Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
One thing I have noticed is that the older I get, the worse my night
vision is getting. It is not to the point where it is affecting the
safety of my driving but it is taking longer for my eyes to readjust
to the darkness when cars pass. This problem is compounded by the
number of drivers out there that refuse to dim their lights when
they pass you and the new lights that are being used. Some of those
high output bulbs aren't too bad but others raise the low beams
almost to the intensity of high beams and when they aren't adjusted
properly they blind the person you are passing. Another pet peeve is
Dodge pick-ups that have a set of running lights which add to the
glare of the headlights. Then you have the idiots that will drive
around for months with a burnt out low beam that think that it's
acceptable to drive around with their brights on until they burn
out. My main problem is that when I get blinded by the lights I have
a tendency to drift towards them. So if you're driving in the great
white north be sure to dim your lights or you may become a Suburban
hood ornament.
Last year I got tired of Eva using the lift chair that had belonged
to my mom
for a slide and leaving the heat on it and I stole the power cord
that went to the
battery back-up and hid it. Yesterday it started working again and
even though it
was only a cord similar to a computer cord, I have no idea how she
managed
to figure out how to plug it in.
Enjoy the chips...buffalo
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife,
Myrtle was devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also died.
Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a
cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman. She ran
towards him, calling his name: "Joe. Darling, Joe" Joe said: "Hold
your horses woman, and don't 'darling' me. The deal was very
clear"..."
Until death do us part".
The Tuba player in the marching band was benched for being
overweight and unable to keep up with the band when parading. He
took the matter to court which meant that girth control had resulted
in tubal litigation.
"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love." the husband told his
counselor. "Has she started to neglect you?" said the doctor. "Not
at all," the dejected man replied, "She meets me at the door with a
cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, the house
is always neat and she keeps the kids out of my hair. She even lets
me watch what I want on the TV and she never objects to kinky sex or
say's she has a headache!" "So what is the problem then?" asked the
doctor. "Well," said the man, "I may be being a little too
sensitive, but at night, when she thinks I'm asleep, she puts her
lips to my ear and whispers, "Die! Die, you son of a bitch!"
I recently read in one of the tabloids at the supermarket, "Woman
Gets Pregnant While Doing 'Lambada' " I guess that goes to show that
the rhythm method just doesn't work!
How Do You Confuse A Blonde? Put Her In A Round Room And Tell Her
To Find The Corner! How Does A Blonde Confuse The World? She
Actually Finds The Corner! How Do You Re-Confuse A Blonde? Tell
Her She Found The Wrong Corner!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
stupid sob
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let me practice
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chronically unemployed
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Captain Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for
a dollar.
He saw Private Roberts mopping the floors, and asked him, "Soldier,
do you have change for a dollar?"
Private Roberts replied, "Sure, Pal"
The Captain gave him an icy stare. He said, "That's no way to
address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do
you have change for a dollar?"
Private Roberts replied, "No, SIR!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For 30 years every day old Moishe ate at "Abe's Kosher Delicatessen"
. Old Moishe was an honored guest and had his own reserved stool at
the counter.
He was loved by everyone there, and was generous to all the servers
and staff.
Abe, the owner liked old Moishe too. One day Moishe didn't show at
his regular time. Abe was worried a bit about him as he realized
Old Moishe was a widower and lived alone but then got busy and
forgot about Moishe's absence.
The next day...again no Moishe....now Abe was worried... he phoned
Abe's number and got no answer. He drove over to his house and he
wasn't there. He even called a few local hospitals and then even
called Moishe's daughter in Israel to no avail. Abe couldn't sleep
that night wondering what had happened. For five days there was no
Moishe!
Now Abe was really concerned and just as he was about to call the
cops about a missing person, he glanced out the window and saw
Moishe going into "Goldberg's Deli"
across the street. Abe took off out the door and raced across the
street narrowly missing getting hit by traffic and confronted Moishe
just as he was sitting down. Abe screamed, "Where the hell have you
been! I lost sleep and spent good money phoning around about you
and what are you doing here at Goldberg's.. ...you know he's my
worst competition! Explain to me Moishe!"
Moishe looked at Abe and said calmly, "Settle down Abraham, settle
down, you'll be having a heart attack. I'll be telling you what
happened, Okay.
I went to the dentist 4 days ago and had one of those root canals.
Oy, the pain!
The dentist gave me some pills and said. . . 'Moishe, for a few
days eat on the other side'".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was boasting to a woman in a bar, trying to get lucky. "I
have a 10 inch cock,"
he boasted. "Well," she answered, "I find that hard to swallow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
Tom Roberts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
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What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with
yeast infections? A whine and cheese party!
Jill was talking to her hair stylist. "It's silly," she said, "but
my daughter has some sort of crazy idea about losing her hair."
"What do you mean?" the beautician asked. "Well, I overheard her on
the phone the other day telling her best friend that she hoped she'd
be 'balled' soon."
An Australian kiss is the same as a French kiss - only down under.
"Are you and Larry serious?" the one girl asked her friend while
they were talking over cocktails. "We're still a little short of a
meeting of the minds." she replied. "I want a big, old-fashioned
June wedding, and he wants a quickie in the back seat."
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent
survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In
response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered
'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several
times a night'." "That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how
it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.
I think I'm going to give up on being a flasher and retire --
although I might try to stick it out for another year.
Rosey posing thoughtfully in the mirror says to Paula, "I think I'm
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Terrorist Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interpreting a Terrorist Alert The English are feeling the pinch in
relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security
level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may
be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The
English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line in the British army for the
last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive
strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere... New Zealand has also raised its
security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing
defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers
flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation,
which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has
ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to a
local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement
in the 'Lonely Hearts' column.
"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per
insertion."
"You don't say," said Jill. "Well then, here's $20 and to hell with
the advertisement!"
~~~~~
I went into a liquor store the other day without my ID, and the
clerk asked me, "Are you 21?"
At first I was flattered when he asked for an ID. I told him I had
not brought it because I thought I looked over 21. Then he asked me
to smile, so I grinned at him. He stuck his face over the counter,
peered at me closely, and just handed me the bottle.
I asked, "What were you looking at?"
He said, "Your crow's feet."
I asked, "Why didn't you just ask me to pull up my shirt and show
you my sagging breasts?"
~~~~~~~
Doug came home unexpectedly early from work only to find his wife
lying in bed naked with large hickies all over her neck and big red
bruises and red welts all over her breasts. She had obviously been
ravaged in sexual passion. Doug then noticed a burning cigar on the
nightstand next to the bed. He screamed at his wife, "What is going
on here? Who did this to you?"
His wife calmly and innocently said, "No one, Doug, Whenever I try
to smoke a cigar, I break out in a rash!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Why I Follow Jesus
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Girl On Bike
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some guys are sitting around the bar , talking about jobs they used
to have.
One guy said " I used to work at a house of ill repute for $200.00 a
week , but I had to quit after 2 months "
His buddies ask " How come?"
He said " I ran out of money."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a
meeting.
He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them
know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a
message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute
meeting. Leave without me. Dave."
At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet
us at the bar and grill across the street. YOU DROVE."
~~~~~~~~~
There were two men shipwrecked on this island.
The minute they got to the island, one of them started screaming and
yelling.
"We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food!
No water! No one will ever find us. We're going to die!"
The second man was sitting at the water's edge and acting so calmly
it drove the first man crazy.
"Don't you understand?! " We're going to die!!" the first man said.
"You don't understand this is Hawaii and we are only two miles from
town!"
Tom Roberts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is an old hermit named Dave,
Who keeps a dead mower in his cave.
Since he can't cut the grass,
Now it's up to his ass.
(His donkey, you censors; behave!)
There was a woman I use to see
Who loved to come play with me.
She was always at best,
When we did it without rest
We practiced so that it worked perfectly
Two anglers were fishing off Wight
And his bobber was dipping all night.
Murmured she, with a laugh,
"It's ready to gaff,
But don't break your rod which is light."
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three guys are debating which of their languages is the most
pleasing to the ear.
The Italian says, "Consider the phrase, 'I love you.' In
Italian, it is: 'Ti amo'. What
a lovely sound!" The French guy says, "True, but in French it
is 'Je t'adore'. An
even more beautiful sound!"
"Unt vas ist wrong mit: 'Sie sucken Penis? " asks the German.
Yom Roberts
A gay guy walks into the grocery store and heads
back towards the meat department. After a few
moments of looking at the merchandise, the
butcher asks him if he would like to place an order.
The gay guy says yes and promptly orders 5 pounds
of salami. The butcher asks him if he would like that
sliced, to which the gay guy replies,
"Does my arsehole look like a piggy bank?"
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1962
Val, the Mini-Sandi
This past weekend, wherever BJ went, Val was there walking at BJ's
side like Sandi. When BJ went to bed, Val slept by his side like
Sandi.
BJ: Diana have you noticed that Val is acting a lot like Sandi, she
is following me everywhere and is sleeping with me and wanting to be
loved like Sandi.
Diana: Val may be doing these things, but there will never be
another Sandi.
BJ: You are right. Val is still quite young. She is probably still
learning from the other dogs. Still, it is nice and I do not mind.
Diana: If you notice wherever you go, all the dogs go, it is not
just Val.
BJ: Yeah, only Rudy does not sleep with me.
Diana: Not so, he slept with you yesterday. All of them did.
BJ: I guess you are right, for better or for worse, I am the alpha
in this pack.
Grin. The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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