Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Time for some thoughts from the buffalo. First off compact
fluorescent
lights. The other night I smelled burning electrical insulation, the
type used
in motor windings and transformers. It is actually a varnish on the
wire and
is pretty distinctive and since the only motors are on the computers
and
forced heat so we started a room by room search. In one bedroom
there was
the coiled tube of a cfl hanging by one wire from the fixture and
where it
had went into the ballast was a couple of big scorch marks. No
crackling
or signs that it was about ready to fail and possibly cause a fire.
This was
one of the original cfl's I had installed, a 9 watt one and the only
one that
I have actually had seen fail but I had heard other stories and
figured since
I had bought good bulbs I was safe. I am not saying to go out and
replace
every cfl that you have but it might be a good idea to turn them off
when
you aren't in the room. The NEC calls for circuit breakers installed
in
bedrooms to be of the type that open when arcing is detected but
that
is only in housing built the past 5 years or so. A house like mine
that still has
a fuse box has no capability for a safety item like this so I am
going to need to
keep a closer eye on them.
Also on the subject of saving money, I renegotiated some of my bills
for
a few savings. My gas supplier dropped my price 20 cents on a
hundred cubic foot
for a saving of a hundred a month and then I called AT&T and asked
for a lower rate
when my phone it 120 a month. They said I was all set and we even
added Canadian
long distance all at a savings. My next bill was a 136 dollars and I
was mad and
started to look into VOIP and cable modems and then today my new
bill came
and it was 99.00 which I am happy with so for now I will stay with
my old
phone. I do have to go get another phone though as I dropped the
portable last night
and it no longer works along with my caller avoidance device that is
part of it. Yes
if I don't want to talk to you I let you talk to the machine, as
much as I hate answering
machines. There are groups like the NRA and some policeman's fund
that think they
can call over and over again no matter how many times you curse at
them. I am
nice the first few times and ask to be removed after that I get very
irate.
February holidays will be sent tomorrow so have great day... buffalo
A Newsletter you may enjoy
Just Plain Country
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Condom Chips
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There is this just married Chinese couple that decided to make love
on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding.
The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to
buy a condom from the shop nearby. When the husband went out, the
wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off.
The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sold condoms and
when he finally found one, he realized that he had only 20 cents.
He asks the shop owner to sell him only one of the condoms and the
shop owner asked him which quality he wanted.
"The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black
condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom,
highest quality, is 25 cents each."
So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with
him.
While the husband was out, a black thief came into the room. The
wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She
grabbed the thief and happily started screwing away. The wife was
so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.
When the husband reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping.
Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife, mounted her and started
screwing her vigorously. The wife was surprised that the husband
was so energetic but she thoroughly enjoyed the session.
Nine months later, the wife gave birth to a black baby boy. When
the baby grew up, he asked the father. "Papa, why am I black and
you are white?"
The father shouted, "You are damn lucky! 5 cents more and you would
have been purple."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Movie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REJECTED TITLES FOR "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN"
HIGH NOONER
JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON
TRUE, HE GRITS
THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE
THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE
HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG
THE WILD BRUNCH
HE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON
THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER
DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID
VERY RAW HIDE
LONESOME DOUG
THE HOARSE SOLDIERS
DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN
MCCABE AND MR. MILLER
A FISTFUL OF NED
HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!
QUICKLY DOWN UNDER
BAREBUTT MOUNTING
BONE-NANZA
DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS
HOMO ON THE RANGER
OKLAHOMO
LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
PRANCES WITH WOLVES
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Biker Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw
a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are
you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss
an opportunity he
asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I
have ever had.
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous.
Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
Jim
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Short Chips
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There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and
a Nigerian. The German took out his dick, put it in the water,
waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the temperature of
the water. It's 32 degrees Celsius". The other two were amazed. "Let
me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water,
waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature is 32.3 degrees
Celsius". At last the Nigerian man said, "Let me have a try". So he
took his equipment, lowered it into the lake and said: "I've no idea
about the temperature, but the water is 2 feet 9 inches deep.
A fraternity brother confronted a junior member, telling him, "A
sorority girl is running around campus telling people you have a
small dick." "Yeah?" the junior member replied. "Well, she has a big
mouth."
A young man in a public swimming pool was startled when his swimsuit
fell off. He was in the deep end, and couldn't find it, no matter
how desperately he looked. Perplexed, he went to the shallow end and
tried to figure out what to do. As he stood there up to his chest in
water and watched the young ladies in their bikinis, he was
additionally stressed to realize that he now sported a raging hard
on. Finally, he struck up a course of action. He jumped violently
out of the water and shouted loudly, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" Although
most of the others in the pool began screaming in fear, a lusty
redhead took a more direct course of action. She tore off her bikini
bottoms, flattened him on the ground and straddled him yelling,
"Quick! Let me muzzle that son of a bitch before it gets away!"
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Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Muslims are motivated to terrorism because the Koran, the Bible of
Islam, tells them that fighting non-believers is a duty of every
Muslim and the only way to be certain of going to heaven is to die
fighting in the cause of allah. If they can make it to heaven, one
of
the rewards all Muslims are promised is 72 virgins. Here are the
comedian, Steve Martin's thoughts on those 72 virgins:
Virgin No. 1: Yuck.
Virgin No. 2: Ick.
Virgin No. 3: Ew.
Virgin No. 4: Ow.
Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!
Virgin No. 6: I'm Becky. I'll be legal in two years.
Virgin No. 7: Here, I'll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!
Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?
Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?
Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, "Like, what are
you
doing here?," and I go, "I'm hangin' out," so he goes, "Like,
what?" . . .
Virgin No. 11: First you're going to have to show me an up-to-date
health certificate.
Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!
Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?
Virgin No. 14: I'm eighty-four. So what?
Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Virgin No. 16: Even I know that's tiny.
Virgin No. 17: "Do it"? Meaning what?
Virgin No. 18: I'm saving myself for Jesus.
Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.
Virgin No. 20: Don't touch my hair!
Virgin No. 21: I hope you're not going to sleep with me and then go
sleep with seventy-one others.
Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?
Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?
Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, "Could I see you in my office,
Miss Witherspoon?"?
Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!
Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?
Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?
Virgin No. 28: It's so romantic here, dead.
Virgin No. 29: Well, I'm a virgin, but my hand isn't.
Virgin No. 30: You are in?
Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.
Virgin No. 32: I'm a virgin because I'm so ugly.
Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?
Virgin No. 34: I'll betcha you can't get an erection. Go on, impress
me. C'mon, show me. Show me, big shot.
Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven "virgin" has a slightly
different meaning. It means "chatty."
Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
Stop by Penny Pinching Polly and vote for the The Beaded Butterfly
as Best Jewelery of 2010 .. No registering or questions just choose
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hit the button
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Just Because
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp/JustBecause.html
Marlene/Elvis Bridge over troubled waters/
http://www.wtv-zone.com/summerhoosier3/html1/BridgeOver.html
Heading Home
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/headinghome.htm
Value Of Life
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/value.html
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Eyeball
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Graveyard of the Pacific - The Shipwrecks of Vancouver Island Via
Dianne
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Brief History of Punch Needle Embroidery Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/45hm22s
Love Thoughts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
"What does Alt+F4 do?" Via Wesley
http://computer.howstuffworks.com/question266.htm
Memory System Scanner
http://www.crucial.com/
Thunder's Graphic Land
http://www.angelfire.com/poetry/thunder66/graphicsindex.html
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Bier
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Breast Implant recall
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Bush On Global Warming
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Chinook Water
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Circus Monte Carlo
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An Unusual Gun
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Coming Home
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Cop Crapper
http://www.buffaloschips.com/123f2.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cont.
Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.
Virgin No. 38: I'm Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my
foot.
Virgin No. 39: It's a lesion, and, no, I don't know what kind.
Virgin No. 40: I'm Jewish. Why do you ask?
Virgin No. 41: Hi, I'm Becky. Oh, whoops-you again.
Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go
camping sometime?
Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I'm a single mom.
Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.
Virgin No. 45: When you're done, you should really check out how
cool
this ceiling is.
Virgin No. 46: I'm almost there. Just another couple of hours.
Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.
Virgin No. 48: No, you've got it wrong. We're in the Paradise
Casino.
Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it's
late.
Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is
over I'm going to find one.
Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, "move a little"?
Virgin No. 52: Not now, I'm on my BlackBerry.
Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.
Virgin No. 54: We've been together twenty-four hours now, and, you
know, sometimes it's O.K. to say something mildly humorous.
Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the
other
virgins.
Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh,
this must be it. No?
Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it's not me.
Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.
Virgin No. 59: Did you know that "virgin" is an anagram of Irving?
Virgin No. 60: First "Spamalot," then sex.
Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.
Virgin No. 62: Was that it?
Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a
motorcycle, but instead I got you.
Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can
call me Bob.
Virgin No. 65: They're called "adult diapers." Why?
Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in
Düsseldorf for money.
Virgin No. 67: I'm just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?
Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?
Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.
Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.
Virgin No. 71: I'm not very good at this, but let's start with the
Reverse Lotus Blossom.
Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One More
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajkknjjhj.htm
One And Only
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adkjhkfre.htm
I Can Do You One Better
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfgfr.htm
1 Piece bikini
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aghygh.htm
2 Cokes
http://www.buffaloschips.com/akjklj.htm
Double Asscrack
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfrll.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think you're the only one who MIGHT print this one...lol
A little poem:
Sing a song of syphilis,
A fanny full of crabs,
Four and twenty blackheads,
Twice as many scabs,
When the scabs pop open,
The heads began to sing,
Wasn't that a dirty cunt,
To stick your penis in.
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THERE'S TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY!
TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing
the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what
I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I
was trying to breathe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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