Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
When I was asked recently to tell my favorite Christmas story, this
one came to mind.
Living in San Diego one of the most expensive articles at Christmas
time was the tree. Paying 65.00 for a Blue Spruce that back here in
Michigan sold for 20 dollars or even better grew in the field behind
the house was quite a shock. I never could fathom buying an
artificial tree back then and a Douglas Fir was the same as our
Balsams and just didn't seem full enough. A tree lot out there was a
complete operation. You bought your tree and for an extra cost they
would install a stand or a stand with a plastic pan and if you
wanted spray your tree with various frostings in many colors. Green
is just fine for my tree but I usually got the stand and pan
installed. One year I selected the tree with the help of the wife
and daughter who wouldn't take the first tree I pointed out until
they looked at every tree on the lot and then would come back and
grab the tree I had picked. I brought the tree to the checkout and
asked for the pan and stand to be installed. Step one they cut into
fresh trunk to let the tree drink easier and the guy grabs an
electric chain saw. Tearing into the tree there is a lot of movement
but no chips flying ,. After a minute he stops , chooses another
spot on the trunk and starts sawing again , still no chips. He stops
the saw and looks at the chain and says" George, you put the chain
on backwards again". In about thirty seconds with another saw the
trunk was severed , then a stand was nailed on and I was out of
there , my wallet about 75.00 lighter. Well that's my best Christmas
tree story , hope you enjoy the chips and, oh no " George all the
chips are backwards". I never should have hired him heh heh.
Enjoy the Chips
buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
Shirley's RessyPees
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Little Johnny Chips
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It was the end of the school year. The teacher had turned in her
grades; there was nothing really for the class to do.
All the kids were restless and it was near the end of the day. So
the teacher thought of an activity. She said, "The first ones to
answer correctly the questions I ask may leave early today." Little
Johnny said to himself, "Good, I'm smart and I want to get outa
here."
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" But
before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln?"
The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may go." Johnny was mad
that Susie had answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" But before Johnny
could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King!"
The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may go." Johnny was even
madder than before. Mary had answered first. The teacher asked, "Who
said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny
could open his mouth, Nancy piped, "John Kennedy!"
The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may go." Now Johnny was
furious! Nancy had answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny muttered, "I wish these
girls would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher spun around. "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "Tiger
Woods. CAN I GO NOW?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Jesus' birthday
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x038.html
Rudoph the red
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x039.html
what the cat thinks of xmas
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x040.html
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Yooper Chips
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Twas da night before Christmas in dis Yooper house,
and nuttin' was stirrin', not even our mouse.
The rest of da family was all fast asleep
wit' visions of pasties delivered by jeep.
Da swampers was hung by da chiminey wit care
in hopes dat Saint Nicolas soon would be dere.
And in da far corner it was lovely to see
the Bosch cans and cabbage dat hung from da tree.
Ma home from the mine and me out on parole,
she was snuggled in bed; I was perched on da bowl.
Then alluva sudden da house starts to shudder,
some nut's on da roof and he broke da rain gutter.
He jumps down the chimney and swears cause it's tight
As I hide behind beer cases, way outta sight.
He lands in da fireplace scorching his hair
on a busted up orange crate still burning in nere.
He climbs outta da fireplace and I take a long look,
he's just like they show him in my coloring book.
With vodka-glazed eyes and a stomach like a bubble,
a five-day-old beard and dere's soot on his stubble.
His teeth when he smiles look like Grampa's weed-saw,
and he wore tennis shoes big as grizzly bear's paw.
This old Yooper elf gives me nothing to fear
as he heads for da kitchen for cookies and beer.
He kills off a six pack then belches and smirks,
and reaches into the playdoh sack, ready to work.
Now under da tree he's starting to set
the most beautiful presents us Yoopers can get.
Dere's a new pastymatic and snowblower for mother,
a steel chainsaw and some swampers for brother.
Some mud flaps, CB, and new-used weedwacker,
a helmet and nightshirt dat say "Green Bay Packers".
He close up da sack and he jumps in da coals
and hollering "OUCH!", up the chiminey he rose.
He grunted and groaned as he tossed out his bag
and cracked such a beer fart (ugh) I'm starting to gag.
I must watch him leave so I rushes outside,
I looks up at da roof while in bushes I hide.
And what does I see when I looks through da twigs?
A rusted old car body, pulled by eight pigs!
Santy jumped in and he gave 'em all hell,
"Let's go all yous pigs, don't just sit there and smell!
On Mushy and Mushy and Lempy and Joe
and all a you's others what names I don't know.
Fly over Negaunee and turn to da right,
we make Houghton-Hancock before I get tight."
Then I hear him exclaim with a cynical sneer
"Pull in at dat Bosch sign, I run outta beer!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Gun Chips
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This old story out of Texas. Seems a guy makes a rolling stop at a
stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the
cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his
concealed
carry permit.
"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you
carrying today?"
"Yes, I am."
"Well then, better tell me what you got."
Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket.
There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And I've got a .22
Magnum derringer
in my right boot.
"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR15 and a shotgun. That's
about it."
"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"
"Nope."
"Well then, what are you afraid of...?"
"Not a damned thing..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Repair Chips
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MAKING YOUR SERVICEMAN FEEL WELCOME
1. Do not call for service until everyone that uses the machine has
had a chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible, all controls
and adjusting screws should be turned.
2. After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a
major emergency, place an urgent call for service. Fridays are best
but anytime after 4 pm is fine.
3. The minute the serviceman arrives, ask what caused the delay.
Make it clear how desperately you need the machine and ask when it
will be back in service.
4. The machine should be practically inaccessible due to boxes of
recycled computer paper and cards. Make certain that the lights are
off in the room where the machine is located and no one is oin the
area that knows how to turn them on. Always have one or two
half-cups of coffee lying about.
5. Hide the service history log. Keep making refrence to the man who
was here for the same problem last week.
6. Alert all personnel that the serviceman has arrived so that each
one can drop by and give their version of what is wrong, and provide
suggestions on how to fix it.
7. Have at least eight graduate engineers drop by to ask highly
technical questions which are in no way related to the immediate
problem.
8. Assign someone to supervise the repair. A person who has never
seen the machine before is preferred. And one who can keep up a
steady stream of chatter is a plus.
9. Wait until there are parts and pieces spread out all over the
floor, then ask when the machine will be ready.
10. Wait until the service man is looking at a schematic diagram and
then ask him "what that thingamabob is for." After you have his
attention, ask again when it will be fixed and mention that "time is
money, you know."
11. When the repair is completed, tell him what a swell job he did.
Tell him the job should be swell-- it took long enough.
12. Ask the serviceman what the rates are, and then ask for a
discount because you are such a good customer.
13. After he is gone, call his supervisor and say the machine is
worse now than before. Follow up with a letter and copies to the
home office.
14. Follow these rules faithfully and remember the serviceman's
motto: "DO
UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY CAN DO IT TO YOU."
15. Computer hardware is like an erect penis: It stays up if you
don't fuck with it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A local fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with 6 large size salmon
in his creel. Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing.
"Yes!" replied the stalwart. Asked what bait he had been using our hero
replied that he had used chewing tobacco. Parker asked how one used chewing
tobacco as bait, and the fisherman replied, "I put the tobacco on the hook
in the normal way, cast in the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul
back on the line to hook it. When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on
the head with the butt of my rod!
What should you do when your girlfriend tells you she fakes orgasms?
Pretend you don't hear her.
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't
get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked
away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his
invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.
He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even
make eye contact."
"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
Rosey and Nina were sitting together sharing their morning coffee.
Rosey said to Nina, "Living with my husband is like playing checkers."
"How so?" asks Nina.
Rosey replies, "Every time I make a move, he jumps me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Christmas With You
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/C/With.html
MARLENE / AWAY IN A MANGER
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML3/Away-In-A-Manger.html
From Kathryn/ A Dream And A Smile
http://adreamandasmile.com/Winter/Wont_Freeze_Ya.html
John w/ The Christmas Song (Alvin & The Chipmunks)
http://heavens-gates.com/fifties/christmassong.html
Bible: Are Angels Real?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/angelsreal.html
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
D-I-Y Scientific Calculator Watch
http://tinyurl.com/ydvupex
Christmas Tips
http://www.make-stuff.com/hollidays/christmas.html
How did Christmas start?
http://www.soon.org.uk/christmas.htm
Wall Mural Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html
Christmas Around The World!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasworld.html
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Cloud Anti virus Uninstaller
http://www.pandasecurity.com/resources/sop/UNINSTALLER_10.exe
Sally w/Holiday Twinkies
http://www.simplysally.com/twinkies/xmas/
Christmas with Emma
http://wtv-zone.com/emma/hoho/christmas.html
Christmas Year 'Round from Charlie the Carmelite
http://carmelnet.org/chas/midifiles/xmasmidi.htm
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Animal World
Endangered Wolf
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Giant Panda Bear
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Movie Links
Mum
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kakaoo.htm
My New Country Song
http://www.buffaloschips.com/oqqooq.htm
Never Smash A WD-40 Can
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kajasoa.htm
New At Canadian Tire
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aioao.htm
New From Glade
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adsfw.htm
Don't Eat While Driving
http://www.buffaloschips.com/t54.htm
Energy Star
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gre3.htm
Exam
http://www.buffaloschips.com/34t.htm
Future Engineers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9o7.htm
Glock Home Protection
http://www.buffaloschips.com/78i6.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
99 Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as
a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female
doctor.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but this
new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I
want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your
prostate, take a deep breath and say, 99.
The guy obeys and says, 99! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on your
left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,
99.' Again, the guy says, '99.' The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I
want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to
check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going t o
hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and
say,
99.' The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
candle new scent
http://www.buffaloschips.com/bnkcvbvn.htm
candy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjbkgvhg.htm
cane
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kfgjfhg.htm
can man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kfgjfbhvg.htm
can opener
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kfgjflgf.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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in as soon as 2 weeks. Rid your home of pests, dust mites and bedbugs
quick and without harmful chemicals.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An ingenious botanist named Pace,
Grew cunts in pots at his place.
When they ripened, he'd pluck 'em
And eat them or fuck them--
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
___________________________________
I went out to make chicken soup
I boiled up my pot near the coop
And grabbed up a hen
Then quick tossed her in
Job's done in one mighty fowl swoop
(Gary Hallock)
___________________________________
A worried young man from Stamboul,
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
<snagged by>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fushigi - Magic Gravity Ball
Mesmerize the mind and confuse the senses. Fushigi is an incredible,
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Learn More
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job
to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire
inside of the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it
finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish
hands him a $5.00 bill. The boy looks at the money and says to the
priest, "Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin." The priest is
a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy has to
paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day and he just
manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looks at
the job and this time gives the lad another $5.00 bill. Once again
the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father,
you really are a virgin". At this stage the priest decides to
take action. "Tommy," he says, "that's twice you've called me a
virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?" "Yes," says
the kid, "a tight cunt. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Avandia shown to cause heart attacks and heart related injuries.
Have you taken avandia?
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Health warning for WOMEN who used Zyban to quit smoking.
Were You Prescribed Zyban?
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Do you take Paxil?
Read The FDAs Paxil Warning!
http://buffaloschips.com/paxi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1944 Rudy
?
When BJ arrived in Caldwell, things were a tad different...
Wham!!!! BJ: Rudy, slow down. I am here.
Rudy: Missed you a lot!
BJ: So I gather. Come here and let me mush you up.
an hour later.
BJ: Ah Rudy can we check with Diana now?
Rudy: Need more mushing.
Later when it comes time for BJ to leave..
Rudy is at the front door..
Rudy: Wanna go!
BJ: I do not have room in my car Rudy. You need to take care of mommy.
Rudy: Wanna go.
Rudy starts running in circles jumping up and basically making dad feel
really guilty.
BJ: Rudy, mom's going to be in Guthrie tomorrow, she will bring you there
with here.
BOING! His ears go up!
Rudy: A-Rooooooo!
The herd (The way things are looking, I might have four dogs with me while I
work.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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