Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the archives one of my discussions of life in the Navy
30 years ago when people lived on ships in port, there were no women
aboard, there were still urinals in the heads, and sailors didn't
wear camo uniforms.
From Mitzi I was not able to either affirm nor negate this article
on snopes but it makes a good read.
buffalo says Let me assure you that these items are true but only
from a negative point of view and I will add a few comments.
******************
my nephew, a marine, sent this to me. He did NOT enjoy his months
aboard a ship.
How to Simulate Shipboard Life For Our Members Who Miss "The Good
Old Days"
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with
a curtain. Three hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip
open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble
"Sorry, wrong rack."
b. Your bunk or rack is a place to sleep and maybe read a book.
You eat on the mess decks, watch TV and play games in the lounge.
It is private, dark, air conditioned, and cozy and designed for one
occupant.
2. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your
bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you take
showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.
b. Water usage is a critical matter with cleaning, laundry,
cooking, and the operation of the ship sharing the eight gallons per
man produced daily by distilling plants. I found the showers to be
similar to those in college dorms just that you were only allowed 2
gallons of water to shower.
3. Every time there's a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking
chair and rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous.
b. Merchant ships rock, cruise ships rock, your bass boat rocks.
You adapt and it doesn't bother you after awhile. If you have
terrible motion sickness, the Navy is probably not the place for
you.
4. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to
"High".
b. Gross exaggeration. Leaks are fixed quickly and ventilation
changes the air in most spaces in a matter of minutes.
5. Don't watch TV except movies in the middle of the night. Also,
have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different
one.
b. In addition to TV lounges, many people have laptops and portable
DVD players and you can probably find tons of movies to watch. I
noticed on the Reagan they had Plasma screen TVs in the ready rooms,
this is a far cry from a screen set up in the hangar bay or
forecastle to watch a movie that had to be approved by the chaplain.
6. Leave lawnmower and/or chainsaw running in your living room
twenty-four hours a day for proper noise level.
b. They were remodeling our berthing compartment and we were given
temp living quarters on the 03 level directly under the arresting
gear during carrier qualifications. 50,000 pound plane catching the
wire at 150 mph will wake you up the first couple of times. A lack
of noise will wake you much faster.
7. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
b. Ship's servicemen operate the barber shop and there is a barber
school at Norfolk. There are still good and bad barbers just like
in the civilian world.
<http://www.navy.mil/search/display.asp?story_id=26854>
8. Once a week blow compressed air up through the chimney, making
sure the wind carries soot across onto your neighbors house. Laugh
at him when he curses you.
b It is necessary to blow soot from the tubes on boiler powered
ships to improve efficiency and prevent stack fires. Nuclear and
gas turbine propelled craft have no need for it
9. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up
garbage in the other side of your bathtub.
b. Ships are cleaned and trash emptied daily. Compaction is only
done on plastics melting them into a gigantic Frisbee which is
stored onboard till the ship gets back to base. Glass and metal are
ground so they can sink and paper trash is made into a mulch which
is thrown overboard.
10. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich on stale bread and a cup of green Kool-Aid.
b. Mid rats for the 0000-0400 watch vary between brunch and a
normal evening meal and all that are hungry are fed. Life onboard
ship is a
24/7/365 affair and people have to eat. Watches and work schedules
can be 6 on 6 off 12 on 12 off or 4 on and 8 off depending on number
of people qualified.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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What is the most common pregnancy craving?
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Dear Baby Doctor,
How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
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Dear Baby Doctor,
Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet
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My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His
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--------------------------------------------
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,
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But the law allows only one wife.
- - -
As John and Jill parked in a crowded lovers lane, Jill
sighed romantically: "Its lovely out here tonight
just listen to the crickets."
"Those aren't crickets," John replied. "They're
zippers."
- - -
The waitress was tired of this one man always hitting
on her, so she came up with a plan. "I'll tell you
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First, it'll cost you 50 bucks. Second, you have to
guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will flash."
He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the
pinball machine.
-------------------
An obnoxious guy walks into the neighborhood bar and
sits next to a local honey already having her first
beverage. As he tries to strike up a conversation she
keeps ignoring him. Finally he says, "you know me, why
don't you talk to me?"
She replies, "Yes, I know you, you're Morgan - big M,
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The fact of the matter is: Jack
Had long wanted Jill on her back;
So he told her some tale,
About filling a pail...
And then bungled his plan of attack.
____________________________
The model climbed up the ladder,
As Titian, the painter, had bade her
Then her position
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Parting Chips
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A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy
and a girl.
The head nurse brought them out for their father to
see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl
baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and
the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.
He took one step forward just so he could touch the
babies and believe they had finally arrived. As he
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sterile!"
With out missing a beat, he retorted, "You're telling
*me* I'm not sterile!?"
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2058
At the Airport
BJ picks up Diana and her luggage at the airport.
Diana: It is great to see you. What is with the police
escort?
BJ: Trust me, it is an emergency.
Diana: What is going on?
BJ: Your white lab is going bananas.
Diana: Rudy?
BJ: How many white labs do you have?
Diana: Tell me the story.
BJ relates what is going on...
Diana: I cannot believe it.
BJ: Well he has been your doggie and he has
missed you a lot yesterday and day more so.
Sandi and Kate kept him busy for a while but...
About 30 minutes later they enter into the
driveway... a huge banner is flying over the
driveway WELCUM HOM MOMMIE - RUDY
Diana: Aw that is sweet because he always
calls me Toots.
Diana gets out of the car and Rudy leaps into
her arms....and knocks her to the ground but
she is laughing as her face is covered with
slobbering licks.
Rudy: Missed ya.
The end
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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