Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
For you that like Navy stories, here'something from Denes in the Arab
Emirates.
Chapter One, Versus One through Five
In the Beginning, God created the heavens, and the Aircraft Carrier, and the
seas upon which to float it; and yet there was complete Darkness upon the
face of the earth. And, as we traveled there came to us, as a voice out of
the darkness, an angel of the Lord, saying, "On centerline, on Glide slope,
three quarters of a mile, call the ball." I reflected upon these words, for
I was still yet engulfed in complete darkness. With deep feeling and doubt
overwhelming my countenance, I glanceth towards my instruments on the
console ahead and saith, "What seeth thou, trusted friends?", and there was
a great silence.
Gazing in a searching manner and seeing naught, I raised my voice saying,
"Clara..."
And God spoke to me, and He said, "You're low..power, power". As the Lord
saith, so shall it be, and I added power; and lo, the ball riseth up onto
the bottom of the mirror. But it was a tainted red glow, and surely
indicateth Satan's own influence. And God spoke to me again saying,
"Power.PoWER..POWER!!!!....fly the ball." And lo, the ball riseth up and off
the top of the lens, and the great darkness was upon me.
And the voice of the Angel came to me again, saying, "When comfortable,
twelve hundred feet, turn downwind." Whereupon I wandered in the darkness,
without direction, for surely the ships radar was beset by demons, and there
was great confusion cast upon CATCC, and there was a great silence in which
there was no comfort to be found. Even my Tacan needle spinneth..and lo,
there was chaos; my trusted companion below weepeth quietly unto themselves
and from close behind I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth of our flock.
There was a great turmoil within my cockpit for a multitude of serpents had
crept therein.
And though we wandered, as if by Providence I found myself within that Holy
Corridor, and at twelve hundred feet, among my brethren seeking refuge; and
the voice of the Angel of the Lord came to me again, asking of me my
needles, and I raised my voice saying, "Up and centered", and the voice
answered, "Roger, fly your needles.." I reflected upon these words, and I
raised my voice in prayer, for though my gyro indicateth it not so, surely
my aircraft hath been turned upside down. Verily, as Beelzebub surely
wrestled with me, a voice, that of my trusted companion below, saith to me
calmly, "Friend...fly thy needles, and find comfort in the Lord." And lo,
with deep trembling in my heart, I did, and He guideth me to centered glide
slope and centerline, though I know not how it came to be.
And out of the great darkness, God spoke to me again saying, "Roger ball"
for now I had faith. And though the ball began to rise at the in close
position, my left hand was full of the Spirit, and it squeeketh off power
and as in a great miracle my plane stoppeth upon the flight deck, for it
hath caught the four wire which God in his infinite wisdom hath placed
thirty feet further down the flight deck than the three wire.
And thus bathed in a golden radiance from above, our pilgrimage was at an
end, and my spirit was truly reborn. And as I basked in the rapture, God
spoketh to me one final time, and He saith, "Lights out on deck.."
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND SPECIAL PRAYERS GO TO THOSE FLYING FROM THE DECKS OF
AIRCRAFT CARRIERS WHEREVER THEY MIGHT BE...... GOD BLESS
Denes J. Carroll
buffalo says This was believed written by an EA-6B pilot during the early
seventies.
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Present Chips
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A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for
his new girlfriend.
They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Shropshire
.
Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration,
that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too
romantic and not too personal.
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knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items,
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Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the
following letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we
go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have
chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which
are easier to remove).
These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed
me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly
noticed any marks.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub
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to wash it since she began wearing them
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you
again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because
they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming
year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Chris
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with
a little bit of fur showing.
Randy
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Bollywood Chips
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If TITANIC (the movie) was made in India....
- There would be 10 times as many people in the ship.
- There would be a song with Kate Winslett in a white
Sari, singing in the rain.
- By the end of the movie, hero would find his long
Lost Mom, Dad, sis and brother.
- It would be a seven-and-a-half-hour movie with three
Intervals. The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya to
Marna Kya?" (IF WE HAVE LOVED EACH OTHER..WHY SHOULD
WE BE AFRAID TO DIE)
- The hero and the heroine would float in the cold water
For days and still survive while the villain would die
In the first few drops.
- The iceberg was sent by the heroine's father to teach
a lesson to the hero.
- The orchestra would play Jai Santoshi Maa and a ray
Of light would come and transport the musicians to
Another ship.
- And can you imagine how many times we would hear
Bachaoo? (HELP!! SAVE US)
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Quickie Chips
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Why are blondes like pianos?
When they aren't upright, they're grand.
What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
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"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
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beer please, and one for the road."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?
Yes, Intercourse ... you go between periods and you are expected to
come.
There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic.
It reads "We may never piss this way again." <Thanx Bruce>
She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue
caught in the toaster.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Everybody likes a little ass,
but nobody likes a smartass.
Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest that he
was
having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he
asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it
is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."
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A: The pickpocket snatches your watch.
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a
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A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
I always ask atheists: If there is no God, then who pops up the next
Kleenex?
Thought for the day:
It's a strange world of language in which skating
on thin ice can get you into hot water.
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short Chips
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My friend Harry and his wife were attending morning church services, about
halfway through the service Harry writes a note and hands it to his wife. It
says; "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?" She
scribbles back, "When we get home you should put a new battery in your
hearing aids."
A man was lying naked, face down on a table, with his wife rubbing his back
with toilet paper. He says, "I hate it when you treat me like shit."
A man walks into a Pharmacy and says to the beautiful female teller, "Umm...
err, I've never purchased condoms before, and I don't know what size to
buy." "That's okay. You can test your size on the fence out in back." So the
man walks out back and he sees three holes. Just as he prepares to stick his
penis in the first hole, the beautiful teller sneaks over to the other side
of the fence. The man sticks his penis through the first hole where it is
gently caressed by the teller. Then he pulls it it out and sticks it through
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The teller takes her vagina, wraps it around his penis, and begins to hump
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beginning to stumble back in. She starts to giggle and says, "Have you
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"I'm shagging a pair of twins." "Can you tell them apart?" "It's easy.
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got a hairy ass & a mustache!"
Stan Kegel
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Congress Chips
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Nancy and Harry!!
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said,
"Harry, I have a great idea! I know how we can win back Middle America in
2012 ."
"Great, but how do you propose we go about that, "asked Harry?"
"Well," Nancy responded, "we'll go down to a local Wal-Mart, get some
cheesy clothes and shoes like most middle Americans wear and then we'll stop
at the pound and pick up a Labrador . When we look the part we'll go to a
nice old country bar in Middle America , and we'll show them that we really
enjoy the Countryside and show admiration and respect for the hard working
people living there."
A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Labrador at
heel, they set off from Washington in a westerly direction. Eventually they
arrived at just the place they were looking for. With dog in tow they walk
into the bar. They stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step back and
said, "Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?" Nancy answered, "Yes we are,
and what a lovely town you have here. We were just passing through and Harry
suggested that we stop and take in some local color."
They then ordered a couple of cocktails from the barten-der and
proceed to drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone
who would listen.
All of a sudden, the bar room door opened and a grizzled old farmer
came in.. He walked up to the Labrador , lifted its tail and looked
underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out the door. A few moments
later, in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail,
looked underneath, scratched his head and then left the bar.
Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers
came in, lifted the dog's tail, and went away looking puzzled.
Eventually Nancy and Harry could stand it no longer and called the
bartender over. "Tell me," said Nancy , "why did all those old farmers come
in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of old custom?"
"Good Lord no," said the bartender.. "It's just that some-one has told
them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two asshole's!"
Patricia
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S and M Chips
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Whip me, beat me, make me bleed.
Brutal sex is what I need!
Bang my head against the wall.
I like pain, damn it all!
If you do me, do me right.
Take those straps and tie 'em tight!
Twist my balls and make me cry.
Oh that brutal sex, it gets me high!
Shove a hamster up my ass.
Way up far, so it can't pass!
Yank my pubic hair one by one.
Yank 'em slow, it makes me cum!
Tie me up with dental floss.
You really know how to be the boss!
Dump chocolate pudding down my pants.
Hook electrodes to my balls and watch me dance!
Pierce my nipples with a railroad spike.
Use no anesthetic, it's what I like!
After that last sadistic punch,
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Make me watch the fucking Brady Bunch!
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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She was only a Taxidermist's daughter, and she often got stuffed and
mounted.
Two women were talking over coffee in a diner. "Trevor moved to San
Francisco," one of the women said. "Greg recently relocated with his
job to Chicago, and Brendan uprooted to Providence years ago."
"Gee," the other said, "I don't know how you keep all your
ex-husbands straight." "I can't," the first answered. "That's why
Trevor went to San Francisco.
Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's
more sanitary. (Robert A. Heinlein)
A boy walks into the kitchen where his mom is fixing dinner. "Mom, I
got a splinter in my finger. Can I have a glass of cider?" "Are you
sure you don't want me to pull it out?" "No thanks, just the cider."
So she gives him the cider and watches him trot contentedly off.
About fifteen minutes later the boy returns to the kitchen and again
asks his mother for a glass of cider. His mother, not wanting to
question his reasoning, gives him another glass and again watches
him leave happy. Ten minutes later the boy returns once again and
asks for a glass of cider. The mother complies with her son's wishes
again, but her curiosity has been piqued to the point where she
can't resist knowing why any longer. So she wanders into the family
room and sees her son sitting in front of the TV with his finger in
the glass. "Why on earth do you have your finger in that glass?" she
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Parting Chips
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Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken
ship. "Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son. They swam to the
mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of
our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins
showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them
all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit
inside!"
?
Patricia
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1940 The Tree BJ starts to chop the tree down
while everyone stands back.
As the tree is getting close to falling, BJ could not help but notice Sandi
with a tear in her eye.
BJ: What is the matter Sandi.
Sandi: A life. BJ: Explain please.
Sandi: We are killing this tree so we can celebrate Christmas. Somehow it
doesn't feel right.
BJ: Jesus was born to die for our sins Sandi. Look at it this way, this tree
will be used to represent Christ - mas. It will decorate our home and when
Christmas is done, it will heat our home, it will not be wasted. The tree
will be dressed up and have an angel on it's top. The tree will be
glorified.
Sandi: I guess that makes sense.
Rudy: Does that mean I don't have to haul it back?
BJ: I will haul it Rudy.
Rudy: Then I like the tree.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
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