Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The city fire station turns 100 years old next week amidst talks
of renovation or replacement. Built in 1907 it has weathered the
years well and adapted to many new roles. The present crew's
quarters were once the loft for storage of hay when the pumps were
drawn with horses. Now equipped with the latest in fire fighting ,
rescue,
and ambulance technology they protect not only the city but through
mutual aid agreements, the townships around us and our sister city
across the water in Canada. The city is celebrating their
accomplishments
with a weeklong open house and a parade and fireworks.
Check out the events for the next month on our Community Calendar
http://www.saultste
Sandy went in about a half hour ago to put Eva in her playpen for a
nap.
I walked past the bedroom to get a soda and Eva was in the playpen
clapping her hands and Sandy was curled up on the couch sound asleep.
I am not looking forward to the day when she figures out how to get
out of there and you know it has to be coming. It is getting harder to
barricade her in an area and she crashed the gate Buffy had just
bought
to keep her out of the kitchen. It was probably a good thing too
because
the cats were also blocked from the litter boxes in the laundry room.
They
were all standing around in the living room with their legs crossed
and
pained looks on their faces.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Insane Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
40 Warning Signs of Insanity
1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately,
and then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
2. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places
that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
3. You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the
bathroom.
4. You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she
sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
5. Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to
relieve yourself on it.
6. You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward
off evil dandruff spirits.
7. You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for
setting fire to his lawn decorations.
8. Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
9. People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
10. Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing
day.
11. You laugh out loud during funerals.
12. When your doctor tells you to say ah, you yell out "RAPE! RAPE!"
13. Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you
through that scuba mask.
14. You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've
stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to
one day seek revenge.
15. You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
16. Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with
your little illusion.
17. You collect dead windowsill flies.
18. Everytime the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its
wings!"
19. You like cats. Especially with mayo.
20. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people who try to sell you
things.
21. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people at your family reunion.
22. You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because
they weren't rescued.
23. You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.
24. Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.
25. You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.
26. You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head
in the middle of your front lawn.
27. Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name
etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.
28. Melba toast excites you.
29. When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another
room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."
30. You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells
you.
31. Every time you see the commercial for the Hair Club For Men, you
think to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today."
32. You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog,
just for a few minutes.
33. Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia.
34. Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"
35. You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a
koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.
36. You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and
pretend that you're a stalk.
37. You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to
it.
38. You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (Cough.)
39. People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a
violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
40. You like reading lists like this
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Strictly No Parking
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Ever Get The Feeling Your Fucked
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Packaging
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Black Boyfriend
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Overqualified
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Oscar
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Voodoo Mistress
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Knowing The Best Plan http://www.ezines4a
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"
Did you hear about the Indian Chief who named his daughter "Ninety-
nine cents" because she was always under a buck? (
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. Honest,
I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow
myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying
to get laid!"
What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
Beat IT - we're closed.
What's the difference between wives and secretaries?
Secretaries get a little behind at work, wives get a big behind at
home.
A boy and a girl met at a nudist colony. The boy says, "Don't look
now, but I think I'm falling in love with you."
What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A cherry float.
What do you call a blonde who can't find the string to her tampon?
A cotton picker.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Engineer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime
bus. They somehow worked their way to the
middle of the bus where they found three
girls willing to exchange their seats for
a place on the guys' laps.
After they got settled and had ridden that
way for a while, the first girl suddenly
asked the gentleman under her whether he
might be an electrical engineer.
Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did
you know?"
"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by
your soldering iron."
Just a few minutes later, the second girl
asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"
He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know
that?"
"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping
my cylinder."
Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to
her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"
"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you
have known that?"
"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as
your dam burst and flooded my village."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Warning Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got this today and the warning is genuine. Yesterday, a friend was
traveling on a Sydney train line. A man of Arabic-appearance got off
the
train and my friend noticed that he had left his bag behind. She
grabbed
the
bag and ran after him, caught up with him at the top of the escalator
and
handed him back his bag.
He was extremely grateful and reached into his bag which appeared to
contain
large bundles of money and white powder. He looked around to make sure
nobody was looking and whispered "I can never repay your kindness,
but I
will try to....with a word of advice for you: Stay away from
Bankstown".
My friend was genuinely terrified. "Is there going to be an attack?"
she
asked him.
"No", he whispered back.. "It's a shithole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pubic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three guys are driving through Indiana in a storm, when they drive
into
a
fallen tree. Everyone was OK but they were stranded. After 3 hours of
walking they see a farm house. They walk up to the door and ring the
doorbell. An old man answers the door and, after the three guys
explain
their situation, the man encourages them to stay, as long as nobody
messes
around with his 19 year old daughter. All three of them agree and go
up
into
the guest room. The next morning the old man yells up the stairs, "you
three
get down here NOW". They all get there and the man says, "I know that
at
least one of you 3 did something last night with my daughter", and
ordered
them all, with a butcher knife in his hand, to drop their pants. Then
he
says,"My daughter has very stiff pubic hairs and anyone that had sex
with
her would have marks on their penis." The first one drops his pants,
and
sure enough, scratches all over. So he chops it off in one swift
slice.
The
same happens with the second guy, but the third has no scratches
anywhere on
his penis. The father expresses his gratitude as the guy says, with
blood
dripping from his mouth, "Cun I goa hone naw?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nerve Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, the Lord decided to make a companion
for Adam. He summoned St. Peter and told him of
his decision. He told St. Peter that he wanted to
make a being who was similar to man, yet was
different, and could offer him comfort, companionship
and pleasure. The Lord said he would call this being
a woman.
So St. Peter went about creating this being which was
similar to man yet was different in ways that would be
appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man.
When St. Peter had finished creating this being who
could now be called woman he summoned The Lord.
"Ah, St. Peter, once again you have done an excellent
job," said The Lord.
"Thank You, Great One," replied St. Peter. "I am now
ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses
to the being, this .. woman. I require your assistance on
this matter, Lord."
"You shall make her brain, slightly smaller, yet more
intuitive, more feeling, more compassionate, and more
adaptable than man's," said The Lord.
"The nerve endings," said St. Peter. "How many will I
put in her hands?"
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Two hundred, my Lord," replied St. Peter.
"Then we shall do the same for this woman," said The
Lord.
"And how many nerve endings shall we put in her feet?"
inquired St. Peter.
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Seventy five, my Lord," replied St. Peter.
"Ah yes, these beings are constantly on their feet, so
they benefit from having less nerve endings there. Do
the same for woman," said the Lord.
"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's
genitals?" inquired St. Peter.
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Four hundred and twenty, my Lord," replied St. Peter.
"Of course, we did want Adam to have a means of
receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn't we? Do the
same for woman," said The Lord.
"Yes, my Lord," said St. Peter.
"No, wait," said The Lord. "Screw it, give her ten
thousand! I want her to scream my name!"
Well....... now you know!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Book Of Life by Marlene
http://summerhoosie
Call on Jesus
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I Think It's Over Via Juanita
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American Soldier Via Juanita
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Code Toad
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Animal World
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Movies
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New Hyundai
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Escape Artist Dogs
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Ski fall
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Clumsy Paramedic
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Going Up
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Insemination
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Iraqi Execution by Explosion
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Bad Idea
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Watch Out For That Tree
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Close One
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bar Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in her drinking days, Donna walks into a bar and asks for a beer
and a shot of whiskey. A few minutes later the bartender hands her the
order. Donna drinks the beer and pours the shot of whiskey into her
pocketbook. She orders another round of the same, so the bartender
takes
Donna's two glasses and refills them. Once again, Donna drinks the
beer
and pours the shot of whiskey into her pocketbook.
The bartender says, "Look Miss, I don't mean to bug you, but my
curiosity is killing me. Why do you keep pouring the shots into your
pocketbook?"
Donna says, "It's none of your damn business! And if you be givin' me
a
hard time, Ill be breakin' yer face!"
Suddenly a mouse pops his head out of Donna's pocketbook and
says, "And
that goes for your fuckin' cat too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choke On It
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Oh Great
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My Balls Are In Your Court
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Dept. Of Sexual Studies
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Rabbi who lived in Peru,
Was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife said, ''Oy Vey!
If you keep on this way,
The Messiah will come before you.''
____________
A lassie got married in Leicester.
Her mother kissed her as she blessed her.
Said she, "you're in luck,
He's a bloody good fuck,
For I've screwed him myself down in Chester.
____________
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn't much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
Rodd
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to
the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He
cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep
this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair"
hair remover
and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this
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The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for
a couple of days."
The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must
know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."
Miatatwo
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She
asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told
you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last
night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he
punched me in the face."
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your
dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and
pretend to be asleep."
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class
with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow
her advice.
Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was
awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep,
but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I
didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me
just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got
punched in the face."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1037
A New Sport
Katie: Father would you care to join us in a game of
Katieball?
BJ: What is that?
Katie: It is a game we have invented. It is loads of fun.
Come outside and watch us play and decide if you wish to
join us.
BJ: Okay.
Sandi: Okay it is Rudy and Katie against Ginger and I. For
dad's information the first team to get 10 points wins.
BJ: How do you get a point?
Ginger: By taking the ball and putting it in the peach basket.
BJ: Sounds easy enough.
Rudy: It is not very easy. Would you toss the ball in the air
to start the game pops and then stand back?
BJ: Sure...here goes.
When the ball is tossed in the air....all Heck breaks loose.
The dogs are transformed into snarling attack animals going
after the ball as fast as they can. They tackle, bite, push, punch
and do anything to keep the opposition away from the ball.
Whistle...
Rudy: Huff huff...half-
BJ: No points!
Rudy: Yeah, so far in five games nobody has scored.
Sandi: Who has the bandaids?
Katie: I have some.
Ginger: Thanks, I need some to. Where is the water?
BJ: I think I will pass on this game guys. It looks too rough
for me.
Rudy: Aw!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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