Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Buffalo says We have run this in the past.
Hello, Folks... Ross here! ((o;
With the upcoming celebration of New Year's, here is a list
of resolutions ALL America would be able to keep! Think we should
adopt these instead of those insane resolutions, like "I promise
never to lie again?"
New Year's Resolutions You Can Keep
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you
never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually
accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting
point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest
ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system.
Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or
rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable
yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
<Snagged by>
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
We are having a little meltdown right now with some rain to help
melt the snow and
make ice to keep driving crazy. At midnight it was 37 outside and
that is supposed to
persist through the weekend. It does give you a break and makes the
snowmobilers
slow down to boot. With the driving conditions less than optimal in
most states I
think if you are going to participate in amateur's night you should
schedule a taxi cab
for tomorrow night. Even a few drinks increases your chances of an
accident and
nothing is worse than to wake up in a jail cell on New Year's Day.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
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Mermaid Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three
sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the
window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was
lying dead in the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly
continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he
too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot
himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the
cow), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the
bank.
She s aid, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But
if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore
your parents and the cow to you."
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to
satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself
into the river.
The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in
a row, I will make everything right."
And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to
satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in
the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a
hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself
in.
And there he also met the mermaid.
"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right
if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."
The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a
row?"
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said,
"Why not THIRTY times in a row?"
Finally, she said, "Enough Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty
times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."
Then the young son asked, "Wait, how do I know that thirty times in
a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four regulars were playing their weekly game of golf, and one
remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll
out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course,
meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and
said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and
meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on
the
golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I
bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off
it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning
the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car,
reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them
like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to
such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and
said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning, is it
Intercourse or Golf Course and she said... "Take a sweater - it's a
bit cool this morning..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Baby Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having
lunch, when one of them says, "I know that I'm going
to have a boy."
The other two women think about that for a moment, and
then one of them says, "OK, how do you know you're
going to have a boy?"
"Well, when the child was conceived," says the first
women, "I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy."
They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the
second woman says, "Well, I'm going to have a girl."
"OK," says the first one, "how do you know you're
going to have a girl?"
"Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom.
So I'm going to have a girl."
They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third
woman obviously getting more and more distressed,
until finally she breaks down into horrible sobbing?
"What's wrong, what's wrong?" the first two women ask
with concern.
The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough
to only say one thing.... "I'm going to have a puppy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cunnilingus is a real tongue-twister.
How can a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
I don't know why the media is making such a big deal over Bush
having trouble with his Generals. Clinton had trouble with his
privates.
What do you do if your Kotex is on fire?
You tampon it.
A newly-married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon
suite. "Do you have reservations?" inquires the receptionist. "Only
one," replies the groom. "She won't take it up the ass."
Most males in a men's room are stand-up guys. (Mike Bull)
A guy from West Virginia passed away and left his entire estate to
his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
Have you heard about the new extra-large tampon?
It's called a "Tightwad."
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A rooster clucks defiance,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving
the cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow
your own dope."
How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana
patient.
Then I noticed the rest of her message ... "Plant a man."
My Dad said to my Mother, "You should go bra-less."
She says, "Do you think my breasts are still perky
enough?"
He says, "No, but maybe it'd pull the wrinkles out of
your face."
Many patients call the pathology group where I am
office manager to discuss their medical bills. One
irate woman demanded that I describe every laboratory
test on her statement.
Reluctantly, I complied. Starting with the first test
on her bill, I read, "No. 1, urinalysis."
She interrupted me at once. "I'm a what?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Equipped For The Task
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/B/Eq.html
Rick w/ A New Year's Prayer
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/NewYearPrayer.html
Who Is Jesus Christ?
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God's Bumper Stickers
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Surfin Surfari
The Mind of Leonardo - The Universal Genius at Work Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/2a69dx
Eyewitness to History
http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/eyindx.htm
101 Simple Appetizers in 20 Minutes or Less Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/3cn4c7
Heavyweight Hall of Fame
http://www.briansbelly.com/halloffame/
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
280 Slides - Create & Share Presentations Online Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/5v668c
Cupid's Valentine Midis
http://www.norbert26.com/midi/index.html
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.samuidog.org/text4_english.htm
Kitty Korner
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Whale Rescue
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Movie Links
To All Sports Loving Men This Guy Is a Genuis
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6255.htm
Toilet Seat Sign
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6256.htm
Tom Mabe
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6257.htm
Tomato PSA
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6258.htm
Toot Tone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6259.htm
Topless Wife Training
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62510.htm
Swallowing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdsfsd.htm
Swimming
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gerg.htm
szambr
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hyth.htm
Telissa
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dfgytik.htm
Texan Gun Control Witness
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor : Face the window, would you? Now stick out your tongue.
Patient : Why do I have to face the window?
Doctor : Because I don't like the man next door.
~~~~
Tara : I think our school is haunted.
Mara : Why do you say that?
Tara : Because the principal is always going on and on about the
school spirit.
~~~~
Sidney : Did you have a good holiday?
Edna : No. It rained every day.
Sidney : Then how did you get that lovely tan?
Edna : That's no tan - that's rust.
~~~~~
Customer : Waiter, what's this fly doing in my ice-cream?
Waiter : Looks like it's learning to ski.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cheating bitch
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cheerleader2
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cheerleaders
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chess
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cheese burger
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that
can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will
diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only
costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar
with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the
computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The
computer started making some noise and various lights started
flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on
which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to
wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife
and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He
went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the
sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual
noise and printed out the following
message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has
worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in
a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The lanky Texas ranch hand was still a virgin at twenty-one, so, on
his first trip to the big city, he decided to visit a brothel and
find out what he'd been missing. Upon securing the address of a
rather exclusive establishment, he soon found himself lying in bed
with an attractive partner. Sensing the lad was somewhat
inexperienced, the professional gently took his hand and placed it
on
the source of her income. "Is this what you're looking for?" she
whispered seductively. "Well, I don't rightly know, ma'am," the
cowboy murmured shyly. "I'm a stranger to these parts."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1954
The Saddest Thing About This Christmas Part One
First the background Val is the youngest member of the pack. Sandi
is the mother figure and Rudy is the father figure. Lately, Rudy is
the dominant parent by far and Val follows Rudy wherever he goes.
Val is the youngest of the four doggies. Val is a healer dog/ Rudy
was wild. He lived in the woods for several years, how many we do
not know. I am certain he lived off of rabbits because when he
'moved' in with us, he still loved to hunt rabbits. I am certain
people fed him scraps along the way and he probably got his share
out of trash cans. He was shot just before he became buddies with
Sandi.
Sandi and Rudy started playing together and became fast friends.
I laid out food for Rudy then a doghouse for him. Slowly, he trusted
me and finally he adopted us. He is the first dog I have ever had
that adopted me, rather than me adopting the dog. He is a great
protector dog and is always working. We spent about 800 dollars on
him to eliminate worms, ticks, fleas, and to fix his jaw to take out
the bullet. He is a great dog, a white Lab. I am certain he would
die for us.
Sandi is the best dog I have ever had in my life. There is no
comparison.
She obeys my every command and yet she has never been to school for
training. She never leaves my side. She was rescued. The vet said
she is a once in a lifetime dog.not just for me, but for them. She
has killed a coyote, an armadillo (no easy task), rabbits, snakes,
opossoms, mice, all the moles we had. She even brought the head of a
deer into the yard and the leg and other parts. She is a huntress
and a killer. She is also a mother. She has carried kittens around
in her mouth and is very gentle.
She sleeps with me (north and south) in the bed, her head next to
mine.
If I am outside, she is my protector. She could be a police dog.
Sandi is a short haired Collie.
Katie.. she is not a part of the pack. She is crazy.funny, does not
obey me at all. She plays jokes on me. I love her because she is
bananas.
She is getting old, but acts young. She loves me as much as she can.
She sleeps under the covers. She gets along with Sandi fine. She
would not hard a fly, she would kill birds as she is an Irish setter
and her bird dog instinct has taken over several times.
Katie and Sandi stay with me in Guthrie. When I go to Caldwell they
go.
When I load the car to come home, they are prancing and ready to go
home to Guthrie. Katie loves Guthrie, Sandi wants to be with Dad.
Val wants to be with Rudy, Rudy wants to be with Diana and the
family.
This whole thing is confusing to Rudy. Sandi stayed in Caldwell for
the longest time until one Sunday she just jumped in the car and
since then she has not regretted nor looked back.
to be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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