Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I knew it was coming but I still find it a little depressing that GM
is ending the Pontiac line of cars. I have owned several
Pontiacs, but never the one that I really craved as a young buffalo,
the 1971 GTO orange judge with hood mounted tach. I drove and had a
chance to own a 1972 but even with its
powerful 455 the car had become bloated and too much like
a family car at that point. I also remember going out on a Friday
night with a buddy who had an older GTO with a 389 Tri-Power and
burning a brand new set of 9 inch tires down may-pops in a couple of
hours. When the GTO's and the
Trans-ams became a thing of the past and were replaced by cars like
the Grand-Am, the fate of Pontiac was sealed just as Oldsmobile who
was bleeding when they retired the 4-4-2 and died when they retired
the Olds 98 which was just as much a symbol of quality as the
Lincolns and Cadillacs.
I am glad to see Chrysler finally showing some signs of stopping
it's spiral towards bankruptcy. They do still make decent trucks,
mini-vans, and of course the Jeep line. The President's move to help
by promising the warranty would still be active even if the company
went bankrupt seemed a little weird too. Jeep has a lifetime
warranty on the drive train so if they go bankrupt and I fry a
transmission, am I supposed to send it to the White House for
replacement?
Speaking of boneheaded things, someone decided they wanted a photo
of Air Force One with the Statue of Liberty. Nothing wrong there,
right? Unless, you don't tell the people about it except to mention
it as a restricted thing to the city government but not to the
people. So when a 747 comes flying in above the statue with an F-16
escort a lot of people started
having 9-11 flashbacks. Oops, sorry about that but we got a great
photo.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Governor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Best of Ed Rendell, the governor of Pennsylvania.
On why he would never consider being a U.S. senator: "It's an
incredibly easy job. They don't do shit."
On his address to the Democratic National Convention in the 1980s:
"Thirty seconds into my speech, it dawned on me that I could have
been
reading the best parts of Lady Chatterley's Lover and it wouldn't
have
mattered. ... No one was listening."
On his job description as mayor: "A good portion of my job is spent
on
my knees, sucking people off to keep them happy."
On his refusal to deny a quote attributed to him in a Philadelphia
magazine in which he said that the publication "sucks the big wong":
"Anybody who knows me knows that it has the ring of truth, so I'm
cooked. If I had said, 'Your magazine eats shit,' I could have
denied
it."
On caving in to people's demands as governor: "If I was a woman, I'd
be pregnant all the time."
To union leaders threatening a massive strike during a pivotal
contract negotiation: "I don't want to be a shit, and I don't want
to
be anti-labor, but I can't grow hair, and I can't grow money."
After eight murders one weekend summer night, as he passed an
impoverished stretch of Philadelphia and concluded there was only
one
hope of reduced violence: "What we need in this town is on every
fucking weekend between now and September for it to rain."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
hacking
http://www.thepostm
your husband is quite the ass man
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a fun date
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Zorro Stop That
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Clean Underwear
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Stripper Strike
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Billy's Plan
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Coke Job
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cruise Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was checking cruise lines because I heard the rates are very cheap
right now.
I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the
Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania).
The cost is a bit high @ $800 per person double occupancy but I
didn't find that offensive. What I found encouraging and enlightened
is that the cruise is encouraging people to bring their 'High
powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you
can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master
blacksmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon.
The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of
$3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is
sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by
pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the
package.
$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)
M-16 full auto rental $25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor
piercing ammo at $15.95
Ak-47 riffle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball
ammo at $14.95
Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper riffle rental $55.00/day ammo at 25
rounds 50 cal armor piercing at $9.95 ea.
Crew members can double as spotters for $30.00 per hour ( spotting
scope included).
Jesus Christ---- they even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars
for 3 standard loads
"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and
coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."
Meals are not included but seem reasonable.
Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs
offer.......
"MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained
fire"
Sign my ars up!
They advertise group rates and corporate discounts...
claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY" They even offer a partial money
back if not satisfied...
"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking
attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money back including
gun rental charges and any unused ammo ( mini gun charges not
included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We
operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an
attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and
cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making
three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the
boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and
loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space
is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before May 29
and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your
choice."
As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few
testimonials
"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big
game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers
list!"---- Lars, Hamburg Germany
"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three
pirates and my 12yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun.
PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-
spotter speaks English" Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA
"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't
worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to
the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds
me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor
pool back in Nam" --"chopper' Dan ----Toledo USA.
"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them
bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate
eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do. ---Zeke,
Calgary, Alberta Canada.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man and a young woman are stuck in an elevator and the
building
is on fire. The young woman asks: "Sir I am interested what would
you
do if you thought you only had twenty minutes to live?" "Well, I
think
I would screw anything that moved. Why what would you do?" "Well,
under the circumstances, I think I would remain perfectly still."
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. (George
Burns)
Dad, was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be
home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in
another man's arms. Why, Dad? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a
few
minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax"
That outfit you are wearing is very becoming on you. But if you wore
me I'd be cumming on you too.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Book Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Seuss's Lesser Known Books
1. The Cat in the Blender
2. Are You My Proctologist?
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Feels a Ho
6. The Lemon-Fresh Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
10. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the F*** Out!
12. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
13. The Bitch Set Me Up
14. I've Fallen---And I Can't Get Up!
15. Yentl the Lentil
16. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
17. Aunts in My Pants
18. Hop On Mom
19. Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
20. Horton Fakes an Orgasm
21. The Grinch's Ten Inches
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This old couple is ready to go to sleep, so the old man lies on the
bed, but the old woman lies on the floor.
The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a
change."
Secrets To Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a generous woman who makes a high income.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have wild sex.
4. It is very, very important that these three women never meet!
``
The managers of the A1 Steak Sauce company were impressed by their
new
billboard. It showed a handsome-husband-
large
plate of steak and potatoes in a smart restaurant. A pretty, buxom
young waitress was standing over him, handing him a bottle of A1
sauce.
Originally they had titled the billboard, "What Does She Know About
Your
Husband That You Don't?"
But after complaints from members of the board, that the ad was too
suggestive, they changed the headline.
Now it reads: "He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At
Home?"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nipple Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
RING!
Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave...
"Is this the water department?"
Yes Ma'am, for most of this area...
"Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you about the
water"
I'll try and help...
"Why are my nipples getting so hard?"
You're not really serious...
"I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they have this white
coating
on them!"
Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff...
"Not only that, they're getting warped!"
I see...
"They used to be soft, pink and round!"
I'm sure they were...
"Now they really look disgusting!"
I'm sure they do...
"So I want to know what you're going to do about this!"
I really don't think I can help you. Have you discussed this with
your
personal physician?
"Yes I have! He said I should call you because he thought it was
from
the water!"
I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water is causing
this?
"He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that"
Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?
"Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M TALKING ABOUT!"
Now I understand..
"Are you going to buy me new ones?"
Why would we do that?
"Because your water ruined these. My baby won't suck them anymore.
He's
been sick and I think it's from the white stuff... he used to really
suck..."
May I ask how old your baby is?
"He's six, going on seven"
Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's getting a little old
for
the bottle...
"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"
I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples?
"Since he was born"
Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the calcium carbonate in
the
water... kind of like bathtub ring of the nipple... and they are
hard
and warped because of being boiled and bitten for six years...
"So! You are refusing to pay!
Well, that's not for me to decide. I was only trying to suggest they
might just be plain worn out.
"THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!"
There is really nothing more I can do for you...
"JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?"
Well, why don't you just run down to our main office. There you can
file
an insurance claim...
"What good would that do? Will they give me the money?"
They will investigate and make a judgement whether to settle or
not...
"Well, you sure haven't been any help! How do I get them to pay more
attention than you have?"
Just show them your nipples!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The County Fair
http://silverandgol
NEW PAGE /WITHOUT HIM/BY MARLENE
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Legend Of Pussy Willows
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Flying Without Wings
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Surfin Surfari
Phone Museum
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Gourmet Specialty Food Via Wesley
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Civil War Soldiers Monument, Battle Hill, Green-Wood Cemetery
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A Brief History of the Falls Via Wesley
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Swine Flu
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Domain Info
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Windows Annoyances
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Hot Sex
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How I crashed my Harley
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How I Will Feel If Hillary Is Elected
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How to get rid of a one night stand
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How to carry plywood
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Love Bird
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Love Hurts
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Megan True Love
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Men Invented Everything
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Mouse
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young hooker reports for her first day at the brothel.
The madam says to her," Do you have any questions?"
The hooker replies, " Yes, I was wondering how long penises should
be
sucked?"
The madam says," The same as the short ones honey."
MYTH: Sex is a good inducer of sleep.
FACT: It's not always; It all depends on whether you were
completely satisfied with the sex act or not. For example, take my
friend Bill. I understand all his women always fall asleep when they
have sex with him, usually during sex, some even during foreplay,
and
I believe even his hand falls asleep during masturbation.
In Utah a judge found that it is illegal to grab your crotch in
public. In a related story, Major League Baseball has decided not to
put any teams in the state of Utah.
The British army announced to boost morale they will offer their
female soldiers free breasts implants. The new policy will take
effect June 6, or what they're calling it, Double-D Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Show Girl
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Pantie lock
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Amazon.com
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a husky young Viking
Whose sexual prowess was striking.
Every time he got hot
He would scour the twat
Of some girl that might be to his liking.
There was a young man from Montrose
Who could diddle himself with his toes.
He did it so neat
He fell in love with his feet,
And christened them Myrtle and Rose.
There was a pole-vaulter from France
Who used his penis instead of a lance
To help him jump higher
Women's breasts he'd admire
For he'd rise at the very first glance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife: There's a nice-looking lady at the window table.
Husband: She's a hooker.
Wife: How can you be so sure?
Husband: C'mon! Look at her hair, all that make-up, that short
skirt, the plunging neckline, and those high heels.
Wife: But you like it when I dress like that. Do you think I look
lke a hooker?
Husband: There's no way I can get out of this conversation alive, is
there?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain
restaurant. The food was always good, but the waitress always looked
and sounded very sour. One evening, one of the friends was feeling
rather good, and jokingly asked the waitress when she came to take
their orders, "Do you believe in free sex?"
The waitress huffed up and yelled at him, "I certainly do NOT!"
"Soooo," asked they guy, "what do you charge?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1584
The Play Continued
Katie: We must make a large dosage and spray the area from a
helicopter
to disinfect the area and eliminate the alien threat.
Rudy: I will order a helicopter from the airport. Where can we
find a pilot.
Sandi: I am your pilot. I flew many missions before.
Katie: Okay I will make the batch and have it at the airport.
Curtains draw down and a sign says "Airport"
Rudy: We must hurry, the Pod people are overrunning the city.
Sandi and Rudy start to sing and dance 'Run and Run the City"
Diana: I am so proud of our doggies.
Katie: Okay let's load it up.
Rudy: Okay it is up to you Sandi...
Katie sings a solo "It Is Up to You"
The pretend Chopper, a chair with a broomstick attached to it, is
pushed
behind a curtain as Rudy sings "Sprayed Again"
All the Turkeys and Guinea Hens are laying on the stage floor then
get
up and say: We are not aliens anymore.
All the cast and crew join arms/paws/wings and sing "United We
Stand"
Then they take a bow as flowers are tossed on stage...
BJ: Well what do you think?
Diana: I have no words.
BJ: I do not think they will have to worry about a second show.
Diana: Remember, it is the thought that counts.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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