Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Hopefully the site is up and running again till next year and
everything will be back to normal. It would be nice if one
thing was normal for a change. I had a list of stuff I wanted
to do this morning but it was all messed up when I went out
to start the Jimmy this morning. After years of driving vehicles
with carburetors, I still occasionally will go out and kick the
gas pedal while starting. At 9 degrees with fuel injection, that is
a big oops and the engine is hopelessly flooded. I went back inside
and waited an hour until it was 12 degrees out and tried again
with still no luck, just a couple of barks. Wait two more hours
and try again at 21 degrees and finally it fired up. I left it
running
while I went to pay the gas, telephone, and cable bill and it
fired back up without hesitation when I got done grocery shopping.
How are you all doing with Global Warming? We seem to be at our
norm but I still keep getting ads from some lobbyist group that is
big on the subject. Pretty strange when you see some of those
big tourist buses full of polar bears that are moving to South
Carolina
for the winter. Anyhow, have a great day and enjoy the chips...
buffalo
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Football Chips
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college football truths
FOOTBALL TRUTHS ....It's the end of that time of the year and we
need to remember a few things about some of the more famous football
teams.
(1) What does the average PURDUE Univ. player get on his SATs?
Drool.
(2) What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in
one room?
A full set of teeth.
(3) How do you get a INDIANA cheerleader into your dorm room?
Grease her hips and push.
(4) How do you get an Ohio State graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
(5) How do you know if an Alabama football player has a girlfriend?
There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.
(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
(7) What are the longest three years of a Texas Longhorn football
player's life?
His freshman year.
(8) How many Texas A&M freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
(9) Where was O. J. Headed in the white Bronco?
Durham, North Carolina. He knew that the police would never look at
Duke for a Heisman Trophy winner.
(10) How do you keep an FSU football player out of your front yard?
Erect a goal post!
AND FINALLY.....
(11) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and
picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
Peggy
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
applying for a job
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z031.html
rapport
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z032.html
showing off for the babes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z033.html
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SEC Chips
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HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to
explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at
Harvard.
At GEORGIA : it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone
an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.
At FLORIDA : it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to
figure out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA : it takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce
about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb
at an NCAA investigator.
At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks
and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the
occasion.
At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester
hours.
At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss
how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in,
two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in
show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.
At MISSISSIPPI STATE : it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb,
two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to
talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get
drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA : it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999
to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent
football team.
At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas <Snagged
by> Ross
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Random Chips
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If a straight guy who can't get a date is called a loser, what is a
homosexual who can't get a date called? A poor sucker A guy is
driving 90 miles per hour late one night in his convertible with his
amorous girlfriend when she reaches over from the passenger seat,
unzips, and starts to give him head. He gets so excited, he loses
control of the car, which flips 12 times and crashes. A policeman
walks up to the guy, who is still buckled in and alive, and says,
"Your girlfriend was thrown from the car and killed. You sure are
lucky." "Lucky? Go look in her mouth!"
Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed," many men
still sleep with their wives.
A teacher is reading her class the story of Chicken Little, and
says, "Chicken Little ran up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is
falling! The sky is falling!'" She looks at the class and says,
"What do you think the farmer said to that?" "I know!" says Rotten
Willie. "I'll bet he said, 'Holy shit! A talking chicken!'"
The dove is the bird of peace, but the bird of true love is the
little swallow.
It was a hot day in Iowa. Helga hung the wash out to dry, put a
roast in the oven, then went down the street to pick up some dry
cleaning. "Gootness, it's hot," she mused to herself as she walked
down Main Street. She passed by a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" so
she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender came up and
asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it
is so hot I tink I'll have myself zee cold beer." The bartender
asked, "Anheuser Busch?" Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine,
tanks, und how's yer pecker?"
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Q and A Chips
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Q: Why were lesbians created?
A: So feminists couldn't reproduce!
Q: Why did god give women nipples?
A: To make suckers out of men.
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Q: Why do gay men have mustaches?
A: To hide the stretch marks.
Q: What do you call a guy with a one inch dick?
A: Justin.
Q: Why haven't they cremated Colonel Sanders yet?
A: They can't decide whether to do him regular or crispy.
Q: What did the wife do when she found out her husband was
gay?
A: She turned around and took it like a man.
Q: What's the difference between a boxer and a woman?
A: A boxer stands up to get knocked down and a woman lies
down to get knocked up.
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Word Chips
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The manager of ladies' dress shop realized it was time to give one
her sale clerks a ' pep talk '. "Jane, your figures are well below
any of our other salespeople's. In fact, unless you can improve
your sales record soon, I'm afraid you'll have to let you go."
"I'm sorry, Ma'am," said a humbled Jane. "Can you give me any
advice on how to do better?"
"Well, there is an old trick I can tell you about. It sounds silly,
but it's worked for me in the past. Get hold of a dictionary and go
through it until you come to a word that had particular power for
you. Memorize it, work it into your sales pitch whenever it seems
appropriate, and you'll be amazed at the results."
Sure enough, Jane's sales figures went way up, and at the end of the
month, the manager called her in again and congratulated her. "Did
you try my little trick?" she asked.
Jane nodded. "It took me a whole weekend to find the right word,
but I did:.... ' Fantastic.' "
"'Fantastic.' What a good word," said the manager encouragingly.
"How have you been using it?"
"Well, my first customer on Monday was a woman who told me her
little girl had just been accepted at the most exclusive prep school
in the city. I said, 'Fantastic.' She went on to tell me how her
daughter always got straight A's and was the most popular girl in
her class, I said 'Fantastic' and she bought $300 worth of clothing.
My next customer said she needed a formal dress for the spring ball
at the country club, which she was in charge of. I said
'Fantastic.' She went on to tell she had the best figure of anyone
on the committee and her husband makes the most money. I said
'Fantastic' and she not only bought the designer gown, but hundreds
of dollars of other merchandise. It's been like that all week: the
customers keep boasting, I keep saying 'Fantastic', and they keep
buying."
"Excellent work, Jane," complimented her boss. "Just as a point of
interest, what did you used to say to customers before you
discovered your power word?"
Jane shrugged. "I used to say, 'Who gives a shit ?'"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Beau ~ A Poem
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/J_S.html
John w/ Happy Birthday Elvis
http://heavens-gates.com/elvis/happybirthdayelvis/
TexasBob w/A White Thumb Tack?
http://texasbobsworld.com/a_white_thumb_tack.htm
You Are
http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol33.html
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
Extreme Noodling
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Guoliang Tunnel Road
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Lenticular Clouds Or UFO?
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Japan Manhole Cover Art
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Tattoo Font . com - Best place for free tattoo fontsVia Wesley
http://www.tattoo-font.com/
Customizable workspaces for online collaboration Via Wesley
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YouTube Video Dubbing Tool - What Fun ! Via Wesley
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Clean your LCD screen
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.thepuppyplace.org/doghumor.html
Lioness and cubs and man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdYsOs8TpD4
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Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
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Movie Links
Fin Potato Whore
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Fire hose Rodeo
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Fly
http://www.buffaloschips.com/akidf.htm
Football As It Should Be
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For Men
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajkioo.htm
Finalized MTG Minutes
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjkikl.htm
First Day At The Rifle Range
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjkillo.htm
First IT Consultant
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfde.htm
Fishing Boat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdrese.htm
Fitness
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdss.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
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At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself.
He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was
playing herself furiously. He moved to the next seat to her and
offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so the man started
playing her like crazy. When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was
surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands.
Wasn't I good enough?"
he asked sheepishly. "Great," she said, "but these crabs are still
itching!"
Bambi the blonde celebrated her 40th birthday with a makeover. She
went to the best plastic surgeon in town and got a boob lift, a
tummy tuck, butt implants, botox, collagen... the works. Ten weeks
and thousands of dollars later, she was a new woman -- literally.
Her personal physician then performed her annual physical, noted the
new "body work." When the exam was finished, he called her in.
"Bambi, your overall health is good, but I want to discuss a problem
that often affects women your age, osteoporosis." Bambi looked
puzzled.
"Osteo--what?" "Bone loss. Many women start to experience it in
their
40s." Bambi giggled, blushed and said, "Oh, really, Doc. You've
seen me naked. Trust me, with this body and this face, I get new
bones quite often!"
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Toon Chips
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cold nose
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgjkdfjhgfgklhgf.htm
college
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combo
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come in
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come to bed
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jghdjkghkfjg.htm
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Limerick Chips
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There Once Was A Girl, A Humdinger,
Around Whom The Boys Like To Linger,
While Babbling Of Love,
But Got Nowhere. ''Go Shove!''
She Would Say As She Gave Them The Finger.
A Passionate Maiden From China,
Would Gently Caress Her Vagina.
She Fondly Would Linger
With Each Little Finger,
As Though Nothing In China Was Finer.
Since Transplanting Has Proved To Be Viable,
And My Dong's Been Less Plied That Pliable,
Why Not Graft, As A Ringer,
My Trusty Third Finger,
Which, These Days, Is Far More Reliable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that
he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This
was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a
'Lord Nelson.'
The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the
two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their
delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in
curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men
might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and
then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that
night.
The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was
more than pleasantly surprised when he was told:
"Doctor, Ive been suffering from a delusion. I know now that I am
not Lord Nelson."
"Thats wonderful," said the doctor.
"Yes," said the patient, smiling demurely, "Im Lady Nelson
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1961
Sandi the Clown
On the way back from Caldwell on I-35, I had an idea.
Sandi sits upright in the front passenger seat all the way home just
a 99 mile ride home.
BJ: Sandi, I have an idea. As we pass cars that have riders how
about you wearing my USAF ball cap. You like wearing it anyway. We
might cause a stir with the people we pass.
Sandi: LOL, great idea.
The first car comes up and Sandi, wearing her hat looks at the
people who are a bit freaked out and then are laughing and pointing
at Sandi. They grab their cell phones and take pictures.
Sandi: This is pretty cool Daddy.
The scene repeats itself over and over until they arrive home.
BJ: Next trip you can wear the KU hat you like and I will wear the
USAF hat.
Sandi: Maybe you can get two hats that are alike Daddy.
BJ: Great idea.
The herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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