THE POSTMAN'S CORNER If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! -P.J. O'Rourke  NEW! NEUTROGENA Moisture Shine Lip Soother FREE* SAMPLE Why just hydrate your lips when you can high light them too! Specially formulated with cucumber, chamomile & glycerin, NEUTROGENA Moisture Shine Lip Soother is a healing hydragel that provides dry lips with both instant, soothing relief & beautiful, glistening shine. Formulated with SPF 20. Available in 5 glamorous shades. Act now to choose a shade to sample for FREE*! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/8681.html  Drink Your Dew for FREE*. Active lifestyles rely on the refreshing lemon-lime citrus taste of MOUNTAIN DEW. Mountain bikers, rock climbers, skateboarders or surfers – It's Xtreme flavor for Xtreme personalities. http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/4273.html  Get 24 Nestle Crunch Candy Bars, FREE*! NESTLE's put a fun, new, flavorful twist on the traditional Crunch Bar and it's making the masses say, 'YUM!'. What can be tastier than layers of crunchy wafers complimented by a chocolate cream coating and topped with crisped rice! http://thepostmanscorner.net/ce/5756.html  FREE EASTER CANDY! What's the sweetest springtime treat: Marshmallow Peeps(r) or Cadbury's Crème Eggs(r)? Share your opinion and get a FREE* $100 gift card http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/ce/1996.html GOOD AFTERNOON POSTMAN FANS The War department woke me up about 4am, asking me "what is that incredibly foul odor?" 30 years of smoking, among other things, basically has destroyed my sinuses and I could smell nothing. But she is not given to being startled by strange noises in the night and etc, so I dutifully got up to investigate. "what's it smell like?" I asked, "Like burned garlic." she said, and son said he could smell it too. About that time I got a little concerned. I never have upgraded the wiring in this old dump,so if it smelled hot or burned, it could be a major concern. With some difficulty I managed to get down stairs into the basement. We have just an old cellar, the stairs are steep, and its not easy when you have emphasyma. But I did, and the breakers, furnace,and water heater all checked out. Went out side and checked all the wires leading into the house, again, nothing. By this time all the family members were awake and all declared it to be an incredilbe "burned odor." like burned garlic, they said. Turk the dog, aka Carlos the rat, was beside himself in his cage. and usually the little critter rarely stirs much before 10 am. I decided safety was more important than appearing foolish. so I called the firedepartment. I explained the problem altho I didn't think it was an emergency. They showed up within a couple minutes, much to their credit. The first thing they said as I greeted them coming up the front walk, "Whoa, smell that skunk?" But they took their infrareds and scanned every room, veryfying that it wasn't wiring. I felt rather foolish after they determined the source of the odor was, as we country bumpkins call it, "a pole kitty". But at least we know that the home of the postman clan is safe once again. I can also confirm that there are times when I am glad my sinuses are shot:) We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman _________________  THE COMICS poor choice http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s011.html Wait, Fred! http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s012.html pretty feet http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s013.html break it down http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s015.html the chatroom http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s016.html tech support http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s018.html a gynechologist http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s019.html Herman in the morning http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/s020.html LETS GO TO THE MOVIES the special moment http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5029.html fat girls need love too http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5030.html you must be Jack http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5031.html you're all I need http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5033.html The Potter puppet pals http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5034.html Charlie the unicorn http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5035.html POWER POINT DISPLAYS coming in for a landing http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2109.html INTERESTING STUFF that is one talented bear http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2114.html My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year. Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call, that she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting. Seems she was forced to make an emergency landing in Hamilton because of bad weather. Thank God the kids weren't with her. The FAA issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: Shewas flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating). The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured. The photograph below was taken at the scene to show the extent of damage to her aircraft. She was really lucky.  _____________ The groom to be said to his fiancee, "Three-thousand eight-hundred dollars for a dress that's only going to be worn once?!" "Who says it's only going to be worn once?" "Oh? You're planning to get married again? You know you can't wear white the second time!" "No, but I do plan to have a daughter and she'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom." "I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravagant dress." "Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!" "Okay, then why don't you wear hers?" "Who wants to get married in that old thing?" _______________ Things Overheard While Having Sex "A hundred bucks?!? What can I get for ten?" "Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's goo-- AAAARRGGGG!! Disconnected again! Friggin' AOL!!!" "Dammit! They just don't make these colostomy bags as strong as they used to!" "Oooh, you're so BIG! Oooh, you're so POWERFUL! Oooh, your batteries just died!" "No, really, I always yawn like that when I climax." "Don't laugh -- if *all* penises were this small, birth control would be a thing of the past!" "OK, now put on the Deanna Troi mask and say 'Captain, I can sense your throbbing manhood!' ...No, no, try it again with more accent!" "Well, what you lack in size, you make up for in speed." "Wait! Wait! We can't start until I find my beret!!" "Dammit Mom! Knock first!" _________________ An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. Hhe answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" ______________ The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza." ________________ On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.' ______________ BUFFALO Bill New Recruiting Ad http://www.buffaloschips.com/alaklk.htm Niggar Family http://www.buffaloschips.com/asjskks.htm FUN PAGES from Lorraine Around The World In 80 Days http://tinyurl.com/bhx6n9 Temple of Jewels http://tinyurl.com/8sstay PAPA Thorn New Olympic Fencing http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sports0008.jpg Tech support http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Tech.jpg Sleepy Hollow Man http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=008movies-0043.jpg THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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