[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Wed



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I watched the Baseball all star game last night and enjoyed every
minute of it.
They did a good job on the National Anthem, it was a close game, and
got to
see all of my favorite players for a few minutes at least. It wasn't
till the game
was over that something upset me. General Motors was there giving out
the
award for MVP, a new hybrid SUV, to Ichiro Suzuki. All comments to and
from Ichiro were through his Japanese interpreter. This man makes
12.5 million
dollars a year and has been playing baseball here since 2001 so it
isn't like he
can't afford or had the time to learn English. Don't get me wrong
some of
my favorite players are from South America and speak broken English
but they
are making an effort to improve. If trying to please the crowds that
pay his wages
is not enough of a reward, he should think of the extra money he
could make.
Magglio Ordonez was born in Venezuela and has never hit an in park
home
run but he earns 13.5 million a year and do you know why? Because he
doesn't
need an interpreter. Take Manny Ramirez from Boston batting .284
compared
to Ichiro's .359. Manny is from Santa Domingo and he makes 17
million
a year. Ichiro could do that too if he would just learn English. Last
case in point is
Jason Giambi from Calif. He only bats .284 and made 23 million last
year and
do you know why? Because if you speak English you can rat on all your
buddies
for using steroids and watch them take the heat while you make the
big bucks

As I promised here is some more info on Melissa's Mom's funeral.

Hello everyone I just want to thank you again for all your
prayers ,my mom passed away last night July 9th at 8:20 .I Just
wanted to write you all to let you know what was happening ..Here is
all the information if you would like to send a card or flowers or
possibly come to her wake .Send cards
to Melissa Hall ____
15545 S.Ridgeway Ave, Markham,ILL 60428 . The address to the funeral
home is Becvar & Son Funeral Home 5539 West 127th street Crestwood,IL
60445 the phone number to the funeral home is 708 824-9000 My Mom
Katheleen Laesch will be waked Thursday July 12th from 5-9
pm..www.becvarfuneralhome.com...The Florist is Vacha's Forest Flowers
1-800-300-6058 http://www.ftd.com/vacha

Guest Book

http://tinyurl.com/2expmr

Thank you again for all your support and prayers Love,
Melissa

Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Changing Places Chips
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Top 10 things a man would do if he woke up in the morning with a
Vagina:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do a split.

7. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

6. Get picked up in a bar in less that 10 minutes

5. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
without sleeping first.

4. Go to the gyno and ask to have the examination recorded on video.

3. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

2. Actually catch a buzz off 1 wine cooler.

And the # 1 thing a man would do is:

1. Finally find that damn G-spot.

Top 10 things a woman would do if she woke up in the morning with a
penis:

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at the urinal.

6. Determine why you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch/Shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper
it
may be to others.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny
as it looks.

2. Understand the reason for the light refraction that occurs between
man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member.

And the # 1 thing a woman would do is:

1. Repeat # 9.

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

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True love
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</a>

What a Guy
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Swap
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Stuck
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Cheating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She: I think my husband may be fooling around on me.

He: Really? I think my wife may be too!

She: Well, who cares? C'mere, Lover!

(Just as they are about to get busy, the phone rings.)

She: Hello. Yeah, that's fine. Bye.

He: Who was that?

She: It was my husband. He claimed he was at your house and wanted to
stay a while and play cards! Let's get to it, Lover!

(The phone rings again.)

She: Hello. Oh, I think it will be a while. Bye.

He: And who was THAT?

She: It was your wife! She wanted to know about how long you and my
husband would be here playing cards!

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Sex Chips
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In many cultures, an unmarried woman is considered virgin,
even if she's a prostitute. It's only after marriage that
she loses her virginity.

When the ancient Chinese would have sex with a goose, as a
climax they used to pull off its head to feel its death contractions.

As foreplay a Ponapean man may sometimes put a fish in the
woman's vulva and gently lick it.

It's illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, it's against the law to have
sex with a truck driver in a toll booth.

There is a law in Kingsville, Texas, that forbids pigs to
have sex on Kingsville airport property.

In 1709 it was believed that the widespread infertility of
Spanish women was due to singing during sex.

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Little Johnny Chips
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Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he
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noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these
tracks and I'll stop being bad!"

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the
train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out
and
I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"

Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds
away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot out
of
the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop
trying to look up little Mary's dress."

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he
fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted
himself off, l ooked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I got
it
myself..."

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IT Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate,"
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the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a
bar."

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we
got
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off."

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

"I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my
desk
next to my new laptop."

"Really? You got a new laptop?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bernie says to his wife Sarah, "Let's go out tonight, darling and
have some fun."

Sarah replies, "OK, but if you get home before I do, please leave the
light in the hall on."

Jack ran into a friend he knew had just recently married. "How's
married life?"

"Great, except I screwed up big time this morning. Without thinking I
left $50 on my wife's pillow!"

"Aw, hell, don't worry about it. She knows you've been single for
ages. She'll understand."

"That's not what bothers me. After I showered and came back to the
bedroom, there was $15 change on my pillow!"

Q. Have you heard about the oversexed woman who would take her
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A. She loved to shake and bake

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk
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gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them.

Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Jim,
are we landscaping the garden and having the pool cleaned today?"

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Movies

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drinking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in
Duluth. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the
hangar with nothing to do.

Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!" Sven says, "Me too.
Y'know, I've hear you can drink dat yet fuel an get a buzz. Ya vanna
try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and
got completely smashed.

Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In
fact
he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

The phone rang. It was Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"

Ole says, "I feel great How bout you?"

Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?"

Ole says, "No dat yet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve
oughta do dis more often."

Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."

Ole asked, "Vat's dat?"

Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"

Ole stopped to think. "No"

"Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Milvaukee"

Peahen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hurry Up Dear
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I Make The Rules
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Clapping Moons
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What The Hell Can You Say???
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<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/882.html">Here</a>

Sad 'Endings'
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/885.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/885.html">Here</a>

Blood Thirsty...
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baby watch tv
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women drivers
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Guard
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a girl from Sidney
Who could take it right up to her kidney
But a guy from Quebec
Shoved it up to her neck
He had a long one, now didn't he.

A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge
Though only a grunt
He assaulted her cunt
And gave her a hon'rable discharge.

On the banks of the Thames stood lord Buckingham
Dreaming of tits and of sucking them
While watching the stunts
Of the cunts in the punts
And the tricks of the pricks who were fuckin' 'em

Two school-kids around Aberystwyth
Made love with the lips that they kissed with
But as they got older
They also grew bolder
Making love with the things that they pissed with

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She
put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs
sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really
asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no
legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man
smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in
bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad
smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Calif Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-
year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her
grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack
while we were making love on Sunday morning. "

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years
old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and
slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive
if the ice cream truck hadn't come along"

Jim Tenn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1024

FEMA

Rudy: Pops, there is a government guy outside who
says he is an inspector from FEMA or something like
that. I have him treed, he might be a crook.

BJ: Ack! Let him down.

Rudy: Sandi, let him down from the tree!

Sandi: Growl! Okay...

Ginger: Bark! Whimper...

Katie: Okay buster but no wise stuff.

Fed: Well I never. Talking dogs!

Katie: Excuse me while I get the Robo-Kate out here....

Fed: Robots?

BJ: Excuse me sir how may I assist you?

Fed: I am here to examine your property for damage
pertaining to the claim you filed for flood damage.

BJ: Sure come on in. The house itself is in good shape.
We have kept the water out by using the watervac and
by mopping, but mold is in the garage and our berm has
broken down allowing flooding to inundate the garage and
basement.

Fed: Frumpt! We shall see.

Later...

Fed: Well it does appear you qualify for federal assistance..
just sign here... and here....initial here, here and here.
Put your social security number here, here and here. Blood
type here, here and here. Sign here, here, and here.
There someone will be in contact with you soon.

BJ: Can you define soon?

Fed: Soon as in Federal soon. We mail the paperwork in
to my supervisor who reviews it. Then he mails it to his
boss who reviews it, then it goes to Washington for committee
then it gets prioritized and distributed accordingly.

BJ: What did you say?

Fed: Soon.

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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