Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I got the April Fool's Joke out of the way yesterday so you
could share it, which I know a few of you did and so that I would
be able to send the unusual holiday list out today and the April
Birthdays tomorrow.
April 1 is One Cent Day
April 2 is National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
April 3 is Tweed Day and Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day
April 4 is Tell-A-Lie Day
April 5 is Go For Broke Day
April 6 is Sorry Charlie Day
April 7 is No Housework Day
April 8 is All Is Ours Day
April 9 is Winston Churchill Day and Name Yourself Day
April 10 is Golfers Day
April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day
April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day
April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day
April 14 is National Pecan Day
April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day
April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day and National Eggs
Benedict Day
April 17 is National Cheese ball Day
April 18 is International Jugglers Day
April 19 is Garlic Day
April 20 is Look Alike Day
April 21 is Kindergarten Day
April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day
April 23 is Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day
April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day
April 25 is National Zucchini Bread Day
April 26 is Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day
April 27 is Tell A Story Day
April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day
April 29 is National Shrimp Scampi Day
April 30 is National Honesty Day
Enjoy the chips and stay out of trouble.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Son: "Dad, why does love-making makes you feels good?"
Dad: "Just like digging in your nose, it's feels good, right!"
Son: "Why is it that guys don't usually feel as good as gals?"
Dad: "Just like when you dig in your nose, it's your nose that feel
good,
not your finger!"
Son: "Then why do gals feel bad when they are raped?"
Dad: "If a stranger comes along and digs in your nose, will you feel
the
same way?"
Son: "When girls are having their menstruation, why don't they
usually want
to have sex?"
Dad: "If your nose is bleeding, will you still want your nose to be
dug?"
Son: "Dad, one last question ... why don't guys like to wear condoms
when
they make love?"
Dad: "Would you want to wear a glove when you dig your nose?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary, despite her good looks and charm, had still never dated any
boys at the age of 19. Today she was asking her aunt Martha for
advice with boys.
"Aunt Martha," she started, "I've just started French kissing Tommy
and I need to know where the spit should go. I don't want to dribble
on my boyfriend."
"Swallow." Her aunt advised. "This will make you even more popular
later
on."
The State Department escort was giving the newly arrived Asian
diplomat a thorough tour of Washington nightlife. After watching a
group of young couples in a discotheque, the escort said, "I don't
imagine you've ever seen anything quite like this in your country.
Do
you know what they're doing?"
Yes, but why are they doing it standing up?
You looked troubled," Bill told his friend Doug, "what's your
problem?"
Doug replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," Bill replied.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know it yet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Protection Chips
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Amanpreet went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes,
a beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on
to him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome
with excitement, Preet agreed. When they got to the
bedroom, Preet exclaimed "Wow! A waterbed, I've never had
sex on a waterbed before."
Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde
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think you should put on some protection?"
"Good idea." he responded, and got up. Amanpreet walked
out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a
life preserver."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two women were discussing their sex lives, when one asked: "Do you
know
where I can get six black hens?"
The other looked bemused and replied: "Six black hens! why do you
want
six
black hens?
Her friend replied: "Because my husband's got a dead cock and I want
to
use them as pall bearers!"
~~~~~~
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?" the pal asked.
"Waiting for me to get home
~~~~~~~
Ida the office blonde said that with all the new transplants
they're doing, she'd like to see about being a virgin again.
But sexy Sophie just laughed and said, "And where in hell
do you think they'd find a donor?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hotel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man checks into a hotel and the desk clerk asks, very quietly, if
he would like a woman sent to his room. The man says yes.
The desk clerk says, "I have a stenographer, a switchboard operator
or a teacher. Which one should I send up?"
With this the man replies, "I'll take the teacher."
When the man checks out the next morning, the desk clerk says, "I'm
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over again until I get it right."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lawyer named Bender,
Who worked as a Public Defender.
Since his limo bumped into
A little Ford Pinto
He's referred to as Defender Bender.
A young man from a lofty Sierra
Found sex both a puzzle and terror.
But he met with a lass
In a similar pass
And they both learned - - by trial and error.
A worried young man from Stamboul
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Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
<Snagged by>
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One a day a man and his wife were watching their son playing with
Army soldiers, when they heard him say, "Look daddy the Green
soldiers just blew the Hell out of the Tan soldiers.'' Shocked the
wife tells the boy to go to his room, and think about what he just
said. A few minutes later the husband says to his wife, "How about
me
and you play soldiers and you can blow the hell out of me?"
Every neighborhood has its own Casanova and Bill was the one who
always got the most pussy on his block. When he smiled, he had pussy
written all over his face. Unfortunately, lately his prowess had
fallen off a bit. Bill went to his doctor to complain about what was
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said, "how could this happen?" Everyone in this area knows you as
the
King of Pussy you have an incredible reputation." Bill continued to
complain to the doctor and said, "What good is a reputation if you
can't make it stand up!"
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Toon Chips
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Definition Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
MADAM: One who offers vice to the lovelorn.
MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of
spaghetti without it touching the sides.
MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick.
MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife.
NONDESCRIPT: A television play.
ODIOUS: Not very good poetry.
ORGY: Grope therapy.
PARENTS: Couples who practise the Rhythm Method.
PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons.
PIMP: Nookie Bookie.
PIMP: Public relations man for a public relations girl.
PORNOGRAPHY: Clitertature.
PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn.
RACIAL DISPUTE: When the course judge calls for a photo.
RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom.
REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to.
SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions.
SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother.
SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man.
SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day.
SONATA: A song sung by Frank.
SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.
STALEMATE: A husband who has lost his ardour.
TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking.
TRUE LOVE: An injection with affection to the midsection from a
projection without objection.
VICE SQUAD: The pussy posse.
VICE VERSA: Dirty poetry from Italy.
VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.
VIRGIN: A girl who won't take in what a guy takes out.
VIRGIN: Any Hicksville girl who can outrun her brothers.
VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian.
WELSH RAREBIT: A Cardiff virgin.
WET DREAM: A snorgasm.
ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm.
CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office.
DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals.
GAELIC: An Irish Lesbian.
INCEST: Relatively boring.
INCEST: A game for the whole family to play.
LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers.
MASTURBATION: I-balling.
SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The businessman came home from work about 6 PM. He'd barely gotten
in
the door before his wife greeted him with a passionate kiss. Then
she
pulled him into the bedroom, pushed him down on the bed, unzipped
his
fly, and began to give him a fantastic blow job. Not daring to
interrupt her, he waited until he has gotten his rocks off in a
mighty explosion, which his wife slurps up eagerly and swallows. He
stares fondly at her, then asks, "All right, my dear, what did you
do
to the car THIS time?"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young sailor is on his first shore leave in Bangkok. His buddies
decide to fix him up at a whorehouse after a night on the town. They
arrive at a local brothel, where the madam is quite familiar with
American servicemen on leave looking for a good time. He is escorted
to a room where a young, flexible Asian waits for him. She quickly
removes his shirt and unbuttons his pants, then she takes off all of
her clothes and throws herself on the bed. The young sailor is
somewhat taken aback by the speed of events, and is even more
startled when she points to a pile of straps and chains on the
dresser and moans the word 'bondage.' The sailor is totally clueless
about S & M, and he backs up and leaves the room to find his
buddies.
He gets downstairs, where his friends see him and ask him why it
only
took 5 minutes. He replied "Oh, nothing happened - all these years
and I've never known how to tie a Thai."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Works by Nicole Williams
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1558
Never Drink and Drive
Tami: Opps I am so sorry...Here ya go.
Waiter: Thank you Madam.
A few minutes later.
Waiter: Your car will be ready soon or should I call you a Taxi?
Tami: I am fine, I can car a drive.
Sandi emerges from the managers office: I think I should drive you
home young lady.
Tami: Why? Is everyone around here binkers?
Tami steps outside and heads for her car...a policeman who looks
oddly
like Katie is standing by her car.
Policeman: Who is driving this kar?
Tami: I am, what is business is yours?
Sandi: Actually, officer I am taking this lady home. She is a bit
under
the weather.
Policeman: Well see to it that she arrives safely. Wink wink, and
come back soon to my fine eating establishment okay Tami?
Tami: Gasp!!!
The end
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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