[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 1-2-10

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Here is the list of important birthdays for the month of January

January
1. Betsy Ross, Paul Revere, Jim Webster
2. Roger Miller, David Cone, Melissa Hall
3. Cheryl Miller, Bobby Hull, Mel Gibson, Lane Pope
4. Don Shula, Tom Thumb
5. Dick Endberg, Diane Keaton, Chuck Berry
6. Nancy Lopez, Sherlock Holmes
7. Katie Couric, Nicholas Cage, Kenny Loggins
8. David Bowie, Elvis Presley, Soupy Sales
9. Richard Nixon, Bart Starr, Crystal Gayle
10. George Foreman, Rod Stewart, Eddie Treadway
11. Ben Crenshaw, Alexander Hamilton, Tom Netherton
12. Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Kristie Alley, Dean Beechy
13. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Robert Stack, Yellow Rose, Lou Taylor
14. Benedict Arnold, Andy Rooney
15. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jane Ervolino
16. A.J. Foyt, Ethel Merman
17. Muhammad Ali, Jim Carey, Benjamin Franklin
18. Mark Messier, Kevin Costner, A. A. Milne
19. Robert E. Lee, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allen Poe, Dave / Murphy
20. Buzz Aldrin, DeForest Kelly, Mitzi From Monti
21. Hakeem Olajuwon, Placido Domingo, Pat Stewart
22. Linda Blair, Joseph Wambaugh, Mike Bossy
23. Humphrey Bogart, John Hancock, Chuck Cottom, Rose Savage
24. Mary Lou Retton, John Belushi, Neil Diamond, Samantha in
Oregon
25. Virginia Wolf, Robert Burns
26. Wayne Gretzky, Eddie Van Halen, Gene Siskel
27. Wolfgang Mozart, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Lewis Carroll
28. Alan Alda, Jackson Pollack, Elijah Wood
29. Oprah Winfrey, William McKinley, Tom Selleck
30. Franklin Roosevelt, Phil Collins, Dick Cheney
31. Nolan Ryan, Jackie Robinson, Justin Timberlake, Ernie Banks

I want to thank everyone that contributed to the Chips this year.
The stories, jokes, cartoons, and links that you share with the herd
makes this group unique. Just when I think that I have heard every
joke in
the world someone sends me something I have never seen before.

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Lions Chips
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The Ideal Quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions.
The only thing that was missing was a topnotch quarterback to lead
the team.

Then, one night while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in
Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young
Afghan Muslim soldier with an incredible arm. He threw a hand
grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!

Then, he threw another at a passing car going ninety miles an hour.
BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" the coach said to himself. "He has the
perfect arm for a quarterback!"

So, he travels to Afghanistan, finds the young man, brings him to
the States, and teaches him the great game of professional football,
the way it is played in the U.S.And, the Detroit Lions win the Super
Bowl on the strength of the young man's abilities. The young Afghan
is hailed as a great hero of football, and when the coach asks him
what he wants, all the man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom" he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You
deserted us You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've
won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among
thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts "At this very moment,
there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of
rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives
last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she
doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses for a moment, and then
tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to
Detroit!"

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a photo id
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a computer error
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Mouse Chips
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A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful female
giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked
over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside
her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the
bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the
barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and
broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out.

The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"

The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."

The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"

The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing
I must have run 10 miles!"

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Learn More

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Short Chips
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A five year old boy walked in on his mother taking a
bath in the tub.

The five year old looked over her naked body.

He pointed to her Yet, and asked "What's that Mommy?"

The mother, a bit embarrassed, told a white lie, and
said, "That's where an axe hit me son."

Later the boy was playing with some friends, and told
them, "You know what? My Mom got hit by an axe right
in HER PUSSY!"

The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered
the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to
disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter. One
nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on the floor
facing upwards.

"Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her.

"This is a stick-up,...not an office party!"

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Bare Lifts - Invisible Bra Support

Bare Lifts is the invisible solution to a naturally perky look. Wear
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Bare Lifts works on all cup sizes A-D and you can forget spending
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Men Chips
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1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must
bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed
to call bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the
allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever.

6. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10
scale.

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly
optional.

9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your
pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

10. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his
permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.

11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more
importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see
nothin'.

13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is
beer.

14. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only
after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under
the covers (Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment,
she's officially your girlfriend.

15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a
topless supermodel...and it's free.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight,
you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours
his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
ass-whoopin'", then you may sit back and enjoy.

18. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight
lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a
Sagittarius?"

19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

20. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

21. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you
may not join him...too gay.

22. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you
in the eye, and deliver a "FUCKOFF!" You are absolved of your
responsibility.

23. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before
the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you a prostitute or are you a consultant?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another
client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what
they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the
client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

17. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return
looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday
PM).

18. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.

19. Even though you might get paid the big bucks, it's the client
who walks away smiling.

20. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is
higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

21. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you
constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

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Subscribers and Friends

A KAIROS Moment
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/kairosmoment.html

Angels Are Watching
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Blink Of An Eye
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Surfin Surfari

MacGyver - How To Do It 2
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Woman's Dream!
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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Meanings of the Names of the Days
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Free Database Of Student Essays, Papers & Reports
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.

Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:

As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.

Press here to get your copy:

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Reviews and free downloads at Download.com
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Fast Track - Gotta get one ! Via Wesley
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World

Kitty Korner
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Cat Spot Tips!
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Movie Links

Very sexy girl from the musical Africa
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Viagra
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Vichy
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Video Phone
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Viera Clip
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Voted Best Beer Commercial of The Year
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What A Wonderful World
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What Old People Do For Fun
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What The West Would Have Been Like With Shetland Ponies
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When The Parents Are Gone
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Whit Arlington
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71608.htm

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Maid Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about
the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an
increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'

Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Senora...the gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

choke
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jghjfdkgf.htm

choke the chicken
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choking
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choking hazard
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kdfgjldgdf.htm

christmas
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BedBug Out - Don't Let the Bedbugs BiteReduce Bedbugs and other
pests
in as soon as 2 weeks. Rid your home of pests, dust mites and
bedbugs
quick and without harmful chemicals.

View Web Version

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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They will pass out free condoms, you know,
But not sex toys for women, and so
If a dildo's desired,
It can sure be acquired,
But you'll need to use cash called dil-dough.
(Kirk Miller)
________________________________________

This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
Sitting in a crowded church with his family, who
Turned to his father, Bart,
And whispered, "Dad, I've got to fart!"
Said Bart, "If you do, you must sit in your own pew."
(Judy K.)
________________________________________

Golfers cuss all day long 'til they're hoarse.
I don't like it; to me it's the source
Of a peeve, drives my mad
Tees me off, it's so sad
The rough language is par for the coarse.
(Kirk Miller)

Ross

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Fushigi - Magic Gravity Ball

Mesmerize the mind and confuse the senses. Fushigi is an incredible,
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reflective
sphere through mind and body isolation and manipulation creates the
illusion
that the sphere is moving on its own.

Everyone loves the art of Fushigi.

Learn More

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of
Homeland Security:
Terrorist Plots Discovered 0

Transvestites 133

Hernia's 1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172

Enlarged Prostates 8,249

Breast Implants 59,350

Natural Blondes 3

Virginia

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1955

Christmas 2010 - The Doggie Wars

Sandi has been the Alpha dog of the four dog pack for years.
December 24th BJ decides to sit on Diana's bed.

Rudy is thinking: This is Diana's room, Diana's bed. This is my Dad.
I want to be close to him.

Sandi is thinking: What is Rudy doing getting close to my Daddy. I
will show him.

A push.

A shove.

Boom!

Snarl!

Growl!

Both dogs rear up on their hind legs and attack each other no hold
barred.

Teeth flashing! Anger to the max! This is all out hate!

BJ: Stop it! He is ignored. He cannot get between 160 pounds of fury
for fear they will rip him to shreds. He continues to implore them
to stop!

Soon they back off and quit.

BJ: What have you done? You are mates? You are best friends?

Sandi: We are done.

To be continued

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult

*********************************************

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Recent Activity:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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Re-Slim Dunlap

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