Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday was a great day, got a lot accomplished and it was
actually above freezing at midnight when I gave Buffy and Eva
a ride home. I sat up till 0330 Thurs. morning getting the jokes
out and then was back up around 0800 working on the month's
paperwork. I had time for a quick nap and then over to the doctor's
office for monthly check-up and then off to TOPS meeting. High
point of the day, losing a pound and a half last week and getting
fall out from behind my desk cleaned up. Bad point of the day
was being scheduled for another kidney ultrasound to look for
stones which isn't bad in itself but the 12 hours with nothing to
drink or eat prior to the test is a little hard to deal with
especially
since I do so much computer work at night.
By the time I got home from the meeting I was ready for another
nap and bypassed the normal Thursday comedy shows. I woke
up with Eva's 3 yr. old teddy bear on the pillow beside me. It has
been sewed together a dozen times and washed so many times
after having food and drink spilled on it but it is still her
greatest
possession and she wouldn't think of going to bed without it.
Sharing her bear with me is perhaps the greatest honor she
could bestow on me.
Meanwhile while I slept Sandy had given her a piece of chocolate
cake and my mouse had a layer of vanilla frosting on it. I gave up
chocolate for Lent so that taunted me as I worked this morning as
I could see the cake out of the corner of my eye. In the end my
stubborn
nature won out... this time, but I wish someone would come over
and finish that cake up.
Enjoy the chips and have a great weekend ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fix It is a fast scratch remover that safely removes scratches,
dings,
and nicks from your car's finish quickly and easily.
Fix It works on any car, in any color with just 3 easy steps.
Apply Fix It, buff it into the scratch or scuff, and then just wipe
away.
Each package also includes the finishing kit, with a hand-held power
buffer,
polishing pads, and a micro fiber polishing cloth.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soccer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Their marriage had been shaky. He was looking shifty and she was
sulking. They were washing the dishes. She was washing, he was
drying. She handed him a saucer and it broke as he dropped it on the
floor.
"Why don't you admit it!", she shouted. "Tell me, where do you go on
Tuesday and Thursday nights?"
The husband looked embarrassed blushed. "Nowhere much", he said.
"You liar" she said "You're playing football for Wests Tigers! I
demand an explanation,
Still looking embarrassed, the husband said "I'm going down to the
local massage parlour for some extra sex and excitement. I'm having
sex with prostitutes for money, and that's all. Then I come home."
"You're a liar!", screamed the wife. "You are secretly playing
football for Wests Tigers! You're going to practice during the week
playing on Saturday afternoons, aren't you?"
"No! No!", protested the husband. I just go for a bit of extra sex!
I'm just looking for a stray piece of crumpet down at the singles
bar
or getting it on with one of the whores."
"Do you swear you're not playing football for Wests Tigers?", she
demanded.
I swear I'm not. I'm just spending $200 or $300 a week on
professional sex", he continued.
Sobbing with relief, she threw herself into his arms and kissed him.
"Forgive me", she said, "I'm sorry I didn't trust you.--
They continued washing the dishes. She handed him a cup and it
slipped from his fingers and smashed on the floor.
"You dirty bloody liar!", she screamed, "You ARE playing for Wests
Tigers!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Jewish girl
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Distance
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Gravity
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
poor man's vacation
http://www.thepostm
keep quiet
http://www.thepostm
egg rolls and rice
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the
astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day,
a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among
the rocks.
The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son
translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big
suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to
the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all
excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts
a message to deliver to the moon.
A NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!"
and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's
comments into the microphone were brief.
The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his
father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed
uproariously. But he refused to translate.
So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and
played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and
loudly, but also refused to translate the elder's message to the
moon.
An official government translator was summoned. After he finally
stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:
"WATCH OUT FOR THESE ASSHOLES. THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND."
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you consider Abraham Lincoln to be one of America's greatest
heroes?
Celebrate the Bicentennial of his birth with this commemorative coin
collection,
EXCLUSIVELY from Bradford Authenticated. Coins span the years 1909 -
when the Lincoln Penny was introduced - to 2009, offering inspiring
tributes to the
amazing events of the past 100 years. PLUS, your collection includes
4 ALL NEW
Bicentennial issues from the Denver and Philadelphia Mints in
brilliant,
uncirculated condition, sealed in protective cases. Detailed reverse
designs
celebrate Lincoln's life. Also includes 4 custom-designed Lincoln
Bicentennial
coin collector albums - YOURS AT NO COST. Do not wait - MINTING IS
LIMITED to approximately 10 WEEKS and strong demand is expected.
HURRY, click this link now!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheep Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Sheep Are Better Than Women
1. Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth.
2. You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear.
3. Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather.
4. Cottonmouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease.
5. Nuttin' beats mutton.
6. Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel.
7. Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your
coke, and then tell you they have to be home early.
8. Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down.
9. Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed
off when you tell them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I saw this new product I knew my life would be getting a lot
easier. It is the easiest way to remove pet hair from large areas!
I can't believe I didn't think of this..... Check out this video on
how to clean your entire house in minutes.
Simply amazing! I wish I had this 20 years ago...
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helping Hand Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to
the
urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of
business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take
a
leak. Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help
him
out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mould and red bumps, with
hair
clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then
the
guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then
shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bob,
"Thanks,
man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt, and says "I don't know, but
I
ain't touching it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
For over 300 years, the Claddagh has been the symbol of love and
friendship
in Irish culture. Now, this fine jewelry design can be yours to wear
proudly
every day. A Bradford Exchange exclusive. Celebrate Irish heritage
with this
sparkling Claddagh ring that stays true to the traditional design:
an embrace
of hands to signify friendship, a heart for eternal love and a crown
for
loyalty. Handcrafted of solid 10K gold and sparkling with five
brilliant-cut
diamonds and two genuine emeralds. Don't miss out on owning your
very own
Irish Claddagh ring. Hurry, quantities are limited. For best
availability,
click this link to order now:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ostrich Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man has been shipwrecked on a desert island for ten years. Then
one
day he is down at the shoreline when he spots a ship on the horizon.
He
frantically waves his arms and jumps up and down shouting, until he
spies a rowboat being let down into the water from the ship. About
ten
minutes later the rowboat reaches the shore carrying a man in a
captain's uniform.
"Thank Christ for that!" says our shipwrecked hero, "I thought I was
never
going to be rescued."
"How long have you been here?" asks the Captain.
"Ten years, ten long years" replies the man.
"Ten years?" says the Captain "How have you coped all that time on
your
own?"
"Well, I'm quite a resourceful fellow, I've built my own house;
there it
is, over there, Number 1!"
"But ten years!" says the Captain, "ten years without sex!"
"Ahhhh, well..... that's not quite true" says the man shyly.
"What do you mean?" inquires the Captain.
"Well, about six months ago I was down here on the shore washing my
feet, when I noticed an ostrich up the beach with it's head buried
in
the sand and it's ass facing me. Well, I thought it's been nine and
a
half years, so I crept up behind it and WALLOP!"
"Oh God, that must have been disgusting!" cries the genuinely
shocked
Captain.
"Well, it was alright for the first five miles, but then we got out
of
step."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
GIVE YOUR KIDS HOURS OF CREATIVE FUN! WITH 3-D STICKER ART!
Now your kids can make their own sticker art with Fun Foil Art.
Hours and hours of creative fun.
113 3-D stickers
2 Adhesive Sheets
6 Mini-Poster Sheets
30 Pieces of Colored Foil
2 Stencils
1 Free Fun Art Pen
1 Instruction Sheet
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and
an
I.Q. of 165, I'd like to make a donation". The nurse gives him a
sealed
cup and directs him to a provate room. 20 minutes later the man
hasn't
come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?"
"I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I
poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?"
The nurse replied, "I don't usually do this but you are kinda
cute..."
She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.
"I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the
jar!"
Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let me have a
look".
"Fuck me!!" says the doctor "what could have made a hole as big as
that?"
Patient replies "I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is
enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomato Giant - Gardener's Choice Tomato Tree
Grow tomatoes as big as grapefruits - up to 2 lbs each. These giant
tree tomato plant can grow up to 8 feet or taller in just 90 days
producing up to 180 lbs of supersized tomatoes.
For only $10 you not only get 3 tomato trees, but you'll also
receive 3 of our big early hybrid tomatoes - just pay S&H.
Supersize your tomatoes today.
Order Now
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Gift of God
http://www.silveran
George Jones
Http://mywebpages.
St. Patrick's Day
http://www.geocitie
Rules For Raising Children
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
registry which may be the reason why your PC is running so slow, or
crashing and freezing from time to time. Also, these can lead to
major system problems and possible memory leaks.
Below are instructions that will enable you to Increase Your
Computer's Speed, Power, Stability and Reliability in just a few
minutes.
Once again, there are NO OBLIGATIONS for this FREE OFFER that
includes our FREE Software, FREE Analysis, FREE Report and 24 Hour
Support !
If after completing the free Diagnostic Test it is brought to your
attention that your computer's registry does contain file "errors",
then it may be in your computer's best interest to fix the
potentially harmful file errors in your registry.
Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Cop Car .com
http://www.copcar.
Whatever Happened To
http://amusingfacts
Easy Prep meal Recipes Via Wesley
http://www.cookthin
Love Letters
http://www.sleeptri
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We can help you get up to $1500 in 24 hours or less!
Our service is Fast, Secure & Private.
Industry leading data encryption protects your most sensitive
information.
Apply now and you could have funds before you know it!
Click below for cash!
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Fake airline email ticket alert drops virus nationwide. Via Bonnie
http://www.emergenc
What are those new Verification Blocks?
http://en.wikipedia
Bandwidth Hogs
http://www.iht.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We wanted to let you know right away that you never have to pay
another cable or satellite bill ever again if you don't want to! The
Internet has made this possible!
You can now download a program online that will allow you to watch
unlimited television from around the world right on your PC! You
will have access to over 2,000 channels. That is more than what you
are getting from your cable or satellite services!
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://workingdogs.
Kitty Korner
http://www.absolute
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
$497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
Why am I giving this away?
I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths
sell wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that
I've to decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training
System so I can help people finally get the truth!
See... I've made a fortune online and I've helped over 100,000
customers to unlock the secrets to getting started online - the
right way.
Press here to Grab it quick - right now - before I change my mind...
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
or laptop.
Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
are any "spying" programs on them.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Clips
Idiot 5
http://www.buffalos
Idiot 6
http://www.buffalos
Joe Cook Veteran
http://www.buffalos
Kitty Is In Love
http://www.buffalos
Kiwi Bacon Mmmm!
http://www.buffalos
Well Trained Dog
http://www.buffalos
We've Been Had
http://www.buffalos
What He Really Said
http://www.buffalos
Why Women Stay Single
http://www.buffalos
Wishing Well
http://www.buffalos
Boxing Match
http://www.buffalos
Brownies
http://www.buffalos
Camera 21
http://www.buffalos
Capoeira Fighter
http://www.buffalos
Cell Phone Popcorn
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SIMPLE SIMON
Met a Pieman going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you dumbass!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY
Sat on a wall
Humpty dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
When it died of electric shock.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eco Canteen - Be Healthy and Go Green
Protect Your Family's Health with this stainless steel water bottle.
Studies are coming out at a rapid rate showing the dangers of
ingesting toxins leached from plastic bottles. Why place your
family at risk? Aluminum bottles are also a danger, as they require
a special chemical coating that often peels off into the water you
drink. Get one of the Top Ten Green Products of the century and get
an insulated tote on us.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good For you
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
No Underwear
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Escort
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
OWWIE!
http://able2laff.
Apple pie
http://able2laff.
Pick a lane...
http://able2laff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
QuickLawn - Just Sow It and Grow It
Get beautiful green grass all year round. QuickLawn works in the
toughest terrain from sandy soils to high traffic areas. It costs as
little as 1 cent per square foot.
Keep your lawn's color and texture through every season.
Get 2 bags for only $19.95 + S&H.
Order Now
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There lived a saintly girl from Sleepy Hollow
Who entertained the numerous men of the Wallow
When asked by Ichabod Crane:
Have you a place I might drain?
No Thanks, she replied "I don't Swallow."
A lubricious young woman named Gwen
Had never learned how to say "when!"
So she did it again
And again and again
And again and again and again.
____________
There lives an old geezer named Jay
Who knows he could die any day.
If he draws up a will,
In his kin he'll instill
Just one thought: It's a dead giveaway.
(Kirk Miller)
____________
A daredevil skater named Lowe
Leaps barrels arranged in the snow
But is proudest of doing
Some incredible screwing,
Since he's jumped 13 girls in a row!
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
EZ Cracker - Crack, Separate and Strip Eggs
Making eggs has never been cleaner or easier. EZ Cracker separates
egg whites for perfect egg white omelets. Strip shells from hard
boiled eggs in seconds...no mess, no fuss.
Get the Bacon Wave at no charge when you order EZ Cracker today!
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Little Johnny's classroom, the teacher gave the class a homework
assignment. She wanted them to tell the class one talent that they
had and that they were especially good at.
The next day the Teacher calls on Mary. Mary got up and said "I've
been taking piano lessons for 2 years. The teacher told Mary that
was
very good.
After all of the other students told about their talent, the teacher
doesn't have a choice but to let Little Johnny have his turn. She
doesn't want to call on him because she is scared of what he is
going
to say.
She asked Little Johnny to tell the class about his special talent.
He stood up and said, " This is my special talent". Then he stuck
his
tongue out.
The teacher said, "Little Johnny, I don't understand." "How is your
tongue a special talent"?
Little Johnny said, "See this ball where my tongue is pierced? My
babysitter said that was a special talent because not every boy that
she baby sits for has a pussy grinder!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Touch-n-Brush - Hands Free Toothpaste Dispenser
Touch-n-Brush uses revolutionary, vacuum force technology to cleanly
squeeze every available drop of toothpaste in the tube. Get the
perfect amount of toothpaste every time without the mess.
Eliminate messy, sticky bathroom sinks forever.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy the famous Irishman is driving home after downing a few at the
local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree
in the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid it and realizes almost too late that there is
yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and
discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course,
causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his
car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what
on earth he was doing.
Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer
stops him mid-sentence and says, "Fer Chris-sakes, Paddy, that's yer
air freshener!"
Mike Walters
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Slap Chop is a manual chopper machine that works when you slap
the plunger part. Every slap triggers the 3 blades below to chop and
cut the food. The more you slap the
Slap Chop, the finer the food gets.
Chop up potatoes for home fries, or add mushrooms and green peppers
for a tasty side to
your eggs. Even use the Slap Chop for vegetables like carrots,
celery and radishes for an
instant salad. Nuts and chocolate are chopped easy for toppings on
ice-cream. The Slap Chop
is great for onions and even garlic so your fingers don't smell and
it saves time. The Slap Chop's
base opens up to expose the blades for easy cleaning.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1536
Origin of Species
Rudy: Sandi, where did we come from?
Sandi: Daddy got us.
Rudy: No, I mean our species Dogs, Canines, where did we come from?
Katie: Yes, Sandi where did we come from?
Sandi: Oh, I understand the question. We came from San Francisco.
Rudy: Wow!
Sandi: Yes, a long time ago they had a huge earthquake back then.
Katie: Yes, I saw about it on the history channel.
Sandi: Well the earth opened up and the Wolves jumped on one side
of the crack along with some humans and later the wolves became
doggies.
Katie: How did all the dogs come from wolves...I mean look we have
the wiener dogs, the huge Irish wolfhounds all from the wolves?
Sandi: Yes, it happened a long time ago when a cave man name of
Doctor Frankenstein started messing with the Jeans of Dogs. He
wanted
to create different dogs for different purposes. He wanted fast
dogs so he
created the greyhounds and he wanted small dogs so he created the
little
bitty guys. In his cave he had all these test tubes and stuff. He
created
the first Lassie.
Rudy: Wow, you are smart Sandi. Where do you learn all this stuff?
Sandi: Some of it comes to me in dreams....after I eat my desert of
ice
cream and roast beef.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
No comments:
Post a Comment