THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
I detest that man who hides one thing in the
depths of his heart, and speaks for another.
Homer
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
This will be a lousy week once again. The weather man is promising rain
almost every day. Altho this morning is rather warm, the sky is not
promising. Looks as if there is gonna be a cloud burst any minute.
If you are living close to Mexico you are probably worried about
more on the horizon than the weather. Swine flu makes an ugly threat. I must
confess that I have to laugh as I watched tv this morning. The CDC announced
some warnings as over 100 people have died to the south of
us from this epidemic. And then they say, "There's nothing to worry about,
don't panic. just take precautions. We have x number of vaccines for this, that
and the other thing and etc. (But of course, we don't no what is causing this
thing, and we aren't sure what we'll do about it)." Makes you feel real confident,
doesn't it? Fortunately for me, I have no immediate plans to travel south of
the border.
FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
The economy continues to devestate many companies
as sales slip to alarming levels in many different
industries. In the food industry, it is causing strange
and new alliances. Did you hear about the latest
alliance between McDonalds and Gerber?
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
THE COMICS
hacking
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z011.html
your husband is quite the ass man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z012.html
a fun date
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z013.html
gravity
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z014.html
a reume
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z015.html
hung
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z016.html
flipside
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z017.html
a keeper
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z018.html
what women look for
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z019.html
teacher says
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z020.html
Uncle Mike's corndogs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z021.html
gun control
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z022a.html
doing dishes
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z022b.html
____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
thongs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5409.html
Barbara Streisand
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5410.html
Loretta Lynn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5411.html
look out!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5412.html
oopsies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5413.html
smart people
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5414.html
22thousand dollar cat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5415.html
who let the dogs out
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5416.html
no seat belt
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5417.html
village idiots
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5418.html
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5419.html
_________________
INTERESTING STUFF
hit four targets-game
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2348.html
Bea Arthur
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2350.html
albino deer
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2351.html
tofu and the dmv
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2352.html
chinese wonder girl
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2353.html
the elevator
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2354.html
Easter in bunnyland
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp2355.html
he's a cat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jsw/psp5356.html
______________
A five year old boy walked in on his mother taking a bath in the tub.
The five year old looked over her naked body.
He pointed to her Yet, and asked "What's that Mommy?"
The mother, a bit embarrassed, told a white lie, and said,
"That's where an axe hit me son."
Later the boy was playing with some friends, and told them,
"You know what? My Mom got hit by an axe right in HER PUSSY!"
_______________
Best "Do I look Fat" Responses:
"Not to Stevie Wonder."
"Big time! That's why I'm sleeping with your best friend."
"No way! You look *least* fat in that outfit!"
"I guess there's not much point in asking if you mean fat with an 'f'
or phat with a 'ph.'"
"No hablo ingles."
"Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things
balance out."
"No, but taking it *off* sure does."
"Okay, listen: What's important is that you not focus in a negative
way on the comparison I am about to make."
"Not if you were traveling at the speed of light."
"Yes, but in my country obesity suggests prosperity."
_________________
Abe was well known for his cheapness and his 'eye for a bargain'. One
day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, so he
went into a thrift shop. As he was walking around, he noticed what was
previously an expensive glass crystal vase lying in the corner. It was
in 3 pieces. After some haggling with the owner, Abe bought the broken
vase for $5. He then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his
niece's name and address and gave the owner another $5 so that the
broken vase could be gift wrapped and mailed. Abe then left the shop
feeling quite pleased with himself. He expected his niece to think the
vase had broken in the mail.
A few days later, he called his niece to see if the present had
arrived. "Yes, Uncle Abe, but unfortunately, it was in 3 pieces when
it was delivered." "What terrible luck." said Abe,
"The Post Office is getting worse all the time."
"It's a shame," she replied. "It was so beautifully wrapped. Each
piece separately."
______________
If The 12 Apostles Had Been Gay:
1 – The Last Supper would have been brunch.
2 – The Beatitudes would start, "Fabulous are they..."
3 – Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem screams for a production
number, with ostrich feather palm fronds and a large oyster shell
instead of just a donkey.
4 – The water at the wedding feast of Canaan would not have been
changed to wine, but extra dry Bombay Sapphire martinis with a touch
of Curacao for color.
5 – The temple would not only have been cleansed of moneychangers, but
redecorated as well.
6 – Mary's hair would have been Flawless.
7 – The Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Lance, and Bruce.
8 – Priests would have torrid affairs with altar boys... wait....
Never mind.
9 – Jesus would never wear white after Labor Day.
10 – The Sermon on the Mount would have been a musical.
_____________
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were sitting at the
bar, drinking in silence. Suddenly, Hillary turns and
without warning, cold cocks Obama, knocking him off
his barstool.
After a moment Obama regains enough of his senses to
say "What the hell did you do that for?"
Clinton replies "That was for destroying the World
Trade Centers!"
Barack responds "I didn't destroy the World Trade
Centers. That was Osama Bin Laden."
Clinton answers "Osama, Obama - same damn thing."
Obama shakes his head, climbs back onto his stool and
continues with his drinking. Several minutes later, he
turns to Clinton and without warning, cold cocks her
and knocks her to the floor.
Getting to her knees and shaking her head to clear it,
she demands "What the hell did you do that for?"
Obama responds "That was for lying to the Grand Jury,
obstructing justice and for disgracing our country and
the Office of the President."
Clinton answers "I didn't do any of that, it was my
husband Bill Clinton."
Barack responds "Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton - same
damn thing."
______________
Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce. My
husband has been cheating on me.
"That is a serious accusation," the judge said. "Do you
have any evidence to substantiate this claim of your
husband's infidelity?"
"Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down
Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another woman."
"Who was this other woman?" the judge asked.
"I don't know. I never saw her before." "Then why didn't
you follow them into the theatre and find out who she
was. It may have been just a harmless coincidence. You
should have gone in after them."
"I would have," she explained, "but the fellow I was
with had already seen the picture."
__________________
BUFFALO BILL
John McCain
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjjhiu.htm
Korean
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dweewed.htm
Larry The Cable Guy 111
http://www.buffaloschips.com/srwewe.htm
_______________
SYDES JOKES LIST
Redneck Chandelier
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001576.html
Job Market 2009
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001577.html
____________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Age of War
http://tinyurl.com/acp62r
Cowboy School
http://tinyurl.com/c7l3ph
Moose Crash
http://tinyurl.com/ckb7kr
_____________
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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