Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I am still shaking my head at this one. The other night Eva was taking a
bath
and I was at the computer. I looked over beside me and there is Yoda the cat
with a disgusted look on her face dripping water all over the floor. I
yelled
to Sandy and she got a towel and dried Yoda off. I have had cats that would
stand on the tub while I was taking a shower and not care about getting wet
but
Yoda wasn't one of them. She also weighs 15 to 20 lbs, about half of Eva's
weight,
and is Head Cat In Charge amongst the other cats. Eva obviously managed
to get her into the tub for longer than a fleeting second judging by how
soaked she
was and having given several cats a bath in the past, I like to know how she
got
away with it without requiring stitches and a transfusion. When I ask her
about it
she just laughs, but that cat sure feels and smells a lot cleaner now. Too
bad the
others hiss when she gets near them, they could all use the same treatment.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
A Newsletter You May Enjoy
C47ROTTEN JOKES
:-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)
Rotten Jokes (rated R-X)
These jokes are sooooo ROTTEN
you DON'T want your mother to read them!
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YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!
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Navy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sailor's Christmas
`Twas the night before Christmas, a calm night at sea
We nestled in our racks for Holiday Routine
When from the ventilation there came such a clatter
We jumped from our bunks to see what's the matter
When out from the vent fell this big dust covered dude
He was dressed up in red with a bad attitude
Yelling, "Those ducts are all filthy!" as he brushed off his clothes
"Don't goddamn stand there, where's the DCPO?"
He arose from the deck, then he peered all around
Then from his mouth came a bellowing sound
"This berthing's a disgrace!" then he called us by name
"Now Boatswain, Now Corpsman, please f*ckin' explain!"
This was not the Santa I remembered from youth
He smelled of cheap whiskey, he was rough and uncouth
"Now, look here you bastards" he said as he strolled
"You'd best trice this place up, or you'll get nothing but coal!"
"You'll make this space pretty, military, and neat!"
Then he looked down at the boots that lay at his feet
"Well, what do we have here?" He said with a frown
"Who the hell polished these? Recruit 'Buster brown'?!"
He walked around slowly, he missed not a mark
Even spotting dust bunnies, right there in the dark!
"You've got high dust and low dust, that overhead needs cleaning!"
We all stood dumbfounded as his words kept on streaming
"Which man here is senior!?" Then asked St Nick
"You'd better shit me an answer and SHIT ME ONE QUICK!"
The First Class stepped forward, his heart pounding hard
"Now look right here shitbirds, this asshole's in charge!"
"These racks will be tight! This damn deck it will shine!
I don't want to hear bitching! I need not hear you whine!"
So we gathered our foxtails, our buckets, and swabs
We all worked in silence to finish the job.
It took over an hour to finish our space
He just sat drinking coffee and stuffing his face
Then on re-inspection he explained with a huff
"Now this is more like it! NOW your not so f*cked up!"
We all stood there smiling, awaiting our gifts
But Santa just snapped out "What's the matter dumb-shits!?"
"Get back to your racks! This will be my last warning!
Just like on shore, the gifts come in the morning!"
It seemed like forever `til reveille sounded
We threw back our curtains as all our hearts pounded
But what were our gifts? For what did we suffer?
But a pallet of rags and a shiny new buffer.
Attached to the buffer, we found a short note
We all gathered 'round to see what he'd wrote
"Next year at Christmas, best have all your shit wired!"
Signed:
Fair Winds,
"Chief" Clause
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plague Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ten Plagues
From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
To: The Lord of Hosts
Dear Supreme Being:
Thanks again for accepting our bid for the ten plagues contract. As
agreed, the following pestilences will be delivered to you for
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1. Blood
2. Frogs
3. Gnats
4. Flies
5. Livestock
6. Boils
7. Hail
8. Locusts
9. Darkness
10. Death of the firstborn
To maximize efficiency of resource utilization, we will be engaging
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will ensure that all this falls within the proposed budget, and we
will coordinate with Moses, of course.
Yours sincerely,
Manny Truelove, Seraph i/c Miracles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dear Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of
December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things
that have occurred since the beginning of the month when, filled
with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an
electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football
uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only
was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the
whole school!
I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire
neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my
brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on
errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was
virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a f**king yo-yo, a stupid
whistle and a pair of socks! What the f**k were you thinking,
you fat son of a bitch, that you've taken me for a sucker the
whole f**king year to come out with some shit like this under the
tree. As if you hadn't f**ked me enough,you gave that little
faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into
his house.
Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my
chimney next year. I'll f**k you up! I'll throw rocks at those
stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to WALK back
to the f**king North Pole, just like what I have to do now since
you didn't get me that f**king bike.
F**K YOU SANTA! Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you
FAT SOB.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were skinny dippin and the one couldn't help noticing the size of
the other's manhood, so he asked "How did ya get it that big?"
The other boy responded "Well I rub it down every night with lard."
Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole. Once again there was a
comparison made with no results. The first boy said "I did what ya told me.
Every night I have rubbed it down with Crisco." The other boy exclaimed
"Well, no wonder, that's shortening."
"I've got this thing for tall, lean men," said the new coder at the software
company. "That Mike in sales is certainly a long tall drink of water." "I
hate to bust your bubble honey," replied the office veteran, "but for a long
tall drink of water, he's got an awful short straw."
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at
this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the
innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged
his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his
lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you
learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we
could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she
said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night
talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the
family than a lawyer."
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Rodeo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rodeo Pick-up Lines
"Got 8 seconds?"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Remembering Christmas
www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Christmas/Remembering.html
My Christmas Gift To You
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/MyChristmasGiftToYou.htm
carolyn w/ Home On Christmas Day ~ Elvis
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Bible: The Christmas Story!
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Bible: When Was Jesus Born?
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Surfin Surfari
Black Dog's Christmas
http://www.billybear4kids.com/holidays/christmas/christms.htm
Christmas Facts!
http://www.luvscreations.com/holiday_facts.htm
A Message From SANTA!
http://portablenorthpole.tv/home
Jerry's Christmas Jukebox!
http://wilstar.net/xmas/xmasjuke.htm
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS AT X-MAS
http://uselessgraphics.com/humorous%20videos/threepigs.htm
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Happy Holiday from Sally
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Chrismas Time Grads
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White Christmas
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Movie Links
Honest Stopper
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Never Point An RPG at A Marine
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Racism On A Plane
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Self Smart
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NYPD Training Video
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Hard Day
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Helicopter
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Hombres
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chief Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Command Master Chief Selection A young Navy Officer was in a car accident,
but due to the heroics of another young officer the only permanent injury
was to both ears, which subsequently were amputated.
Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and
eventually became an Admiral. He remained, however, very sensitive about is
appearance. One day the new Admiral was interviewing three Master Chiefs
for the Command Master Chief position. The first Master Chief was a Surface
warfare type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the
Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The Surface
Warfare Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you
have no ears."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tack and threw him out of his
office. The Aviation Master Chief replied, "Well yes. You have no ears."
The Admiral threw him out also. The third interview was with a Submarine
Master Chief. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more
than the other two Master Chiefs put together.
The Admiral wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you
notice anything differently about me?" To his surprise the Submarine Master
Chief said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses." The Admiral was impressed and
thought to himself, what an incredibly observant Master Chief, and he didn't
mention my ears. "And how do you know that?", the Admiral asked. The
Submarine Master Chief replied, "Well it's pretty hard to wear glasses with
no frigging ears."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
carpet munch
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carrier
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carrying donuts
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car sex
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name misspelled
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her
first ever physical exam. After checking all of her
vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said,
"Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could
find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however."
"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"
"Well, you have no nipples."
"None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she
replied.
"That is amazing," said the doctor.
"I'd like to write this up for The American Journal
of medicine if you don't mind."
She said, "OK."
"First of all," asked the doctor, "How many people
are in your tribe?"
She answered, "Approximately 500."
"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the
doctor.
Running Doe replied, "We're called ..The Indian-
nippleless Five Hundred!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm out cruising and I go thru this stop sign and I get pulled over by a
local policeman. I hand him my driver's license, insurance verification and
registration plus my concealed carry permit.
"Okay," he says, "I see you have a CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"
"Yes sir, I am."
"Well then, better tell me what you got."
I said, "Well, I have a Glock 27, 40 cal. in my inside coat pocket, there's
a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box and, I have a .22 magnum derringer in my
right boot."
"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"
"Yes, back in the trunk there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's about it."
"Then he asked me, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"
I replied "Nope."
"Well then, what are you afraid of...?"
To which I answered "Not a damn thing..."
Larry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1946 Christmas Cheer
?
Diana is making her special egg-nog the kind with a bit of extra additives
if you know what I mean.
Rudy: What is that drink you are making Toots?
Diana: It is my Christmas special, eggnog, you want to try a small sip?
Rudy: Sure.
Diana: Gives Rudy a very small amount Rudy chugs it down: Tastes good, want
more.
Diana: No that is all you need mr Rudy.
Diana heads off to do the laundry..
Rudy sneaks off a bit more of the drink..
Later Rudy talks Val out of her cup, Katie out of hers and Sandi out of
hers.
Rudy is roasting in front of the fireplace and the fire is not on.
Rudy sings: On the elebenth day of Christmas my trub lub gab to me, eleben
pickup trucks and tin barbers singing, nine hunckleberries hucking..snore..
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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