THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
LAUGH EVERYDAY... ITS LIKE INNER JOGGING
______________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Here's Some Friendly Holiday Advice
Please, take care of yourself this Christmas.
A recent joint study conducted by the Department of
Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates
that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This
means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes
who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk,
water, and shit like that. Therefore, beware of those
who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as
many accidents. This message is sent by someone who
cares about your well being.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
THE COMICS
the naughty list
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x026.html
the mistletoe
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x027.html
December 25th
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x028.html
I'm soooo good
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x029.html
too christmasy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x030.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Ronald Regan says
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/512.html
rough sea today
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/513.html
the skyangel cowboy
(this may be a old one, but I can't help
it, I hafta post it at least once a year)
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/514.html
____________________
POWER POINT DISPLAY
The secrets of old age
http://thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd541.html
___________
How to satisfy a woman with 2 1/2 inches?
_________________
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?
Well wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very
ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered
and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its
family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining
a form of compassionate contact with its offspring
throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the
ice surface, other members of the family and social
circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using
their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep
enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried .
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the
fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
You really didn't believe that I know anything
about penguins, did you!
_______________
How To Cook A Fucking Steak
Go to the goddamn grocery and get steak. Yes, the grocery.
A little ammonia is not going to kill you, you pussy. You
want to be all fancy and grass-fed and environmentally
conscious, go ahead, I don't give a shit, just get a
fucking steak. Ribeye is good. And, yes, bone-in. Schmuck.
Take the steak home. Get a bigass frying pan and put the
shit on the stove, cranking the heat up as far as that
fucker will go. Take a shitload of salt-rocksalt, you dumb
motherfucker, none of that fine-grained crap here-and toss
it around the bottom of the pan. When the pan is hot as
all fuck--it should scorch the shit out of your finger if
you're stupid enough to touch it--put the fucking steak on
there. You can crack some pepper on the top of the steak
as the bottom is searing, but don't even talk to me about
garlic or onion powder or COMPOUND FUCKING BUTTER, asshole.
This is steak, all you fucking need is salt and pepper.
After a bit (3 minutes for pink, 5 for cooked good), flip
that shit over and do the same fucking thing you just did
with the other side, i.e. sit on your ass and wait for
your motherfucking steak to be ready, you useless assbag.
When you're done, sling that shit on a plate. Beringer's
1996 Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley Private Reserve makes
an absolutely delightful accompaniment, particularly if
you've taken care to let it breathe a bit before quaffing.
Also, make some fucking potatoes, because that's what you
eat with a fucking steak. God, sometimes I just want to
smack the shit out of you.
__________
A woman visiting Salt Lake City in the latter half of the
18th century sees someone that she thinks may be Brigham
Young, the leader of the Mormon church.
Woman: "Are you Brigham Young?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that is the head of the Mormon church?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that led the Mormons to Utah?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that denounces all
Christian religions as false except Mormonism?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
About this time, the woman is beginning to lose her temper.
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who preaches polygamy?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Now she's really getting mad.
Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who has 26 wives?"
Brigham Young: "I am."
Then furiously, she says -
Woman: "You ought to be hung!"
Brigham Young: "I am."
________________
A professor is lecturing his class on the possibility of
finding joy in unusual activities. "Even the most natural
and common actions can provide an immense amount of pleasure.
For example, a good bowel movement can be as enjoyable as making love."
A student starts madly waving his hand and stands up when
acknowledged. "Professor," he says, "either you don't know how
to screw, or I don't know how to shit!"
______________
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents
went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing so he took
her with him. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother
that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"
"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish
away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."
_____________
There will be a new sight on Christmas Eve,
Stay up and watch....It's hard to believe!
Santa gave up his sleigh full of loot,
Fired his reindeer and burned his red suit!
He got rid of the elves and called Master Charge,
Now he has an account, and boy, is it large!
He'll be buying all gifts for the rest of his years.
Your stuff will say "K-Mart", "J.C. Penny's", or "Sears"!
He'd gotten a little behind the whole Nation
With homemade toys and deer for transportation.
So forget feeding Rudolph, don't lay out the barley,
'Cause this year Santa rolls up on his Harley!
He's a biker now, and it's a whole new racket,
It says "Bad Ass Santa" on his black leather jacket!
Mrs. Claus is now his "Old Lady"!
They've got spikes on their helmets,
And they look kinda shady!
He's got a "chopper" with a "sissy bar",
And his "Old Lady" now has a "side car"!
He's really "hip" as he cruises around,
With his "boom box" blastin', Santa really gets down!
He's popping "wheelies", and stopping on dimes,
Glad that he's finally caught up with the times.
So sit by your window, it's something you'll like,
This modern day Santa on a shiny chrome bike!
And you'll hear him exclaim as he rides out of sight,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAN! THIS SHIT'S ALRIGHT!!!!"
BUFFALO BILL
Jamacos
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsdw.htm
Just Walk It ff Sissy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dfssd.htm
The Vasectomy Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dssss.htm
________
FUN PAGES
Lion Seul
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=20493&s=n
Las Vegas Clocks
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=42238&s=n
Sniper Year 2
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41835&s=n
Microwave Chocolate
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=39816&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
No comments:
Post a Comment