Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Although I don't use Astrology to guide my life, I was always
proud to consider myself a Taurus. Even being stubborn is a
great quality, especially when you are usually right like I am.
Now thanks to the kind of people that decided that Pluto was
no longer a planet I find out I am actually an Aries or actually on
the cusp of Aries and Pisces. The Minnesota Planetarium
Society ( I didn't know Minnesota had a planetarium let alone
a society) has decided that because of a change in planetary
alignment with the sun, we are now all looking at new Zodiac signs.
Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.
Yep that's right folks, they even slipped a whole new constellation
and
zodiac sign in on us, the snake wrestler, which includes my wife who
gave up snake wrestling years ago. Here is the explanation I read
The constellation Ophiuchus represents a man wrestling a serpent,
dividing
the snake's body in two parts. It is the only sign of the zodiac
linked to real
men, sharing traits with Imhotep, a 27th century BCE Egyptian
doctor, and
biblical Joseph.
Read more:
http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/01/13/ophiuchus-what-all-saggitarius-and-capricorns-need-to-know-about-their-new-zodiac/#ixzz1B0nY2H5S
So if you are one of those people that doesn't start the day without
reading
your horoscope, just go to work because it's all wrong anyhow.
Enjoy the chips and have a great weekend.... buffalo
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you know that Moses had to make a third trip up to the top of
Mount Sinai? Well, on this third trip, Moses arrived at the burning
bush after much climbing, removed his sandals, kneeled and prayed to
God. "Oh mighty God, King of the Universe, your people have sent me
back here to ask you a question about the Ten Commandments." "What
question do they have for me?" roared the voice of God. "They want
to know whether the commandments are listed according to priority."
----------------------------------------------------
Morty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the
house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has
finally quit smoking. "Imagine that, Morty," she says, "someone who
smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a
sudden. Now that's what I call will power - something that you
definitely don't have." But Sadie hadn't finished. "And that's not
all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally
giving up drinking - another example of the kind of will power that
you don't have." "OK, Sadie," said Morty, "you want to see will
power, do you? Well here's will power. I am going to sleep in the
spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won't be
affected at all by not sleeping with a woman." Morty keeps to his
word. One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there
is
a knock on his bedroom door. Morty shouts out, "What do you want?"
Sadie replies, "Marvin has started smoking again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How can you tell what clan a Scotsman is from?
A: You put your hand up his kilt, and if he has a quarterpounder, he
is a MacDonald.
Then there was the time when Sandy happened to sit by a journalist
on a train. After some conversation it came out she traveled a lot
and always traveled alone.
"Aren't you worried something can happen to you?" asked
the journalist. "And your friends certainly must feel some concern
for you."
"No, I've never been afraid. But I should call someone soon
to let them know I am still alive. By the way, all I need are three
little words when I want to be left alone."
"And those are...?"
"Are you saved?"
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Little Johnny Chips
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One day at school, the teacher asked the children what their parents
thought was beautiful.
She asked Sally, and Sally replied, "My Mom thinks that flowers are
beautiful."
"Why is that," she asked?
"Because she says they smell really nice."
The teacher then called on Tommy, and Tommy replied, "My Dad thinks
antique cars are beautiful."
"Why is that," she asked?
"Because, he says they are so old and still preserved in their
original form."
Next she called on Little Johnny, and Johnny replied, "My Dad thinks
pregnant women are."
"Why is that," she asked?
"Because, when my sister got pregnant, my Dad said 'beautiful just
fucking beautiful!'"
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STD Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things overheard at the STD clinic by Paul Demko The quotes below
are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a public health
clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually transmitted
diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades
ago; it now includes several hundred comments.
"I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I
ejaculate I have flashbacks."
"My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch."
"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on
and my face stunk and my dick hurt."
"My last period looked like meat."
"My balls feel soft and mushy."
"I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't
tell you they got something unless they mad at you."
"How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?"
"I got the dripper."
"I have food chunks in my urine."
"Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then douched with
Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there."
"Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."
"I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."
"I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old
homosexual man."
"I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from
Minneapolis over.
They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores,
they smell like vagina juice."
"Can't you put the swab in further?"
"I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and
my other new baby's momma has disease."
"Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of
Wheat before it's cooked."
"My cervix hurts when I jiggle."
"The seam in my circumcision split open."
"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust
either of them."
"My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my
armpits."
"From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the
adrenaline out of me."
"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my
brain and had sex with me."
"I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a
'chlamydiahoris.'"
"My pee smells like ham."
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Candy Chips
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A redneck named Bubba was tired of hearing redneck jokes that so
often used the name, Bubba. He went to court to change it and
appeared
before a judge who asked,
"Sir, why do you want to legally change your name, are you in
trouble,
hiding from the law, what?"
"No sir, Your honor, I'm just tired of listening to jokes about
rednecks that often use that name. It's Bubba this, Bubba that, so I
want
my name changed.
The judge asked," and what name do you want it changed to?"
He said, "Candy."
The judge replied, "Candy? Spell it for me."
He said, Candy, "C-A-N-D-Y, your honor."
The judge put the name on the papers before him and said, legally,
your name is now, Candy."
He rushed over to tell his girlfriend. He knocked on her door and
heard
"who's there?"
He said, "It's me!
She said, "come on in Bubba, the doors unlocked."
He said, "It's not Bubba."
She said, "Yes it is, I recognize your voice."
He said, "It ain't Bubba no more cause I done legally changed it."
She asked, "what it is?"
He said, "Guess."
She said, "Leroy?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Johnny?"
He answered, "No."
She said, "Hell, I give up, come on in."
He said, "Wait, I'll gives ya a hint. Ya holds it in ya hand and ya
puts it in ya mouth.
"Oh!... Come on in, Dick
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Hard To Say Goodbye
www.silverandgoldandthee.com/loveandromance/HardTo.html
From Kathryn/A Very Good Day
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Rick w/ The Living Water (New Page)
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Invisible Child
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Movie Links
Crazy White Man
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Crime Scene Technology
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Cubs Game
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Dog In Pool
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Fawk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Story My friend Linda is a bit older than most of the people in
her office , and has worked there longer, so the rest of the staff
often come to her with questions. She does not mind answering a
quick question, but does not feel comfortable answering questions
about the computer system. Her company had recently changed the
help desk procedures and there had been e-mails about help desk
protocol.
One day a young gal came to Linda with a question about the computer
system.
Linda asked if she had contacted "that guy who is sending all the
e-mails."
The other girl said she did not know who she was talking about, and
Linda said "Fawk." The other girl said she had never heard of him.
Linda told her that he had sent out several e-mails recently. The
other girl again asked his name, and Linda said "Fawk." The other
girl asked how that was spelled.
Linda said "He must be an Arab. It is spelled FAQ."
The other girl never asked her another question.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I once was a lad with holes in my shoes
And used to partake of all kinds of booze
Til I discovered that when I got muddled
All my romantic fantasies got befuddled
And I passed up too many a lovely screw
**************************************
Barbara used to sing way up in the choir,
Til a wind lifted her mini a wee bit higher
And revealed tatooed on her pink cheeks
To a bunch of young male godless freaks
A legend, "This space will always inspire."
**************************************
T'was a tempting sexyy Rhode Islander
Whose husband completely vexed her,
For regardless of the time they'd start
He unfailingly would invariably fart
With a blast that damn near unsexed her.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father came home and asked where his son was.
His wife replied that he was downstairs playing with
his new chemistry set. The father was curious, so he
wandered downstairs to see what his son was doing.
As he walked down the steps, he heard a banging sound.
When he got to the bottom he saw his son pounding a
nail into the wall. He said to his son, "What are you doing?
I thought you were playing with your chemistry set? Why
are you hammering a nail into the wall?"
His son replied, "This isn't a nail, Dad, it's a worm. I put
these chemicals on it and it became as hard as a rock."
His dad thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll
tell you what, Son, give me those chemicals and I'll
give you a new Volkswagen."
His son quite naturally said, "Sure why not."
The next day his son went into the garage to see his
new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new
Mercedes.
Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where
his Volkswagen was. His dad replied, "It's right there
behind the Mercedes. By the way, the Mercedes is
from your mother."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1964
Snow and Val
This is the first time Val has seen snow.and a lot of it has fallen
in Caldwell. So far seven inches and it continues to fall.
Rudy: Come on outside Val and let me show you something.
Val: What is that white stuff? I am scared.
Rudy: Come on you will like it. I do.
They go outside and as soon as Val hits the ground..
Val: Yahoo!!!! This is great! I love it.
Zoom!!!!!!
Rudy: Slow down there little feller.
Zoom!!!!!!
Val: Hey this stuff tastes great!
Wow, they should bottle this stuff.
Rudy: Make snow angels.
Val: How?
Rudy: Watch. Rudy lays down in the snow and it is more difficult
with dogs, as they can only move one arm at a time on their side,
roll over and do the other arm.
Val: Wow, that is so cool.
A couple of hours later, Rudy is inside watching Val tear across the
backyard.
Diana: I think she likes snow.
Rudy smiling: She is my kid.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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