Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I always type the intro the night before usually sometime around
midnight, just before I go to bed the first time. When I get up at
0300 I start adding some of the jokes that everyone has sent in
and try to get an idea on where the Chips are headed for the
next day. I then crawl back into bed and sleep until the local
morning talk show comes on and attack the parts in a piecemeal
fashion till I either take a nap or mail the lists out. Wed. around
0500 things started going weird. We had two blips in the power
and the batteries are weak in the UPS so the computer crashed.
I got up and ran the computer through the stages until I was able
to
get Outlook running again and recover my work. Outlook does not
like to be shutdown by turning the power off and takes a good 5
minutes to get restarted but it is necessary because of the several
gigs of mail in it. Outlook Express becomes really unstable when
you try to store 15,000 emails in it and Windows mail is just plain
unstable.
Satisfied I had everything running properly I went back to bed to
get
some more sleep before 0700 rolled around. At about 0600 the fan
on the heater stopped and I woke up. The only sounds I could hear
was the wind howling. Then I heard a clatter on the front porch and
the alarm went off on the Jimmy and then was quiet again. It was
pitch black so there was no reason to get out of bed and see what
had happened and I didn't think anyone was crazy enough to be out
in the wind which was gusting to 55 mph. At exactly 0700 the power
came back on and after lying in bed for another 15 minutes I got up
and fired up the computer again.
I went to the front window and took a look outside on the porch
where
the trash cans were. The one that was completely empty was over on
the other side of the street and the cover was gone. It had been
held
down by a 10 pound slab of Michigan Sandstone and I don't see it
anywhere either.
More of my day Wed. later, enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Wife Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple of old cowboys (Sam and Bubba) were sitting
in a bar having a drink (or two or three) , doing what most
old cowboys do; complaining about the heat, the cows and
their wives.
They weren't exactly the brightest guys, and neither were their
comments. Every day they said pretty much the same thing.
And it always ended in a pissing contest over who had the
worst wife.
Today though something was different. There was a wise
looking elderly Indian Chief sitting at the bar. They decided
to ask him to decide, who had the worst wife.
The first man (Sam) complained that his wife was always
arguing with him. No matter what he said, she always said
the opposite. She didn't just say it either, she said it so
loud that the neighbors complained.
The old Chief listened attentively and then said, "If your wife
was Indian, we would name her Fire-Water."
Sam asked "Why would you call her Fire-Water?"
The Indian Chief replied, "Every time she opens her mouth
she breathes fire and your knees turn to water."
The second man (Bubba) said "My wife is so bad that we
haven't hadn't had physical relations in darn near twenty years."
The chief again listened attentively and pronounced Bubba's
wife as "Sleeping-Dragon.
When Bubba asked why, the chief replied, "If you try to touch
her while she is sleeping, she will become a dragon and bite
your head off."
Sam and Bubba had a good laugh over their wives new names.
Then Sam asked, "Okay, them Indian names are pretty cool,
but.... Who has the worst wife?"
The chief replied, "I do."
Bubba asked what the chiefs wife name was.
The chief replied something along the lines of
"Whumpo Havo Noja"
Both Sam and Bubba looked very confused, and so the chief
explained, "That's my wife's Indian name, it translates in
English to "Three-Old-Horses.
More puzzled than ever before Bubba asked, "Yeah, but
what does it (Three-Old-Horses) mean?
The chief sighed, took a sip of his beer and said ,
"Nag, Nag, Nag."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little
lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabiths?"
And the shopkeeper gets down one his knees, so that he's on her
level,
and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy
bwack
wabby?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, bends forward and says,
"I don't fink my pyfon gives a fuck!"
A frantic mother called her pediatrician at two in the morning.
"Doctor," she yelled, "My baby just ate an entire tube of K-Y jelly!
What do I do?"
"Well," came the response, "if you really can't wait, call an
all-night
drugstore."
The young girl said to the rather hip new priest, "Father, is it a
sin to
have sex before receiving Communion?" The priest replied, "Only if
you block
the aisle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nasty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men were at a baseball game when one man looked over his
shoulder and spotted a woman sitting several rows behind them.
He nudged his buddy and said, "Hey, look up there, that lady is
not wearing panties!"
"Naw," came the reply, "she's got black lace panties on."
"No!" replied the first man, "that's the real thing!"
After arguing back and forth, they made a bet and asked the
vendor if he wanted to make a fast buck. The first man said,
"Hey buddy, go up there and see if it's the real thing or black
lace panties."
The vendor goes up, grabs a quick look and runs back to the two
men.
"Well," asked the first man, "isn't it the real thing?"
"Nope." came the reply from the vendor.
"Then I was right, she has black lace panties on, right?"
"Nope." came the reply again.
"For Pete's sake, man," yelled the first man, "it's got to be
one or the other!"
"Nope," replied the vendor. "It's flies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Numbers Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old
Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how
to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's
whatcha gotta do.
One: Take out your penie-pipe.
Two: Pull back the foreskin.
Three: Pee.
Four: Push back your foreskin.
Five: Put your equipment back."
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"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.
I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' "Two-four, two-four, two-four....
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Storm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years
both
had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning.
One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while
walking
home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking
across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally
terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the
hay
like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the
thunder.
With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the
wind
blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy.
Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament,
he
did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation.
After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his
merry
way.
Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed home,
calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! If
you
ever get struck by lightning, you'll never be afraid again!!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Beach Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three guys are walking down the beach ...
when they see this beautiful woman laying
naked on the beach.
Well, the first guy goes over to her and
starts making love to her, when she says
"What will we name the child?"
The guy freaks and runs away. So the second
guy goes over to her and starts "doing his
thing" when she says "What will we name the
child?" He freaks out also and runs away.
The third guy has been watching all this.
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She keeps asking but he keeps going.
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to the girl and says, "If he gets out of
that, we'll call him Houdini."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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What money looks like Via Dave Osmun
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What's In Bloom
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Website Midis
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Movie Clips
GPS Moses
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G Spot
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Happy Hump Day
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High Blood Pressure
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How Far Will A Condom Stretch
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Fin Potato Whore
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Fire hose Rodeo
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Fly
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Football As It Should Be
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For Men
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Zapped
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They Don't Make Them Like This Anymore
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This Kid Deserves An Oscar
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Tolerant Cat
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ugly Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank
they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the
Great Wall Of China.
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house
and came out with an application.
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the
electric chair.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents
named you Shit Happens.
You're so ugly, your mate won't have to
worry about birth control...your face
will do just fine.
You're so ugly, you could model for death
threats.
You're so ugly, when you were born they
put tinted windows on your incubator.
You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on
your mirror.
You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror
your reflection turns to stone.
You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand
the cats try to bury you.
You're so ugly, your doctor is a vet.
You're so ugly, when you were born the
doctor took one look at you and slapped
your parents.
You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of
the car window and got arrested for
mooning.
You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.
Your girl is so ugly, you gave her a hickey
and got a mouthful of fur.
You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat
by phone.
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hiding
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Common
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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A poem for us....
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it, DICK?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A newly wed couple were looking to decorate their new house. Whilst
bargain hunting, they found an unusual mirror, which the shop owner
states is "magical".
The couple buy the mirror, and place it on the back of their bedroom
door.
One day the wife decided to test the mirror out, and whilst looking
into
the mirror said:
"Mirror, mirror on the door, Make my boobs size 44."
And lo and behold it came true! She ran down the stairs to show her
husband, who was utterly amazed. He proceeded to run up to the
bedroom,
and whilst looking in the mirror he said:
"Mirror, mirror on the door, Make my manhood touch the floor."
And then his legs fell off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She
gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When
he
arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close
to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
which
is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking
his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get
him
for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up
beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes
the
barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, as a
matter of fact there s. I need you to give him a message" she
continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet
paper in the ladies room."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1249
The Discovery
BJ is sleeping really good when Sandi shakes him.
Sandi: Daddy, we have a crisis.
BJ: What is the matter, fire?
Sandi: No, it is Katie.
BJ: Oh no, is she ill again?
Sandi: No, come along and I will show you.
BJ gets up and gets dressed and goes upstairs and finds Katie in a
wheelchair. She has a shawl wrapped around her.
BJ: What is the matter Katherine?
Katie looks up with droopy eyes: Old, I am old father dear. Just
put me
out of my misery.
BJ to Sandi: Did I miss something?
Sandi: She found a white hair on her body where there was none
before.
Rudy: Yeah, and she has been driving us bananas since.
BJ: Okay, I understand.
BJ: Katie, look at Rudy. What color is he?
Katie: White.
BJ: What color is Sandi?
Katie: Blonde and White.
BJ: Where is this white hair that you have?
Katie: On my back.
BJ: Let me see it....Oh there it comes off. It is probably one of
Rudys or Sandis. It is springtime and everyone of you guys is
shedding
hair. There is hair everywhere in the house. When you lay down, you
will pick up some hair.
Katie: Really!
BJ: Honest. Besides, the day will come when you get white hair, but
it is how you feel not the color of your hair, comprende?
Katie: Makes sense father. Gee I had better write that down.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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