Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have been watching a survival show called Man vs. Wild
since it began airing on the Discover Channel. It is both
educational and entertaining. In the series Bear Grylls is
dumped into some of the most inhospitable places on earth
and expected to reach civilization or be rescued in a week.
The tips that he gives could actually help a camper or hiker
survive if they were thrown into the same circumstances. What
he does is totally believable because the man started his career as
a member of the British Special Forces training in survival
in both the desert and Arctic conditions. His career was cut short
when his parachute ripped on a jump in Africa and he broke
his back in three places. At first it was wondered whether he
would ever walk again and two years later he climbed Mount
Everest.( more on his accomplishments
http://en.wikipedia
Now one of the consultants for the series has accused
Bear of spending the night in a hotel room while he should have
been camping in the mountains eating grubs and snakes and
drinking water squeezed from elephant dung. It doesn't matter
to me the value is not in watching a man suffer but in his lessons.
Maybe if the guy spent a few more nights sleeping in a Holiday Inn
he would stop jumping off cliffs to show us it can be done and then
we will all lose the wisdom in his programs. It makes me want
to go out and snare a few neighborhood squirrels and roast them
in a backyard bonfire on bicycle spokes ... yummy. I can see the
police giving me a ticket for an illegal fire and probably animal
cruelty too.
Sorry some of you got your jokes this morning, not sure what happened
but the mail I approved never went out. Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was
packed. I tried to force my way on, but no one would budge, although
there was ample room in the back. Then the bus driver took over.
"Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen," he shouted. "Will all the
beautiful, smart people please move to the back of the bus, and all
the
ugly stupid people stay up front?"
------------
A blind man, deaf man and a lame man went on a pilgrimage to a healing
spring. The blind man washed his eyes with water from the spring and
exclaimed "I can see! I can see!"
The deaf man washed his ears with the spring water and
exclaimed
"I can hear! I can hear!"
The lame man drove his wheelchair into the water and out the
other side yelling "I got new tires! I got new tires!"
------------
At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a Latin American visitor
was
telling the guests about this home country and himself. As he
concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but,
alas, no children."
As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue,
he
said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable."
Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter:
"What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable.
As his companions seemed amused, he floundered
deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining
triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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She Must be a Hippie
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Artificial Insemination
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Antonio came home from school one day and walked
into the kitchen. His grandma asked him, "Antonio,
what did you learn in school today?"
Antonio replied, "Well, we learned about penises, and
vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation.
Grandma hauled off and slapped Antonio, hard. He ran
up to his room, crying. Antonio's mother walked in and
cried, "Ma! Why did you go and hit Antonio!?"
Grandma replied, "Well, I asked him what he learned
in school today. He started talking about sex, and
penises, and masturbation!
Antonio's mother said, "Ma! That's what they learn.
It's called sex education!"
Well, Grandma felt bad about hitting Antonio, so she
went upstairs to apologize. When she opened his
bedroom door she found him on his bed masturbating.
Without a blink, she said, "Antonio, when you're finished
with your homework, come downstairs and talk to me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Argument Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
15 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A WOMAN DURING AN ARGUMENT
When you are arguing with the woman you love, be sensitive,
restrained..
just might depend on it.
1. "Don't you have some laundry to do, or something?"
2. "No, really, I was laughing about...this joke I heard one time."
3. "Ooh, you are so cute when you get all upset."
4. "You're just upset because your caboose is starting to spread."
5. "Wait a minute, I get it... What time of the month is it?"
6. "Are you gonna cry? Force lip to quiver mockingly Cry for your
mommy?"
7. "You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?"
8. "Sorry, I was just picturing you naked."
9. "That reminds me. Next time you go to the store, could you
add 'giant
cork' to the shopping list?"
10. "Whoa, time out honey, Frasier's back."
11. "Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this
morning."
12. "Is there anyway we could do this via e-mail?"
13. "Hey baby-if I want a lecture about commitment, I can get one from
my real wife."
14. "I could so use some oral sexual stimulation right now."
15. "Whom are you kidding? We both know that thing isn't loaded."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tampon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinderella is sitting home, crying. A fairy flies by and hears the
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"Why are you crying?" "Others are at the ball, but I can't go there!"
"Why?" "I'm having my period" "Others have periods too, but they are
at
the ball?" "Yes, but I don't have a tampon!" So the fairy gives
Cinderella a golden tampon, packed in a silver box. Even Cinderella's
mother doesn't have so beautiful tampons. So Cinderella goes to the
ball. Later that night, past midnight, Cinderella comes home, her legs
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that when it's midnight it will turn into a pumpkin!"
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Artificial Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of my wife's friends is a lesbian. One day we got to talking and I
asked her did she ever wonder what it would be like to have children.
She said it was the one thing she regretted about her sexual
orientation, that she might never be a mother.
She's a stunning looking lady, and I said slyly that if she ever
wanted
to be impregnated I'd be happy to help out, purely altruistically, of
course.
She shot me a mega-death stare, and told me with a curling lip that if
she ever decided to reproduce, it would be by artificial insemination.
"No problem," I replied, "If you want artificial, I'll tell you I love
you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife just got a tattoo of a seashell on the
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"[Bush] was working on some trade issues down there. We
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I don't know what softwoods are, but I know they were never
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"Men have two emotions: Hungry and horny... If you see me
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Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
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Movies
Amazing what a little chocolate will do for you
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Bus Duck Don't try this one at home
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Honda SUV with a unique way of repelling Dogs
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Quick
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RDM- Golf Course
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Dr Knotty
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Police Stop
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The Next Morning
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Red Car
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Short And Curly
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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...You've ever worn a suit from Chess King to a
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...You keep a can of Raid on your kitchen table.
...Your two best friends are named Skeeter and
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...You think the ability to hold on to a job is
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...The garbage man mistakenly takes your lawn
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...You've ever paid for a six-pack of beer with
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...Any of your front room furniture is inflatable.
...You have a photo of yourself with a prize-winning
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...Your five-year-old son can rebuild a carburetor.
...You have ever emptied the bed of your truck by
driving backwards real fast and slamming on the
brakes.
...You've been to the emergency room more than three
times to have a fishhook removed.
Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experiences - both are
essential to life.
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Vibrator
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Shoot Shoot!!!!
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Remove me
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Mother load...
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I Want one Of these
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Just a Few Too Many
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what it really means
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look at Rex!
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Tit Mans Dream
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Bi-Sexual
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Better Or Worse
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Endorsed by The Nerdy Buffalo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pooh Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bother," said Pooh. "I need a Zoloft."
"Bother," said Pooh, "it's your husband, and he has a gun."
"Bother," said Pooh, "Piglet tastes like chicken."
"Bother," said Pooh. "I'm a boneless bear."
"Bother," said Pooh, "There's nothing in the closet today but
Zena-wear."
"Bother," said Pooh, "Piglet is giving me heartburn."
"Bother," said Pooh, "I seem to have misplaced my favorite crack pipe
again."
"Bother," said Pooh. "Is it still considered bestiality even if you
didn't
enjoy it?"
"Bother," said Pooh, "We are Winnie of Pooh. Resistance is futile.
Your
Hunny will be assimilated.
""Botehr" siad Pooh. "Mi Dylsexic,:
"Bother," sad Pooh. "Where did I leave my gawdammd Ritalin?"
"Bother," said Pooh. "Who put the nipple rings on Eyore?"
"Bother," said Pooh, "Ph'nglui mglw'nath Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl
fhtagn."
"Bother," said Pooh. "These fatigues are chafing me so."
"Bother," said Pooh, "my right breast is leaking."
"Bother" said Pooh. "Go on..." said the psychiatrist.
"Bother," said Pooh. "Crap."
"Bother" said Pooh, "I feel like I have a tree up my bum."
"Bother," said Pooh "Is that my prostate?"
"Bother," said Pooh. "I seem to have found the librarian's G spot."
"Bother," said Pooh, "I lost the handcuff keys in the hunny tree."
"Bother," said Pooh. "The burritoes gave me gas."
"Bother," said Piglet. "Stand upwind of P-p-p-pooh!"
"Bother," said Eeyore, "Poooooh's flatulent aaaahgain."
"Bother," said Pooh. "Christopher Robin had another one of THOSE
dreams
again. This might not wash out."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The recently married young woman was weeping and pouring out her heart
and troubles to the marriage counselor.
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The marriage counselor scowled.
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shouldn't have to wait in line!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 8 Military Aircraft Named by Women
8. F-14 Bling-Blang
7. Lockheed L-57 Nut Clipper
6. B-1 Invisible Pantyline
5. C-130 Shopping Cart
4. The B-52 BUFF (Beautiful Unflawed & Fabulous Face)
3. The F-22 Oh No You Didn't
2. F-15 Catfight
and the Number 1 Military Aircraft Named by Women...
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Mojo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 599
Purebreeds vs Mutts
Sandi: D a a a a a d !!!!!!!
BJ: What is the matter?
Sandi: Sniff sniff, the dogs from down the street say we are mutts
and not pure bloods. What are we Dad?
BJ: You are pure blood to me Sandi. Sometimes the pure bloods are
in bred so much, they have the looks but little of the intelligence
remains. They are all fluff and no character.
Rudy: D a a a a a a a d!!!!!
BJ: Let me guess. The dogs are giving you a hard time because you
are not a full-blooded yellow lab. Right?
Rudy: Right. I look like one.
BJ: You are a bit small for one Rudy. Your shoulders are a bit wide
to. You might have been the runt of the litter.
Rudy: Me a runt?
BJ: Hey the runts are usually the toughest and smartest.
Sandi: Rudy the runt...hmm has a touch to it.
Katie: D a a a a a a a d!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not a real Irish setter am I? I saw one and they are twice as big
as me. What am I?
BJ: I told you before you are one-half Irish setter and one-half field
pointer. You look like an Irish setter, just shorter and smaller.
Katie: Waaaaah!!! I am nothing. My life is incomplete. What will I
tell my children.
BJ: You do not have any children.
Katie: Hrumpt! Well, I might adopt.
BJ: Gather around and listen.
The kids close in around dad.
BJ: The only pure bred dog is a wolf. All other dogs came from a wolf.
What you are is what you make of yourself. You are as good and as
smart as you care to be. I am one-fourth Irish, and three-fourths
German, but am all-American. You guys are all doggie.
Sandi: That is my Daddy.
Rudy: Yeah Pops!
Katie: Yeah, I knew it all along. (wiping away a tear)
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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