Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
Some more thoughts on Boot Camp 38 years ago. I have been
discussing this period with some Navy buddies and thought you might
find it more interesting than Global Warming.
We were all issued Crackerjack style whites and blues but half of
the company received dungarees with the bluer working jacket and I
got utilities along with the other half. I mentioned the soap dish
earlier because it was your iron when you folded and pressed each
piece to go in your locker. You have to admit someone put a lot of
time into figuring how to get all of those items into a seabag and
have them come out looking pressed when you needed them.
Our sister company, the Hummers and Strummers ( Choir and Band)
was with us at most of the parades and every graduation. On our
third week in boot camp we got to do our first parade in North
Chicago.
It was just a small town parade, nothing spectacular but after the
ceremony we were invited to a retired admiral's home for a barbecue.
It was a huge party with all the beer you could drink but everyone
behaved themselves, even a few that slipped away from the party with
some of the area girls. There was a four or five year old kid that
someone had given a white hat to that was running around saluting
the recruits and when they returned the salute he would tell them,"
Carry on Boot." It was extremely funny when he ran up to the
admiral, flipped him a salute and told him, " Carry on Boot."
Along about 2000 the party wound down and they loaded everyone into
buses and headed back to Great Lakes. They told us after the beer
we consumed if anyone got sick to use your white hat (Dixie Cup)
and not to puke on the floor of the bus. One guy got it in his mind
that his hat would be a good to take a pee rather than wait till we
got back on base and did so. This was not a good idea for a couple
of reasons, the first of which was that he was expected to have his
hat on his head when he left the bus and the second of which there
was no place to empty it so he just flung the contents out the
window. If you have ever tried throwing anything liquid out of a
window it will come right back in the next window which it did
soaking the passed out recruit behind him. We lied to the guy and
told him the boat had hit a big puddle and he went back to sleep.
One of the other great things about marching in parades every week
we didn't have to do our own dress whites. They were bagged up
after each event and came back cleaned and pressed and looking like
new no matter what kind of mess you got into.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An enterprising, but bashful sailor finds himself on shore leave in
Korea for his first time. While the rest of the guys are out having
a jolly good time in the red light district of Pusan, our hero just
can't get up the nerve to ask the local girls how much it costs for
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Penus?" He says "Sure how much?"
~~~~~
A very tired husband came home from the office after a long grueling
day to find his wife in her sexiest nightgown waiting for him at the
door with a couple of glasses of wine in hand. She took his
briefcase from him and led him over to the couch where she proceeded
to help make him "more comfortable." "How should we do it tonight,
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dear. I'm pretty tired.
How about 68?" he said. "Huh, 68? What's 68?" she asked, a little
puzzled.
"You do me, and I'll owe you one."
~~~~~~
A guy's bee farm is hit by a cyclone, sweetening everything in the
next county. He goes to a bank for a loan to start anew. The
banker loans him the money. A month later, he's back in the bank,
asking for another loan. "But we just loaned you money to restock,"
says the banker. "Yeah, but I had a little bad luck," says the
farmer. "I spent the money on new hives and a choice queen bee from
Iowa. The queen turned out to be a common whore and took up with a
horsefly. Now all the honey tastes like shit and I had to burn the
hives."
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Kotex Chips
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Subject: Dear Kotex I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my
panty-liner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying
advice such as:
* Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
* Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
* Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh.
* Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never
possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a
menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep
her feeling fresh. Like we need more fluid inside our bloated
bodies from hell... but go ahead... I
triple-dog-friggin-dare-ya... See what happens and report back.
I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and re move the
chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the
first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what,
the only activities that interest me are
eating..sleeping..bitching.. or crying for no apparent reason...
and oh... does ripping someone's head off count as a friggin'
activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine
hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap
like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol &
barbituates.
Printing out crappy advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that
was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude,
and is enough to send a consumers running to the Always brand.
It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley
faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or
packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it
in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and
beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't
ya just add an in-store microphone to the damn package to announce
that...
Helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!
So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & smiley faces
and shove them right up your ass.
P.S. How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of
Bourbon to your packages instead!!!
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Random Chips
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Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing
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smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said,
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Love is complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good
screw to fix it.
The young hooker reports for her first day at the brothel. The
madam says to her, "Do you have any questions?" The hooker replies,
" Yes, I was wondering how long penises should be sucked?" The madam
says, "The same as the short ones."
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
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It has been determined the most used sexual position for married
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How can you tell when a mechanic just had sex?
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Hell Chips
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lives of many men and boys alike with your pornography. You have
only one chance to get into the kingdom of God, you must walk down
that tunnel without even one unclean thought. If you do, a trap
door will open up under you and you will fall into hell where you
will cry and gnash your teeth." Hugh decides that this will be easy
for the tunnel is only 100 feet long.
So he begins down the tunnel with St. Peter following behind.
About half way down the tunnel St. Peter leans over towards Hugh
and yells "Tits!!"
and a trap door opens and Hugh falls down into Hell. St. Peter
then goes to Heather Locklear and says, "You have corrupted the
lives of many men and boys alike with your sexy looks. You have
only one chance to get into the kingdom of God, you must walk down
that tunnel without even one unclean thought. If you do, a trap
door will open up under you and you will fall into hell where you
will cry and gnash your teeth." They begin there long trek down the
tunnel. About half way down St. Peter leans over towards Heather
and a trap door opens and St. Peter falls down into Hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call a woman who puts her diaphragm in crooked? Mother
Two old men meet on a street corner. 1st old man, "Where 've you
been for the last couple of months?" 2nd old man, "I was in jail."
1st old man, "You in jail, how come?" 2nd old man, "Well, about two
months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young
woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and says, "He is the
man officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me. 1st old man,
"What, and you let her got away with it?" 2nd old man, "Well, I tell
you, I felt so flattered, I admitted it."
The lingerie buyer gave his wife the slip.
I was sitting next to a priest in a pub in Boston having Irish bean
soup and raving about how great it tasted... when he offered that
"the Irish have a strict rule that this soup have no more than 239
beans per serving." I ASKED, "Why this strict rule?" And in his
finest Irish tongue he said, "If we added just one more bean it
would be too farty." (Tom Vickery)
Just remember. if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a T.G.I.F.
tee-shirt. "Why are you wearing a 'Thank God it's Friday' tee- shirt
on Monday?" "Oh damn!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant 'Tits Go
In Front'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A XXXmas Story
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Anger Management
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Angry Residents
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Good Lickin
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Anna Show
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Anna's House
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Miss Druggy sat in her buggy,
Smoking an ounce of weed.
Along came a spider
Who sat down beside her
And sold her a pound of speed.
An old window washer named Luigi
Was screwing a lady from Figi.
When she started to sweat,
He said, "Hold it, my pet,"
And squished off the sweat with his squeegee.
The wife of the raider Von Luckner
Admitted her husband was stuckner.
She oft went to sea with him
In order to be with him,
And to give him the pleasure of fuckner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim Morrison is in one corner of a hotel with the rest of his band.
In another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison
and Ringo Starr - and all are naked! A beautiful woman walks in,
drops to her knees in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the
pink oboe. She swallows nicely then starts on his guitarist, then
his
drummer, and then the keyboard player. When she is finished, she
licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the
same to him. At that moment, there's a huge crash and Robert De Nero
smashes through a wall in a Mini-Cooper. He jumps out, grabs her by
the scruff of the neck and shouts, "You bloody fool, you're only
supposed to blow the Doors off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1971
The Pie in the Sky
Sandi is sitting in the corner with pizza boxes around her, her
belly
swollen. Rudy is shoveling pizzas out of the pizza oven as fast as
he
can but is losing ground. Val along with Gus and Horace's clans are
deliving pizzas as fast as they can but still the pizzas are coming
out.
Rudy: Katie, how do we turn this thing off?
Katie: That is one thing I did not build into it, an off switch.
Rudy: I am exhausted and there is not an off switch?
Katie: Right. Look at the bright side, we have made pizzas for
everyone
in town.
Sandi: Time to nap..zzzzzz
Rudy: Phone dad, he will know what to do.
Katie: Okay, but you are such a spoil sport.
A few minutes later BJ shows up with his sledgehammer.
Katie: No, father, not the sledgehammer!
BJ: Stand back Katie this could get nasty.
WHAM! WHAM!
BOING!
Katie: It's dead!
BJ: It never was alive.
Rudy: I am hungry.
Katie: There is one last pizza.
Rudy: If I ever see a pizza again it will be too soon.
The herd in Guthrie/Caldwell
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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