THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
The glory of life is to love -
not to be loved.
Don Bosco
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
channel 8 news
Once the statewide smoking ban took effect in May,
most typically smoky bars emptied out,
business owners told 24 Hour News 8.
So, some establishments set out to accommodate their
patrons who still smoke, by creating patios where
people are able to light up.
This year, Michigan passed legislature into law that
banished smoking in all public buildings, including
bars and restaurants. The local pubs apparently by
pass the law simply by creating patios, or windbreaks
outside. So, instead of a bunch of drunks sitting around
inside where it is warm, we now have a bunch of drunks
sitting around outside in the cold- in order to tarnish their
lungs. Imagine that. The government didn't realize
that drunks really do not care about their lungs.!!!
And 5 years from now, the ACLU will come along and file
a law suit against the state for any drunks who
have ever contracted pnuemonia since the law was passed.
Go figger.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________
THE COMICS
diet cola
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z016.html
personal ad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z017.html
children
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z018.html
great news
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z019.html
tacos
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z020.html
_______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Larry the cable guy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/695.html
bad date
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/694.html
one day on the golf course
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/693.html
ladder accident
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/692.html
__________
POWER POINT DISPLAY
who I am makes a difference
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd562.html
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
"If I show you a really good trick, will you give
me a free drink?" The bartender considers it,
then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other
pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches,
cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the
bartender, "If I show you an even better trick,
will you give me free drinks for the rest of the
evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no
trick could possibly be better than the first.
Again, the man reaches into his pockets and pulls
out the tiny rat and the tiny piano. The rat stretches,
cracks his knuckles, and again proceeds to play the
blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls
out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along
with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his
beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers
him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man
replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases
the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he
insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again
increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over
to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That
frog could have been worth millions to you, and you
let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about
it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing
special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
___________
Three blondes were all applying for the last
available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at
the three of them and said,
"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer,
and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled
out a picture, and said,
"To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.
You must be able to notice things such as
distinguishing features and
oddities like scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of
the first blonde and
withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," He said, "did you notice any distinguishing
features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said,
"Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said,
"Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
It's a profile of his face!
You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde,
stuck the photo in her
face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,
"What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this
man?" "Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
"Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady?
This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one
ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and
said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...."
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew
it, saying,
"All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about
this man?" The blonde said,
"I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.
" The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began
looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right!
His bio says he wears contacts!
How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said,
"Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only
One eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
_____________
Two women were bemoaning the state of the National
Health Service. One said, "Do you know, my
ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a
year for her operation?"
"That's appalling," said the other woman. "What a
terrible way to treat someone of that age."
"I know," said the first woman. "It got so bad that
at one point I even said to her,
'Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?'"
_________
Young Brian was an absolute nut on physical fitness.
Every morning before his early breakfast, unless the
weather was unusually cold or foul, he put on his gym
suit and jogged around the reservoir in the park. That
done, he would indulge in calisthenics of some sort.
One morning, when the sun was peeping over the horizon
and the dew lay refreshingly cool on the grass in the
deserted park, Brian, his jogging done, threw himself
down behind a line of hedges and began a strenuous series
of pushups. That same morning old Lushley was also in
the park, wending his way home; but for him it was still
the evening before. His tuxedo was incredibly rumpled,
his hat unimaginable askew; and there emerged from him
in every direction a powerful aroma of some alcoholic
beverage. His tottering footsteps somehow brought him
behind the row of hedges, and he stopped short as he
watched Brian at his pushups.
After a few moments, he extended his cane uncertainly
and managed to tap Brian on the shoulder. "Young man,"
he said, "I hate to be a bearer of ill tidings, but if
you will take a close look, you will notice that your
girl is no longer there."
__________
Little Johnny, a fifth grade student has a penis
so large, his parents
warned him not to have anything to do with girls.
They cautioned him he could easily kill someone.
Through the grapevine, his teacher learns about
his unusual size, keeps
him after school and suggests they have sex.
He refuses expressing concern he might kill her.
She laughs and scoffs at the idea and says she
will elect to be on top,
in complete control, and nothing bad can happen.
He reluctantly agrees but the teacher experiences
such wonderful sensations, she faints from pure joy.
Thinking he's killed her, Johnny runs from the
class room sobbing and
crying, "Oh my God!... I killed her! I killed her!"
All at once he stops dead in his tracks, and look of dawning
comprehension appears on his face as he says,
"Wait just a minute! I
didn't kill her. She committed suicide!"
FUN PAGES
Cross Eyed for Life
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41421&s=n
Diamond Ring
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=5093&s=n
Reindeer Quiz
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=34843&s=n
Elephant Death Penalty
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41381&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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