Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
What a beautiful day today. Buffy and I went out to Big Lots
to grab some SD memory cards that were on sale, 2, 2 gig
cards for 9.00 and I got a new coffee pot and another telephone.
The ones I have aren't that old but it is cheaper to replace the
whole phone than the battery.
When we got back Eva was upset because she had ran into a
place she couldn't get out of, she had opened Front Page and
was trying to edit one of the websites. You can't get to You Tube
from there heh heh .
For those of you that watch Nick Jr or Noggin there is a series out
of Iceland called Lazy town. In this town the three real characters,
Stephanie, Sporticus, and Robbie Rotten interact with a variety
of puppets regarding health and good sportsmanship etc. Stephanie
has a song called the Bing Bang Dance and Eva and judging from
the number of homemade videos submitted, a lot of other children
sing the song and practice the dance moves along with Stephanie.
http://www.youtube.
After I finished lunch and Eva was back on the computer I crawled
back
into bed for a nap. I was woke up a bit later by Eva banging a drum
in
front of my face. She handed me the drumsticks and was dancing and
singing the Bing Bang song as I tried to keep time on the drum.
After
two rounds of the song, she took her drum and left and I went back
to
sleep. When I woke up I had a Maraca in my hand. I guess she must
have needed me later for a Mexican song.
Have a great week and enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After being sworn in as President, George W. and his extended family
head
into the White House and seize the opportunity to have a family
photo
taken by their new White House photographer.
The photographer waits for George W. and family, as well as George
R.
and
Barbara, and Jeb and his family to take their places for the
picture.
Once everyone is organized, the photographer turns to his lighting
man and
says, "This picture has more Bush than a Penthouse magazine!"
A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister."
Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey, you do have a sister.
You just don't see her because when you are coming in the front
door, she is always leaving through the back door."
The little girl thought about this and remarked, "You mean
like my other Daddy does?"
A salesman was given a hotel room next to one occupied by
honeymooners. The walls were thin, and the sounds of
sustained sexual frenzy poured through. Finally the
salesman could stand it no longer. He pounded on the
walls, yelling, "Knock it off, there's other people
trying to get some sleep!"
From the other room came a weak, faltering male voice which said,
"Yell louder, mister, she can't hear you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Heaven Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful
blood-curdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's just someone
having the holes bored in their shoulder blades for the wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams.
"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what's happening?"
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head
drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm off down to hell."
''You can't go there," says St. Peter, "you'll be raped and
sodomized."
"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes
for that!"
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Finger Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few years ago, Lazy Ted got lucky in this little bar in Mayfield.
She
was a good-looking girl, too. He drove her around to this park, the
local
lovers' lane, for a little privacy and they were getting along just
fine, when some local louts happened by.
Luckily, all the doors of the car were locked and the larrikins had
to
content themselves with rocking it backwards and forwards. Lazy Ted
wasn't going to hang around for any nonsense. He stuck the car into
reverse and revved out of the car park. Bodies scattered in his
wake.
He
ended up taking the girl to the safety of a nearby hotel.
Lazy Ted might have forgotten all about the incident but, the very
next
day, as he was watching his wife, Betty, washing the car, you'll
never
guess what he saw - a finger, just sitting there in the grille in
front of
the motor.
Well, he shook his head and was about to tell Betty to put it in,
the
rubbish, when she stopped him short. 'That finger must belong to
someone.
We'd better take it down the road to the Lost and Found. You'd be
surprised what they can do with microsurgery these days.'
Lazy Ted followed his missus down to the local cop shop where they
were
extra helpful. While Betty was out of ear shot, he told them the
full
story - exactly what happened, how, when, where and why.
Afterwards, Lazy Ted went home and forgot all about the whole
business
until one day, this cop came to the door and presented him with this
little frozen container ... and in it -the finger.
'According to Section 4 of Article 8 of the Mislaid Articles Act of
1893,'
the cop spouted off 'found goods, if unclaimed by the owner and the
loser
of the aforementioned lost goods, after a period of three months,
should
be returned to the finder, who will be thereafter considered the
owner and
therefore the loser, in the event of the goods ever being re-lost.'
Lazy Ted didn't really know what to do, but he took the finger and
thanked
the cop for his trouble. He told Betty to put it in the freezer.
Soon afterwards, the phone calls started. A man, his voice deep,
husky and
mean, would ring and say, 'You got my finger. You better give it
back
... or
you'll get rubbed.'
Night after night, the same man rang with the same message. Then,
during the day, the Health Department started ringing and a man with
a
high, piping voice, would tell Ted, 'Keeping a finger in your
freezer
contravenes Section 1, Article 12, of the Body Parts in the Kitchen
Act of
1923, and if you persist in infringing this regulation, we will be
forced
to carry out immediate legal action.'
The final straw was when the surgeon started calling up daily, too.
'Listen, we get kids in here every day, with their fingers missing -
car
accidents, gun accidents ... you name it. Some will never be able to
use
their hands again. With that finger, you could at least help one ...
just
one of them.'
Finally, it got too much for Betty. 'Listen Ted, do something. Give
that finger back to the gangster. Give it to the Health Department.
Even
give it to the hospital. Just get rid of it. It's no use to US.
But it was all to no avail. Lazy Ted wouldn't hear of it. You know
what
he's like. He'd never lift a finger to help himself or anyone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Candle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin,
and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.
"Hello," said the Father, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't
I marry you two years ago?"
She replied "Aye, that you did, Father."
"And be there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father," said she.
"Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a
candle for you."
"Oh, thank you, Father." And away she went.
Some years later they met again.
"Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "How are you?"
"Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "Have you any little ones yet?"
"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four
singles - ten in all."
"Now isn't that wonderful," he said. "And how is your lovely
husband?"
"Oh," she said, "e's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin
candle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An extremely ugly man named Tony was sitting in a bar
having a drink with his friend, Paul, who is the exact
opposite in fact he may be the most handsome man in
town.
The two of them are discussing a beautiful blond girl
sitting at the bar. Paul said, "Boy I sure would
like to get some of that.
Tony said, "Go ahead go for it.
Paul said, " There's no way She won't go with anybody
I've tried many times."
Tony said, "I think I could go out with her if I wanted to."
Paul laughed and said, "If She won't go out with me she sure
as hell won't go with you."
Tony said, "I'll bet you fifty bucks She'll go with me."
Paul says, "you're on."
Tony says, "Ok just leave the money with the bartender and
I'll pick it up later."
Tony walks up to the girl starts talking and turned and walked
out of the bar, with the girl right behind him.
Paul couldn't believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the
bartender, "What happened, What did he say to her?"
The bartender told him, "Well he didn't say much. He just said
it's a nice night for a walk. Then he licked his eyebrows and
left."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you think of it, there are only two things people need.
You got to have sex. You got to have food. That's it. You don't need
clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it's sex
and food.
But for some reason, some people think sex is dirty. Maybe God was a
Republican.
Somebody said, "All right, you want to propagate, go ahead, but only
late at night, with all the doors closed, man on top, once a week,
that's it." But not only can you eat the charred dead flesh of other
major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your
friends to watch: "Hey, Chuck, why don't you come over on Sunday?
We're
going to kill a pig, cut him up, burn him, and eat him. Bring the
kids,
we'll have a hell of a time."
What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple
twist
of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture would
change. Food would become a four-letter word.
When people got angry at you, they'd yell out "Oh yeah? Well, food
you.
Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper."
Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork.
Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests.
"Oh my god. It's a pepperoni."
Locker room talk would change.
"Hey, man, how'd you do this weekend?"
"Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut."
Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states.
Supermarkets would check I.D.'s and charge admission to the poultry
section.
Frederick's of Hollywood would feature peek-a-boo napkins and
day-of-the-week paper plates.
Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection.
Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues.
"All right, put down your meat.
Just back away from the buns, mister."
Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of
them
would move to the Bay Area.
Hookers would become cooks.
You'd be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo
aprons.
"Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?"
Fundamentalist Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious
tenet.
Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.
Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or
they'll go
blind.
Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them
marinating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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ACTOR RON SILVER DIES IN NYC AT AGE 62 OF CANCER
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Movie Clips
Naughty Song From The Bible Belt
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Never Trust A Women
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Muschel
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My family Reunion
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Negotiating a Real Piece of Work
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Association Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Captain rounded all his men to check on their intellectual
faculties.
Taking a small handkerchief from his pocket he says. "Smith, when I
wave
my handkerchief what
does it make you think about??" "Oh!! Sir it makes me think of the
train
station. Well Smith ... why does it make you think of the train
station.
Because Sir ... on Sundays in the afternoon we often would go down
to
the train station, and when the train left the station people would
wave
their handkerchiefs like you do Sir.
Very good Smith. Let's see you, Thomas, when I wave my handkerchief
what
does it make you think about??
Oh well Sir... It makes me think about the port. Why does it make
you
think about the port??.
Sir, because when I go to the port the passengers on the outgoing
ships
wave at their relatives and friends that way.
That's very good Thomas, let's see you Gibson, when I wave my
handkerchief what does it make you think about??.
Sir. It makes me think about fucking! Oh, I see, well why does it
make
you think about fucking??
Because Sir, the only thing I think about is fucking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was an old maid from Camelot,
Who survived on frog shit and snot,
When she grew tired of these,
She'd eat the green cheese,
That she scraped from the sides of her twat.
-----
There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pig shit and snot.
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat.
-----
There once was a woman named Jess--
Bisexual, she'd readily confess.
She loved a good dick,
but pussy she'd lick,
and leave both a wet gooey mess.
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A prostitute on her period decides to catch a client anyway. She
thinks
to herself, "I'll find some drunk. He won't even notice anything,
anyway."
She goes to the bar, finds Big Dixie really drunk and takes him to
the
nearest hotel where they spend the night together. Big Dixie wakes
up
the next morning, and she is already gone. As he starts to get out
of
bed, Big Dixie sees that his hands are covered in blood. He starts
running around the room, saying to himself in panic, "Oh, my God! I
killed her! I killed her!"
As he runs to the bathroom he passes the mirror, stops,looks at
himself
for a second, then screams, "FUCK! And then, I ate her, too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Young O'Donnell rushed into a church, placed his rifle under a
pew and entered the confessional.
"Father," he said breathlessly, "I've just shot down two
British lieutenants!
Hearing no response he went on: "I also knocked off a British
captain!"
When there was still no response from the priest, O'Donnell
said, "Father, have ye fainted?"
"Of course I haven't fainted," replied the confessor. "I'm
waitin' for you to stop talkin' politics and commence
confessin' your sins!"
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1544
Bowling...
Sandi: You don't talk much when you come home from bowling daddy.
BJ: Not much to talk about. We have lost 11 of 12 games Sandi. We
have fallen from first place to second.
Rudy: Ah, Pops it's just one of those things.
Katie: You can save the day father.
BJ: No, I have been bowling about 30 pins under my average for 6
weeks.
Rudy: That's awful.
Sandi: What is happening?
BJ: Some of it is my knee, some of it is my back, some of it is a
slump, but
all put together...it is a mess.
Katie: What is your plan?
BJ: Practice, practice, practice. I have to figure it out. My
ball is breaking
way too much and I cannot hardly control it.
Sandi: Throw it straight.
BJ: I can't, the ball is drilled to break, and it is complicated,
it is finger-
tipped and the texture of the ball.
Rudy: Looks round to me.
BJ: That's it Rudy! I just need to use an old fashion bowling
ball, one that
is not so complicated.
Rudy: Gee...thanks, or you're welcome.
Sandi: So go practice and see what happens daddy.
The herd in Guthrie (frustration is being good then being not so
good)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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