THE POSTMAN's CORNER! Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. You are guaranteed a credit limit equal to 100% of your deposit immediately. The minimum deposit required is $300, with a maximum deposit of $5,000. In the event of non-payment, your MasterCard charges will be deducted from your collateral deposit and any remaining balance will be returned to you as soon as all charges have been cleared. http://www.tinyurl.com/cwduet FREE* 3-PACK SAMPLE Enjoy a hint of Lemon or Raspberry flavor with NEW SPLENDA FLAVOR ACCENTS. Simply sprinkle one of SPLENDA'S newest no-calorie light sweetener into 16 fl. oz. of water for a refreshing, thirst-quenching, on-the-go beverage! Makes a great addition to hot or cold tea. http://www.tinyurl.com/asxk53 Take advantage of this unique offer and indulge yourself with a FREE Black MacBook Air! Get a Black MacBook Air for Two by taking our Survey! http://www.tinyurl.com/b8x5es Get Your FREE* Sample! Estee Lauder Tender Lip Balm adds a gentle touch of color while soothing chapped & dry lips. No smudging or fussing, Estee Lauder Tender Lip Balm glides on easily with a handy tube-tip applicator. Available in 4 sheer shades that moisturize, condition, and highlight your smile with subtle shine, shimmer & color. http://www.tinyurl.com/c88wqc GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS! I went out this morning to check the "live trap" to see if I'd nabbed that nasty ole skunk this morning. Oh my, the trap was sprung! What did I have? I looked a little closer. Alas I had managed to trap a big huge ugly old rat. Nasty! Needless to say, I dispatched the critter quickly. Never saw such big teeth before. Glad I didn't have to tangle with that one! We live about a mile from a river, so it is not uncommon to find a variety of "Critters" in our back yard. I finally gave up the trapping skunk idea because there have been no more recurring sprays since the last one which left our house smelly and stinky. I guess I have not earned the title of "skunk hunter" and I will always be called Martin aka the postman. State Farm refuses to touch the claim unless there is damage beside just the smell. I do not necessarily like State Farm, but I have been with them for so long, no one can offer me a better premium. The clean up appears to be a little pricy. We shall have to clean the carpets and furniture. And then the restoration company wants to put in a machine that will remove the stink. A two day process at least, at 150 bux a day. And then we have to go elsewhere to a motel because the home cannot be occupied during this treatment By the time its all said and done, I suspect the restoration total costs will be in the neighborhood of about a grand. Ouch. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS 2 hours for 3 minutes http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s033.html why I drink http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s034.html Do you solemnly swear http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s035.html things you would love to hear http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s036.html the bad news http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s038.html the pageant http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s040.html _________________ LETS GO TO THE MOVIES worst half time show ever http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5046.html Singlish sky angel cowboy http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5049.html Q: What are the two words every man does NOT want to hear after a blow job? A: Kiss Me Q:What's the best way to confuse a Man? A:Put a naked woman and a six-pack with the Remote Control in front of him and tell him to pick one. ______________ TOP 14 SIGNS YOUR SWIMMING POOL NEEDS CLEANING 14. Neighborhood kids ask if they can jump on your trampoline. 13. pH is so high, in vitro fertilization is possible. 12. Kids still pee in your pool, but they refuse to get in it first. 11. Skipping rocks across it causes sparks. 10. New algae species attract a Discovery Channel film crew to your backyard. 9. That green tarp covering your pool? Look again, Sparky. 8. Jello-like water slowing the pace of water polo games to unacceptable levels. 7. The Grim Reaper shows up in his Speedo. 6. "DREDGE ME" spelled out in algae on the bottom. 5. You can walk on the water, even though you're only the son of Gus. 4. Dr. Kervorkian seen filling IV bottles at pool side. 3. Your recently installed pool filter resembles the Marlboro Man's chest x-ray. 2. You haven't seen that much scum since Mickey Rourke's last movie. and the Number 1 Sign Your Swimming Pool Needs Cleaning... 1. The amount of body hair found in the drain gives even Robin Williams a run for his money. _____________ During a particularly wet winter, floodwaters rise so high in one town that the National Guard evacuates all the residents. One man stays behind, however, and when the water is waist-high, two national guardsmen in a boat motor past his house, checking for people left behind. "We're evacuating the town because of the flood! Jump in the boat and we'll carry you to safety!" But the man says, "No, don't bother; I've led a pious life, and the Lord will save me." The men in the boat shrug their shoulders and motor away. Later, when the water level has driven the man onto his roof, another boat appears. "Haven't you heard the town has been evacuated? Come on, we'll save you!" But the man sends them away again, saying, "No, no, the Lord will save me!" The water level keeps rising until the man is standing on his chimney and barely keeping his head above water. A helicopter, doing a final check, appears overhead. It drops a rope, and the loudspeaker says, "Grab the rope and we'll bring you to safety!" But the man waves the helicopter away, once again saying, "No, the Lord will save me!" But the water level keeps rising, and he drowns. When he gets to heaven, he is completely bewildered. He asks God, "God, why didn't you save me?" And God says, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter." _______________ "So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered. "First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish!" _____________ The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?' 'Yep', he replied. 'That's why I'm dumpin it here, cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'. ___________ The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?' The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.' BUFFALO Bill Great tequila Commercials http://www.buffaloschips.com/gaajs.htm It Looked Like A Parking Space http://www.buffaloschips.com/gssjak.htm FUN PAGES from Lorraine Kingdom of Gold http://tinyurl.com/blq5ap Drift Racing http://tinyurl.com/7orl45 PAPA Thorn Emergency call http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=911.jpg Cute little pink pussy http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=008PinkPussy.jpg No more safe sex http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=008safesex7.jpg THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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