Plants gone potty!: [PostmansCorner] Merry Christmas

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHIATRICALLY CHALLENGED
Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens
Disoriented Are
Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and
Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and
Cars and Busses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and......
Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get me
Borderline Personality Disorder ---
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out,
I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells,
jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...
______________

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What
do you do at Christmas time? Patrick addressed
the class: "Well Ms. Jones, my twelve brothers
and sisters and I go to midnight mass and we
sing hymns; then we come home very late and
we put mince pies by the back door and hang
up our stockings. Then all excited, we go
to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys."Very nice Patrick," she said.
"Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"
Well, Ms. Jones, my sister and I also go to
church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols
and we get home ever so late. We put cookies
and milk by the chimney and we hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep,waiting for Santa
Claus to bring our presents. Realizing there
was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every
year.... Dad comes home from the office. We all
pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to
Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look
at all the empty shelves... And begin to sing:
"What A. Friend We Have In
Jesus." Then we all go to the Bahamas ."
__________

memo to all:
When I came into the office this morning, I
noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness,
and since several of you have called me a "dirty
son of a bitch" to my face, I knew I must have
done something wrong at the office Christmas Party.
The Office Manager called me from the hospital today
and as this is my last day, I'd like to take this way
of apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking
to everyone personally, but all of you seem to go
deaf and dumb whenever I try to talk to you.
First, to our dear and beloved boss, I am sorry for
all the things I called you Friday afternoon. I'm
very much aware that your father is not a baboon,
nor your mother a Chinese whore. Your wife is a delightful
woman, and my story of you buying her for 50 cents in
Tijuana was strictly a figment of my imagination. Your
children are undoubtedly yours, too. About the water
cooler incident, you'll never know how badly I feel about
it, and I hope you didn't hurt your head when they were
trying to get the glass jug off. To Mary, I express my
deepest regrets. In my own defence, I must remind you
that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the
stairway as much as I did until the banister broke and we
fell eight feet to the second floor landing. In spite of
the rupture you incurred when I landed on top of you, I
am sure you will admit that when we landed it was one of
the biggest thrills you have ever had. Sam, you old cuss,
you've just got to forgive me for that little prank I
played on you. If I had known you were goosey, I'd have
never done it. It would have been a lot worse if that fat
lady hadn't been standing right under the window you jumped
through. She really broke your fall a lot. People have been
killed falling three stories.Gene, I regret telling the
fireman it was you who turned in the false alarm. But, of
course, I had no way of knowing they would make such a bad
report of it. Those fire hoses sure have a lot of pressure
don't they? And the water is cold!!Don, I know how you must
feel about me. Opening the door to the broom closet suddenly
must have startled you and Millie quite badly, and to think
how hard you bumped your chin on the shelf when you bent
over to pull up your pants, it makes me sick. We'll have to
get together for dinner some night after the dentist finishes
your plates.Mary, the only excuse I can offer for stealing
all your clothes and hiding them when I found you passed out
in the ladies room, is that I was drunk. Also, I want you
to know I was very embarrassed when I couldn't remember
where I hid them and you had to go home in that old sofa
cover. Running your falsies up the flag pole was a bit too
much, but like I said, I was a little drunk.
To all of you, I am sorry. Setting Jan's panties on fire
seemed funny at the time, and it makes me sad to hear that
her husband is divorcing her because of it.
Urinating in everyone's drink was in bad taste, and not
telling them about it until all the drinks were gone was
even worse.Now that I have apologized to all of you, I know
that I am forgiven. Even though I no longer work there, I
will do my darnest to come to the picnic next Friday
______________

BUFFALO BILL

Man Cheats DEA
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asgs.htm

Missile
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gkhjg.htm

Peanut Butter Jelly Time
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsdv.htm
__________________

FUN PAGES

Amazing Video of Missing Kid
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41050&s=n

A Beautiuful Woman
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=5271&s=n

Angel Name Generator
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=37381&s=n

Animal Hunting Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41511&s=n

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

*To visit your group "PostmansCorner" on the web. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner or http://www.thepostmanscorner.net *To unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to: PostmansCorner-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com *To subscribe to this group, send a blank email to: PostmansCorner-subscribe@yahoogroups.com *PLZ NOTE: DO NOT send unsubscribe requests to the listowner (Follow instructions)

Your email settings: Individual Email|Traditional
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch to Fully Featured
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

__,_._,___

Plants gone potty!

[PostmansCorner] Merry Christmas

No comments:

Re-Slim Dunlap

Report Abuse