Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I will finish the story I started tomorrow as there are a few other
things I want to talk about today.
I suppose you are wondering why I got the lists done on time today.
The answer is the Jehovah Witnesses made me do it. Well actually
they rang my door bell at 0900 and since I had to get up and get
dressed to answer the door, I stayed up. The two women didn't even
want to talk to me when I got to the door like I had been written
off as a lost cause, I wonder if it could be the horns and hooves?
Come to think of it the Mormons haven't visited me in at least ten
years either. I had a relationship with a Jehovah Witness onetime
but she was determined to stop me from reenlisting so I moved on.
I took a stop by the Tea Party yesterday for a minute as yesterday
was
a busy day and it looked like they had about a hundred people there
right then with a speaker and various people carrying signs calling
for reductions in Congressional Spending which is a bi-partisan
thing not just Rush Limbaugh and the Rabid Right Wingers as MSNBC
would
have you believe. If nothing else I hope the powers that be realized
that they don't have 100% approval of any group to do as they want.
Reminds me of a Steppenwolf verse from the sixties, " Remember if
you plan to stay, those who give and take away, don't bite the hand
that feeds you."
I took the Suburban to the Car Wash today for a bath and polish. It
looks great when it's clean but this time of the year there are
surprise mud
puddles everywhere. It was great to be cruising with the windows
open
again. I even made a stop at the Secretary of State office and got
it registered for another year.
I have my monthly doctor's appointment tomorrow so this may go out
later in the afternoon, but have a great day...... buffalo
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Q and A Chips
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Q) How do you make a bull sweat?
A) Give him a tight Jersey.
Q)Have you heard of the new oriental cookbookbook?
A) Its called 101 ways to wok your dag.
Q) What do you call an experimental monkey in a Cuiseinart?
A) Rhesus pieces.
Q) If an elephants front legs were doing 60 miles per hour...what
would the
back legs be doing?
A) Hauling ass !!!!!
Q) You know what elephants use as tampons....right?
you know
why elephants have trunks?
A) Because sheep don't have strings.
Q) Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A) Because their peckers are on their faces.
Q) Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostitute for the
new
season?
A) They needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q) Why are clams like women?
A) Because when the red tide comes you don't eat them.
Q) What do you do when your Kotex catches on fire?
A) Throw it on the floor and tampon it. <ooooooooh bad Amy >
Q) What do you give an 90 year old woman for her birthday"
A) Mikey....He'
Q) How do you make a hormone?
A) Put sand in the vasoline.
Q) What kind of pussy answers your phone?
A) An answering cervix.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
We are Fucked
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Hung
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Chess
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a new car
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you bastard
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lunchtime
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two long time golfing buddies were playing the back nine when
suddenly
a thunderstorm formed overhead, and one lightning bolt zapped both
players, killing them instantly.
When they reported to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter discovered there
had
been an error and neither of them was supposed to be in heaven just
yet.
Since both their original bodies had been burned to cinders he
offered to
return them in what ever form they preferred.
After a brief discussion, one of them stated they wanted to return
as a
lesbian.
"A Lesbian?!?!?
as a
Lesbian?''
"Well,'' replied one,
"We can still eat pussy, AND we get to use the red tees!''
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Short Chips
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Three gay guys find a brass lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out.
The
genie says, "Okay you guys get one wish apiece."
The first guy says, "I want to be really butch."
The genie says, "Okay," and turns him into a cowboy.
The second guy says, "Well, I want to be so butch that it makes him
look
femme."
"Okay," says the genie, and turns him into a leatherman.
The third guy says, "Well, I want to be the biggest butch on the
block. I
want to be so butch that these guys will look like drag queens."
The genie says, "Okay," and turns him into a lesbian.
1. We've come across a refreshingly unique proposal of marriage:
"Honey, how
would you like to do this every night?"
2. "I'll never marry a man who snores," said the pretty young thing.
"All right," replied her mother, "but be careful how you find out."
3. "You used to be the life of the party in the old days,"
reminisced one
buddy to the other. "Does your wife still find you entertaining
after six
years of marriage?"
"No," answered the live one, "she usually doesn't catch me."
4. Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted
with
giggles from the pretty young receptionish.
"What are you laughing at?" asked Walter.
"There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl.
"Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife off
on a
month's vacation this morning; I took her to the station and kissed
her
good-bye."
"But what about the smudge?"
"As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine."
5. Some men are so interested in their wives' continued happiness
that they
hire detectives to find out the reason for it.
6. At a suburban dinner party, a curvaceous blonde was the center of
attraction. She stood in the middle of the room surrounded by almost
every
male in the place. Finally, one woman turned to her husband and
meowed, "I
don't see what they see in her."
"I don't either," replied her husband as he started across the room.
"I
think I'll take a closer look."
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Inherited Chips
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Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's
minivan
and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in
a
terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the
attractive
lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge
house all to
myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the
neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And
if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and
settled in
for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It
took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it
was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski
weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember
that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
North?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and
pay her a visit?"
"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have
to
admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your
name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I
did.
Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
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Party Chips
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Midget Chips
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Movie Clips
Wild Crashes
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Wireless Headset
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Women Fights Robber
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Women President
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Worse Than Locking Keys In Car
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WoW
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Wrong Ball
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A baby was born without any eyelids. The doctor said to the mother,
"Don't worry, we haven't circumcised him yet, so we'll use the extra
skin to give him a set of eyelids." The mother exclaimed "What?
He'll
be cockeyed!" The doctor retorted, "Yeah, but just think of the
foresight he'll have!"
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a
hotel
room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy The first thing Daisy
asked was, "Do you have a Condom?" Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a Condom, they could not
have
sex. "Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested. So
Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had
Condoms. "Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled one out from under
the counter and gave it to Donald. The clerk asked, "Would you like
me
to put that on your bill? "No!" Donald quacked, "What kind of a
pervert do you think I am?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Can You Hear Me Now?
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All 4 One
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Another Single Woman Turns 30
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Another Use Of Cell Phone
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tim Had Traveled To Peru
In Search Of The Ultimate Screw.
When His Trip Was Complete,
He Zipped Up His Meat
And Said To The Ladies, ''Thank You!''
____________
There once was a man from Peru
Who took a ride in a canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He played with his penis
And woke with a hand full of goo!
____________
There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN....
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PROUD father of an American Soldier
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sex is like going to the gas station. Sometimes you get full
service, and sometimes you have to go to self-serve."
Three guys were at a party and it wasn't long until the conversation
got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.
"I'm a veterinarian"
a yellow 'Vet."
As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign
company, so I drive a purple Neon."
Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until the other two egged him
on. "Well", he finally said, "I'm a proctologist . . . and I have a
brown Probe."
One woman was complaining to her friend, "My sex life is awful. My
husband doesn't have the foggiest idea how to make me come. What's
worse is, he gets mad when I try to tell him."
"Do what I did," 2nd gal replied. "I told my husband that I was
exactly like his Computer."
"Like his Computer?" replies the 1st woman.
"Yeah," the 2nd woman replied. "We both come with instructions.
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69." She says,
"It's
that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care." They
go
into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell
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mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says
anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich." He opens
the
door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam
sandwich." The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your
mouth, I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1573
The Hangover...
Rudy is sleeping....
Sandi tiptoes to get a bottle of aspirin, she very gently opens the
bottle,
and very slowly takes out two aspirins.
Rudy: WHAT WAS THAT NOISE!!!!
Sandi: It was just me very gently taking out some aspirin for you.
Rudy: Did you have to slam the aspirin bottle?
BJ: Rudy, she was very quiet, I never heard her make a sound. You
are
experiencing a hangover. It is very miserable.
Sandi: Here Rudy take some aspirin it will help.
Rudy: Okay, but you do not have to shout. Why are those birds
flapping
so loud?
Katie: Those are butterflies.
Rudy: Oh this is going to be a bad day.
Just then Pearl kicks on her boombox..... to very loud Rap Music...
Rudy: I am dying here.
BJ: Pearl have mercy on Rudy and turn off the radio.
Click!
Pearl: Okay but it is not fair.
Rudy: Fair is an event held at the fairgrounds once a year, get
over it.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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