Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
Life in Boot Camp began at Camp Barry, the older WWII style
barracks.
My trip to Camp Barry started at AFEES Detroit about 1500.
I was there on a Monday because on Tuesday I was supposed to report
for an induction physical. My birthday was 39 in the lottery and
they
were pulling 1-50 in my county. I had tried the Coast Guard and Army
recruiters first and the Coast Guard wanted me to lose 20 pounds
first but the Army had some great offers. With 4 years of JROTC and
two years of college they were more than
willing to offer me a job as a helicopter pilot. Once I considered
the life expectancy of helicopter pilots, I decided to go talk to
the
Navy recruiter instead and he offered me E-3 and OP specialty which
had three Seabee ratings in it. Of course when we got to
classification they were only hiring BT's and Nuclear Machinist
Mates
that day and I didn't have the desire at the time to go for a six
year hitch.
But anyhow back to Camp Barry, we landed at O'Hare at about 2000 and
by the time the bus finally got there and hauled us to Great Lakes
it
was about 0100 and we were told to make ourselves
comfortable because no one would be there till morning. They also
pointed out an amnesty barrel in the corner and read off a list of
illegal and contraband items that we should discard. It included
alcohol, drugs, guns, knives, pornography, etc. I spent my first
night in the Navy sitting in a chair napping.
First thing in the morning we did our paperwork, got our billet
numbers got haircuts, chowed down several times, and towards the
evening they issued us our uniforms and after changing and packing
our
civvies into a box to go home we were introduced to our barracks.
Generally the stay there was short with classification, testing,
shots, swim test, etc. but being as we hit there just before
Memorial
Day
weekend we spent over a week there. The old wooden style barracks
were what I expected having watched the old films, the bunks were
comfortable, the food was as good as the MSU stuff I had been eating
for the past two years, and I was used to the hazing so I was really
comfortable.
I had a new found bad habit that I had started on the way to Great
Lakes in that I had bought my first pack of cigarettes. I wasted a
lot of work time over the next 24 years taking smoke breaks or
telling someone I would start something as soon as I finished a
smoke and the Navy used it as a punishment / reward thing. Camp
Barry's buildings were a fire waiting for a place to happen though
and the only time you were allowed to smoke was in the center of
one of the bays around a bucket of sand with a fire watch present.
It was commented that if a fire started it would consume a building
in
three minutes.
Around Memorial Day one of the barracks caught fire upstairs and
burnt down over half of the building. Rumor had it that some of the
recruits in our company had been smoking pot in the second deck
of one of the unused buildings and had set some mattresses on fire
to test the theory. Never found out whether that was true but three
guys were pulled from our company about the same time. But anyhow
rather than standing a barracks watch I had a couple of days of
standing fire watch in the burnt out buildings which was fine by me
because others were stuck in the scullery during that time washing
pots and pans.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Camel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three golfers had a big golf game with a client in Arizona. They
were running late and as luck would have it their car broke down.
They found a repair garage nearby. The mechanic told them it would
take four hours to fix their car. But he told them" You're in luck.
I have a camel that the three of you can ride over to the golf
course. This camel is smart. He can read stoplights - he'll stop and
go just as the light directs. So the three of them pile on the
camel, golf clubs and all and took off.
An hour later the mechanic saw the three of them standing a couple
of miles down the road and the camel was not in sight.
"What in the world happened and where's my camel?"
"Well, we had stopped at that light and a car pulled up along side
of us. The guy in the car stuck his head out the window and said
'Look at the three nuts on that camel!!'" When we got off to look,
the beast took off when the light turned green."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
do something Bill
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a056.html
medical school
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a057.html
God's video game
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young camper at summer camp asked the chaplain if "hard on" was
hyphenated. The chaplain replies, "What in heaven's name are you
writing home about!" The young boy says, "I'm telling Mom and Dad
about the project we worked so 'hard on'."
~~~~~~~~
A priest and a rabbi are having a few drinks together. The priest
turns to the rabbi and says, "Hey rabbi, let's go find a couple of
alter boys and screw em!", to which the rabbi replies, with his
hands spread out, "Outta what?"
~~~~~~~~~
After the big Superbowl party, Doug figured he better spend some
quality time with his wife. He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom
and crawls into bed. "Alright honey," he says, "Give me a play you
want me to run." "How about Foreplay?" his wife replies. "What's the
Four Play?" says Doug. "You know," the wife says, "It happens before
the two minute warning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two necrophiliacs are walking down the street when they pass a
funeral home. One turns to the other and says: "Hey, you wanna go
in for a couple of cold ones?"
"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people
are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog
that we are very attached to." "But, doctor," continued the troubled
patient, "I feel, ummm... 'physically' attracted to my horse."
"Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?" "Female, of
course!" the man snapped. "What do you think I am, GAY?"
I'm not saying she's easy, but her body has been declared a national
recreation area.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?" Kid: "Yeah, once
my sister said she had missed one, and my mom fainted, dad had a
heart attack, & our neighbor ran away."
Constipation: To have and to hold.
Being a virgin, Bob was very nervous about his wedding night, so he
decided to seek the advice of his friend John. "Just relax, Bob,"
counseled John. "After all, you grew up on a farm. Just do it like
the dogs do." The morning after the wedding night, the bride stormed
over to her mother's house in tears and announced that she wasn't
going to live under the same roof as Bob for even one more night.
"He's totally disgusting! He doesn't know anything at all about how
to be romantic, how to make love... he just smelled my butt and
lifted his leg on the bedpost!"
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".
I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the
clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, "I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "But she is a dog!"
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
I said, "You don't understand.... I have had Sex since I was nine
years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like
to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the
wedding was over.
I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world
revolves around Sex."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not
marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex
at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family
is barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.
I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition
began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just
looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."
He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody
of the dog.
I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me
after I was married."
The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for
her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning.
I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the
psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has
left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely."
And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex
isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House
Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello.
Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly.
Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night
and ask if you can use the bathroom.
Mention that 'Mr Happy' is primed and ready.
Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning.
Recite a couple of bawdy limericks.
Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived
their daughter.
Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again.
Pretend to eat your arm.
Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
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http://silverandgoldandthee.net/GC/Fr.html
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Surfin Surfari
Guide to Prevent Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
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The Weirdest Exotic Crashes, Part II
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Newborn Moose!
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Parenting No-No's
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Free Firewalls
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File Recovery
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Movie Links
Aaaaahhhhh!
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Advise for the Dimocraps
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90907.htm
Airline Pilot of the year
http://www.buffaloschips.com/90908.htm
Alarm Orgasmique
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Brownie
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446
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Ability To Fly For Bud Light
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Airline Pilot
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Alarm Clock
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Voodoo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says: "Doctor, I
just can't have an orgasm."
"Do you masturbate?", he says.
"No luck". is the reply.
"How about cunnilingus?"
"Nope"
"Kick-start vibrator?"
"Wakes up the neighbors, but not me." she complains.
"Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here." the doctor says as he walks
into the next room.
He walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. Her
eyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents.
"What is it", she gasps.
"It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot-long,
meaty shaft from the case.
"It is VERY powerful, but it can fulfill your every desire. Watch.
VOODOO DICK, hand!" he commands.
The dick leaps across his lap into his open palm faster than the eye
can see.
"Ooooh", she sighs.
"VOODOO DICK, box." The dick returns in a shot to its case.
"You may take this, but you must promise NOT to abuse its power."
Certainly, of course, anything you say" she sputters, the wetness in
her mouth matched by the wetness in her panties.
So she takes the magic missile with her, thanking the good doctor
and hurrying out to her car.
But she can't wait to get home, so she prys the lid open on the seat
next to her.
"VOODOO DICK, hand!" she commands.
It flies eagerly into her hand. She is amazed by the size of this
veiny tool, and quickly removes her underwear.
"VOODOO DICK, pussy!" she screams, and it obliges.
Burying itself inside her in an instant, she gasps with pleasure.
"VOODOO DICK, fuck me."
It begins to thrust in and out.
"VOODOO DICK, faster!"
It quickens the pace while the woman sits in sexual bliss.
Unbelievable sensations course through her body.
"VOODOO DICK, harder!"
It pounds away furiously as orgasms begin, one after the other.
Soon the woman begins to tire, unaccustomed to this sort of
satisfaction.
"VOODOO DICK, stop."
BUT IT WON'T STOP
"VOODOO DICK, stop now!", she yells.
It continues its relentless assault.
"Quit it, VOODOO DICK. That hurts"
It is oblivious to her desires.
She finally manages to wrench it from her pussy and throw it out the
window.
Just as she gets the window rolled up, it is there against the
glass, trying to get in.
She quickly starts the car and screeches away in terror.
60, 70, 80 mph.
The VOODOO DICK hot on (and for) her tail.
90, 100.
The woman starts to pull away as the dick fades away behind the last
corner.
Sirens blare.
The women is babbling senselessly as the officer approaches her car.
"You-you have to let me go. There is this-this thing - gotta go" she
yells.
"Lady, you were doing 100 miles an hour. What the hell is your
problem?"
"You don't under-understand. There is this VOODOO DICK following
me." she sputters.
"A WHAT?", the cop yells.
"A magic VOODOO DICK. It's after me!" she exclaims.
To which the cop replies, "VOODOO DICK, my ass!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anniversary
http://www.buffaloschips.com/oi23j.htm
Annoy Someone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/0ui3.htm
Another Planet
http://www.buffaloschips.com/09u3.htm
Another Quarter
http://www.buffaloschips.com/o3i4rj.htm
Anti-Telemarketer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/0934d.htm
Anivirus
http://www.buffaloschips.com/or3.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The chamber maid blushed a bright red
It must have been something I said
I quipped, "You look hot
And I like you a lot
So please do not turn down my bed"
(Gary Hallock)
"I have never been screwed," the maid said,
"But I do enjoy giving men head."
First she went down on me,
Then I screwed her with glee.
I got two things in one: maidenhead.
I was horny, said, "Let's go to town!"
Then said, "Lie on your back." She did frown.
She replied, "Me on top,
And I'll screw 'til we drop.
It's a thing I won't take lying down."
The maid was quite hot; I adored 'er.
Her bod I explored while I scored 'er.
I remember the night
That was filled with delight.
For me, it was just maid to order.
I enjoyed many times getting laid,
And I'm glad that the housekeeper stayed.
'Bout that night I reflect,
And as you might suspect,
I admit that I did have it maid.
All night long 'gainst my body she pressed
Without stopping. I got little rest.
When I left the next day,
"Come again!" she did say.
The maid service I got was the best.
(Kirk Miller)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl was playing up a tree near a church.
The priest was taking a walk when he happened
to look up the tree and saw the little girl.
She had no panties on, so he called her down and
gave her two dollars to buy a pair of panties.
The girl was so happy that she ran home and told
her mother about it.
The next day, when the priest was taking his daily
walk, he looked up the same tree and saw the young
girl's mother up there. She had no panties on, either.
He called her down and gave her two dollars to buy
a razor!
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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