Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Speaking of snow, on the news this morning was a report of
a group in Britain that had been snowed in for 8 days before they
were rescued. They were in a pub attached to a bed and breakfast.
They were probably rescued about 5 minutes after they ran out of
beer, heh heh.
Yesterday while Eva was playing some Vampire game and a Chinese
Fashion game she took a salt shaker that was on my desk and poured
some of it on the desk. I came out saw the salt and noticed the missing
shaker and told Sandy. She went in where Eva had been playing and
found it and came out with a doll in her hand and the empty shaker,
and said, "There is salt on the Barbie." I replied, " It's a good thing she
couldn't get the shrimp out of the freezer."
I still don't think that it is a good idea that children should be immersed
in a world of vampires, werewolves, and zombies but Nick and Disney
never miss a chance to fit them into their programming. Eva seems to
have reached an understanding as to what is in fun and what is real,
at least in her mind. She was looking at an ad for something that showed
a brain. I told her, " That's a brain, as in, I want to eat your brains."
She
got real serious and said, " That's not funny Grandpa." I suspect since her
mom let her watch some of the series, The Walking Dead, that Eva may be
expecting us to go crazy and start taking bites out of each other but has
no problem with telling me, "I want to be a Pampire." ( She has trouble
with V's ) You have to know that the kids on Wizards of Waverly Place
are dating a vampire and a werewolf and see this game World of Vampires
she plays.
So that's how it is on a cold Monday morning and I know you are cold
too so enjoy the chips and stay home. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Scent - Refillable Perfume Atomizer
Take your favorite perfume wherever you go with My Scent. Refillable
atomizer as small as a lipstick - fits in any purse or pocket. It features a
clear window to indicate when it's time to refill. My Scent comes in three
fun colors - black, silver and pink.
Stay fragrant all day with My Scent,
Buy 1, Get 1 Free
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/mycent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
News Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most
perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second.
In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile
phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just
been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd
be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her
best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops
before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup
of coffee and a beautiful cream slice complementary from the last shop. She
was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the
hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's
condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and
finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!
While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your
husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well
you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last
shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round
the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!' The woman was feeling so
guilty she broke down and sobbed...........
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's
dead. What did you buy?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Frosty the snow man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w073.html
body language
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w074.html
Billy's crayons
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w075.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sadly neglected by her husband, a horny housewife turned to her next-door
neighbor for advice. "Why don't you order your milk from the milkman" was
the suggestion, "and when the bill comes, see if you can settle it with
sex." This seemed like an excellent idea, and sure enough, when the bill was
presented, the milkman was delighted to settle for a long and energetic
screw. Putting his pants back on, the milkman reached for the bill to mark
it "Paid in Full" "Oh, no you don't," said the housewife, grabbing the bill.
"You brought me this milk a quart at a time, and that's the way I'm gonna
pay for it."
Santa comes but once each year.
George said to Mary, "I'll bet you ten dollars that we could have the best
sex that you have ever had without me touching you." "You're nuts," she
said, "Here is ten dollars that says you can't do that!" They put the money
on the mantelpiece. That night George and Mary proceeded to have sex.
Reluctantly, Mary had to admit that it was the best sex that she could
remember. The next morning she exclaimed, "Well, it may have been the best
sex I've ever had... but you did nothing BUT touch me!" George gave Mary the
ten dollars and departed with these words, "So I lose."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Press Dough - Design your own cookie creations
Make fun, editable art with Press Dough. Take cookie making to a new level
with creating patterns, animals, shapes, and more. All Pieces are dishwasher
safe so clean up is a breeze. Just press, bake and decorate--Eat all the fun
you make.
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/presdo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young novice nun soon realized that the absence of sex in the convent
was a problem. She confessed to Mother Superior that it was unhealthy and
she was restless. "Comfort yourself with a candle," she was advised. "I've
tried that," she said, "But you get tired of the same thing wick in and wick
out."
A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.
The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you know who the
father of this baby is?" The girl thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a
can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you FART?"
One day a completely naked young lady walks into a bar. Of course, the
bartender stares at her as she walks up to his bar. "What?" says the young
lass. "Haven't you seen a naked lady before?" The bartender continues to
stare at her. "Give me a beer," she says. "And stop staring like a fool!"
The bartender fetches her a brew and then answers her original question --
"Of course I have seen naked ladies before! But I was just curious as to
where you'll pull the money from to pay for this beer."
A woman went to see her psychiatrist. "I'm really concerned," she said.
"The other day I found my daughter and the boy next door together, naked,
examining each other's bodies and giggling." The psychiatrist smiled.
"That's nothing to worry about, it's pretty normal." "Well, I don't know,"
said the woman, "It worries me. It worries my daughter's husband, too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bare Lifts - Invisible Bra Support
Bare Lifts is the invisible solution to a naturally perky look. Wear them
with any outfit, dress or swimsuit. They give you proper shape and support
and lasts up to 24 hours. Just place, peel, lift and go - it's that simple.
Bare Lifts works on all cup sizes A-D and you can forget spending hundreds
on specialty bras and lift systems.
Buy 1, Get 1 on us - order today.
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/lifts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm living with a girl but we're not married. It's like leasing with an
option to buy.
Did you hear about the mohel (circumciser) who missed? He got the sack
"Great, just what I need," she moaned as he brought home a new microwave
oven. "One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty
seconds."
The husband was reading a sex manual, and his wife asked him why. He said
that their sex was monotomous." She protested, "But I thought we had a very
good sex life." "Well," he replied, "let me put it to you another way.
How do you give a blonde more headroom?
Adjust the steering wheel.
What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as a meat substitute.
OTHER HUMOR Chin Rest: Tthe space between the vagina and the asshole
Flatbush:
What a woman gets when she wears tight jeans. (Richard Lederer)
She was only a Taxidermist's daughter, and she often got stuffed and
mounted.
Pick-Up Line: Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell
outta me.
Confucius say, "Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be Alert, Keep Track!
Get Your Sleep Diary!
Many people suffer sleeping disorders and keeping track of sleeping habits
is the first step in finding a solution! With Quality Health's FREE sleep
diary, being alert and keeping track has never been easier.
Act Now - Copy and paste the link below into your browser's address bar:
http://buffaloschips.com/slpdry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Valentine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Surprised Valentine
At the office, where I worked, there was an angel there.
Her hair was long and flowing, and her skin was soft and fair.
I wanted so, to ask her out, but I was way too shy.
I thought she was too beautiful, for me to even try.
A few times I approached her, she just smiled and walked away. I could not
get
the courage up, and "Hi" was all I'd say.
Then, I had an idea, I would get her home address,
And send a valentine to her, and with it I'd express,
The way I feel about her, and the way she makes me feel,
And the feelings that I have, are very, very real.
I'll tell her, that I dream of her, and how it all would be,
If she would only take the time, to be alone with me.
I poured my heart out in the card, and ask her to be mine,
And then I dropped it in the mail, my special valentine.
In just a few short days, I had a response in my mail,
A card with her return address, I started feeling pale.
I wondered what she said in it, and what she thinks of me,
I guess the only way to know, is open it and see.
With great anticipation, I removed the envelope,
And closed my eyes a moment, as my heart filled up with hope.
I opened up my eyes to see, a card shaped like a heart,
And in the center, someone drew, a bloody piercing dart.
I opened up the card to see, if writing was inside,
And when I started reading it, I damn near almost died.
I'd love to be your valentine, but I think I will pass,
My husband says he'll be at work, to kick your stupid a**.
I'm glad you like my body, and you think it's really fine,
My husband says this card is going, where the sun don't shine.
In your card, you said there's things to me you'd love to do,
I think my husband's going to do, all of those things to you.
So, have a Happy Valentines, I'll see you Monday morn,
My husband says on Tuesday, you'll wish you were never born.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DISH Network, plans from only $24.99/mo + HD for life
w/agreement
1. FREE Upgrade to HD DVR (Record/playback 200 hours, only $5.98/mo)
2. FREE 3 Months HBO & Showtime w/18 + Premium Channels (w/commitment)
3. FREE Dish Remote Access (manage you DVR... anytime, anywhere)
4. FREE Six Room Pro Standard Installation (in as little as 24 hours)
5. FREE activation (up to a $99.00 value)
NFL REDZONE:
What is NFL Zone? Sunday afternoons during the season, NFL RedZone takes
fans from game to game to see all the key moments - as they happen - in HD.
NFL RedZone is the must-have channel for every football fan and the perfect
network for fantasy football.
Only $7.00/mo
DISH Network and DISH Network logos are registered trademarks and/or service
marks of DISH Network L.L.C. The DISH Network trademark and/or service marks
are used by the authority of DISH Network L.L.C. and/or its applicable
affiliate(s).
http://buffaloschips.com/dshtv
First-time DISH Network customers only. This promotion expires and is
subject to change after Jan 31st, 2011.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Are You Still There
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/There.html
Christmas For Two
http://www.poetrybyken.us/C4/ChristmasForTwo.html
Marlene/DontBeAfraidToSayMerryChristmas/
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML3/MERRYCHRISTMAS.html
Christmas You
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/ChristmasYou.htm
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschips.com/scoop
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
It's A Wonderful Life
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/christmas/videos/12876
A Wonderful Heartwarming Story:
http://www.teachermovie.com/
TSA's Calendar Gals!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tsa.html
Proud Of Our Troops 5!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops5.html
Christmas Around The World!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasworld.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Windows 7 Tutorials Via Martha
http://www.top-windows-tutorials.com/windows-7.html
3D Christmas
http://www.script-artist.com/images/cmas/index.php
Sweater Letters
http://simplysally.com/images/GD/sweater/index.php
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschips.com/date
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://puppydogweb.com/caninebreeds/americanwaterspaniel.htm
Christmas With Pets
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/christmaspets.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschips.com/restore
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Viagra Commercial
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ngfdrtd.htm
Weight Lifting Surprise
http://www.buffaloschips.com/cdfgdsxgrfd.htm
Why Airplanes Have Pillows
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjfrfdty.htm
Worst Best Man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/uiygtyutf5.htm
Yellow Snow
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gvfrtd6.htm
Funny Stuff
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sadfswa.htm
German Coast Guard
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsafe.htm
Gun Control
http://www.buffaloschips.com/4r4n.htm
How Aliens Fish
http://www.buffaloschips.com/34r43r.htm
Idiot 1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/5y5g3g.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blood Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's 3am, and a man is driving his brand new BMW M3 down the N1 at 240km/h.
He's two minutes away from home when he sees a car on the side of the road,
on its roof, and flames all around.
There' s no one else in the area, his cell phone reception is dead, so he
stops his car.
Sure enough, there's a beautiful woman in the car, but she's bleeding to
death.
The guy reckons " screw it" and rushes home to fetch a blanket.
He gets back, puts the blanket on the back seat of his M3, and puts the
woman on the blanket.
He then rushes her to the hospital.
Six months she lies in the hospital, and he is with her every day and every
night.
He donates blood to keep her alive.
Eventually, she recovers fully, and they get married.
Life is cool for a few years, until one day she gets fed up and decides to
leave him.
His love of money is obvious, and she feels like a trophy wife.
She comes down the stairs, struggling with her two suitcases, she reaches
into her pocket for the keys to the Jaguar.
Sure enough, he stops her before she reaches the door, and asks" What are
you doing?"
I'm leaving you, " she says.
"Oh really, and how are you going to leave?
The keys in your hand are for the Jaguar I paid for. It's my car.
You are not taking it anywhere."
"Fine," she says, and throws the keys at him.
"And those bulging suitcases?
The clothes you're wearing?
Everything, I've paid for.
They are my suitcases and my clothes.
You're not taking them anywhere"
"Fine," she says, and throws the suitcases at him.
She strips down completely and throws her clothes at him too.
"And the blood in your body?
I sat with you for six months in the hospital.
You know half of the blood is mine.
You're not going anywhere."
She looks at him, turns, whips out her tampon and says " I'll pay you back
in monthly installments."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charming Black Man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/vm,v.htm
Cheaper Than Dating
http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkk.htm
Chicken
http://www.buffaloschips.com/khkjh.htm
bush chenney
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kghdfkhfkgjhglhk.htm
bush pee
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mnvx,,,xmkvjgfd.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BedBug Out - Don't Let the Bedbugs BiteReduce Bedbugs and other pests
in as soon as 2 weeks. Rid your home of pests, dust mites and bedbugs
quick and without harmful chemicals.
View Web Version
http://buffaloschips.com/bedbu
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Were you a more elegant chap,
I'd ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg'd, like a swami
For 'hide the salami',
But it seems that you're ill with the clap!
_________________________________
Though I don't carry all that much girth
Fucking women is Heaven on Earth
When up go their knees
And the way that they squeeze
Just milks me for all that it's worth!
_________________________________
Tim had traveled to Peru
In search of the ultimate screw.
When his trip was complete,
He zipped up his meat
And said to the ladies, ''Thank you!''
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fushigi - Magic Gravity Ball
Mesmerize the mind and confuse the senses. Fushigi is an incredible,
therapeutic form of relaxation. The art of maneuvering a clear, reflective
sphere through mind and body isolation and manipulation creates the illusion
that the sphere is moving on its own.
Everyone loves the art of Fushigi.
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/fushi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Max Weinstein, his wife and two young daughters were on vacation. They were
out in a small sailing boat when they were caught in a sudden squall off the
shores of Florida. Fortunately, they were found quickly and towed to safety
by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.
"I always knew God would take care of us," said Max's composed five year old
daughter.
"I like to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember that God
is in His heaven watching over us."
"Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God," the five year old said. "I was
talking about the COAST God."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Consumer Cellular(R)
We're Simply Different(R)
The Phone You Need at a Price You'll Like
Complimentary
Motorola Phone*
Plans as Low
as $10 per Month.
Limited time offer. Sign up today and well DOUBLE YOUR MINUTES for 3 months
at no additional cost++.
Find the phone that's right for you. Our plans
come with a complimentary Motorola phone,
or you can select an affordable alternative.*
Customize a cellular plan that fits your needs.
With Consumer Cellular you enjoy:
- A Complimentary phone*
- Plans as low as $10 per month
- Reliable service
- Nationwide coverage
- 30-day no risk guarantee
- No contracts to sign
AARP(R) Discounts -
AARP(R) Members ask for your special
discount and other benefits when
starting new service
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/comdir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
----------------------------------------------------------
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 9.0.869 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3249 - Release Date: 11/10/10
14:34:00
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment