Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
June is one of those months where there isn't much happening
as far as established reasons to party except for Father's Day
and weddings. Here's the list to get you through the rest of the
month.
1 Dare Day
2 National Bubba Day
3 Repeat Day
4 Applesauce Cake Day
4 Hug Your Cat Day
4 Old Maid's Day
5 World Environment Day
6 National Doughnut Day
6 National Gardening Exercise Day
6 National Yo-Yo Day
7 National Chocolate Ice Cream Day
8 Best Friends Day
8 Name Your Poison Day
9 Donald Duck Day
10 Iced Tea Day
11 Hug Holiday
12 Red Rose Day
13 Blame Someone Else Day
13 Sewing Machine Day
14 Flag Day
15 Smile Power Day
16 Fresh Veggies Day
17 Eat Your Vegetables Day
17 World Juggler's Day
18 Go Fishing Day
18 International Panic Day
18 National Splurge Day
19 World Sauntering Day
20 Ice Cream Soda Day
21 Summer Solstice
21 Go Skate Day
21 National Hollerin' Contest Day
22 National Chocolate Eclair Day
23 National Columnists Day
23 National Pink Day
23 Take Your Dog to Work Day
24 Swim a Lap Day
25 Log Cabin Day
25 National Catfish Day
26 Beautician's Day
26 Forgiveness Day
27 Paul Bunyan Day
27 Sun Glasses Day
28 Insurance Awareness Day
29 Camera Day
29 Waffle Iron Day
30 Meteor Day
I did enjoy the weekend greatly and yesterday we even made it to
85 degrees. It was a great summer and now we are back to a high of
59 degrees.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Fairy Tale Chips
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Top 15 Rejected Lines From Fairy Tales Once upon a time, there was a
handsome prince from the magical land of Nantucket who had a trusty
broadsword so large that...
And then the Frog said to Princess Elspeth, "What, no tongue?"
So party of the first part and the party of the second part lived
happily -- and legally -- ever after.
The wicked surrogate mother convinced the biological parents to
leave the frozen embryos in the forest, where she planned to conduct
stem-
cell research on them.
Cinderella then demanded, "Dude, where's my coach?"
In the lawsuit, Goldilocks accused the three bears of negligence,
claiming that their having left the scalding-hot porridge where it
could easily be stolen led directly to her third-degree tongue
burns.
"Yes, Your Highness, it's a very nice slipper -- but do you have
something with a higher heel?"
"Not by the hair of my crotchety-crotch-crotch!"
Sleeping Beauty awoke from her 100-year-slumber, sat up and told the
prince, "Dude, that NyQuil sh*t is AWESOME."
...and that night, after the princess told him she was going to have
his child, the prince put out to sea, vowing never to return.
And after the prince did slay the mighty dragon, knights from the
far-
away land called PETA did hound him the rest of his days.
"Hey, Mr. Building Inspector," shouted the little pig, "if you got
a problem with my straw architecture, you can just blow me."
Then Mama Bear said, "SOMEBODY has been using my... umm... magical
vibrating wand -- and the batteries are all dead!"
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Short Chips
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The backwards hillbilly girl walked into the drugstore to buy
tampons for the first time, after looking at shelf upon shelf of
feminine hygiene products she timidly approached the pharmacist with
her dilemma, I'm confused by all these different brands an sizes,
she confessed, I don't know which ones to buy.`I see, said the
pharmacist, tell me, what's your flow like? puzzled the girl
replied,' it's linoleum, why?
~~
Jill, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at one of her
parties over the Holidays. A friend of hers brought his brother who
had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a drink
from the tray and said, "I'm sorry Father, I'll go right back to the
kitchen and bring you a coke."
The Priest smiled and said "No need to. I may have alcohol.
Priests abstain from sex, not the grape."
"Oh !" said Jill blushing, "So that's it. I knew it was one or the
other that I wasn't supposed to offer you."
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Short Chips
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The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office.
"You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than
anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."
"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you
got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the
medic said.
"Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your
Lamborghini!"
Doug brought Tammy back to his apartment, took off his clothes, and
said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend."
Tammy took a look, gathered up her clothes, then said, "Call me when
it grows up."
"I think we should go Dutch," the nurse said to the doctor in the
dimly lit restaurant. "You pay for dinner and the movie, and the
rest of your night can be on me."
~~~~
Little Johnny lived on a farm and watched the calves feeding from
their mothers each morning with great interest. He was only able to
see his girlfriend once every 2 weeks, so one day he got a good
idea.
Early one morning he took off to the barn, slipped his manhood out,
and put it in front of one of the calves. The calf thought it was
its mother, and took to sucking right away. As he was enjoying
himself he noticed some hay fall down from the loft. Glancing up he
saw his father looking down at him with a real mean look on his
face.
Thinking very quickly, Little Johnny looked at his father and
screamed, "Are you gonna help me or are you just gonna stand there
and let him eat me alive!?"
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Short Chips
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Crazy Charlie, the used-car dealer, was out to break all sales
records with his "like new" models. A large sign in his window
announced: "A Blonde Free With Each Car."
A delighted young wolf plunked down his cash and, hot with
anticipation, drove his newly won blonde out into the country. He
parked, gave her a couple of preliminary kisses, and whispered a
suggestion in her ear.
She shook her head, smiled, and said, "You got that when you bought
this car."
~~~
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Charade Chips
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The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any
charade.
A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special.
He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars
to guess a very hard charade on television.
The charade player agrees.
Comes the big night, all the world is watching. The charade player
is sitting on stage in front of a curtain. Music blares and the
curtain opens to reveal seven nude young women.
The second and fourth ladies are holding their breasts, while the
other five have their backs to him and are baring their behinds.
The charade player barely glances over them and says, "The William
Tell Overture by Rossini."
The flabbergasted producer says in awe, "You've done it! That's the
correct answer. You are indeed the greatest charade player!" and he
hands him a check for a million bucks.
Walking out, a reporter stops the charade player and ask him how he
did it.
" It's really simple," says the charade player. "One look at the
positions of the seven women, and I realized it as the William Tell
Overture."
"Rump... titty... rump... titty... rump... rump... rump."
Stan Kegel
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Price of Freedom
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Holiday2/OurFreedom.html
carolyn w/Soldier Boy ~ The Shirelles
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Hello,
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
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Kitty Korner
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Super Puppies
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Bud Light Wheel
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Short Chips
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A company ran an add stating that they would make you a pilot for
$2,900. They want to train more people to fly planes in hopes that they
could sell more planes. Their add had a beautiful picture of an airplane
and in big black print were the words, "We will make you a pilot for
$2,900. I heard that the ad elicited a lot of response, but the most
unique response came from 7 women in Kansas. They wrote into the company
and said; "We understand you can make us a pilot for $2,900. We would
like you to make us one right away. We want him to be a man, 6 feet
tall, 190 pounds, with blue eyes and brown wavy hair. We understand that
you guarantee that you can make us a pilot. Therefore we would like the
pilot on approval for about 60 days. If he works out we'll order more."
What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common? They were
originally intended for children, but it's the men who play with them
the most.
A teenage girl walked into a bank with several glass jars filled with
quarters. After running them through the automated counting machine, the
teller announced, "That came out to $793.75. Tell me, young lady, how
long have you been hoarding all those quarters?" "All year," replied the
girl, "but my sister whored half of them."
A sorority girl wears a gold diaphragm so her boyfriend will think he is
coming into money.
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Toon Chips
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Just Once
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IRS
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It Fits
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Crane
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Marriage Penalty
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Coffee Break
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Limerick Chips
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There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who lived their life belly to belly.
Because in their haste
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
__________________________
There once was a dentist named Stone
Who saw all his patients alone.
In a fit of depravity
He filled the wrong cavity,
And my, how his practice has grown!
__________________________
There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled
Mike Murray over for a weapons check because
of his NRA bumper sticker.
When the officer approached, the man handed
him his driver's license, insurance card and
concealed carry permit (CCP).
The officer took the documents, looked them
over and said "Mr. Murray I see you have a CCP.
Do you have any weapons with you?"
The man replied "Yes. I have a .357 handgun
in a hip holster a .45 in the glove box and a
.22 derringer in my boot."
The officer looked at him and asked "Anything
else?"
"Yes. I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an
AR-15 in the trunk."
The officer asked if he was driving to or from a
shooting range and the man said he was not.
The officer bent over, looked into his face and
said "Mr. Murray you are carrying quite a few
guns. May I ask what you are afraid of?"
Mike locked eyes with the officer and calmly
answered "Not a F***ing thing."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2044
Kalvinball Part Three
Val is trapped between thirteenth and fourteenth base
when...
Val: I throw the flag of fellowship.
BJ: What does that mean?
Sandi: Val gets to make one call for help and if help
does not arrive in five minutes we continue to attack.
Val: Tami, come help me please.
Time passes....
Katie: Looks like you are out of luck Little Miss Val.
Just then Tami, dressed like Wonder Woman appears,
cape and all.
Tami: Ah-hah, un-hand her you evil-doers. What base
are you headed for?
Val: Fourteen.
Tami: Let's continue the quest!
Rudy: Attack!
BJ: Oh my!
To be continued
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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