Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Tomorrow is Independence Day, the celebration of our separation
from British rule. July 4th 1976 for the Bicentennial celebration, a
television spectacular was filmed simultaneously on the deck of the
sailing ship, Uss Constitution , in Philadelphia and on the USS
Constellation CV-64 in San Diego. Dozens of stars were onhand
for the celebration including Bob Hope. Unfortunately I had to spend
my time below decks , making sure that there was a constant supply
of power for the camera crews. I did get a chance to catch a few
minutes of highlights later. As they say such are the breaks of Naval
Air.
The best fireworks show I ever saw was at Ocean Beach Pier. The
show was choreographed to music simulcast by KGB-FM . We
were parked on the hill overlooking the beach , car stereo cranked
up. great seats and far enough back not to catch the fallout.
The fireworks here are awesome too . They are usually scheduled
to last a half hour plus with a massive grand finale but several
years
ago with a thunderstorm threatening they set off everything in about
ten minutes. It was impressive, I had flashbacks of the D-Day
landing and I haven't even been born yet for that one.
I have enjoyed many fireworks shows, some from afar, and some so
close that you had to hide under a blanket to prevent your hair being
burnt by sparks. There is a tranquility in watching them from a
hilltop
miles away but a sense of unity from being in a crowd celebrating the
birth of our nation. Tell us about your favorite fireworks. I hope
you
enjoy the fourth and remember to stay sober if you're driving. One
last thing some pets are really afraid of fireworks just like thunder
and
it may be a good idea to put Fido in the garage or house so he isn't
frightened away by the festivities.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bloke was complaining to his mate a few days after scoring a new
woman.
"Mate," he said, "This new lady of mine is really weird. All she wants
me to do is fuck her in the ear."
"That is weird," his mate replied.
"Yeah," the bloke continued. "Every time I go to stick my dick in her
mouth, she turns her head!"
~~~~
The farm had been mortgaged, and gladly, to give daughter a college
education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the
train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter
whispered,
"I have a confession to make, Paw - I ain't a virgin no more." The old
man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Maw and I
made
to give you a good education, you still say ain't!"
~~~~~
The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent
marriage annulled. "On what grounds?" questioned the judge. "This
court
does not take annulments lightly." "Non-virginity,
quarterback, "When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end.
But instead I found that I had married a wide receiver.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One friend of Sam met him and he was very angry. The friend asked him
what happened and the blonde guy, Sam, said, "My wife just delivered
twins..."
Surprised, his friend said, "So!?! You should be happy! Why are you
so angry???"
Guess what Sam replied, banging his hands together... "I want to know
which S.O.B. is the father of the second child!!!"
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as
his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to
forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied
he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.
This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still
unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his
question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded
except one elderly lady in the rear.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety three."
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how
a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the
world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly
turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Stable Boy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The lowly stableboy could only watch and dream about the beautiful
girl
who came to ride her horse every afternoon. It was a case of
unrequited
love.
One day he was painting the empty stables and day-dreaming about his
girl when he realised that he was painting the stall that her horse
was
kept in. the horse shied, coming into contact with the fresh paint and
smearing it all over itself. "What will I do?" he wondered. "I know -
I'll continue to paint the stall and horse too. When she arrives to
ride, she'll wonder who painted her horse green. I'll say I did it
accidentally. As her horse dries I'll suggest we might ride double on
the horse in the next stall. She'll agree and we'll ride together to
the
little pond out by the waterfall. We'll admire the scenery for a
while,
then she'll say, 'I'd love to go swimming but I didn't bring my suit.'
I'll tell her that no-one ever comes here at this time of day so we
can
safely swim in the nude. We'll skinny-dip for a while then lie close
together on the grass. One thing will lead to another and we'll make
mad, passionate love. That's what I'll do."
It was almost time for the beautiful girl to arrive so he hid in the
next stall, eager to carry out the next stage of his plan. The girl
came
to the stall, opened the door and exclaimed, "Who painted my horse
green?!"
Excitedly, the boy leapt from his hiding place and shouted, "I did!
Let's fuck!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Frog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was this man who was 81 years old and loved to fish. He was
sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me
up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming
when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have
ever
seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could
have dreamed of."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over,
picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts?
Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you
sexual pleasures like you have never had."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah,
at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Diary,
This morning. the math teacher singled me out to ask me, "If you have
$200, and you give $60 to Mary, $60 to Sally and $60 to Susan, what
would you have?"
Turned out that "an orgy" was not the correct answer. Live and learn.
Pauly
A couple was strolling hand in hand across the nudist camp. The young
man suddenly lower his head and confessed, "Don't look now Cathy, but
I think I'm falling in love with you."
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex
positions:
One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one", says the other cowboy,
"what is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours, and you
mount her from behind, and you reach around and cup each one of her
breasts in your hands, and then you whisper in her ear, "Boy, these
feel just like your sister's" and then you try to hold on for 8
seconds."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Long ago, somewhere east of Hughsonville, there was a small town with
a
big problem. Almost all of the inhabitants were men.
In fact, there was only one "eligible" woman in the entire town. And
so
it happened that all of the men lined up to arrange dates with
Elizabeth.
After the first few men went out with her, it became no secret that
Beth
was less than desirable. She ate with her mouth open, always ordered
the
most expensive meal, made crude jokes about her companion, and rarely
bathed.
A man who had spent an evening with Beth had a distinctive look to
him.
He would have an ashen complexion, sunken eyes that stared straight
ahead, uncomprehending, and he would have a tendency to shudder from
time to time.
It became commonplace for the townfolk, upon encountering such a
person,
to remark "You look like you've just had a date with Beth!"
And then one day everything changed; Norma moved into town. T he
menfolk
all fell to their knees, offering praise to the deity of their choice,
and flocked to Norma's door to seek an evening with her.
Chester, the town's most eligible bachelor, was the first to be
granted
an evening with Norma.
The evening was a disaster. Norma, like Beth, ate with her mouth open,
but had far fewer teeth. That was, perhaps, one of her more graceful
attributes. She didn't use a knife or fork. In fact, she didn't even
use
her hands. She ate with her feet. And she liked to toss her food about
the room, all the while spouting vulgarities that would make a sailor
blush.
And the rude noises... well, suffice it to say that a description
would
violate the norms of acceptable discourse.
Chester barely got through the meal, and gratefully deposited Norma at
her home.
As he made his way back to town, he encountered many of his friends,
all
of whom were curious about his evening. As he got closer, however,
they
all saw the unmistakable signs - the ashen pallor, the halting gait.
One of them approached Chester, put a hand on his shoulder, and said
"Jeez, Chester, you look like you've had a date with..."
"No, my friend," Chester interrupted, "this was a date worse than
Beth."
`~~~~~~~~~
Talking Addition
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus six, that son of a bitch is eight. Three plus four, that son of
a bitch is seven...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four
Miatatwo
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
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Hello everyone ,Just checking back moms in a rehab center now ,she's
slowing coming along,This has been very stressing for me and my sister
so please again keep us in your prayers for strengh for all of us :)
they are working wonders I can't thank you enough for all of them ,
She
still has sepsis and is still very weak from the trac in her troat . I
just want to wish everyone a very happy 4th of July celebration ,Be
safe
and have fun with you and yours :) All those fireworks are so
beautiful
so Enjoy .. Melissa
http://www.angelfai
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SwordSister'
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Recommended reading. The Blessings of Brokenness ~ Why God Allows Us
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tips Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things For Men To Avoid During Sex - A Guide
~ Leaving her a "little present": Condom disposal is the man's
responsibility. You wore it, Sparky, you store it.
~ Attacking the Clitoris: Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so
gently
rotate your fingers along *side* of the clitoris.
~ Stopping for a break: Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they
left
off. If you stop, they plummet back to Square One very fast. If you
can
tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not!
~ Undressing her awkwardly: Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she
will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head.
Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a F***ing Happy Meal toy.
~ Giving her a wedgie during foreplay: Stroking her gently through her
panties can be *very* sexy. Pulling the material up between her
thighs
and yanking it back and forth is just NOT.
~ Being obsessed with the vagina: Although most men can find the
clitoris
without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at.
No sooner is your hand down there, than you're trying to stuff stolen
banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not
careful, it can hurt -- so don't get carried away. It's best to pay
more
attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first,
then
gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
~ Massaging too roughly: You're attempting to give her a sensual,
relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are
okay;
elbows and knees are not.
~ Undressing prematurely: Don't force the issue by stripping before
she's
at least made some move toward getting your clothes off, even if it's
just undoing a couple of buttons.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'll admit," said a lady called Barr,
"That a penis is like a cigar;
But, in general, to people
A phallic church steeple
Is stretching the subject too far."
____________
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Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
She got roars of applause
When she kicked off her drawers
But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
____________
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
......While listening to the news tonight, a phrase from what seems
to be the
mandatory ED (Erectile Dysfunction) commercial caught my ear. The ad
said
36-hour Cialis "means you can be flexible."
Huh? I thought "being flexible" was the problem to begin with....?
Amy
Two old buddies from WW II are sitting on a bench at the VA Clinic
talking.
One of them ask the other, 'Hey Bill, you remember back in the big
war to
end all wars, they gave us those saltpeter pills to make us forget
about pussy?"
"Yeah, I remember, Joe, what about em?"
"I think mine is starting to work!"
Tom
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were helping customers when the store
optometrist walked by and flirted with a co-worker.
Of course, we all had to stop what we were doing
to tease her. But she quickly dismissed the notion
of a budding romance.
"Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?
"
she asked. "It would always be, 'Better like this...
or like this?'"
A lady tells her Man: 'I demand good manners in bed, just like at the
dinner table'.
The man climbs into bed slowly and says: 'Honey, would you please
pass
me the pussy?'
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robert Irwin Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
How Christian Married Couples Can Have Great Sex.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1019
Extra Extra
Rudy gives up on Sandi and Ginger and wakes up
Katie.
Katie: I am ready to go, let's go!
Rudy: Slow down. You had three cups of expresso.
Katie: So, I am ready...
Rudy: Okay, follow me.
Later at the paper pickup spot.
Rudy: First we will need to fold the papers and put them
in out backpack. I will put the ones I fold in your backpack,
and you put the ones you fold in mine.
Katie dancing: I am ready... Zoom!
Fold! fold! fold!
Rudy: Boy you work fast when on expresso!
Katie: I have those happy feet.
90 seconds later...
Rudy: Wow done!
Now we deliver them. Here are the addresses for your
half sis.
Zoom!!!
Rudy: She may be hare-brained but she is fast.
Back at the house about 4:30am....
Rudy climbs back into his bed...Sandi is still ...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Katie is fixing breakfast, reading the paper, watching TV, sweeping
the
floor and dancing all at the same time.
Rudy: When does that expresso wear off?
Katie: I never know. It just hits me and... thud!
Rudy: Well nighty nite sis.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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