Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
You are probably thinking that buffalo must have got a dose of
dedication or something to get Monday's Chips out so early in
the morning but that isn't exactly what happened. I have been
getting a lot of mail lately on the negative effects of Aspartame.
I have been reading this stuff since the mid 80's and it is blamed
for everything from Asthma to unwanted pregnancies. I don't
believe in conspiracies but there may be some amount of truth
to it and it may also cause people to have a craving for sugar so
I decided to at least cut back on the amount of Diet Coke I was
drinking and switch to coffee for awhile which is why I bought a
new coffee pot.
I stopped at sav-a-lot and spotted some dark French grind coffee
in a bag and decided to try that and I got home around 2000. I
ran a batch of water through the pot to rinse it out and then followed
the directions on the side of the pack that said two tablespoons
per 6 oz. cup. I filled my mug and slammed down the first cup and got
a refill and was about halfway through that when I noticed that all of
my hair was standing on end and buzzing. I slowed down on the second
cup and was feeling a little tired when I got done with it so I went in
and laid down. I dozed off and that lasted approximately 8 minutes
and I was wide awake again so I decided to finish the Chips while
I was awake.
Today is St. Patrick's Day and also the 13th anniversary of my dad
passing away. It is ironic that a man whose middle name was Patrick
and was called Pat most of his life should die on this day but such is
life. I hope all of you Irish ladies are wearing something green because
I do believe in the tradition of a pinch if you are caught without.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Wine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his
girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in
the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on
the table with a thud.
"This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people
surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to
convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally, someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured
the Clerc Milon 1928.
"I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You
know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton. You pick the
grapes at the same time. The same cepage, You crush in the same way,
You put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, You
even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the
same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When you
return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put
one finger in one opening, another finger in the other. Then, smell
both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance
in geographic location makes."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
a little to the left some more. ahh, right there
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Shakespeare Pick Up Chips
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"Of course, 'Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be
persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady."
"Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?"
"If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown
but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?"
"Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?"
"My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent."
"Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the
evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean."
"Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?"
"Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast
eyes upon thy beauty!"
"Wouldst thou away to yon Motel 6 with me?"
"Do me, or not do me. THAT is the question."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Court Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New York man was forced to take a day off from
work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He
grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after
endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he
stood before the judge, only to hear that court would
be adjourned for the next day and he would have to
return the next day.
"What for?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp
query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court.
That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge
relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough
for two more words."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Late Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary
and decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife
to tell her that he had to "work late" and she said, "no
problem."
After dinner they went back to her apartment and had
mad sex for hours. On the way home he noticed a huge
hickey on his neck. He fell into a state of panic.
What was he going to tell his wife?
He walked in the door and was greeted by his excited
and happy dog. Inspired, he fell to the floor and
pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.
Holding his neck with one hand he walked into the living
room and exclaimed," Honey! Look at what the dog did to my
neck!"
His wife jumped up, ripped open her blouse and said,
"That's nothing, look at what he did to my tits!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My girlfriend is such a cheat and a liar. I've been going with her
almost a year now, and I never would have known she was married until
my wife mentioned it just the other day.
A Lady Rector of a Ladies hostel was fond of using English language
though she was not good in English. She was also fond of using very
small sentenses to communicate. Always in hurry she used to creat lots
if funny situations. Once the electricity of her ladies hostel went
off at midnight that too during the examination season. She
immediately contacted electricity board's complaints office over phone
and placed instant demand saying. " Lights gone in our ladies hostel.
Send Men immediately. Girls using candles."
Teacher: "Why did you bring your cat to school?" Pupil : "Because I
heard my sister's boyfriend say, Tonight I will eat your pussy.'"
A young couple is on their honeymoon. After having great sex, he says,
"Now you won't see me for a while." "We're on our honeymoon!" she
exclaims. "Where the heck do YOU think you're going?" "Nowhere,
sweetheart," he says. "Turn over."
BARTENDERS do it on the Rocks
Stan kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Race Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the guy who went to the races, and while
there he observed a Roman Catholic priest who went over to
a horse and sprinkled it with holy water and the horse went
on to win the race, streaks ahead of the opposition, then
before the next race he saw the priest go over to another
horse and sprinkle it with holy water, and like the first
horse it went on to win its race, so the guy said to himself
'if the priest sprinkles another horse with holy water I am
going to bet every penny I have on that horse', and sure
enough the priest went over to another horse and sprinkled
it with holy water, and the other guy went to a bookie and
bet every penny he had on this horse.
Then the race started and the horse that the priest sprinkled
with holy water dropped dead about 100 yards after the start
of the race, and the guy was devestated, so he went over to
the priest and said 'what are you playing at, the last two
horses you sprinkled with holy water went on to win their
races, and this last one you sprinkled drops dead after only
100 yards, and I had put every penny I had on it's nose,
what are you playing at'.
The priest replied 'you are a protestant aren't you' and the
guy admitted that he was, and said 'but how do you know that',
the priest said 'because you don't know the difference between
giving a blessing and administering the last rites'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Irish Blessings
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Signs Of A Bad Day
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bread Chips
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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it . Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves.
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"
He replied, "I can't believe this, everybody in the world knows about this shit except me."
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Absolute New York
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Snoring
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St. Patrick Day Toons
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Surprise
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I met this fine lady on the Cape
Who had a wee bit to much grape
An thought sex might just be fine
Til she took the measure of mine
An was left with her mouth agape
I know that you'll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso - - -
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick.
There once was a whore on the dock
From dusk until dawn she sucked cock
'Til one day it's said
She gave so much head
She exploded and whitewashed the block
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their
small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your
daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests
itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in
your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and
whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up
Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.'
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel
across the street. They saw a baptist minister walk into the brothel,
and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth
goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other
Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin'
victim to temptation." Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the
brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of
the poor lasses must be gravely ill."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1545
Zounds!
Rudy: Pops sure has had some bad luck this week. We should be quiet
today.
Katie: Yeah, let's pretend we are asleep.
Sandi: Here he comes home from work. Shhh!
BJ: I'm home!!!! Everybody come here! It is party time!!
Rudy: I think he is feeling better. A-roo!!!
Sandi: What's up daddy?
Diana: Hi honey.
Katie: Hello father.
BJ: I have a surprise you all. Close your eyes... You too cats.
A minute later..
BJ: Okay open your eyes!
Diana: Okay, what are we supposed to see?
BJ: This...
BJ hands over a piece of paper to Diana.
Thud!
Katie: Medic!!!
Sandi: Smelling salts Rudy!
Rudy: I have them. Here Toots.
Diana: You got your bonus check today...Wow! I did not expect you to
get one with the economy the way it is.
BJ: I have done well with my company, created a department that has
saved a lot of money and here is my reward. I am not a boss or anything
but they rewarded me for my ideas and creative thinking.
Diana: We could buy a new car or...
BJ: Put it in the bank..but tonight all of us eat well.
Rudy: A-roooo!!!
The herd in Guthrie
(I have no interest in playing politics..my company knows that, but I will
take the money and run)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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