Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Second day of boot camp, amidst shots and haircuts we were issued a
sea bag and the first issue of uniforms. Like the other services you
had a summer and winter dress uniform and various working uniforms.
The only difference today from 35 years ago is the Navy started
issuing coveralls without you having to beg for them. The initial
issue was supposed to last you for the first six months till you
started receiving a monthly uniform allowance. This was great in
theory because no one knew yet where you would be stationed or what
the uniform of the day would be once you reached your destination.
To make you capable of standing watch in any weather you also
received a sweater, watch cap, gloves, peacoat, working jacket, and
a raincoat. In reality when you got to the ship, if you were in
California you didn't need the foul weather gear but you needed many
more working uniforms and underwear to get you through the two week
laundry cycle, plus a dress working uniform to wear for inspection.
You had a locker built into your bunk that if you were careful you
could get your working gear into and two laundry bags which could
hang on your bunk, one for whites and one for darks. In addition the
Navy gave you a small locker about the size of a garment bag to
store dress uniforms in where you generally stored your civilian
clothes
in instead.
After you got everything put away that you needed you had a half a
bag full of things you couldn't use but there would be hell to pay
if you got rid of
it
because the Navy was into holding sea bag inspections yearly and
whenever you were transferred to make sure you had everything for
your job. If it was missing you bought a new one and things like pea
coats were expensive. For the convenience of the division we had a
sea bag void. A void is a compartment that can be plumbed to hold
water, fuel, or ballast and some are left with just air inside for
buoyancy. We gave ours a nice coat of
paint
and when the ship was inport during the days the cover would be
removed so that people could get extra clothes out to wear or store
stuff they had
bought.
The hatch cover was in the TV lounge in front of the TV and at night
they would put some of the screws back in the cover to prevent
someone falling inside when they were drunk
We always had a half dozen people whose day job was to be
compartment cleaners. They swept down the berthing compartment,
scrubbed the floors and bathroom and carried the trash out daily.
They tended to assign people that
were
not useful in other areas to this job. If you were on light duty,
lazy, or
not qualified
to do anything else you would get a compartment cleaner job. Even
worse was being the person assigned to keeping them on task because
they tended to
wander
off somewhere to take a nap.
One Friday night I had duty and was sitting watching TV waiting to
go on
watch.
I heard the cover rattle and move a little bit and a faint " Help "
. A few
seconds
later it happened again so we grabbed the tool for taking the screws
out and
opened
the cover. Out pops one of the compartment cleaners who had been
taking a
nap
and someone had closed the cover without checking. It was a good
thing the
hadn't fastened it tightly or he may have been down there for awhile
as the
cover was
an inch thick and unless you had a hammer no one would have heard
you
beating
on the cover. I suspect he never slept down there again.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
Seabag Contents http://www.networks
This whole thing will probably be moot shortly as the Navy is
testing
its own digital camo working uniform which will replace all of the
working uniforms. Reasoning is that a blue, black, and grey print
will
hide stains better. As someone who did a lot of painting in the Navy
I can relate to that but I think they should have added a little
terra cotta
and zinc chromate to the color scheme. They will get there anyhow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cyber Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cyber Sex.....Author Unknown
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-
band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous
input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had
parked his Motorola 68040 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100
bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of live ware
admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to himself, "She
looks user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."
Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes
like COBOL and a PRIME mainframe architecture that set Micro's
peripherals networking all over the place.
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin,
32-bit
floating point processors and inquired "How are you, Honeywell?".
"Yes, I am well." she responded, batting her optical fibers
engagingly
and smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.
Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone
tonight." he said, "How about computing a vector to my base
address? I'll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get offset
later on."
Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds, then transmitted
8K.
"I've been dumped myself recently, and a new page is just what I
need
to refresh my disks. I'll park my machine cycle in your background
and meet you inside."
She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and thinking,
"Wow, what a global variable, I wonder if she'd like my firmware?"
They sat down at the process table to top of form feed of fiche and
chips and a bucket of baudot.
Mini was in conversation mode and expanded on ambiguous
arguments while Micro gave the occasional acknowledgments,
although, in reality, he was analyzing the shortest and least
critical
path to her entry point.
He finally settled on the old 'Would you like to-see-my-benchmark
routine?' but Mini was again one step ahead.
Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal the
full
functionality of her operating system software. "Let's get BASIC,
you
RAM." she said.
Micro was loaded by this; his hardware was in danger of overflowing
its output buffer, a hang-up that Micro had consulted his analyst
about. "Core." was all he could say, as she prepared to log him off.
Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC
and opened her divide files to reveal her data set ready.
He accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to
start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape
sequence.
"No, no!" she cried, "You're not shielded!"
"Reset, Baby." he replied, "I've been debugged."
"But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support
child
processes." she protested.
"Don't run away." he said, "I'll generate an interrupt."
"No, that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my design
philosophy."
Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be turned
off.
But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike
into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with a head crash and
went to sleep.
"Computers!"
think of is hex!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another three guys are debating which of their languages is the most
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The Italian says, "Seniori, consider the phrase, 'I love you.' In
Italian,
it is: 'Ti amo'. What a lovely sound!"
The French guy says, "True, mes amis, but en French it is: 'Je
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"Ja, zo ... Vat ist wrong mit: 'Ick leiber dik," asks the German?
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Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
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Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his
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Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
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Wow man this is some good shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Columbia Yuppies, neighbors for years, were constantly trying to
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Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation: "Listen
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
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Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
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Two men were grumbling over their problems. The first man said, "My
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diary Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
!. HER DIARY
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a bar
and have a drink. I was shopping with my girl friends all day long,
so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet
so we
could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what
was wrong
he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He
said it was
nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him I loved him, he smiled and kept driving.
I
can't explain
his behavior, I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.
When we got home I felt I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to
do
with me anymore
He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed so distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to
bed
and to my surprise
he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he
was distracted and
his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I couldn't take it
anymore so I decided
to confront with the situation, but he had fallen asleep. I started
crying and cried until I too
fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his
thoughts are with someone
else, My life is a disaster.
2- HIS DIARY
Today the Lakers lost, but at least I got laid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady from China
Who mistook for her mouth her vagina.
Her clitoris huge
She covered with rouge
And lipsticked her labia minor.
A mystical painter named Foxx
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A bird loving woman named Hester
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She always did what Polyester
(Gary Hallock)
____________
There once was a man named Mort
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____________
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<snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Kind Of Doctor
Now this is some real advice....
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing
more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy vegetable).
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
'If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the
other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO
HOO, What a Ride!'
AND ....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans..
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seeing my 11-year-old perusing a website filled with photos of
Britney Spears, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which
picture do you like best?"
"I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound
interest in girls. "I'm just reading about her."
I came closer and peered at the screen. "Oh, really?" I said.
"So when did you learn to read Spanish?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1562
Memories, Ginger
Katie has finished training Ginger on how to behave.
Later Diana comes home to find a new shoe chewed up and
destroyed.
Diana: Ginger!
Ginger is hiding under Dad's bed where Katie told her to hide.
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity
To bi-peds money seems to be their god, however, they just waste it
so. So it is our duty to try and teach them to be more careful with
it.
When they buy something new, they must put it away. So every now
and then it is our duty to teach them a necessary lesson. Oh the
pain
of it all. Why just last week father finished cooking a delicious
hamburger and left it out on the counter. Why oh why did he do such
a thing? When one cooks a hamburger, one must eat it. So I taught
him a painful, yet yummy lesson.
Mother seems to be doing better with putting things up and I will
admit
father seems to be doing better also.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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