a little
background smoke but most people don't smoke in the same room I'm
in.
I hope those that are out there that can quit will take this
opportunity
to do so but I am not going to preach about. I know it is not the
easiest
thing to do and someone has to help bail out the economy.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fart Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ART FART
It's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.
ARROGANT FART
When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSAULT FART
A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
TIRE FART
You can't control the blow out.
BEER FARTS
These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.
JAIL FART
Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its
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DONKEY FART
Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART
You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART
When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART
When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART
When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART
You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART
You need to fart, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART
A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART
When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the
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U.F.O. FART
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Mouse sex
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Harry Poppins
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Kiddie bling
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This Has To Stop
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Bouquet
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Perfect
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: You know, ex #2 taught me what a climax is.
Jill: Really? That's great!
Mary: Yeah, and then #3 showed me what I was missing!
A man is walking through the park one day when he comes across a guy
sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out.
"What's wrong?" asks the passerby, sitting down next to the crying
man.
"I have a twenty-five inch dick," says the sober.
"So why the f*ck are you crying? Most guys would kill for one that
big!" said the confused Good Samaritan.
"I'm crying," he explains sadly, "because it takes me a week to get
a
hard-on."
The mother catches her kid masturbating and warns him:
"Ben, you're gonna go blind if you keep touching yourself."
And the kid answers, "Well, can I just do it, then, until I need
glasses?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman, married to a Navy Pilot, inquired about an increase in
their
monthly allotment for living quarters, because rents near the
Station
where he was based were so high. She received the following letter
back: "Class Q allotments are based upon the number of dependents,
up
to a maximum of three. If the birth of a child will mean your
husband is entitled to more quarters allowance, notify him to take
the necessary action."
Q. What's the difference between a Man and a vibrator?
A. One is cold and impersonal, and the other needs a battery.
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after
midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an
urgent report.
"Bill, listen," he told the host, "Doug's in the kitchen making love
to your wife!"
"OK, that's it, guys," Bill said. "This is positively the last
deal."
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Baby Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Alabama couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children. They
went
to the
doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'. The doctor gladly
started the required
procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision--
why after nine
children, would they choose to do this.
The husband replied they had read in a recent article that one out
of
every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and
they didn't want to take a chance
on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak
Spanish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 2006 in an effort to reduce its overhead and increase its
profitability "for the well-being of our members," North Carolina's
Medicaid program had cut circumcision from its coverage. Not to
leave
anyone without choice, the North Carolina Mohel's Association
reportedly stepped in and offered to take care of any loose ends.
"When my husband finally gave in and began to clean out his dresser
drawers, he discovered a bunch of socks that didn't match. As I
looked at them, I noted that most of them had holes in them. "Land's
sakes, man !" I exclaimed. "How long have you had these things?"
"Since before we were married," he admitted. "I guess you could say
that I had a lot of premarital socks!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not everyone has a way with a saying......
"Do you think I've been sitting here twiddling my arse?"
"At no time do I ever condone you making changes to improve things
in
the office."
"Snakes on a Plane - what's that about?"
"Go jump off a lake."
"He's not the sharpest canister in the ocean."
"Keep a stiff upper chin."
"The squeaky wheel gets the spoke."
"I can lead you to horsewater, but I can't make you drink."
"He'd give you the arm off his back."
Announcement in store: "We have a customer by the balls in toys
needing assistance." (It repeats.)
"You play ball with me, and I'll scratch yours."
"It's half of one, six dozen of another..."
"We do not have a smoking cow at this point."
"Is there 264 days in the year? Or is it 265?"
"My daughter is as smart as a tack."
"I've got a higher IQ than your little pinky finger."
"If Dad were here right now, he'd be rolling over in his grave."
"Well, it may be the wrong tool for the job, but it is the right
tool
for the business."
"It's our golden goose. We better figure out how to make her purr."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Love of Jesus
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My Space Toolbar
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Movie Clips
FordQ1
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good gum
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Glazen wassert
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handyman
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good suction
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goldfish water ballet
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granny air bag
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Gravity
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cathy and I went to the Mardi Gras festivals to New Orleans for our
35th Anniversary. They had a nice room in a hotel just outside of
Bourbon Street. I couldn't sleep and decided to take a walk at 1 AM
the first night there. As I was cruising down Bourbon Street, I saw
a
skimpily dressed woman on a balcony above me. "Would you like to
sleep with me for $100," she called down to me. I told her, "Making
love at my age is always a real effort. But I could sure use the
money."
Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank
still don't know how to swipe their card through the ATM
card reader. Because of this, my fellow tellers and I
often find ourselves having to explain how it's done. One
teller complained that she kept getting odd looks every
time she explained it. I found out why when I overheard
her tell one man, "Strip down facing me."
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
the difference
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love thy neighbor
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grounds for divorce
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Routine Exam
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Life Is About Ass
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Ass Kickers
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she asked, "Do ya wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
And called her a "Ho"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.
There once was a man from Las Lever
Who had intercourse with a beaver;
The result of the fuck was a canvas-back duck,
Two canoes and a golden retriever!
There was a young woman named Vicki
Who said, "I don't want to be picky.
If, in five hours or so
As you say, you must go,
At least we'll have time for a quickie."
Karl K
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A major network is planning a new "Survivor" show. In response,
the State of Texas is planning: "Survivor, Texas Style."
The contestants will start in El Paso, travel down I-20 through
Pecos, Odessa, Midland, Big Spring, Abilene, Ft. Worth & Dallas.
They will then proceed down to Waco, Austin, on to San Antonio,
up I-10 to Kerrville, Sonora, up to San Angelo, up to Lamesa,
Lubbock, to Amarillo over to Hereford and back to El Paso .
Each will be driving a fluorescent pink Volvo with a bumper sticker
that reads:
"I'm gay, I voted for Barak Obama and I'm here to confiscate
your guns."
The first one to make it back to El Paso wins.
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How are martinis like tits?
A: One's not enough, and three's too many.
Q: What should you do if a pretty girl sits down on your hand?
A: Try to get her off!
Q: What do you call a female turtle?
A: A Clitortous.
Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
A: Odor eaters.
Q: Why don't they allow a man to marry 2 women in the U. S.?
A: No man deserves that kind of punishment!
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ivory Brites
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1553
The Dining Experience Cont.
Tami: What do you mean domestic or foreign water?
Waiter: Just that, we do have both.
Tami: Oh give me domestic.
The waiter then unfurls a two foot long list of different types of
water and presents them to Tami: Please choose which one?
Tami: Ack!!! I don't care...Ozarka would be fine.
Waiter: Would you like it room temperature, chilled, or iced?
Tami: With ice.
Waiter: Would you like the ice, cubed or crushed.
Tami: This is wearing me down...cubed.
Waiter: Fine, I will have your water directly.
Tami: I am exhausted.
Ring Ring:
Tami: Hello!
Rob: I will be late...go ahead and order dinner.
Tami: Okay.
Waiter: Here is your water Ma'am.
Tami: I think I will order now.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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