Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
If you were born in March, what famous people do you share
a birthday with?
1. Roger Daltry, Ron Howard, Pete Rozelle
2. Jon Bon Jovi, Dr. Seuss, Mikhail Gorbachev
3. Alexander Graham Bell, Hershel Walker, Mike Combe
4. Knute Rocke, Shemp Howard, Paula Prentiss
5. Rex Harrison, Andy Gibb, Michael Irvin
6. Ed McMahon, Shaquille O'Neal, Tom Arnold
7. Lynn Swann, Willard Scott, Nancy Kent
8. Mickey Dolenz, Lynn Redgrave
9. Bobby Fisher, Mickey Spillane
10. Sharon Stone, Chuck Norris
11. Sam Donaldson, Rupert Murdoch
12. Andrew Young, Darryl Strawberry, Liza Minelli
13. Neil Sedaka, William Casey, Adam Clayton
14. Albert Einstein, Billy Crystal, Charlotte Senefeld
15. Andrew Jackson, Judd Hirsch, Thomas M
16. James Madison, Jerry Lewis, Salida T
17. Billy Corgan, Nat King Cole, Bettie Hall
18. Vanessa Williams, Queen Latifah, Bonnie Blair
19. Bruce Willis, Glenn Close
20. Spike Lee, Bobby Orr, Pat Riley
21. Rosie O'Donnell, Johan Sebastian Bach
22. William Shatner, Bob Costas
23. Maynard Jackson, Chaka Khann, Dianne Funk
24. Harry Houdini, Steve McQueen
25. Elton John, Howard Cosell, Sarah Jessica Parker
26. Diana Ross, Sandra Day O'Connor, LynnLynn
27. Mariah Carey, Quentin Tarantino
28. Reba McEntire
29. Cy Young, Jennifer Capriati, Hammer
30. Eric Clapton, Warren Beatty, Don Maire
31. Al Gore, Gordie Howie, Shirley Jones
It is good to see everyone enjoying Global Warming in their own
way and even though I don't think winter is over completely we are
looking at a major thaw for the next week or so which is great. I
don't
function well when it is -20 outside, I go into hibernation mode and
get
nothing done.
Eva is really into my various messengers right now and even when I
shut them down she restarts them and engages in her favorite
sport of sending emoticons. So if you are male and you start getting
kissing smiley faces from me it is probably Eva, and if you are
female
it might be me heh heh.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It has come to the attention of researchers of the Food and Drug
Administration that previously unanticipated complications, result
when Viagara is taken along with Ex-Lax. Both products tend to act
together and magnify the effects of the other.
The researchers have concluded that the result is that you end up
both coming and going at the same time.
It *really* gets complicated when Prozac is taken with the other
drugs, because then, you really don't give a shit if your cuming
or going.
~~~~
A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the
waitress
came over to take his order. ". . .and to drink?" she asked. The man
said he would like coffee.
The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it
on
the man's lap when she stopped at the table. "Oh my God! I am so
sorry!"
"That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with
his a
napkin. "But tell me, is this regular or decaf?"
"Regular," she replied.
"Oh great ... now this thing is going to be up all night!"
~~~~
This guy Chris gets a call from his buddy John one day, and John is
on the phone crying.
Chris asks, "John, what's wrong? You sound really upset."
"Well," replies John, "my wife's been cheatin' on me."
"With who?" asks Chris.
"The neighbor," replies John.
"That damn dirty slut!" says Chris.
"Yeah," replies John, "you think I'm upset, you should've heard how
upset the neighbor's husband was."
~~~~~
Bishop to Pope. "I have good news and bad news."
Pope "What's the good news?
Bishop "God is Alive."
Pope "That's very good news, what's the bad news?"
Bishop "She is dancing with the Witches at Fort Hood."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
poor choice
http://www.thepostm
Wait, Fred!
http://www.thepostm
pretty feet
http://www.thepostm
Wild T-Shirts
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Why Not To Wed
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Whore D'oevre
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rehab Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Thier task
for the day is to each stand up in turn, speak their name, and admit
to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first
prisoner
stands and says, "My name is Gabe and I'm in for murder." Everyone
gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his
wrongdoing. The next guy stands up and says, "My name is Rich and
I'm
in for armed robbery." Again, there is a round of approving looks.
This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy. He stands
up and says, "My name is Eli, but I'm not telling you what I'm in
for." The group leader says, "Now, come on Eli, you have to admit it
to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did." "Ok then," agrees
Eli, "I'm in for fornicating with dogs." Everyone is disgusted. One
in the group shouts out, "That's sick! How low can you go!?!"
"Chihuahuas"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today,
the 31st of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain
things that have occurred since the beginning of the
month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my
letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set,
a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I
destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only
was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades
in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you,
there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved
better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my
friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands,
and even help the elderly cross the street. There was
virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for
humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a
stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the FUCK were
you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you've
taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come
out with some SHIT like this under the tree. As if you
hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot
across the street so many toys that he can't even walk
into his house.
Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat
ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll
throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them
away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking
North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you
didn't get me that fucking bike.
FUCK YOU SANTA.
Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you
FAT-SON-OF-A-
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shipwreck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical
island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one
day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped
off, washes up on a piece of driftwood.
He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for
clams, and eating fruits and berries.
She says, "Well, what did you do for love?"
He says, "Love? What's that?"
She says, "I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again.
Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she
says, "Well, how do you like love?"
He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
These three guys die in a car wreck, and they all go to Hell. When
they
arrive, the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was. The first
guy
says "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk."
The Devil decides to lock him in this room for 100 years with
nothing
but shelves of every kind of alcohol you could dream of.
The guy's thinking, "Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs
into
the room.
The second guy says, "It's the women. I could never stay faithful to
my
wife."
The devil opens the second door and nothing but the finest-looking
naked
women that you have ever seen. And he would be the only guy in there
for
100 years. He couldn't believe it. His dick was instantly hard and
he
went hauling ass into the room and the Devil shut the door.
The third man said "It's gotta be the bud. I'm always tokin' up."
The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of
10-foot
tall, icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green,
death
bud.
The stoner can't believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian
style
with his back to the door and the Devil shuts the door behind him.
One hundred years go by and the Devil comes back to check on the
three
men.
He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an
empty bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or
showered in years, and is covered in his own puke, shit and piss.
"I'll
never drink again!" he says.
The devil tells him that at least he learned something and decides
to
give him a second shot at life.
The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out
even
faster than when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams.
The devil decides that at least he learned not to cheat on his wife
and
gives him another chance as well.
The devil then comes to the third door. He opens it and nothing has
changed. The stoner is still sitting in the same position that he
was
100 years ago.
The devil asks him if he learned anything.
The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek.
"You gotta a light man?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
French Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man was walking through the French
countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day,
when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple
making love in a field.
Getting over his initial shock he said to
himself:
"Ah,young love...
ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers...
C'est magnifique!"
remembering the good old day's that he'd once
enjoyed.
Suddenly he gasped and said:
"Mais... Sacre bleu!
Ze woman, she is dead!,"
before heading off as fast as he could to the
town to tell Jean, the police chief.
He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath,
and shouted:
"Jean...Jean.
zis woman ...naked in farmer Gaston's field
making love."
The police chief smiled and said:
"Come, come, Henri you are not so old;
remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air,
ze flowers?
Ah,L'amour!
Zis is OK."
"Mais non!
You do not understand;
ze woman, she is dead!"
Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat,
rushed out of the station, jumped on his push-
bike, pedalled down to the field, confirmed
Henri's story, and pedalled all the way back
(non-stop) to call the doctor.
He picked up the telephone and screamed:
"Pierre, Pierre, ...this is Jean,
I was in Gaston's field;
zere is a young couple naked having sex "
To which Pierre replied,
"Jean, I am a man of science.
You must remember...
it's spring, ze air, ze flowers,
Ah, L'amour!
Zis is very natural.
"Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply:
"NON, you do not understand;
ze woman, she is dead!"
Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed:
"Mon dieu!," grabbed his black medicine bag;
stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and
other instruments;
jumped in his car;
and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.
After carefully examining the participants he
drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were
waiting at the station.
When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently,
and said:
"Ah, mes amis, do not worry.
Ze woman, she is not dead,
..... she is British"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/I'd rather Have Jesus
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/ To Know Him Is To Love Him~The Teddy Bears
http://carolynsprec
Rick w/We're Coming Home Tomorrow (For Our Military)
http://www.wtv-
Carol w/I Believe in Me
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Truth About Work
http://www.shangral
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Surfin Surfari
What does You Phone number spell?
http://www.phonespe
Wrecked Exotics Via Wesley
http://www.wreckede
A Diamond Below Via Wesley
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Your Rock Star Name
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
St. Patrick's Day
http://wisher.
Pink Graphics
http://www.angelfir
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Amphibians
http://ctamp.
American Mink
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Movie Clips
Showing Her Boobs On A Catwalk
http://www.buffalos
Sling Shot
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So Funny
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Soup Ad
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Speed Isn't Everything
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Satin Sheets
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Saying Goodbye
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Speed Bump
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Terrorist Attack
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That Look
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Italian Police Motorcycle Drill Team
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PD Budget
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Great tequila Commercials
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It Looked Like A Parking Space
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Kind So Flunky
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on,
indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.
One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled,
"Who turned on the fucking lights!?"
"Oh, no, sir, " the nearest flight attendant replied.
"Those are the breakfast lights.
You slept through the 'fucking lights'."
A woman and her little boy were walking through
the woods and they pass two deer having sex.
The little boy asks his mom, "Mommy, mommy, what are they doing?"
The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich."
Then they saw two squirrels having sex and the little boy
again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied
they were making a sandwich. A couple of days later the
little boy walks in on his mom and dad and said
"Mommy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because,
Mommy has mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mona shining
http://able2laugh.
Mounties
http://able2laugh.
Cinderella Man
http://able2laugh.
Three bears
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Zoloft
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Yes Dont U Understand
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Claire
Who possessed a magnificent pair,
Or that's what I thought
Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin to lose air!
A short-organed fellow named Kevin,
Used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
Then to eight and to nine,
And thought ten was divine....
There will be film at eleven!
Dear Dad, you are getting quite old;
Your assets, I think, should be sold
And given to me
So that you can be free
To live out those years they call gold."
"Dear son, there's no reason to fret;
I haven't got Alzheimer's yet;
I'll do it my way,
'Till it's all pissed away;
Not one nickel or dime will you get!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charlie was ecstatic when the young woman accepted his marriage
proposal. He had
always been very sensitive about his wooden leg and feared no one
would ever
have him. This fear was so strong that he couldn't bring himself to
tell his
fiancée about his leg when he gave her the ring, nor when she bought
the dress,
not even when they chose the time and place. All he would keep
telling her was,
"Darling, I have a big surprise for you."
When their wedding night had finally arrived and they were alone in
their hotel
room, his bride said to him, "Now don't forget, Charlie, you
promised me a big
surprise."
Unable to utter a word, he turned out the light, unstrapped his
wooden leg and
slipped into bed, placing his bride's hand upon the stump.
"Hmmmmmm," she whispered softly, "this IS a big surprise. If you'll
pass me the
vaseline, I'll see what I can do."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Slap Chop is a manual chopper machine that works when you slap
the plunger part. Every slap triggers the 3 blades below to chop and
cut the food. The more you slap the
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Chop up potatoes for home fries, or add mushrooms and green peppers
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ice-cream. The Slap Chop
is great for onions and even garlic so your fingers don't smell and
it saves time. The Slap Chop's
base opens up to expose the blades for easy cleaning.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prior to her trip to Texas , Buffy (a New Yorker),
confided to her co-workers she had three goals
for her trip to the Lone Star State;
1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.
Upon returning, the girls were curious as to
how she fared.
'Let me tell you, they have a tree down there
called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that
brisket over that Mesquite , it's ooooh so good.
The taste is unbelievable!
'And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes...
those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride
horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses
and grab the bull by the horns and throw them
to the ground! It is just incredible!'
They then asked, 'Well tell us, did you have sex
with a real cowboy?'
'Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the
condom they carry in the back pocket of their
jeans, I changed my mind!'
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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*Garnishing Book with tips and tricks on preparing fruits and
vegetables.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1242
The Time That Never Was
Sandi: I remember Rudy you were supposed to fix the door to our
doghouse.
Rudy: Well I got busy.
Sandi: Doing what?
Rudy: Katie wanted me to fix her plumbing.
Sandi tapping her foot: So Katie's plumbing is more important than
our
door?
Rudy: No, no I just fixed her plumbing then..to be honest, I forgot.
Sandi: I think I will forget you supper tonight.
Rudy walks away and goes and visits BJ.
Rudy: Dad talk to me about females.
BJ: What is the question?
Rudy: How do you make them happy?
BJ: Rudy I am only 63 years old. Ask me again in about one
million years. There is no answer that I know. Somewhere between
this time and the next time is the answer.
Rudy: I don't understand.
BJ: Exactly.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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