Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The Buffalo Chip Bakery in Farmville is issuing the following recall
for any
Harvest Casseroles purchased after 12-17-10 with a manufacturer date
of
12-15-10. A review of sales yesterday showed that we were still
selling those
10 days after their pull date. Although they may still be safe for
consumption
or use as fuel they are below our standards. We discontinued this
product
because of white pumpkins being out of season but we will gladly
replace it
with any other product from our line for free, just watch our feeds
and snag
a fresh product as they come out of the oven and discard the old
product.
Thank you for your continued patronage,
Buffalo A. Buffalo Proprietor
Anyhow I really enjoy playing Farmville because it gives me a chance
to use
my knowledge of logistics, the commodities market, and farming to
play a game
that I have played most of my life, the game of avoiding Murphy's
Law and
finishing a job on time. An added bonus is the great people that
have been friends for
many years on the chips that are there to help if I ask and who I am
glad to help when
they need it. Buffy plays Farmville but she prefers fantasy war
games. The other
night she was telling me she was a level 110 BM and I said, " You're
a Bowel Movement?"
Hey how was I supposed to know it stood for Beast Master?
The Handyman showed up today to replace the toilet and the bathroom
floor
and flooring as toilet number 3 had leaked and destroyed the OSB.
Toilet one
was on with a brass pipe connecting the bowl and tank and the pipe
rotted out
15 years ago. Toilet two was one of the first low flow models and it
had cracked\
by the flange and this one when a contractor had redone the floor he
hadn't placed
enough support under the floor and the movement caused the leak. It
was replaced
because I had repaired a crack in the tank with epoxy. The handyman
is actually
the grandfather of one of Eva's cousins and Eva watched the whole
operation and kept
up a steady chatter as he worked. It is lucky that Buffy's house is
close because
Sandy had to run over there to use the toilet. She wasn't really
happy when she woke up
and found the toilet and door gone. The owner also sprung for a new
lockset on
the door and a grab bar across from the toilet which will come in
handy the
next time my back goes out.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
CIGARCLIPS
Funny TV or Film clips taken from around the world
To join send a blank e-mail to
cigarclips-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Man Chips
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25 THINGS THAT MAKE YOU A REAL MAN.....
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her
hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She
didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it
to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning
the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting
and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of
other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then
nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while
everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint
with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even
an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been
partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical
evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?"
Grr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for
you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the
past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in
line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't
mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pssed. However,
the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, BandQ would have little
changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look
with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The
only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then. Seven. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which,
technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have
toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we
can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting
on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain
haemorrhage"
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's
right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh|t.
25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C*** - and punching him on the shoulder.
Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while
you were in hospital".
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
sparring
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y056.html
what the chart shows
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y057.html
a true friend
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y058.html
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Random Chips
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I got a sweater for Christmas. I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
Fearing that she might be a hemophiliac, the prostitute went to see
her doctor. "It's awful," she says. "Every time I get even a small
cut, it takes days for the bleeding to stop." "I see," said the
physician. "And how much do you lose when you get your period?" She
thought for a moment, then answered, "About five grand."
He was so dumb he took a roll of toilet paper to a crap game?
Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is,
however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys
happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the
conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found
is a Lesbian. (Fran Lebowitz)
I have a friend who every Christmas comes to dinner in his wife's
clothes. Once a year he likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Rita Garcia confessed after bragging to friends about how she got
even with her ex. Garcia broke into her estranged husband's
apartment and located unused condoms in a drawer. She carefully
opened a condom and put peppered chili powder in one, resealed it
and waited for the results. After a moment of passion with his
19-year-old girlfriend, Pedro was rushed to the hospital with his
manhood on fire. Rita, upon her being charged with second degree
assault said, "He wanted hot sex with that 19-year-old and he's now
had it."
Stan Kegel
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French Chips
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Years ago during the battle of Britain (a small island off mainland
Europe for you chaps reading in the states!) a famous French (From
the noun France meaning a bigger country on mainland Europe situated
close to Britain!) fighter pilot had evaded capture by the Germans
and was now the RAF's (Royal Air Force
chaps) top flying ace. having come back from one harrowing sortie,
Herve (pronounced Ur - vay) the sole surviving member of the
squadron crash landed his damaged & smoking spitfire on the grass
runway..
"Fuel up another one" shouts Herve "I fight the dreaded Germans on
my own"
He duly got into a new plane flew across the channel (a sea between
Britain & France) and when over northern France encountered a large
squadron of German planes. Throwing caution to the wind Herve lined
them up in his sights and dived into attack.
He was promptly, unsurprisingly, shot down and crashed in a farmers
field.
Climbing from the smoking wreckage Herve is confronted by an angry
farmer brandishing a shotgun and threatening to "blow his German
head off". (the French fought the Germans in WW2 and were on "our
side").
"non non" says Herve "I am Herve the famous French fighter pilot and
have been shot down you idiot farmer"
The fame of Herve had even spread to this little farm in northern
France and now reassured the farmer was delighted. Taking Herve's
flight bag in one hand and supporting the tired Herve with the other
the farmer led our intrepid hero back to his simple farm house for
some warming food and a glass of wine (this is an alcoholic drink
favoured in France. It has absolutely no relation to similarly
labeled drinks sold in the US - it is actually rather pleasant).
On entering the house the farmer introduces Herve to his wife and
his beautiful blonde 18-year-old daughter Nicole. After a fabulous
meal and a few more glasses of real wine, the farmer announces that
it is time for bed. But there was one problem, there were only 2
bedrooms, one for the farmer & his wife the other for Nicole (the
lovely young daughter - concentrate).
Herve swore on his honour that he would not lay a finger on Nicole
and could be trusted to share her bed for the night before escaping
the next day across the channel to Blighty (AKA Britain see comment
line one).
Needless to say that no sooner had Herve closed the bedroom door he
jumped the lovely young Nicole.
"Oh Herve, kiss me! kiss me!" cries Nicole
Herve reaches into his flight bag and brings out a bottle of Merlot
(see previous comment on wine) and splashes it on Nicole's lips.
"What are you doing, Herve?" says the startled Nicole.
"I am Herve, the famous French fighter pilot! When I have red meat,
I like to have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing.
When things began to heat up a little, Nicole says,
"Herve, kiss me lower."
Herve tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay from his
flight bag and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Herve! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Nicole.
"I am Herve the famous French fighter pilot! When I have white meat,
I like to have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Nicole leans close to his ear and whispers, "Herve, kiss me lower!"
Herve, grabs a bottle of Brandy (a highly combustible alcoholic
drink made from grapes and much stronger than Budweiser) and pours
it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Nicole shrieks as she bats out her flaming bush then shouts angrily
at Herve,
"Herve, what the hell do you think you're doing?"
To which Herve replies,
"I am Herve the famous French fighter pilot and when I go down, I go
down in flames!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman who likes to monkey around with a lot of men could be called
an organ grinder.
A few of the guys were sitting at a table in the pub, watching the
Notre Dame game Saturday. We had ordered a round of draft beers and
after they were brought to the table, one of the guys, a visiting
German Lufthansa pilot, took his back to the bar. After telling the
female bartender why he wasn't happy with his beer, to our amazement
she hauled off and slapped him in the face. When he returned to the
table, somewhat stunned, I asked what happened and why she slapped
him. His puzzled reply was, "Hell I don't know, all I did was ask
her for some head."
Sorority girls don't talk during sex because their mothers taught
them never to talk to strangers.
911 Call: Woman: "I just had a baby and the doctor told me to do
those Kegel exercises - you know to tighten up things down there."
[giggle] Dispatcher: "Yes, ma'am, I understand. Are you in pain?"
Woman: "No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that every time I do
those exercises I have an orgasm." Dispatcher: "I'm sorry, did you
say 'orgasm'?" Woman" "Yes. Am I doing them right?" Dispatcher:
"Sounds like it to me!"
Are you going to the donkey roast tonight. It should be a lot of
fun. Everyone gets a piece of ass. (Richard Lederer)
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dictionary Of Dating
ATTRACTION the act of associating horniness with a particular
person.
LOVE AT1st SIGHT what occurs when two extremely horny, but not
entirely choosy people meet.
DATING the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and
energy
to
get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like
in
the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing
special pills, inserting a diaphram, using a condom, and dating
repulsive men.
EASY a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a
man.
EYE CONTACT a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a
man
that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many
woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not
necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a
woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has
some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted
to by the man as "playing hard to get."
INTERESTING a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do
all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT what the endearing little qualities that initially
attract two people to each other turn into after a few months
together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY how attractive a given person appears to be is
directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more
often than he does.
SOBER condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Equipped For The Task
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Look Who's Talking 4
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Gasoline Price Humor
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Surfin Surfari
60's Tv Theme Songs Via Dianne
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The 5 Most Easily Avoidable Movie Deaths
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Harvest Moonbow
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Chinese Walmart!
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Website Midis
http://www.boomspeed.com/ltah/midis.html
3D Generator
http://www.int3d.com/3dmodels/i10013.html
Family Tech Support Guy:
http://www.geekosystem.com/family-tech-support-guy/
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Best Playmate!
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World's Largest Rodent!
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Movie Links
The Dildo Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6247.htm
The Elk
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6248.htm
Three Condoms Please
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6251.htm
Thunder Power
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6252.htm
Thunder Twin
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6253.htm
Time To Let Them Go
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Stay Fit
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Stethoscope
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsgtr.htm
China
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Super Models
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Suzuki
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Male Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
True Meanings Of Male Statements Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
Statement: "I need you."
True Meaning: "My hand is tired."
Statement: "I am different from all the other guys."
True Meaning: "I am not circumcised."
Statement: "I want a commitment."
True Meaning: "I'm sick of masturbation."
Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "It's just orange juice, try it."
True Meaning: "Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my
head."
Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."
Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
Statement: "I miss you so much."
True Meaning: "I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to
look good."
Statement "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
Statement: "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
True Meaning: "Is my penis really that small?"
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who the hell are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "I'll give you a call."
True Meaning: "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than
see you again."
Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be frien ds."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cheating bitch
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jfkldl;sl.htm
cheerleader2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjfkljgg.htm
cheerleaders
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chess
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cheese burger
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new cinematic emporium
Is not just a super sensorium.
It's a highly effectual
Heterosexual
Mutual masterbatorium.
~~~~~
Hey look; it's the orifice girls
Wearing naught but a grin and some pearls.
They go about whorin'
So don't put your oar in,
You don't know what's under their curls
~~~~~~
There was once a sailor from whales,
An Expert at pissing in gales,
He could piss in a jar
From the top-gallent spar.
Without even wetting the sails.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fushigi - Magic Gravity Ball
Mesmerize the mind and confuse the senses. Fushigi is an incredible,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
German man castrates teenage daughter's 57-year-old boyfriend
An enraged father who disapproved of his daughter's older boyfriend
went to his home and castrated him with a bread knife.
By Allan Hall, Berlin 10:11PM GMT 12 Dec 2010
Helmut Seifert, 47, an ethnic German originally from Russia, was
enraged when he heard his 17-year-old daughter was having a
relationship with Phillip Genscher, 57.
He went to police in the town of Bielefeld where he lives but
officers said they were powerless to intervene.
"The man then recruited two work colleagues at his factory and then
went to the house of the victim," said police.
"The man was forced to remove his trousers and, fully conscious, he
was castrated. The severed testicles were taken away by the
perpetrator."
The man was close to bleeding to death but managed to call police.
His life was saved but he remains a eunuch for life.
Seifert pleaded guilty and will be on trial for attempted murder
next year. But he has remained silent on who his accomplices were.
He told police: "I received a phone call anonymously that my
daughter was involved with a guy 40 years older than her. You said
you couldn't stop him - so I did.
"I saw it as my duty as a father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1953
Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto You..
Mark, BJ's stepson, was visiting him for a few days and decided to
fix breakfast. He started out cooking some bacon.
Mark: I think six slices of bacon is enough. I will go out to the
garage and get some canned fruit to go with the bacon. He takes one
slice with him to munch on while the rest of the bacon is cooling on
the stove.
He returns in a minute to view Katie exiting the kitchen with her
head down and trotting off really fast.
Mark: I wonder what she wanted?
A moment later...
Mark: Hey, where is the rest of my bacon? It is all gone!
Katie is sitting in the front room and looking at Mark. Katie: Going
to make some more?
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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